


The Next Best American Record

by hotknifer



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Banter, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, LA is full of drama, Slow Burn, ben is such an alt rock guy trust me, camp nanowrimoing it bois, definite angst, give everyone a hug honestly, give kylo a hug, give rey a hug, pls go with this, probably gonna have some angst, rey is an alto bc I need that rep in my life, rey tries her best, seriously they're my babies, snoke is now a manager, the music industry is wild, this is gonna be fun, unless?, what if we had to fake date for the press coverage haha jk, wow I actually planned a fic for once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-02-19 04:40:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 166,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22005325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotknifer/pseuds/hotknifer
Summary: Rey is a struggling college student who plays crappy acoustic covers on the Internet to escape her problems. Kylo Ren, infamous ex-member of alt-rock band The First Order, pursues his solo career with his debut single 'Sound of the Lonely'.When Rey's cover of his song goes viral and he invites her to collab, it feels like all of her dreams have come true at once. Go to LA, record with Ren, get the career she's been after for years. Simple. There's no way it can go wrong. Right?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 157
Kudos: 253





	1. Painfully Millennial

"Is the angle good?" Rey asked, acoustic guitar neatly on her lap and lyric sheet on a music stand to the side. She tested the first few chords, fingers gently plucking the steel strings. Fumbling slightly over the picking pattern, she swore under her breath. 

From behind the camera, Finn gave a thumbs up, fiddling with the various settings. "That should do it. Don't move and then you're exactly in the centre of the shot."

"Thanks," She shook out her hands and attempted to practice again, softly humming the melody. "Remind me why I'm doing this again?" 

He leant against the tripod, concentration on the phone in his hand rather than her. "I don't know. You tell me?" 

Because I have nothing left I enjoy except music, she wanted to say, but the truth was that she didn't even _want_ to record the video. She'd been posting consistently to her YouTube channel _ReyOfLight_ for a year; starting off as original music and progressing to covers when she realised they gained more positive attention. Unfortunately she hadn't gained that much traction, as 21-year-olds sat in minimalist bedrooms with fairy lights hanging overhead playing acoustic guitar to whatever songs spoke deeply to their hearts seemed to come dime-a-dozen. The smart decision would've been to follow the advice Finn had been giving her, to find something unique and to profit off it. But the sad reality was that nobody _cared_ . No-one cared if you had talent, they just wanted mindless background noise. And it had been going relatively well the past few months - her pop song covers, while bland and obvious, had boosted her adsense just enough to make her feel financially stable - but her views had plummeted in just fourteen days. Because really, who would want to listen inoffensive copycat covers when _the_ Kylo Ren had just announced his split from The First Order and released his debut solo single? 

"This feels inauthentic." She said, unease prickling under her skin. "Is this really a good idea?" 

"Dunno." Finn made his way out of the room, gaze still glued to his phone. He typed so furiously that he must've been texting Poe or arguing with someone in her comment section again. "Is that gonna stop you though?" 

She sighed, silently practicing the chords on the fretboard. "No." 

"I'm heading out. Want anything particular for dinner?"

"Alcohol."

"That's not food, Rey."

"Let me live in peace." 

"I'll do a stir-fry. Later," He pressed the record button before closing the door behind him. A moment later, she heard the key turn in the front door. A draught of cold air. Then the door was closed, and she was left alone. 

Lyrics running through her head, she took a deep breath. No matter how many times she recorded herself, the first take always filled her with overwhelming nerves. It didn't matter that it was irrational, that she knew she'd be fine because she'd never been _that_ bad before, but the first chord and word felt like a lifetime. 

Her first attempt at the song was vaguely tragic, as were the six that came after. She missed the chord changes, slipped into some new microtonal harmony, and forgot how to read in the third verse. It felt wrong. The song wasn't her. Well, nothing she'd covered recently had been her, but that song especially. She wasn't some emotionally damaged west coast surfer apparently going through a tough relationship or the five stages of grief while at the height of musical stardom, she was just Rey, broke and bored, in an apartment only just big enough for her and her best friend, swamped with English essays and bills she didn't know how she'd pay the rate her feeble cover attempts were going. The lyrics were so pretentious and melodramatic they made her want to scream. Who did this Kylo Ren think he was? Lord fucking Byron? 

But she took some deep breaths and looked past the fact she hated the song as much as she did. She plastered a smile onto her face and decided that this seventh take would be that one that did it, no jump cuts, intro, outro, all. 

"Hey, it's Rey. Today I'll be attempting to cover Kylo Ren's new song _Sound Of The Lonely_." She strummed the first chord and closed her eyes before beginning to sing. It came more easily than before, the notes, the rhythm, the feeling. If she concentrated enough she could emulate the vibe of the song, add her own little flourishes, pretend that maybe this song was the one thing keeping her sane. Bullshit, of course, but theatrical bullshit. If she couldn't have authenticity on that one she'd have to manufacture it. She reached the end of the song with a sense of accomplishment and quickly signed off with a smile and an "Until next time!" before placing her acoustic down and hopping up to turn off the camera. 

She spent the rest of the evening on the sofa waiting for Finn to come back, editing down her footage to her more successful attempt. She listened to it once, cringed but decided it would have to do, then muted it and exported the file. This had to work. It had to be the one video that gave her enough viewers that she wouldn't have to work overtime for at least the next week. And maybe, if she was really lucky, she'd be able to buy new strings to replace her two-year-old ones. 

The door opened and Finn walked in, bags of shopping in either hand, soaked from head to toe. She looked up at him, tilted her head slightly. "That's a lot of stuff." 

"Yeah, tell me about it." He panted, setting them down on the countertop. "Turns out an easy thirty minute walk is much more difficult when you've got two twelve packs of beer, enough vegetables to last til the next year, and the bus is cancelled because of flooding." 

"Let me help with that," She pressed the post video button on her laptop, set it down on the side table, and helped him to unpack everything into its proper place. Once they were done, they started on meal prep. 

"How's Poe, by the way?" She asked as she diced the onions. "Doing okay?" 

"The usual. Not very exciting."

"Have you told him how you feel yet?"

Finn put down his knife halfway through cutting the peppers and sighed. "What do you think?" 

"You should."

"I know I _should_ , I just _won't._ How'd the cover go?" He swiftly changed the subject, resuming on the vegetables. "Finally got the break you deserve?" 

She laughed and chucked her onions into the pan. They sizzled merrily. "Oh, I can dream. Maybe I'll get 10k views instead of 1k. The song really _sucks_ though. Like, it's just bad. I don't get the hype around him."

"You're not a rebellious teenage girl. That's his target demographic."

"Yeah, but there are other artists who still make okay music despite having a different audience. I didn't mind most of The First Order's stuff to be honest, it was good background to my essays. I wonder what Hux and Phasma will do now that Ren quit…" 

"There's only two options; solo career or no career." He nudged her aside to watch the pan, stirring occasionally. "I predict that Hux will go into perfume adverts and Phasma will keep singing."

"It's crazy to think that you used to know them. Is it weird?" She removed herself to the sofa; being in Finn's way while he cooked was always a bad move.

"Is what weird?" 

She pulled her laptop onto her lap to see the video had uploaded successfully. She immediately closed the tab, knowing that if she didn't she'd waste all evening sitting and refreshing it. "You know, all of it. The fact that they were just people in your college and now they're world famous. Maybe if you hadn't quit after Kylo argued with you about guitar riffs you'd be famous too."

Finn made a face. "I am more than glad not to be part of that mess of a band anymore. I couldn't care less that they've found success. I'm perfectly happy." 

Something about his tone made it very clear that he felt the opposite, but she didn't press. They lapsed into silence, a comfortable one, as Rey decanted the beer from the boxes into the fridge and laid out bowls and cutlery. She glanced towards her laptop, filled with the urge to go over and just do a little, innocent check of how her video was doing. It wouldn't hurt. Probably. It'd been up for twenty minutes and it wasn't like she was expecting anything. 

"Don't," Finn said, not even looking up from the stir-fry. She sighed and turned back around, propping herself up on the counter. "Check after we've had dinner." 

"Fine," She leant her head against the cupboard, trying to think of any distraction but drawing up pretty blank. 

Luckily, dinner only took ten minutes. She glanced toward her laptop, decided to go and shower and change into pajamas first. An hour and a bit after posting, three hours since the whole debacle had started, she allowed herself to log back into her account and check her notifications. Her _hundreds_ of notifications. 

"Finn!" She called, excitement bubbling over into hysteria. "Come look!"

Halfway through washing the dishes, he gave her a tired and minorly annoyed look. "Coming, coming. Geez, stop screeching like someone's murdering you--"

She grabbed him by the arm and yanked him onto the sofa next to her, flapping towards the screen.

**_KyloRenVEVO:_ **

_This is the best cover of my song I've seen yet._

"He watched it! He liked it! He commented! And, and!" She hastily opened another tab, hands trembling with excitement. "He retweeted the link from my account!"

"Holy shit..." Finn gazed at the laptop screen in awe. "5 million views, 705k retweets... Rey, you know what this means?"

"I might be able to pay rent now?"

"Well, yes, but--" He was cut off by a notification chime.

**_@KyloRenMusic_ ** _:_

_We should collab._

"What do I do?!" She demanded, just holding back from spamming the keys with nervous energy. "Do I say yes?" 

"Are you an idiot? A break is what you've always wanted, of course you should say yes!" 

"Okay, okay. Wow, I don't quite think this is happening right now."

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_I'd love to!_

"Do I say more? Is it weird if I just leave it like that? Should I thank him?" She fretted. "I don't know the proper etiquette here." 

"Leave it, it'll be fine," Finn closed the lid of her laptop; she just removed her fingers in time for it to snap shut. 

"But I don't even like his music. The cover sucked, I was acting throughout that entire thing!" Her excitement soon turned to worry. "What if he asks me to cover some more sadcore stuff with him?"

Finn shrugged, all but confiscating her laptop. "You say yes anyway. It's not like you owe him anything. It'll be one collab, people will get to know your name, and then you get the indie pop career of your dreams."

"Okay. Okay, okay, this is fine. This is pretty cool." She took deep breaths to calm herself. "It probably won't happen anyway. I mean, the organisation required for us to meet and to collab would probably be too much when compared to any potential gain. It's not like I'm super popular either, I don't really offer anything to them, so _why_?" 

"Couldn't tell you. Though it's best not to stress yourself out at this stage. Take it as it comes." 

Another notification chime. She lunged for her laptop. 

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_Good. My manager will send the details to your business email by tomorrow._

~

When she woke up the next morning, the first thing she did was open her Gmail inbox. When she saw what was there, her heart skipped a beat. Before opening it, she rushed into the kitchen, crashing into place next to Finn who was tiredly eating his cereal. 

"What?" He asked, mouth full of cornflakes. 

She didn't say anything, just placed her laptop between the two of them and opened the email. 

**JSnoke@EmpireManagement.net**

**Collaboration Proposal**

Rey Niima, 

As you are undoubtedly aware, my client Kylo Ren has seen your recent cover of his single _Sound of the Lonely_. He was impressed and thus forwarded it to me, with the declaration that the two of you should collaborate on his next record. After watching the video, I am more than delighted to honour his request. 

If you wish to take the offer, please reply to this email with details as to your next extended availability, nearest airport, and any other information you wish to make us aware of. The project should last around two weeks within LA including negotiations and working on the relative advertising, including a few talk show opportunities and interviews to build public interest around the next release. 

In addition to this proposed collaboration I would be pleased to extend the offer of my management services, as I have been informed that you are an independent artist. From all of the videos you have posted under the alias _ReyOfLight_ it is clear that you are talented, and with support from me and my team we can showcase your abilities to the world. 

Regardless of your decision, I will watch your career with great interest. 

James Snoke

CEO Empire Management

"Is this actually happening? Like, really." She stared at the email, wondering if she was actually asleep and this whole thing would be just another hopeless dream. "He watched all of them… There's stuff from 2014 still up. That's a problem."

"Clearly it wasn't if he's giving you the deal. Have you replied yet?" He took a sip of coffee, pushing the French press towards her. 

"No, I only just opened it." She stared at the white and black pixels. "Should I do it? I shouldn't. I mean, LA is so far away. It's like a twelve hour flight. And then I'd be leaving you behind. Oh god, what if I go and I become the token British girl? And I don't know anyone there. Where will I stay? How will I pay for all of it?" 

"You're being ridiculous, Rey. You have to go. You shouldn't put your career on hold because of me or because of the shithole that is England. Yeah, it'll be different and the people might not queue properly, but America isn't that bad. I reckon you'll be able to find housing with some help from Snoke, Poe's up in LA and I'm sure he'd be more than happy to show you round, and if you're in need of a friend back home you can video call me." He pressed a mug into her hands. "What is there to lose, really? It's not like you've been enjoying your English Lit degree."

"That's true," She replied rather doubtfully, pouring the coffee and taking a long, steadying sip. "Fuck it. I'll do it."

"That's the spirit! Reply to that email or god help me I'll do it for you." He stood up and sauntered out of the kitchen, coffee held tight. 

"Thanks, Finn." She called after him. 

"You don't need to thank me. Now, I've got work to do so I'm gonna lock myself in my room for the next five hours. Fancy doing lunch to repay me?" 

"Of course. Avocado toast work for you?" 

"So painfully millennial," He said with false despair, voice drifting away down the corridor. 

She smiled to herself then pressed the reply button, giving James Snoke CEO of Empire Management all the information required to kidnap her and more. 

~

The next time she received news of the collaboration was a week later, by which time her hopes had plummeted and she'd become more glum than ever. Finn had gone out to the library to get some information on his History of Art project, so like the productive person she was she decided to waste an hour playing the Google Chrome dinosaur game. She'd just reached a new high score when an email came through. 

**JSnoke@EmpireManagement.net**

**Re: Re: Collaboration Proposal**

Rey, 

Your flight ticket for the 8th is attached. From LGW to LAX, 17:30 - 13:50. One of the team will be there to collect you. From there we will discuss the finer details of the collaboration.

Best, 

James Snoke

That was how she'd packed her entire bag (acoustic guitar included), taken a very expensive taxi to Gatwick, and had a grand total of three breakdowns in airport bathrooms in under 24 hours. Both mentally and physically exhausted, she sat in a waiting area and pulled out her phone. 

**_Rey:_ **

_I am absolutely SHITTING MYSELF_

_THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA!!!!_

**_Finn:_ **

_You'll be great. Is the flight on time?_

**_Rey:_ **

_Jsjsjsjsjskksk_

_So far yeah_

**_Finn:_ **

_You've flown before right?_

**_Rey:_ **

_…_

_Nope_

_I'm not even panicking about the flight tho_

_It's like_

_What comes after_

_When I'm in fancy LA with all the influencers and rich people with one great british pound to my name_

_Like idk anyone and that's SCARY_

_And it's just been such a time recently_

**_Finn:_ **

_It's been pretty hectic_

**_Rey:_ **

_Whirlwindy_

_That's not a word_

_I can't think I'm stress_

**_Finn:_ **

_Have you got smth to do on the flight?_

**_Rey:_ **

_Panic_

**_Finn:_ **

_Bad plan_

**_Rey:_ **

_Honestly I was so rushed I didn't even think abt it_

**_Finn:_ **

_Write something?_

**_Rey:_ **

_My will_

**_Finn:_ **

_Rey, no._

**_Rey:_ **

_Rey yes_

_Oh gtg we're boarding_

**_Finn:_ **

_Have a safe flight!_

_Try to get some sleep_

_Text/call me when you get there_

**_Rey:_ **

_Will do!_

_See ya on the other side_

She shoved her phone into her pocket and hurried to the gate, backpack slung over one shoulder. She went through all the final checks, the awkward small talk, the stress of finding her seat, then sat down and tried to ignore the anxiety bubbling in her stomach. 

~

She knew the flight would be long (it was 12 hours after all) but she hadn't expected it to feel so utterly _painful_. She'd managed to cram in a few hours of uncomfortable sleep, her dreams plagued by recording studios and bad voice days, and she still had a little twist in her chest that told her she was making a massive mistake. Electing to ignore it because it was the opposite of helpful, she stepped off the plane. She stood to the side and pulled out her phone. 

**_Rey:_ **

_Finally there_

_My purgatory is over_

**_Finn:_ **

_What time is it for you?_

She glanced up at the clock overhead. 

**_Rey:_ **

_Like 2pm_

_I forgot time differences were a thing_

_What time is it over there_

**_Finn:_ **

_10pm_

_So don't get into any crises after 4pm bc I will be sound asleep_

**_Rey:_ **

_Lol I'll try my best_

_Can't promise tho_

**_Finn:_ **

_Hope you get a nice hotel_

_I still haven't recovered from when we went to Weston-super-Mare_

**_Rey:_ **

_The rats were very polite_

**_Finn:_ **

_Too polite._

_Send pics when you get there I wanna see how upmarket Kyle Ron can get_

**_Rey:_ **

_He's like the biggest artist rn it better at least have a king size bed_

_OMFG KYLE RON_

_I WILL USE THAT THANK YOU_

**_Finn:_ **

_Not to his face…?_

**_Rey:_ **

_I have no sense of shame_

**_Finn:_ **

_Yeah ik_

Smiling, she put her phone in her jacket pocket and began her search for whoever Snoke had sent. She felt a little better for talking to Finn, but still anxious enough to be on edge. She wandered around aimlessly for a good ten minutes before she spotted someone with a sign that said her name. 

"Hi," She introduced herself awkwardly. 

"Are you Rey?" The assistant asked, obnoxiously chewing gum. 

"Yeah, that's me." She tried for a smile but it most likely turned out as a grimace. 

"Mr Snoke sent me to take you to your hotel. This way please," The woman marched away, black heels clicking against the floor. 

Sleep deprived and generally out of it, Rey hastened to grab her bag and hurry after her. They didn't properly talk at any point in the journey, just instructions like 'Put your bag in the boot' and 'You can sit in the back'. 

When they pulled up to the hotel, Snoke's assistant opened the car door and handed Rey her bag and a keycard. "Thanks," 

"You're room 314. There's an itinerary in there already with any contact information should you need it. Mr Snoke suggests that you relax and get settled in before the meetings and studio sessions begin."

"Right. Thanks again," She looked up at the tall building, pointedly ignoring the sense of foreboding it made her feel. No matter how awkward she felt, there was nothing she could do about it now. Her decision had been made, and really, what could be so bad about one song? 

The assistant drove off after a stiff nod, leaving her stranded by the front door. She took a deep breath, steeled her nerves, and stepped through the threshold to the new volatility of her life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> It's your friendly neighbourhood brie again, back with another reylo fic :)  
> This idea came to me while listening to lanas most recent album lol so does that lowkey make this a song fic? It's loosely tied and I just nicked a song title to be this fics title bc I'm #original like that.  
> I hope you all enjoyed the start of this! Pls bully me in the comments bc I like talking to y'all :)!  
> I love you guyssssss,  
> \- bri


	2. No Shit, Sherlock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii my darlings  
> So with all the stress of sixth form I left this on hold for a bit BUT YOURE IN LUCK BECAUSE IT'S CAMP NANOWRIMO SO IM GONNA BE ATTEMPTING TO WROTE THIS ALL IN A MONTH  
> Updates will either be daily or every other day depending on chapter length  
> I am actually so excited for this doc you don't even know lol  
> Love you guys so much  
> \- brie xxx

_12pm: preliminary briefing meeting at starkiller studios._

_12:30pm-1pm: Lunch_

_1pm-4pm: studio 3_

_4pm-7pm: marketing and brand development meeting._

_7pm-8pm: studio 3_

Rey looked down at the schedule in her hand and bit back a sigh. This was what she wanted. It was what she'd always _dreamed_ of. So why did it feel more like a curse than anything? 

The queue ahead of her jostled along so she put the itinerary away and pulled out her purse instead. 

"Hi, can I take your order?" A girl smiled at her, dark hair pulled back into a low ponytail. Somehow she looked good in her uniform, a feat of which Rey was jealous. A shiny name badge sat on the strap of her apron, reading _Rose_. 

She glanced up at the blackboard to see what she could afford. "Yeah. Can I get a large americano?" 

"White or black?" 

"Black, please." She tried to dig the necessary change out of her pockets, taking a lot longer than was socially acceptable. It sounded stupid because it probably was, but she'd forgotten that travelling to a different country meant a different monetary system.

"You're not from here, are you?" Rose said, not unkindly. 

"Oh, how could you tell?" She said tiredly, finally counting out the correct amount and passing it over the counter top. 

"Hmm, you have a certain _je ne sais quoi_." She smiled, pressing the button to grind the coffee beans. The machine whirred merrily as she dispensed the ground beans into the filter handle. "So, where are you from?" 

Rey glanced around the rest of the café for a table while Rose called out a finished cup of tea. "England. You can probably tell by the accent," 

"It's a nice accent."

"Thanks?" Rey never knew how to reply when people told her that. 

Rose turned and twisted the handle into the machine and placed a mug under it. "Whoops, should've asked you earlier. Half shot, single shot, double shot?" 

She thought about her nerves and ungodly schedule. "Hm. Make that a double." 

"Sure thing," Rose pressed the button and stood with her hands in apron pockets, gently humming along to the radio while she waited. "So what brings you here from the land of tea and rain?" 

"Well, I don't know how much I'm actually allowed to say…" She trailed off, realising that was one key piece of information she hadn't been given yet. She hadn't posted about it anywhere, unsure if it was actually happening, which was probably for the best. That meant the only people who knew on her end were her, Finn and Poe. 

"Ooh, _mysterious._ " Rose laughed a little, topping up the mug with boiling water. 

Rey laughed too. "Yeah, kinda. It's a music project."

Rose placed the mug down in front of Rey, started cleaning the machine, then paused, looking at her curiously. "I recognise you from somewhere."

Rey took a long, steadying sip of coffee, not caring that it burned her tongue. 

"Wait… Do you have a YouTube channel?" Rose asked, almost suspiciously. 

"Um, yeah. Unfortunately." She really didn't know the protocol for being recognised in public. 

Rose suddenly snapped her fingers, grinning. "You're _ReyOfLight_ , right? The one who did the cover that Kylo Ren retweeted and everyone went crazy over because you're really hot." 

"That's… Me." She looked as baffled as she felt. As flattering as it was at first, she preferred to live as though she hadn't seen any of the thirst tweets. 

"That's so cool." Rose finished clearing up, chucking a few teaspoons into the dishwasher. "I bet everyone's really excited to hear whatever you release. That's assuming you're here to sign a record deal or something?" 

"Or something," Rey nodded distractedly. "So how long have you been working here? You're really efficient."

"Two years and a bit. It's just a side job to support college, you know?" Rose pulled a tub of decaf coffee out of a cupboard, spooning it into the filter handle. "And I get free drinks so it's not that bad."

"What're you studying?" 

"Oh, my favourite question." She said with enough sarcasm to rival any British person. They both laughed. "Music technology. I just love music and want to be a producer one day. I know most people think it's a waste of time, but…" 

"I mean, I don't think it's a waste. Music is great. I could never study it though. I _was_ doing a degree in English lit but with all this chaos I've had to put it on hold for a while. Not that I actually like it anyway," Rey glanced at the clock. "Ah, crap. It's 11:30 already?"

"Got somewhere to be?" Rose asked, untying her apron. 

"Yeah. Sorry, but do you know where this address is?" Rey passed over the piece of paper with her itinerary and downed the rest of the coffee. 

Rose glanced at it and nodded, handing it back. "Yeah, it's East Side."

When that didn't make Rey look any less lost, Rose signalled to a worker in the back. "My shift has just finished as of now, so do you want me to show you the way?"

"Oh, that's kind of you. I don't want to be any trouble though--"

"It's no trouble. My apartment's over there anyway, so it's way less awkward to walk together than to walk in the same direction pretending we don't see each other."

"Then yes. Please." 

~

Rey arrived at the studio having learned the entirety of Rose's love life, hobbies, favourite restaurants, and the hastily scrawled phone number on a scrap piece of paper tucked inside her phone case. The building in front of her was sleek, modern, with intimidating rotating glass doors leading to a perfectly polished lobby. Her heart thumped in her chest as she stepped inside, approached the reception desk, and was told to head to Room Nine for the meeting. 

Relying on the sign postage turned out more problematic than she had anticipated as the building was full of long hallways leading off into other hallways leading off into other hallways. When she finally found the room she was looking for, she knocked lightly. There was no reply. 

She opened the door. Inside was Kylo Ren, leaning back casually in his chair, feet propped up on the table as he plucked away on an unplugged electric guitar. His eyes were closed as he repeated the riff, increasing the tempo after every phrase, until his fingers moved impossibly fast against the fretboard and he sung a melody under his breath. It felt rude to disturb him so she hovered by the door, glancing back outside quickly for any sign of the producers and arrangers the meeting was supposed to be with. It was room 9, the one she'd been directed to. It was midday. So she was in the right place and definitely not late. 

"Are you going to come and sit down or stand there forever?" 

Rey jumped a little despite herself; Kylo opened his eyes to fix her with a steely gaze. He continued playing softly, accenting offbeats with no real pattern. 

"Uh yeah," She pushed off the door frame and walked over, hands fidgeting. 

"What's the best 80s song, in your opinion?" He kept his gaze fixed on her and she couldn't help but feel like she was being tested. 

"Best is subjective," She replied slowly, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

He inclined his head and waited for her to elaborate. 

"If by best you mean favourite then I'd have to say Tainted Love. It's just such a bop. If we're going best in terms of technical musicality then Sweet Dreams." 

He nodded pensively, fired through a minor scale. "You listened to The Smiths?" 

"I only know one song by The Smiths," she admitted.

"Let me guess, This Charming Man?" He said a little scornfully, strumming a Bb minor chord.

"Uh, no, actually, Last Night I Dreamt. Came up in my Spotify weekly mix last October and has been listened to a hundred or so times ever since," 

His somewhat hostile expression dropped to one of more indifference. He gestured at the seat next to him "I guess you could listen to worse," 

"Yes, I guess I could," She replied and sat down, still baffled by the whole conversation. 

"Snoke's late, by the way. Bastard always is," 

Kylo swung his legs off the table. "He'll be here at some point, after he's finished telling Hux his new album's shit and Phasma that she has the stage presence of Dua Lipa," 

"That sounds… Harsh?" 

He rolled his eyes. "It's truthful. Anyway, Rey - that was your name right?" 

"Yeah, that's me." 

"Rey, I'm going to be truthful with you." He leant his electric against the edge of the table and shoved his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. 

She looked at its precarious angle then back at him. "Okay?" 

"I don't want this collab." He said simply. "Snoke arranged this because he thinks I'm going off the rails and need a new bit of publicity that isn't discussing whether or not I'm a destructive crack addict with anger issues." 

She cringed. "Yeah, I saw that Buzzfeed article…" 

"I don't do coke by the way, if that even needs to be said. As much as the media likes to paint me like that."

"Good to know?"

"I'm getting off track. Anyway, the point is: don't think this is Kylo Ren showing his softer side and giving the little people an opportunity to experience his wondrous world of music or some bullshit like that. I'm doing this because I have to. And apparently being seen interacting with you will endear me in the eyes of the public again. So don't think I'm doing you or anyone else a favour."

Maybe they weren't as different as she originally thought. From the way he spoke it was clear he was less invested in the whole debacle than she was. 

"Okay," she shrugged. "Okay, that's fair enough. This is business after all. Just another gig." 

He was looking at her with a thoughtful, almost curious expression, as though he'd just finished figuring her out and had been made to start the whole calculation over again. "Glad we're on the same page." 

She didn't have a response to that and so stayed silent. The quietness stretched on for some time, enough so that it had developed into an uncomfortable tableau of Kylo inspecting his guitar and Rey bouncing her leg anxiously under the table. 

"You're nervous," He commented. 

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock," 

Unexpectedly, he half smiled, amused. "Fuck off, Watson," 

The tension eased like an exhale of breath and she smiled too, relaxing how tightly she'd been clasping her hands. 

"Honestly, you don't need to be. Snoke looks intimidating and he owns both of our souls, well, he will do once you sign the contract for this, but it'll be fine," 

"Kylo, I'm sorry, but that is probably the least reassuring thing anyone has ever said to me."

He shrugged, in a 'what can I do?' manner. 

Silence again. Rey was more aware of her nerves and actively tried to stop any open display of them, which only served to make it worse as the thought of being nervous made her more so. To distract herself she looked at his guitar, the worn fretboard and scratched body. 

"I got given it after my first stadium show," He said when he noticed her interest. "Apparently it once belonged to Cobain, before he was famous."

"That must be worth a shit ton, then," she said appraisingly, a newfound respect. 

"Five hundred thousand dollars," He nodded. 

Her eyes widened at the insane figure. "And it was just given to you?" 

He nodded again and picked it up, holding it out to her. "Want to play it?" 

"I mean, yes. Of course I do. But, like, if I damage it or something, my acoustic only cost a hundred and seventy quid!" She replied, full of awe. "Are you sure you trust me?" 

"No, but I think it would be vaguely amusing. Go on, play something."

She took it from him carefully, as though it was made of gold (which it might as well have been). Resting it gingerly in her lap, she strummed the first chords. 

Kylo's reaction was legendary. "Fuck off, all of Nirvana and you chose to play Teen Spirit?" 

"It's iconic!" She protested. "I can also do Heart Shaped Box," 

"This collab is gonna be the death of me." He sighed. 

"You said to play anything," she held her ground, a challenge in her eyes. 

"I meant anything except _that_ ," He gestured, exasperated.

She laughed, strumming with more confidence. "Sorry, can't hear you over the music." 

It was at that moment that Snoke strode in, suit perfectly pressed and a large black folder under his arm. She stopped playing abruptly and set the guitar back down next to Kylo, who didn't even acknowledge the fact Snoke had arrived. 

"Good, Rey's here. Forgive me for being late, I was caught in a phone call arranging public appearances and magazine spreads for the two of you." He set down the folder in front of her and held out a pen, which she took. "I'll keep this brief because I have places to go, people to see, messes to remove Kylo from. This contract lays out the legal details of the collaboration, the formalities if you will. It confirms that you give us permission to record and distribute your voice under our label, agrees you'll participate in the publicity events we arrange from you, allows us to finetune your social media presence, all of that and the like."

Shs opened the folder and flicked through the pages, overwhelmed by jargon and sheer volume. 

"Take your time reading it and familiarising yourself with the terms. Sign on the tabbed pages when you're ready and return it here once you've decided. Now then, this afternoon. Kylo, you're in studio 3 with Rey. We've drafted an arrangement of Sound Of The Lonely for the two of you to practice. We'll start recording in a couple of days, maybe sooner depending on how well you work. Hopefully we'll have the single out by the end of the week, you both on Calrissian's talkshow, and it'll be smooth sailing. Questions?" Without giving either of them time to reply, he continued. "No questions, just what I like. Rey, we've provided lunch for you, just ask at the desk. Goodbye." 

The door swung closed behind him. Rey simultaneously felt like she'd had all the energy drained out of her and been punched in the face. "That was… Really something…" 

"Fucking Calrissian's talkshow again," He ran a hand through his hair, expression irritated. "I bet he's gonna make us perform." 

"Oh god," That avenue hadn't before been explored by her mind, but it had begun to cause a whole new wave of anxiety the more it sunk in. "That's to like, millions of people. Live. I can't do that."

"Welcome to the music industry," Kylo spread his arms out grandly, smile empty. "It's the fucking worst."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if you left a comment if you enjoyed haha jk... unless ?


	3. Quinoa & Other Hard To Pronounce Stuff

"Don't you think it's ironic how the song is all about loneliness and isolation and we're singing it as a duet?" She mused as Kylo handed her the sheets, printed on thick expensive feeling paper.

"I have stopped questioning Snoke at this point." He pulled two stools to the middle of the room, kicking cushions, spare drumsticks, and old staves away. 

She adjusted the stand to the right height and spread out the pages. Fuck. The lowest note she could find was a middle c. 

"Are you playing the guitar part, am I playing the guitar part?" He played through the bridge at lightning speed, fingers moving as naturally as breathing against the frets. "Ugh, he changed the chord in bar 18."

"You can play the guitar part," Her mind was preoccupied by the fact that her vocal part was looking on the verge of impossibly high for her voice type. Technically, she could produce the notes. It was just whether or not she sounded like a dying cat while doing them. 

"Okay. We'll start verse one?" He suggested, reorganising the many sheets of paper and briefly warming up by practicing the part with his left hand. 

"Got it." She took a steadying breath to calm the nerves prickling her skin. 

"Here's your first note," He waited for her to hum it and then after a short nod launched into the song. 

Rey was more than a little happy when she came in both at the right time and on the right note, and smiled as they executed the harmony a lot less terribly than she'd been expecting. All was going swimmingly until he stopped abruptly mid-strum. 

"What was that?" He gave her a look. 

"What was what?" She frowned. It felt as though everything had been fine, in fact she'd just been relaxing into it. 

"Sing the line again," He instructed, putting down his guitar. 

"Okay…" She did, feeling very put on the spot. A capella was nerve wracking as hell normally, made all the more so by being Kylo's sole focus of attention. 

"There." He cut across suddenly while she was halfway through the line. 

"Was I flat?" She asked, baffled. 

He shook his head. "No, your tuning's fine. It's your pronunciation. I'm saying 'can't' normally, you're saying it really poshly." 

"Can't. Can't?" She repeated, frowning more. "That's just how you say it," 

"God, you're painfully British. Repeat after me: can't. Like ant," 

"Can't. No, don't like it," She wrinkled her nose, it felt weird and unnatural to say. 

He looked as though he was fighting back the urge to roll his eyes. "Well, we're doing a harmony and it sounds fucking weird if we're pronouncing it differently." 

"Then pronounce it my way," 

"No." 

"Why not?!" 

"It's how I say it in the original recording. It would be inauthentic to do otherwise."

She snorted at the sheer pretentiousness in that statement. "Inauthentic my ass, your audience are literally thirteen year olds."

He pointed his plectrum at her. "Exactly, thirteen year olds give a shit about this sort of thing." 

"Ugh fine, I'll do a weird American accent on that one word just to appease you," she relented not so graciously, thoroughly disgruntled. 

Kylo nodded shortly and started the song again from the beginning. He plucked the now well-known introduction, the introduction that had been stuck in Rey's head for the last ten godforsaken days. 

"But what about my fans?" She couldn't help but ask. It was a collaboration, the whole point was that it was about both of them. So why should he have the last say? 

"They'll find it endearing. They don't seem the demographic to go on a witch-hunt after me either, but I doubt my fans would be as nice to you." He dismissed, embellishing upon what was written. 

"I hate how that's a good point," she sighed, "I don't think I've recovered from witnessing all the drama when you left The First Order last year," 

When Kylo announced to social media that he was leaving the band, the Internet (especially twitter and tumblr) had been a lawless land for weeks. He was the new Zayn, people argued, letting the whole band down for selfish reasons because fame had gotten to his head. He was just doing what was best for his mental health, others argued. The most convincing facet had honestly been a post that Finn had dm'd to Rey which read 'kylo ren be like what if I led a famous alt-rock band for five years and then simply did not anymore'.

He gave her an expectant look. 

"What?" She asked.

He raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh shit, my cue." She hurriedly sang the first lines, embarrassment sending a flush up her cheeks. She focused pointedly on the sheet music, ignoring the amused smile on Kylo's face in her peripheral vision. 

They got through the rest of the song without much further trouble, and then agreed to run it a few more times to iron out the imperfections. 

"I'm taking my harmony in bars 78 and 79 down the octave," she announced, scribbling it in with a pencil.

"It's not that high. Lemme see," He gestured out. She handed the music over to him and after looking down at it for no more than a second, he scoffed. "Seriously? You're putting  _ that _ down?" 

"I'm an alto." she sighed despairingly. "I genuinely can't sing that high reliably or comfortably." 

He strummed the chord and then hummed her part over it. "It's not that high," 

"Hey, do you  _ want _ a series of voice cracks on your single?" she replied, miffed. 

He strummed the chord again and then sang it perfectly. "See?" 

"Oh, fuck me. I hate it when guys have better range than me every single time. Well, if you can sing it maybe you should. We're switching parts." She stood up and exchanged the music on his stand for hers. He was such a fucking show-off. 

Surprisingly he didn't protest. "Alright then. From the top again?"

~

**_Rey:_ **

_ Finn I think I'm dying  _

_ This is what it feels like huh _

**_Finn:_ **

_ You okay??????  _

_ What's up???  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ First collab rehearsal w kylo  _

_ It took three wholeass hours  _

_ Of just constant singing _

_ And my throat is killing me even though I drank loads of water  _

_ And guess what!!!  _

_ I just escaped a two hour marketing thing  _

_ And the icing on the bloody cake is _

_ I've got another hour scheduled in for MORE SINGING  _

_ GEE I CANNOT WAIT  _

**_Finn:_ **

_ Aww peanut that sucks _

_ What time is it over there?  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ 7 _

_ I've been here since 12 _

**_Finn:_ **

_ Jesus _

_ You've been given breaks tho yea?  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ They provided lunch _

_ I'm currently hiding in the toilets _

**_Finn:_ **

_ Nice, what was it?  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ Quinoa and other hard to pronounce stuff bowl thing _

_ Glorified salad  _

_ But that's LA baby _

_ Aw shit gotta go before they start searching for me _

**_Finn:_ **

_ Video chat later _

_ Promise me _

**_Rey:_ **

_ I promise I promise _

**_Finn:_ **

_ Good luck with the next hour!!!!  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ By god am I gonna need it _

_ Love you and see ya later tho _

She put her phone back in her pocket and approached the mirror above the sink. Her glum, tired, pale reflection stared back at her as though she were the cause of all the problems. To put it short, she looked like shit. Turning on the tap, she held her hands under the cool water until the fatigue washed away and she could trick herself into thinking she was going to be okay for the final hour. The iceyness made not thinking a lot easier, as she could just close her eyes, take steadying breaths, and ground herself in the world before having a panic attack. If she was going to have one, which quite honestly seemed inevitable by that point, she wanted to have it in her hotel room where she could easily go straight to sleep afterwards. 

After a minute the flow of water stopped and she looked back at her reflection. Better. Slightly more awake. Why hadn't coffee been supplied at lunch? 

She made her way back to studio 3, plastering on a bright smile and pushing open the door, ready to face the last bit of work before a good dinner and a binge of whatever comfort show she could find on Netflix. 

"There you are," Kylo didn't look up from his phone, sprawled across his chair. She wondered if he was just incapable of sitting properly; every interaction with him so far he'd sat weirdly. "So I was thinking, fuck Snoke. Another hour of singing the same song sounds like some bullshit right now."

"Is it bad to admit that's what I was thinking too…?" She sat back down in her chair opposite him and pushed the music stand out of the way. "Seriously, my throat is dying." 

"Improper technique." He tapped away in his phone in a way that was more aggressive than warranted. 

"Yeah, I know." She sighed. Not being able to afford singing lessons when growing up, the best she'd been able to do was sign up for every choir, band, and school musical and pray for the best; that one day her voice would just magically develop into what she wanted. Kylo, of course, had the luxury of being born to the top producers of 70s music and undoubtedly a whole lot of expendable income to throw at lessons. "Technique is something I never got the luxury of being taught."

He glanced up. "Surprising you sound so good then," 

"Thank you…?" Rey tried to study his expression for meaning, but he kept his face carefully blank. "I can't tell if that was a backhanded compliment."

"Take it as thou wilt," He finished up whatever he was working on and chucked his phone to the side where it chaotically hit the floor. "So we have fifty minutes." 

"That we do," She agreed passively. 

He picked up his guitar and played the opening bars of Californication, looking at her with the faintest hint of a smile. She got the message and sang the first line, feeling a smile of her own beginning to surface. Through some unspoken bond, they traded lines, built harmonies, went feral on the last chorus until they were practically yelling and he'd stop repressing his smile and she'd stopped caring how she sounded, and they created music that was strong, and loud, and  _ theirs _ . 

"You don't seem like the rock type," He commented off handedly and without care, though the thrill of the song was still present in the way his fingers lingered on the fretboard. 

"I don't? Why not?" 

"You do little cutesy covers in YouTube in your fairylit bedroom, you dress like pastels are going out of style, and you speak like the Queen. Tell me," He slipped into a horrible imitation of her accent: way off, wholly American. "Does one think that any combination of those factors builds one's image as a fan of the genre?" 

"Oh, so you're just going stereotype what a rock fan should look like? Really fucking progressive in the year 2020, Kylo." She grinned. "Just because I'm making up for the tragedy that was my emo phase by dressing exclusively in light colours. I can't believe this. And I don't sound like that!" 

"Oh, you so do." He insisted. "Just because you're in denial."

"Hey, give me," She gestured towards his guitar and he handed it over after a moment's consideration. "Pick a song."

"Twinkle twinkle," 

"Fuck off, all the music in the world and you choose that?" 

"You told me to pick a song and I picked a song," He held his hands up in surrender. 

"I meant anything we'd actually  _ like  _ to jam with. No, close your mouth, I see where your mind is going. You  _ don't  _ want to do a rock cover of twinkle twinkle." She held out a hand to silence him, he shut up with an amused smirk. "Look, we'll do a classic. Seven Nation Army," 

He gave her a very convincing scowl but when the time came for his cue, he came in perfectly. She fumbled slightly while playing, not used to the feel of his guitar, but held it together enough to not sound like utter crap. 

They spent the remaining forty minutes in the same manner, passing the guitar back and forth, banging out shoddy but fun renditions of all the classic songs they'd been raised on as kids. When the clock overhead turned 8, she was almost disappointed. 

"Thank fuck, the day's over." He put his guitar in its case and zipped it shut, pulling his leather jacket on and messing up the straight lapels. "Well, not over yet." 

"Why, what's going on?" She packed her things up at a much more leisurely pace, not needing to sprint away as he appeared to. 

"The party," He waved a hand dismissively as though it was obvious. 

She looked at him blankly. "Party…?" 

"Yeah, you know? The one Phasma organised? No?" He looked at her as though she was an idiot before it finally dawned on him. "That's what I forgot to tell you. I knew there was something." 

"I am so damn confused right now," 

"Tonight, nine pm, the bar just across the street. Bring a plus one if you want. She booked the place out. Something about welcoming you.  _ Why _ on earth she'd do something like that I don't know, but apparently it's 'the proper thing to do'." He rolled his eyes and slung his guitar over his shoulder. "Honestly she just wants an excuse to get me smashed again so she can leak it to the press." 

"You're inviting me to drink with you and Phasma. Tonight." 

" _ She's  _ inviting you and told me to pass on the message, don't get this twisted." He said firmly, as though that detracted from her sentiment at all. "She's also inviting Hux and a bunch of people none of us know." 

"I mean, that's a very nice offer, but I'm so exhausted I honestly just want to go to bed--" She began before cutting herself off. Though she was tired, this was the one opportunity she'd have to start finding her feet. There was no way she could refuse, there was no way she wanted to refuse. "Oh, fuck it. I'll come." 

"Fantastic, Hux owes me ten bucks" He said in lieu of goodbye, walking out the door with purpose. "I'll let her know you agreed," He called down the corridor before finally disappearing round the corner. 

Fuck. What a day. She lifted her phone out of its case and carefully copied across Rose's phone number into her contacts. 

**_Rey:_ **

_ Hey, it's Rey :)  _

_ This is honestly a ridiculous request but _

_ I've been invited to this party _

_ And I know like noone _

_ And I've been told to bring a plus one _

_ So like,,,, doing anything tonight?  _

_ Could do w some company _

**_Rose:_ **

_ Omg hi!!!!!  _

_ I absolutely am not and would love to go with you _

_ Partying is like my one hobby  _

_ Who's hosting?  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ Phasma _

**_Rose:_ **

_ HOLY SHIT _

**_Rey_ ** _ : _

_ Yup that was my reaction _

_ 9pm, here's the location: _

[Image Attached] __

**_Rose:_ **

_ I AM SO THERE OMG _

_ THANKS FOR INVITING ME????  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ Honestly I just need someone there who I know is sane lol _

_ Also I wanna hear that story about you and the football guy soooooo _

**_Rose:_ **

_ I'll tell you when I'm drunk enough _

_ What do I wear?  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ I have no idea what to do in this situation _

**_Rose:_ **

_ Jeans and a nice top?  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ Classic, nice _

_ Well see you there, meet outside 5mins before? _

**_Rose:_ **

_ You betcha _

_ This is so cool _

She got out of the studio as fast as she could and grabbed a taxi back to her hotel room, already in panic mode for getting ready. She had half an hour to get ready and then she needed to head back. Half an hour, shit. Granted, she'd got ready in less time before (every morning before lectures) but she wanted to look nice. Set an impression. Hope Phasma and Hux and the others liked her. 

When stress packing for the trip she hadn't considered the possibility of being invited out anywhere and felt terribly unprepared. In the end, after rifling through her suitcase, she went with Rose's suggestion of a nice top and skinny jeans, had the world's fastest shower, threw her clothes on, put on some dark red lipstick and a smudge of eyeliner, ran a hand through her hair, put on the first pair of shoes she saw and called it a day. 

It would all be fine, she reassured herself as she called for a taxi, she'd just have fun, get smashed, and feel like she had a right to be among them. There was nothing to lose. Well, except her dignity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!!!  
> Hope you're all doing well?  
> I'm on my easter break now so less school work yay!  
> You're all the best and honestly reading your comments gives me a small shred of joy in this quarantined world 😭  
> Thought I'd do some shameless self promo bc I like having friends so feel free to annoy me on  
> Tumblr : @hotkniferr  
> Instagram: @briswriting to see how far along I am with the fic wordcount wise, @haleaway to generally dm and say hi!  
> Love all of you, please stay safe, give me validation lol  
> \- brie xx  
> (edit: also omg I'm too British for this I just realised I put ten quid instead of ten bucks....)


	4. Emo Drivel

Rey stood outside the bar in a big fluffy coat, the coldness of the night enough to rival any day in England. Even though it was the middle of spring, her breath still plumed in icy clouds in front of her as she checked the time on her phone and prayed Rose would show up quickly, because already the imposter syndrome and anxiety was beginning to set in. Had saying yes been a mistake? It wasn't exactly like her to go to random parties full of people she'd never met and only just met, never mind the fact that all of the party guests were famous. Usually she wouldn't care what people thought of her. She tried to live her life celebrity free for the most part, finding the constant drama exhausting to keep up with. But now, in LA where she was on the path to becoming something of a celebrity herself, the weight of first impressions hung heavily over her head. She'd be sharing studio space with at least three of the party; and no doubt she should start networking with everyone else for the sake of her future career. God, this had so much potential to suck. 

"Hey, Rey!" 

She spun around to see Rose waving at her: no coat, shoulders bare, not looking cold in the slightest. She gave a small wave in response, smiling. 

"I am _so_ sorry I'm late." Rose held out her arms and it took Rey a moment to realise it was for a hug. Clearly Rose was the touchy-feely type, the exact opposite of her. "I had just got out the house when I realised I'd left my bag on the sofa. I know, big idiot energy." 

"It's fine, seriously, I'm just happy you agreed to come. You don't know how stupidly nervous I am," She pulled her coat tightly around herself, shivering. "I think everyone else is in there already. I saw a few people walk in with purpose." 

"We should probably go in then," Rose mused, brushing her hair behind her ear. The amber streetlights glistened against her deep glittery eyeshadow and diamanté earrings. 

"Probably," She agreed but didn't move. 

Rose nudged her gently. "C'mon, it's like any other party."

"Exactly: I hate parties." 

Rose gave her a cheery smile, linked their arms, and steered her toward the door. "Are you allowed to tell me anything about this music project yet? I'm assuming it _is_ a collaboration with Kylo Ren as he commented on your video." 

"Well… Technically no." She pushed all negative thoughts to the back of her mind, instead focusing on the thrill of the purple neon lights and loud music streaming through the door frame. "Contractually I'm to keep quiet unless Snoke instructs me to go to an event or post about it or something. Snoke's Kylo's manager, to clarify. He's kind of surrogate managing me for the time being."

"But because you want to vent your excitement…?" Rose said with a grin. 

"It's a re-release featuring me," She caved. "But _please_ promise you won't tell anyone because even if it's pretty obvious, I've seen the tweets that have figured it out, nowhere has it been confirmed to the press or public that it's actually happening and I don't want it to not go ahead because I can't keep my mouth shut." 

"Don't worry, don't worry, I won't post about it on my secret kylo stan account." Rose waved an airy hand, pushing the door to the bar open. In one tidal wave, the noise and lights spilled onto the street. 

"You have a stan account?" She shouted over the music, deciding she seriously needed to reconsider every conclusion she'd ever come to about Rose. 

"Of course not. But I'm considering making one now," Rose laughed and dragged her inside, the door shutting firmly behind them. 

The bar was probably the most hipster place Rey had ever been. Aside from the strips of neon lighting in every corner, the actual bar counter itself was a fish tank. The place was packed already with people talking, singing, dancing, and Rey kept tight hold of Rose so neither of them would get lost in the crowd. 

"You should let Phasma know you're here!" Rose said, smile so wide it was obvious she was in her element. 

"Yeah, if we can find her," She scanned the room, but all she could see were waves of people she didn't know. 

Rose looked around too, concentration written across her face, before nudging Rey. "Look, over there in the corner, black one-shoulder top, holding a martini." 

"It feels weird to approach her…" Rey said reluctantly, but Rose had already started weaving her way through the crowds of people and across the dancefloor. "She probably won't even know who I am," 

"Rey, shut up." 

She sighed but complied. Phasma was laughing hard at whatever the person she was talking to had just said, taking a large sip of her drink to try and control herself. As she did, she glanced briefly away and made eye contact with Rey. She swallowed quickly and beckoned the pair over with her spare hand, excusing herself from the conversation. 

"Hey, you must be Rey, right?" Phasma gave off the air of breezy coolness. "And you brought a plus one, excellent. It's always good to see new faces. You get bored of the people here after the third time."

"Yeah, that's me. This is my friend and tour guide Rose who's been helping me navigate America," She hoped she didn't sound as star-struck as she felt, because being in the same room as Phasma, let alone a conversation with her, had her feeling out of her depth in fame already. 

"Hi," Rose said cheerfully. 

She smiled a little. "It's good to meet you at last, I had planned to drop in and say hi while you were in studio 3 earlier but Kylo would definitely have killed me for interrupting him. I like your accent,"

Why did everyone always say that? "Thanks, Kylo said I sounded really posh." 

"He _would_ say that." She rolled her eyes. "That man does not think about a word he says before it comes out his mouth. How's your first day gone?" 

"Tiredly." Rey settled on, thinking it most accurately summarised her feelings. "It was a long one."

"Hopefully Snoke hasn't scheduled you in for another eight hour day. Speaking of, has he started being a dick to you yet?"

"No?" She replied, bewildered. Snoke had been nothing more than professional. 

"Ah, forget I said anything. Maybe he's tolerable towards temporary work." Phasma sipped her drink. "Mm, please go and get yourselves drinks, open bar is on me. You'll probably want to go and introduce yourself to Hux at some point, he'll be hiding either in one of the corner booths by the door or the corridor just over there to get away from the noise. Do you have any idea where Kylo is?"

"No, sorry." Rey shook her head. 

"He'd better show up." She said. "He agreed to. God, what a bad impression. Well, I'll let you two on your way. Have fun."

Phasma departed with a nod and another sip of her drink, heading off to socialise with the nearest group of people. 

"Oh my god," Rose whispered, all excitement she'd been trying to contain while in Phasma's presence bubbling over. "She's so cool."

Rey's mind was somewhere else, so much so that she barely registered Rose's comment. "I didn't know that The First Order were still friends. Well, friends might be a strong word, but it at least seems like there's no beef between Phasma and Kylo. I thought when Kylo announced he was leaving there was loads of tension between him and Hux and Phasma,"

Rose shrugged. "Dunno. You should ask them yourself. But I'm going to get a drink, because I am both baffled and amazed by the fish." 

"Yeah, let's grab something." 

They sat on the barstools, Rose with a vodka coke and Rey with a gin and tonic, looking down as the fish swam about below their glasses. Rey lost herself to tiredness, thinking just how much she'd love to go to sleep rather than worry about the collaboration. It was only day one and she was already reconsidering whether or not agreeing had been a good idea. It felt like the bar was impossibly high; she was a no-one from YouTube who apparently sounded like the Queen and Kylo was a trained professional with years of industry experience through generations. Even though the rehearsal went way better than expected, she couldn't help feeling like an outsider in this weird world of perfect sight-reading, crazy fans, and booked out bars. It was weak and she hated herself for it, but she honestly just wanted to go home. 

"Hey, you okay?" Rose asked softly. "You look stressed out." 

She kept her gaze on the fish and wished the alcohol would set in quicker. "I am so stressed out I feel like I am going to implode. Why the fuck am I here?"

Rose didn't say anything but moved her seat closer and put an arm around her shoulder. It was surprisingly comforting, which somehow made everything feel a little worse.

"Thanks," Rey sighed.

They passed the time in silence save for the background beat of the party, and after finishing the other half of her glass Rey was starting to feel a lot better. 

"Want to dance?" She asked Rose, because it felt like the right thing to do to set her evening back on track to something enjoyable. 

"Of course," Rose lit up and swivelled off the stool, holding out her hand to drag Rey along. "I am such a terrible dancer though, I'll warn you now." 

Rey laughed a little and took it. "You cannot be as bad as me."

"Honestly, I'll be even worse. Come on, quickly, I love this song." She tugged Rey down and with a smile led her right to the middle of the dancefloor where people jostled them from side to side, but she didn't seem to mind in the slightest. 

Rey let herself loosen up though she'd never been one for dancing, letting Rose guide her in little sways and spins as she deemed acceptable to the music. She had trouble staying upright as the dizziness and alcohol began to set in, but with Rose's smile and the music pounding in her ears she couldn't help but admit she was actually having a little bit of fun. 

She tried to keep track of all the faces as people on the dancefloor moved and she was spun, anything to keep focus instead of living the evening in a blur. It was then that she saw a flash of leather jacket, alone. 

He leant back against the wall, what looked like a whiskey in his hand and surveyed the party as though he'd rather be anywhere else. When they made eye contact, Kylo gave her an incline of the head. In return she gave him a small smile. 

"What are you smiling at?" Rose asked on the next spin as Rey stumbled slightly due to lack of focus. 

"Kylo's here. I was being polite." 

"Oh my god, he is?" Rose said excitedly, spinning Rey around abruptly for a better look herself. "Oh my god, he _is_." 

"I should probably go and say hi," Rey mused. "Considering he's the only person I know here and I don't even really know him." 

"Pleaseee, I wanna meet him so bad," 

Rey laughed at that and stepped off the floor, through the masses of people towards him. "You absolutely _sure_ you don't have a secret stan account?" 

"I'm just curious." Rose tried to defend herself, hand on Rey's shoulder in some sort of half conga to get to the edges of the room without losing each other. "All the tweets about people meeting him I've read say that he's really standoffish and highkey mean." 

"So you want to meet him so you have some tea to post about," If Rose had a twitter or Instagram account, Rey thought she'd definitely post about celebrity drama. 

"Shh. You're really calling me out here," Rose laughed too. Someone knocked into her and her hand slipped from Rey's shoulder. In the split second they weren't in contact, Rose somehow got swallowed up by a large mob of people with dilated pupils and suspiciously vacant expressions. "Well, _excuse me_." 

Rey had already got close enough to Kylo that it would be weird if she turned straight back around and came back a minute later, so with an apologetic glance over her shoulder, she abandoned Rose for the time being. Rose rolled her eyes and mouthed 'hate you, absolutely gonna gatecrash your convo', a wide grin on her face. 

"Parties not your thing either?" She said in lieu of hello, noticing Kylo's both bored and uncomfortable expression. 

"What gave you that impression?" He asked, voice dripping with sarcasm as he downed the last of his whiskey with a wince. 

"Mm, the fact you look as though you'd rather be anywhere else." 

"I'm getting another drink," He said abruptly and walked off. 

Startled by the sudden end to the conversation, Rey stood still for a second. Did he just want her to piss off? It seemed likely, after all they'd spent five hours together that day and would be spending many more in the coming week. Perhaps it was a thing of 'I don't want to see or speak to you anymore than is required, this is a business affair and that's it'. But Rose had disappeared off to mingle with other people - somehow she'd roped herself into a conversation with Phasma and some people Rey thought she recognised from the background of a few music videos - and Rey had literally no-one else to talk to. Besides, she could do with more alcohol to survive the night. So she followed after him despite the probability that he didn't want to talk to her, back to the weird fish tank thing that she still wasn't quite over. 

"Another whiskey," Kylo said to the bartender, setting his empty glass down with a louder than necessary thump. 

"And I'll have a shot of tequila," Rey added. 

He looked down at her and raised an eyebrow. "Having that bad a time already?" 

"Not bad, just weird." She knocked it back as soon as it was placed in front of her. "I don't like LA."

"To be fair, I don't think anyone _likes_ LA. But it serves its purpose." He watched her with a pretty judgemental eye, which she tried her hardest to ignore. 

She gave a non-committal shrug and ordered another couple of shots. "If its purpose is to make me an alcoholic then by god is it serving," 

"What have you already had?" He asked, still giving her that judging look. 

"A G&T," She replied and took the second shot which stung on its way down, determined not to feel anything for the rest of the evening. "Those two shots. That one makes three." 

"Don't have any more. You'll embarrass yourself." 

"Don't tell me what to do," The weird cocktail of tiredness, anxiety, and alcohol made her tone a lot harsher than she'd intended. "I am going to get shit-faced." 

"No, you're not." He said firmly, but with a touch of exasperation. "Because if you do, someone will leak it to the press and ruin your image before we've even recorded the fucking song. Also, Snoke will murder you if you go in the studios tomorrow with a hangover." 

"Don't care," She lied. 

"You clearly do. I don't want to be around when you throw up. If you stop now you'll be tipsy but you won't feel like shit tomorrow."

She snuck in the third shot while he was talking. 

"Rey, no." He said with an equal mix of despair and annoyance. "Now you're just being a fucking idiot," 

She knew that it would hit her like a truck in a few minutes and that she was being a fucking idiot, but it felt like the only way to get through when all she wanted was to be back in her apartment with Finn, stressing over whatever English Lit essay she'd left til the last minute instead of being stranded in LA with a collaboration partner who didn't even seem to like her. "Why do you even care?" 

He sighed deeply, clutching his glass tightly as though he were running lower and lower on patience by the second. "Have you forgotten why you're here? You're redeeming my image. How can you do that if it turns out you're a binge drinker? Look, I'd rather you weren't here as well, so don't give me that look." 

For some reason that last comment stung as much as the tequila. 

"But all you need to do is survive one week without fucking up either of our careers, and then you can go home." He finished, swirling the amber liquid around in his glass. Then, as an aside: "God, you're high maintenance." 

"I…" She swallowed and looked away. "Yeah. It's only one week." 

Ignoring her dejected and flat tone, he agreed. "It's a shitty industry. But for you, it's temporary." 

As if that made it any fucking better. "Are you always like this?" 

"Like what?" 

"Fucking unsympathetic." It wasn't the right word, but no word seemed to fit. There was something so ineffably infuriating about him and his easy dismissal of her. 

"Well, it's part of the brand." 

"You're a dick." 

"And you're drunk and making stupid decisions."

"I am not," 

"Protest all you like, but it's the truth." 

"Can't you say _one_ nice thing to me?" Her voice broke a little. "I am having _such_ a shit time and all you've done is made it worse. You've clearly been out to dislike me from the start, you keep making me prove that I should be here by showing that I have the same, like, musical inspiration or some shit as you, and then when it turns out I _do_ , you make some snarky comment about how unexpected it is. Would it kill you, Kylo, to be nice for one week? Or not even nice, just less passive aggressive. This collab means _so much_ to my career. It's the one chance I've got. So to you this might be some stupid fucking side project that Snoke's put you on that you would rather die than do, but perhaps rather than being selfish you could try and be a bit more tolerable. I know that you don't hate me, because when we played together earlier you clearly enjoyed yourself, so can you stop acting like it?"

"Thank you for that," He replied without the faintest sense of care or emotion. "I don't know what you want me to reply." 

"Something sincere." she muttered, already regretting the majority of the words that had come out of her mouth. She'd overreacted a little. A lot. 

"Clearly from that Oscar-worthy monologue of yours, you don't want it."

"I'm sorry." She didn't meet his eyes. 

"It's deserved," He shrugged. "Just be glad you recited it to me and not someone who would sell you out. But seriously, Rey. LA is a shithole. I get it, and I know fuck all when it comes to dealing with people so I come across as an arrogant bastard, I get that too. So I know exactly how you're feeling."

So maybe he did care. A little bit. In his weird, convoluted, disapproving and judgemental way. It almost seemed like a semi-apology, still a pretty shit one, but an even match for her pretty shit go at him. 

"I'm sorry," She repeated like a broken record because she didn't really know what else to say and the music was too loud and her head hurt and she felt like she was going to fall asleep at any moment. 

"No more apologies. Phasma invited you to this party so you'd have fun and she'll murder me if I've ruined that for you." 

She smiled a little. "Maybe I'll tell her you did just so I can watch her tear into you."

"Now who's the unsympathetic one?"

"Hey, it'd be more entertaining than this godawful music."

"That is true. Have you met Hux yet?" 

"Nope," She shook her head to be greeted with almost immediate regret, as the fuzziness of alcohol set in. "Probably not a good idea though." 

"Intoxication is practically required to put up with him." He replied casually, scanning the room. "If you think I'm unsympathetic, Hux is a sociopath."

"Well that just fills me with joy to meet him doesn't it?" She sighed, falling back into her usual lines of communication with Kylo: sarcasm. 

"Just take the excuse to get you away from more alcohol," He rolled his eyes. "You're already out of it." Then, with a slight smirk: "Lightweight."

"I hate you," She said without feeling and followed him across the room, only tripping up slightly because there was an unmarked step in her way. 

Kylo opened a side door and held it for her, leading to a small corridor which in turn led to a small outdoor alleyway lined with bins and moss. 

Hux looked even more like he'd been anywhere else than the party than both her and Kylo combined, which was really saying something. He held a cigarette in one hand, phone in the other, and stood against the wall. He glanced up at the sound of their footsteps. "Ren." He looked between the two of them. "Looking for somewhere private?" 

"Very funny, Hux. How long have you been waiting to use that one?" 

Hux put his phone away to fix Kylo with a disdainful look. "Quite a while, actually, considering your abysmal luck with women."

Rey tried her hardest not to laugh, having to stifle it with the back of her hand. 

"Piss off. I'm introducing Rey to everyone. You know, the British girl Snoke flew in?" 

"Hey," She smiled. 

"Right, the youtuber?" From his tone she felt quite belittled. Granted, the title of 'youtuber' was a pretty shit one, kind of the worst thing someone could say when you asked what their dream career was. It was almost equal to other entertainment industry jobs in terms of how disappointed people looked when you explained what you did for a measly living. 

Feeling some need to defend herself, she replied "I only do that on the side. I mostly did gigs around the pubs in my town." 

Luckily, he didn't mention her accent or she might have had a breakdown right then and there. "I feel sorry for you. Ren is probably the worst of us lot to be stuck with."

Kylo scoffed but didn't counter. 

"Well, _Rey,_ " It was becoming more and more evident that, for whatever reason, Hux had decided he wasn't going to like her. "If you ever need any musical advice that is from someone who actually knows what they're talking about, get Snoke to pass a message onto me." 

"Thanks, I'll consider it." Bewildered seemed to be her state for the evening, but she treated him with reserved politeness as she did most difficult people. 

Kylo scowled. "Right, we're moving on. We can't stay here all night," 

Bemused, she shrugged slightly. "Sure, let's go. Nice meeting you, Hux." 

"I'm sure I'll encounter you around the studios." He said as though he'd rather not. 

Kylo had already started walking so she spun around to follow him back inside, feet already killing from wearing heels. 

"Well, I'll be surprised if he doesn't glare me down everytime he sees me from now on." She mused. "I've never experienced such… Random hostility from anyone before."

"He's like that with everyone." Kylo dismissed, striding to his previous place against the wall at the side of the dancefloor. "You survive Hux, you survive LA."

She leant against the wall alongside him, trying to ignore the fuzzy feeling in her head as though she was underwater. Kylo had been right; the alcohol was a stupid idea. "So what am I supposed to do now? I've mingled with you, Phasma, and Hux. I feel like I'll cry if I have to network."

He considered it. "Wouldn't know. I always leave after the first fifteen minutes." 

"Huh, then why are you still here?" 

He shrugged.

"Great answer." She said sarcastically, sighing a little. It felt like everytime she blinked her head clouded over, and every small tilt of the head to glance up as Kylo spoke only made it worse. "If I dance I'll fall over. If I drink more you'll look at me judgingly. Rose is still having the time of her life and seems to have forgotten about me." 

In a serendipitous moment, Rose bounded over, eyes sparkling, cheeks flushed, slightly sweaty from all the dancing. "Rey, I thought I'd lost you. Where were you?" 

"I mean, we grabbed drinks and after a while we were just outside for five minutes, maybe less. Oh, Kylo, this is Rose. Rose, obviously you know who Kylo is. Everyone does," 

"Hi, I love your new song." Rose smiled, not as star-struck as she'd been upon meeting Phasma but still pretty excited. 

"Thanks, personally I hate it." He replied. 

Surprised, she glanced up at him. "You do?" 

"In comparison to the others on the album. Snoke had to over-commercialise it." He elaborated. "Do you really think I'd write such… Emo drivel?" 

"Eh, kinda." Rey admitted. "Considering it perfectly reflects what I've experienced of your personality so far," 

He smiled wryly. "Watch it," 

"Ooh, what's the album called?" Rose tried brightly, and Rey tried not to snort at her very obvious attempt for twitter material. 

"I can't tell you." He said monotonously, as though he'd had to say those words a million times before. 

"Aw." Disappointment was written all across Rose's face. 

He rolled his eyes and looked to the ceiling as if for patience. "It's in my contract."

"I suppose that's fair enough," Rose gave in with a sigh which was quickly replaced with a smile once again. "Oh, Phasma's organising karaoke, by the way." 

"Cute," Rey said listlessly. "Guess it'll be fun to watch." 

"You don't sound very excited about the idea," 

"Well, no." 

"That's… Not amazing." Rose fidgeted slightly. "I thought you'd maybe…" 

"I am _not_ taking part." She said firmly. 

Rose swallowed guiltily. 

"Oh god, what's that look for?" She regarded Rose with suspicion, not at all liking the direction logic was leading her in. 

Phasma swept over, somehow still looking alive after the masses of socialising. "Karaoke starts in five. Looking forward to what you choose, Rey. Kylo, you're doing it too. Gotta show support to our newest Empire Records member."

"Absolutely not." Kylo replied.

"I'll drag you up there myself." Phasma warned and walked off on her circuit of the room, leaving chaos in her wake. 

"Rose!" Rey had never felt more like she was going to die on the spot more in her life. 

"It's not my fault! I was just talking to her and she suggested it. Then she seemed absolutely set on the idea so there was nothing I could do," 

"Oh my godddd," Rey groaned, dread pooling in her stomach. 

"Phasma tends to decide things and then forces everyone else to go along with them, regardless of whether they want to or not." Kylo commented. "Bet you're regretting those shots now," 

"Very much. What the hell am I going to sing?" 

"Sorry," Rose, to her credit, did look very apologetic. 

At the front of the room, Phasma had dismissed the DJ and set up a couple of microphones, gaining them a light tap to check they worked. When there was no feedback or weird delay from the speakers, she set up the machine to project behind her and announced to the room. "Good evening, everyone. As is tradition, we're doing karaoke. First up is Rey," 

A smattering of applause. She felt frozen to the spot as Phasma smiled and gestured her up to the stage. 

"This feels like a fucked up rendition of the opening scene of High School Musical," She despaired, still not moving. "Kylo, you're going with me."

"What? I am not," 

"Please?" Desperately. 

He looked down at her stonily for a moment, then cracked. "Fine. If it'll stop you having another drunken breakdown." 

"I so owe you one, oh my god." 

"As if you offer anything of value," 

"Hey," she laughed and followed him up onto the stage, nerves squashed a little bit by their banter. "Hi, um, I'm Rey. Kylo's gonna be doing this one with me. Um… We'll be doing…" 

She looked at the tracklist and in a panic chose the first one she saw. "Tainted Love. The Soft Cell version," 

Kylo gave her the most done look she'd ever received from anyone, as though he'd actually thought of fifty different ways to end her life in a split-second.

She smiled and pressed the start button, her confidence wavering but presenting a strong front. By her side Kylo sighed and took the microphone from the stand, tossing it and catching it with one hand as though the trick grounded him. She tried to focus past the alcohol and the tiredness and the nerves, waiting for the cue to come in. 

It was the most cursed karaoke experience of her life. She sounded fine in the first verse but felt stiff. Kylo, on the other hand, was relaxed as though he was able to do this kind of thing in his sleep. She turned slightly into him for a sense of support, and seeming to tell she needed it, he maintained eye contact. It was just like the sessions earlier in studio three, if she pretended hard enough. 

Starting to relax more, telling herself that if she was going to do the LA thing she was going to do it properly, she loosened up and swayed on the spot, removing her own microphone from the stand. Kylo even gave her a slight supportive nod and hint of a half-smile which motivated her to use the stage space more. Miraculously, in heels and out of it beyond belief, she managed not to fall over and just vibed with him, singing the iconic "Don't touch me, please!" line with a shit ton of dramatics and a grin in his direction. She was actually starting to _enjoy_ herself. Despite the lack of preparation, despite how fucking terrifying it was, it also felt _good_ to perform on stage with him no matter how stupid the whole situation was. 

When the song came to an end the room erupted with applause. She and Kylo exchanged a look; he gave her his half-smile and she, exhilarated, laughed before they both took a slightly stilted and out of time bow. 

Phasma came back onto the stage and took the microphones from them, setting them back in the stands. "There's no further set list, so feel free to come up here if you'd like to. Though how anyone can follow _that_ …" She gave the pair an amused smile, as though she'd been expecting something completely different. 

Rey tried not to sprint off the stage as she wanted to, adrenaline doing a number in her veins. Kylo had already disappeared off somewhere, rendering the whole situation dreamlike. When had the room gone so dizzying? 

"Hey, Rey." 

She turned around, startled out of it. 

"You did great up there. Seriously." Phasma said, speaking with a lot more sincerity than Rey had bargained for and didn't know how to react to. "I'll admit, when Kylo told me he'd got a collaboration with a random youtuber I wasn't expecting much. But, well. I'm impressed," 

"Thanks," She replied awkwardly, still feeling as though she was having an intense out of body experience. 

"With any luck, Snoke will keep you around for longer than just the collaboration." Phasma have her a small smile and then walked away, back to mingling. 

_Longer than just the collaboration._ Did that concept fill her more with anxiety or excitement? A small part of her wanted it more than anything. It was still her dream to make it. And even if she'd managed not to show it, having Phasma give words of approval filled her with joy. 

She slipped back through the crowd to waves of people wanting to know her, offering to buy drinks, asking for a dance. She politely but firmly turned them all down, sifting through to find Rose watching the fish again. 

"Hey, I'm gonna book it. I've got studio stuff again tomorrow morning. Wanna grab an uber with me? Or if you want to stay here longer I won't, like, be offended or anything." Rey grabbed her fluffy coat from one of the coat hooks and pulled it on, the comfort it provided making her feel even more exhausted than she already was. 

Rose stifled a yawn behind her hand." I should probably go. Yeah, let's."

On their way out she found Phasma, thanked her for the invite, all the compulsory politeness. As she opened the door out to the real, outside world for Rose she caught eyes with Kylo. He was standing in his position to the side of the crowds of people again, and raised his glass towards her in acknowledgement. In return she gave him a small smile and incline of the head, a 'see you later' gesture with a hint of 'thanks for looking out for me'. 

By the time she got back to her hotel room she all but collapsed into bed, closing her eyes and breathing deeply, feeling sleep temptingly wash over her. Her phone buzzed loudly beside her, startling her back awake again, and begrudgingly she made her way to the bathroom to change into pyjamas and wipe the makeup off her face. Once finished, she curled up under the covers, switched off the light, plugged her phone in to charge (she'd nicked a plug adaptor from the reception desk the night previous) and checked the notification. 

It was from Rose. A video. She tapped on the download button impatiently, wishing the WiFi would work faster. Eventually it loaded and she pressed the play button. A clip of her and Kylo on stage, the world's biggest smile on her face as they sang, with Rose's cheering in the background. 

**_Rey:_ **

_Omg why is that lowkey cute_

_(but pls don't post it anywhere lol)_

**_Rose:_ **

_I KNOW LOOK AT U TWO GO!!!_

_(I won't, don't worry :))_

Smiling to herself, she set the phone down on the nightstand and finally drifted off to sleep, dreaming of karaoke and guitars and endless tequila shots. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy guys  
> So that was a thicc chapter lol  
> Hope you're all well! Remember to be safe x  
> Love you all sm,  
> Thanks for your comments and kudos so far (it really makes me happy haha),  
> \- brie xx


	5. Skinny Dipping? It's A Thing?

"So then after getting absolutely hammered, which was the biggest mistake I made that night, Kylo and I did karaoke. It was kind of iconic." She summarised, digging through her salad with her fork. Her phone, propped up on a weird green juice blend, showed Finn sprawled on their sofa, eating a bag of wotsits. She'd taken her lunch break to catch up with him as she hadn't had the chance during the rest of the week, being too swarmed with rehearsals and recording sessions. "But yeah, Kylo and I finished recording the song yesterday and Snoke has scheduled the release for 5pm our time. When that happens, I'll finally be allowed to post about being in LA on my insta and YouTube. God, I'm so nervous. I don't even know why."

"Guess I'm staying up til 2am to hear it then." Finn smiled, shovelling a handful of the crisps into his mouth. "I'm so hyped. It's gonna be great." 

"I can't believe this is real." She mused, taking a bite of lettuce and tomato. "It's all so surreal. And the fact this all started because of a stupid YouTube cover I didn't even want to do."

Finn leaned back on the sofa, against Rey's favourite cushion. It took everything in her to ignore how homesick she still felt. "Grown to like the song yet?" 

She scoffed, stabbing a stubborn piece of kale with the fork. "Absolutely not. It's still shit." 

"Bet you haven't told Kylo that though," 

"He said he hated it at the party so like, I don't think he'd care either way." She shrugged. 

Finn considered that with a raised eyebrow. "Sounds like a defense mechanism. Kinda like when you say you hate your voice but continue to post covers and pursue a musical career anyway." 

"Oof, don't call me out," she smiled. "And hey, like Kylo said on my first day, it's just business. Business business. Did you see the teaser Snoke posted from Kylo's account earlier? Of Kylo listening back to a snippet of the single, but you can hear one of my harmonies and if you look closely you can see me in the corner of the frame. "

"Ooh, sneaky. Very Twenty One Pilots." 

She laughed. "Yeah, well, I think Snoke was careful not to overestimate Kylo stans' intelligence because there's no weird website of codes to decipher. But still, I looked in the comments and people have definitely figured it out. Oh my god, you won't believe it, so there were some nice comments which was sweet, but one account - their username was 'kylosleftnipple', not even kidding - has already started shitposting. They're lowkey hilarious though. Like, I'm glad people are memeing me already."

"Poe did send me one with the whole 'she was crazier than him' thing where someone edited you to look really emo. Cause obviously the only image people see of you on the Internet is you being cute and girl-next-door and the collab is a bit weird for you," 

"What? Send it to me!" She grinned. "It'll be such a flashback to thirteen year old me!" 

"They gave you a septum piercing. And tattoos. Tattoos of Kylo's discography, in fact." 

"I hate and love that at the same time." 

Finn picked up his phone and for a moment all she saw was a very unflattering angle of his chin. "Okay, sent. Enjoy." 

"Oh, I will." Immediately she forwarded it on to her DM with Kylo. 

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

[Image Attached]

_four more hours til the release and I evolve into my final form_

He responded a minute later, way faster than she had been expecting. 

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_Jesus christ that's horrifying_

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_rude!_

_that's how I wanted to look all thru high school :/_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_Whatever LA does to you_

_Whatever fame you get after the release_

_Whatever number of new fans you earn_

_Please don't do this._

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_you cannae stop me :)_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_Snoke will._

_He won't let another story about me ruining women hit the tabloids._

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_im the good girl to ur bad boy!!_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_Never say that again, for the love of God._

She smiled down at her phone, glad that she and Kylo were getting on a bit better now after the party monologue. He'd been trying to be nice to her in his weird way, but luckily the banter and witticisms remained between them. It was the one thing that made her time in LA bearable. 

"Rey? Hellooo, earth to Rey?" 

"Hm, yeah?" Suddenly remembering she was supposed to be on call with Finn, she propped her phone back up and smiled brightly at him. "Sorry, got distracted."

"I could tell." He rolled his eyes, smiling. "So anyway, when are you due to come home?" 

"Uhhh, next Wednesday. So five days. If everything goes to schedule, that is. Snoke doesn't want to say definitively because depending on how the release goes there could be more press stuff and he doesn't want me to miss that," She explained, twirling a strand of hair around her finger absently. 

"So, single is released today, Calrissian's show on Saturday, mag shoots on Sunday, anything else?" He asked. 

She chewed on her lip. "Well, I'm not supposed to say…" 

"Rey, I'm your best friend. I won't leak it."

"Yeah, I know, I'm not doubting you. It's just contractually…" She trailed off. "Oh, fuck it. No one's supposed to know this yet but Kylo and I are filming a music video for it." 

Finn lit up. "Rey, that's great! Your career's going so well. Is it bad to say I still can't believe you're actually in LA? I miss you so much." 

"Aww, I miss you too. LA really sucks." Her mood fell a little, the wave of homesickness she'd been fending off suddenly breaking through. To distract herself she glanced around the room. The clock read 2pm. "Shit, gotta go. I'll video call you tomorrow?" 

"Once you're a famous alt-rock star," He smiled. 

She laughed, covering her face with her hands. "I wanted indie pop! But I'm here!" 

"After the collab you'll be free to do what you like," he reminded. "Well, until tomorrow, peanut." 

"Until tomorrow," She smiled and waved. He waved back and ended the call. They'd nonverbally agreed on _until tomorrow_ as their parting exchange as it was a lot less depressing than goodbye and tied them both to the promise of seeing each other. 

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_do u know where snoke wants us for the release_

_like do we have 2 do anything_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_He hasn't said anything. I'd assume that means not._

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_whaaaat we don't get a release party????_

_this is so sad_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_You'd just get smashed._

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_yeah and_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_You can do that without having to socialise with a massive group of people, most of whom are fucking annoying._

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_whom_

_hehe_

_look at mr intellectual over here_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_It's proper grammar._

_Why am I justifying myself to you?_

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_didn't realise rockstars cared about that sorta thing_

_:)_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_Do you want to do something for the release or not?_

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_wait r u offering_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_I thought that was obvious._

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_it was NOT obvious_

_tbh I just assume that any positive implications I receive from you are unintentional_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_You still haven't answered my question._

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_lol r u kidding?_

_ofc i'd like to!_

_this is so out of character for you tho_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_Phasma told me we needed to do something._

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ah ofc_

_knew u were incapable of nice gestures_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_Drinks somewhere?_

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_hell yea_

_somewhere not busy tho pls_

_haven't recovered from phasma's party yet_

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_Meet outside the studios at 4:30_

_I'll buy a shit ton of beer and we'll go to one of Snoke's private properties._

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_sounds good to me!!!_

~

It turned out that one of Snoke's private properties meant a whole section of a beach. Not that she was mad about it, in fact she was the opposite. It was still wild to her that she was part of a world now where people owning beaches was normal. Kylo certainly didn't seem phased by it as he dropped a carrier bag down onto the sand, sitting beside it and shrugging off the leather jacket that he always seemed to be wearing. Rey sat next to him, looking out to the sea as the seagulls swarmed and screeched overhead and the waves lapped gently at the shore. Kylo reached into the bad and tore open the first box of beers, holding a can out to her which she took gratefully, cracking it open and revelling in the still cold feeling against her palms. 

"So," She said, taking a long sip and not even caring that it tasted kind of rank. 

"So." He echoed, drinking his own beer. 

Still filled with excitement and nerves regarding the release, she checked the time yet again. "According to my phone, it's two minutes until it goes live." 

"Great." It didn't look like he meant it. Preoccupied, his brows were furrowed as he ran through something in his mind. 

"What is it?" 

"Hm? Nothing." He gave her his signature half-smile. "Thinking about all the fucking things Snoke has scheduled us in for." 

"Yeah," She sighed deeply. "Not very excited, to be honest. One minute now. Should I put the premiere on?" 

"Please don't. I've heard it enough times by now." He rubbed his forehead, still seeming more flat than usual. She hoped he was okay. 

"That is a valid point." She watched the time turn over to 5pm with a little spark of nerves. "Well, it's out to the world now." 

"Turn off your notifications now, if you haven't already. It'll be a shit storm." He warned. 

"Oh, good point." She did, and then turned her phone fully off for good measure. "Do you think people will like it?" 

"The stans will be making edits with the audio by 6 and tweeting them at us by 7. They'll like anything I put out. Some people will hate it, that's how it works. You shouldn't bother stressing about it." He dismissed, and instead of making her annoyed as it usually would it actually reassured her slightly. "Another beer?" 

"Yes, please." She just about caught it when he chucked it over. "Hey, be nice," 

He smirked. "Being nice is not part of my image," 

"Well, forget about image. It's literally just us and an empty beach. Image means fuck all when there's no-one around to see you." 

He took a long sip of beer and leaned back on his hands, looking back out to the horizon. "You just can't accept I'm this much of a dick through and through."

"You're right, I can't accept it because I don't think it's true. There has to be some part of you down there that can be a nice person." 

"Nope, nothing." 

"Fucking liar," She grinned. "I'm not stupid, you know. I can tell this is all a façade. Like when we play old rock songs together? You always forget to scowl around halfway through." 

He shrugged. "I like the music." 

"And you find me tolerable. Admit it," She nudged him with her can. 

"Now you're pushing it," He had a very good poker face, she'd give him that. 

"I like pushing it." 

"I can tell. You're annoying." 

"And you're an asshole." She said without feeling, leaning back herself to watch as the sun started its slow descent in the sky. 

"Yep. That's Kylo Ren." 

She accepted that for a moment, but something didn't sit quite right. "But is that actually you? I know you joke about it but like, you know," 

He rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Now you're sounding like a fucking therapist," 

"Yeah, well," She struggled to articulate her thoughts, the fact that she had a strange want to make sure he was okay. "You've told me loads that Snoke is a dick and LA sucks, so why do you do it?" 

"Why do I do what?" He replied with pointed boredom. 

"Still make music. Feed into the cycle." She held up a hand to silence him. "You quit The First Order at the peak of your career. You were selling out _stadiums_. But you didn't quit to leave the industry. You quit to do it on your own. I don't understand," 

"You wouldn't." He said simply. 

She chewed on her lip, brushing her hair behind her ear as the wind picked up. "Then tell me," 

"I– No." He answered. Taken aback, she glanced up at him. His expression was still carefully neutral, like a mask he was able to slip on with ease. 

"Why not?" 

"It's personal." 

"I get that. It's just, I thought, sometimes talking about it helps..." She trailed off. "It just doesn't seem like something you'd do. It's out of character." 

"You don't know me. You've been around me for a week and you think that makes you qualified to say whether or not I'm 'out of character'?" He crumpled his empty can in one hand. "Fuck that, Rey."

That hurt more than it should. "I'm just looking out for you–" 

"And I don't _want_ you to," He gritted his teeth and breathed deeply as though praying for patience. "You're not here to fix my problems. You wouldn't be able to, anyway."

"No, Kylo, shit, that's not it at all–" 

"This is just a collab. I'm sorry you thought you'd be getting a fucking _friend_ out of this or something, but you'll be gone in four fucking days and we'll go about our separate lives, and that'll be the end of it. So don't try and reassure me or anything, because this was over as soon as it started."

She didn't know what to do. What to say. Any way to rectify the situation. It'd come out of literally nowhere; from all the time they'd spent together she'd thought he'd at least felt the same way she did, that they were in this together. "I know, but I–" 

" _Rey._ " 

She swallowed back what she was going to say and they lapsed into silence. The atmosphere was horribly off. Suddenly the whole release celebration felt more like a fucking funeral. 

"Are you finished having a go at me or would you like to say anything else?" She said once she judged the tension had thinned and he was less likely to explode at her again. 

He had the good grace to look slightly guilty. "Finished."

"Good. Because that was actually quite fucking mean." 

He sighed, opening another can of beer with no sign of slowing down. "I didn't mean that." 

"You meant it. I don't care," She tried for a casual reaction, tone light while finishing up her can. "Like you said, I'll be gone in a few days. It's just _business_."

"You're…" He looked like he was struggling hard for the right words. "You're okay." 

"High praise," She raised an eyebrow. 

He rubbed his forehead, eyes troubled. "I just don't want to talk about it. Fuck. You're more than okay."

She knew it was his own, weird, stilted way of saying that he cared about her too so she let her hurt slide. "Clearly you're not used to this whole friendship thing. Or this whole people thing, in fact." 

"Yeah. Not my forte." He reached into the carrier bag and took out a punnet of strawberries, ripping off the plastic seal and setting it in the sand between them. "I don't understand other people and their emotions." 

"Look, the sun's setting," She pointed toward the horizon with a strawberry, hoping it would veer their evening back on a more celebratory vibe. 

"It does that every evening."

"I am aware of that fact, Kylo." 

He smiled a little. "Then why's it so fucking special?" 

"Because it's _pretty_." She said judgingly, an imitation of the looks he often gave her. 

He gave her the same look in return. "How shallow of you," 

"Just let me change the topic of conversation so it's not a pity party here," She broke the look with a smile. "Speaking of a pity party, I still really want to check how people are responding." 

Kylo ate his strawberry, thinking it through. "They'll be theories about whether or not we're dating already."

She laughed at that. "Can you imagine! You can barely put up with me as it is, we would _not_ have a functioning relationship considering you won't even admit we're friends now," 

"So prepare for an influx of my stans insulting you for stealing me away from them. Or on the other side, a bunch of people telling you how happy they are we're together." 

"I'd really rather not experience that," 

He shrugged. "That's celebrity life. You don't get to _choose_ what people believe about you." 

"You are so preachy. So you always talk to people like you're their superior?" She sighed in fake exasperation, smile still on her lips. 

He considered it for a moment. "No, only you." 

"Of course. Lucky me." Sarcasm dropped from her tone. 

"You like it." He dismissed, taking a bite from another strawberry. "You like our verbal sparring."

She tutted and folded her arms. "Calling me out," 

"That's my job," He pushed the punnet towards her, not seeming to care that the remaining strawberries were now coated in sand. Typical. 

She dusted one off and took a little bite, inexplicably feeling as though she should be savouring the moment as much as possible. There was no logical reason for it. Or maybe she just didn't want her short, chaotic, amazing time in LA to end next Wednesday. 

The waves ebbed to and fro a few feet ahead of them, obtaining a dark glisten from the onset of twilight. Having lived in London her whole life and never travelling more than necessary, she'd only been to a beach once with Finn, the Weston-super-Mare incident. The rats had really ruined the atmosphere. 

"Where are you going?" He asked as she stood up and kicked her shoes off, reveling in the feeling of bare feet against sand. 

"The ocean." She answered, rolling her eyes. "I'm making the most of this evening. I live so far away from beaches at home that you best believe I'm going in the sea while I can. Come on," 

He looked up at her outstretched hand as though it was a foreign concept to him. "I don't like the sea." 

"Uh, who doesn't like the sea?" she demanded, incredulous. 

"Well, me."

"You just don't appreciate it because you live here." She took his hand herself, tugging him up. "But you can't go to the beach and _not_ go in the sea." 

"Fine, fine," He sighed deeply and stood up, brushing sand off his jeans. "Only because it's you and you'll be depressed for the rest of evening if I don't," 

She waited for him to take off his shoes and then walked with him to the shoreline, gingerly dipping one toe into the water. It was so fucking cold. But she steeled herself and stepped into it properly, suppressing a shiver as the waves lapped around her ankles. 

"This is why I hate the sea." He said, noticing her wince.

"I think you just hate everything fun," 

"What's fun about this?" 

She kicked her foot, sending a small splash of water in his direction. "You get to bully people." 

"Of course that's why _you_ like it," He retaliated with a larger kick; she yelped and stumbled back to avoid it. 

"What are you implying in that statement?" She grinned, trying to ignore the indignity of her yelp and sending another splash in his direction, which caught him on the lower leg of his jeans. 

"That you're the most infuriating person I've ever met," He answered, sweeping a larger wave of water in her direction. 

She stepped backward in hope of avoiding it, but it still hit her up the side of her leg and she was even colder for being knee-deep. "Hey!"

Her revengeful wave dissipated on its way over so it only soaked the hem of his jeans, though that seemed to be enough to disgruntle him. "Seriously?" 

"Come on, come in further!" 

"These are expensive jeans. It's not as bad for you, you're in a dress." 

"Oh, who gives a fuck? I bet you have another five pairs already." She grinned, leaning down to attack him with a massive wave of water from her hands. 

"Touché." Taking her point, he stepped deeper into the water as the wave hit him, splashing up thighs. "But you're _not_ getting away with that." 

"Aren't I?" She smiled smugly, taking one step back for every step forward he took. "At the moment I definitely am," 

He gave her a smirk again, the one he reserved for when he was really bullying her, and splashed her again, the water seeping into the hem of her dress. "You'd better stay on guard."

She moved backwards again, the water halfway up her thighs by that point. "All I hear are empty threats," 

They attacked each other with the water again, Rey breaking out into a wide grin and laughing and yelping as he chucked handfuls of water toward her face, of course responding with her own attempts at getting him absolutely soaked. It soon reached the point where they no longer tried to dodge the attacks but instead stepped closer in challenge, neither of them willing to back down. She took another scoop of water and chucked it right at him, short distance. Somehow, it hit him in the face just as he opened his mouth. 

"Ugh, Rey!" He spluttered. 

She laughed and ducked under his attempt at payback. "Pathetic, Ren. Do better." 

"If that's what you really want, I will."

"I'd like to see you try." 

He ducked down to sweep another massive wave towards her but at the last moment tackled her down into the water by the waist.

"Kylo!" She shrieked, clinging onto him for dear life as the sea submerged them, freezing cold and salty and in her mouth. When she re-emerged she was completely soaked from head to toe, a sodden mess. "Oh my god, I am so going to kill you for that!" 

He laughed, actually _laughed_ , shook the wet hair out of his face, shirt plastered to his chest, and it felt good to see him enjoying herself even at her expense. He let her charge towards him and knock him down too until they were both gasping for breath as every freezing, salty wave hit them in the face. 

She grinned at him and swum out further, brushing her hair back from her face as droplets fell from the ends. "You look so dishevelled." 

"If I'd known you wanted to swim I would've worn something else," He grumbled. 

"Or you could just take your clothes off." She smiled sweetly. 

He gave her a look.

"What?" She fought back laughter, treading water to stay afloat. "Skinny dipping? It's a thing?" 

He cringed as though he couldn't imagine a punishment worse. "Just no. On every level, fuck no."

She did laugh then, accidentally taking mouthfuls of water and spluttering at the horrific taste. "Spoilsport," She joked. "You're the world's shittiest rockstar," 

"I'd argue that title goes to you, what with your acoustic covers and fake indie accent and sudden collab with me out of nowhere." 

"I do _not_ have a fake indie accent!" She exclaimed, appalled. 

"You do."

She was actually a bit offended deep down. "It's _authentic_. I don't even realise I have it." 

He gave a disbelieving tut. "A likely story." 

"It's true!" 

He swum over and before she could protest more, splashed her directly in the face. 

"Oh my god, you dick!" She grinned. "Again? Seriously?" 

"That's for being a fucking liar." He said solemnly, though his eyes sparkled with constrained mirth. 

Laughing, she shivered slightly, dress swirling and tangling around her legs. "Fuck, I'm cold. Maybe this was a bad idea." 

"Considering we have nothing dry to change into, I'm inclined to agree with you there." 

"Swim back?" She suggested and received a nod in answer. 

So they did, going back to shore, swearing as they stood up in the dry sand, freezing cold with no protection from the night air. Arms tightly around herself, Rey trudged back to their things - carrier bag, beer (some empty, some mercifully full), sandy strawberries - shivering uncontrollably. Shit. She didn't even have a coat. She'd have to bloody freeze until she could get back to the hotel room, and she couldn't even sit down because the sand would coat her dress and then it'd just be a disaster. Kylo didn't seem as badly affected though he had goosebumps all up his arms. He picked up his jacket, gave her a both pitying and judging look, then tossed it over. She just about caught it. 

"You look like you're going to contract hypothermia." He said as explanation. "Put it on."

"But aren't you–?" 

"Do you always protest this much when someone tries to do something for you?" He said a little tiredly, wringing out his shirt. "I'll be fine. I don't get cold." 

In the end she obliged, slipping it on despite her confusion. He was good at that, being confusing. It felt like whenever she had him pinned he would slip away and morph into something new and more illogical. It was like the constant push and pull in their friendship, how they'd go from having the time of their lives to Kylo suddenly shutting down and an argument spiralling out of control. 

"Hey, Kylo," she said softly, suppressing another shiver beneath his jacket. It felt pretty uncomfortable wearing wet clothes under it, but it wasn't like there was any other option apart from freezing to death and getting covered in sand while waiting to dry off. 

He stopped halfway through trying to shake the water out of his hair to glance up at her, spraying the sand at his feet with a shower of water droplets. "Hm?"

"Do you think," She swallowed, looking for the right words and the courage to say them. "Do you think that you'll say goodbye to me at the airport?" 

He straightened up. "Well, that's a fucking stupid question." 

She looked at him expectantly, tentatively awaiting his answer. "Sorry to dampen the mood. Ha, dampen." 

"Obviously I'll say goodbye. I just might not be able to do it at the airport, swarms of fans, you know." 

"Oh, I guess that's fair enough." 

"Why are you thinking about that now? Desperate to leave already?" 

"No, no," She chewed her lip and tried to rub some warmth back into her arms. "It's just that it's coming soon, you know?" 

"There's still the talkshow and interviews before then." He reminded, tossing his hair back into a salty, undignified sort of quiff. "We've only just released the song." 

"Yeah, I know…" She lost herself in thought. Was she ready for the talkshow? No. Was she terrified? Absolutely. Did she have a deep-rooted fear that everyone would hate her for no reason whatsoever? Unfortunately, yes. "I just… I can't say it." 

He waited patiently for her to order her thoughts, a fact which she appreciated. 

In the end, she settled on his words. "You're okay. You're more than okay."

He gave her the half smile. "High praise," 

"And I wish that I didn't have to leave so soon because you've managed to make this one of the best times of my life. Seriously. Despite all the shit you give LA, most of it justified, you've helped me get through it and, um, even though we've had our differences I'd be disappointed if we didn't, you know… keep in touch?"

Had she overstepped a boundary? It was just business. That's what they'd said that first day. But it didn't _feel_ like that anymore. And as infuriating, confusing, and impossible as she found him, she couldn't deny there was a magneticism between them. It clicked. They clicked. She just hoped he could see it too, from the week and a bit they'd been together. 

"I've just made this really awkward now, haven't I?" She sighed after his silence, which really spoke louder than words. 

He reached into the carrier bag and opened a can of beer, pressing it into her hands. "No. You intrigue me." 

"A good intrigue or…?" She was so cold still that the can felt warm, a welcome relief. 

"We'll stay in touch." He stated, as though it was the most certain truth he knew. "Not by choice, I doubt you'll be able to go longer than a day without sending me stupid memes." 

She laughed a little, bringing the beer to her lips. "They're not stupid. Okay, they're stupid. But you find them funny." 

"You know Snoke wants to run a meme campaign for us?" 

"A fucking what now?" 

"Exactly. Part of his advertising strategy. If he gets enough fake reddit accounts to post about us it should spill over onto other platforms, people will listen to the song, and new fans and more money." 

Rey sincerely hoped he was joking. She'd never heard of a worse idea. Way to lose credibility, when everyone found out it was a marketing campaign they'd surely rip the two of them to shreds. Memes never seemed to work successfully. 

"Does that mean there'll be a tiktok dance?" She grinned, feeling more positive already. "Oh my god, if there is we have to learn it." 

"I am not stooping so low as to learn a tiktok dance." He shook his head. 

"You need to let go of your pride. It would be so iconic!" She insisted, lightly nudging him with the can. 

He pushed it away, slowly and firmly. "Iconic isn't necessarily a good thing." 

"Yeah, it is. Like all press is good press." She took a sip and gave him a challenging look. 

He groaned and ran a hand through his hair, seeming to forget it was still sopping wet. "Fuck off, you're sounding like Snoke." 

"So you promise me you'll reply to my messages, and maybe if you're feeling particularly generous send the first one?" 

"Yeah, yeah, promise. Snoke'll keep us in touch with all the marketing stuff anyway."

"Good. And uh, thanks." She put one hand in the jacket pocket, the other still holding her can. 

"Why are you thanking me?" He frowned. 

"I don't know?" 

"This is LA: Don't thank people for things they haven't done for you," 

"Yeah, yeah, I know," She rolled her eyes. "LA this, LA that, don't be a decent person," 

He smiled though he tried to hide it, glancing away to look at the city behind him, his face in gold from the distant streetlamps. Something flickered in Rey's chest, a small shred of something. Affection? Happiness? Whatever it was, she hoped it would stay as they walked back to the hotel she was staying in where the lobby radio was already playing their song. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> How is everyone? How's quarantine? Hope you're all okay xx  
> Hope you like this chapter :) i thought I'd give them so time to breathe before everything starts kicking in soon...  
> (I say totally not ominously)  
> Thx again for the comments, bookmarks, and kudos,  
> I love you all sm as always,  
> \- brie xxx


	6. Hamlet Was A Bitch

Kylo had been right. Rey's notifications had blown up. She'd lasted a whole day of not checking them, but they were impossible to ignore when it was all so  _ exciting _ . She wanted to know what people thought of the song, she wanted people who liked it to get to know her, and she was still coming to grips with the fact that she was technically a celebrity now. It had all been such a whirlwind but here she was, happier and more financially stable than ever. She opened twitter and did some scrolling (as she always did when a bundle of nerves before a big event), a funny jittery, butterfly like feeling when she saw that #SoundOfTheLonely was trending. 

**@kylosren:**

GUYS LOOK AT THIS HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING MORE CUTE 🥺

Attached was a short video Rey had posted to her Instagram story earlier. It was from before the briefing with Snoke about the talkshow earlier that morning, when she'd been sitting with Kylo in the office. He'd sat sideways in the chair, legs over the armrest, holding his prized Cobain guitar and playing the opening riff of Sound Of The Lonely absently. He didn't even notice she was filming him until he heard her giggle, and she zoomed in as far as she could on his face as he rolled his eyes and said, deadpan, 'Rey, no.'. She watched it back, biting back a smile. It was pretty cute, she'd give twitter that. 

Luckily she'd been spared seeing any negative feedback due to the fact that she refused to look at anything mentioning her unless either Finn or Kylo sent it to her. What was the point? Though she had made it her task to like every nice tweet or comment people left on her socials, after the marketing briefing with Snoke had told her that she if she was going to play the role of public sweetheart, she had to start leaning into it now. Luckily, the image Snoke had decided for her wasn't too far from her actual self. Yes, she'd been working on reducing her levels of biting sarcasm in ordinary conversation, sort of terrified that she'd say something sarcastically in the interview and people would take her seriously. 

"What are you smiling at?" Kylo came round behind her, leaned on the back of the chair and over her shoulder. He'd recently applied cologne, and it took quite a lot of willpower to resist the urge to cough. God, men and their axe and lynx sprays. It did smell nice though, a small comfort. 

She held her phone up to show him, tapping play. "The video of you earlier." 

"You're ruining my bad boy persona," He chided. "Snoke will have your guts." 

"Hey, he told me earlier that it was perfectly in line with the marketing plan he has laid out for us, so shut up." She laughed, reaching back to shove him. "Remember I'm supposed to be domesticating you? Like, Taming of the Shrew style? Except genderbent because I'm Petruchio and you're Kate cause you're the waspish one, and I'm not trying to marry you, and without the abuse because I'm not going to lock you in a room without food or water until you obey me or whatever. So really not like Taming of the Shrew at all…"

"God, I hate Shakespeare." He muttered and stood up. 

"What? How?" She said incredulously, twisting around to look at him with mouth agape. "He's one of the greatest playwrights of all time!" 

He pulled up a chair next to hers from the table across the other side of the room and sat down, deciding to sit like a normal person that time, perhaps out of fear she'd instagram it again. As he did so, he set something down on the table just behind them. "There, that's why I hate him. Everyone thinks he's so amazing, but he was the least original man on Earth." 

"But it's not about the originality of the plot, it's about the writing! Okay, think of it this way: heartbreak songs. They're overdone. They're all like 'my girlfriend dumped me for a dick and I'm such a nice guy' or 'I'm a dick and my girlfriend deserves better than me but I'm still sad', right? But it's not about that being rehashed a million times over, it's about the fact that people write about it in different ways and sometimes it's beautiful." She tried to explain, but from the way he kept distractedly tossing his phone in the air and then catching it again she saw that it wasn't getting through to him. "Oh, whatever. If you don't like it that's fine. It just surprises me though, you so seem like that guy who read Hamlet once and became a raging nihilist." 

He exhaled deeply, vaguely irritated. "Hamlet was a bitch." 

"Oh, everyone agrees on that." 

Kylo reached behind him and picked up two glasses from the table, passing one to her. "Here, before we go on." 

"Thanks, legend," She took the glass from him and admired the pure richness it gave off. It wasn't just ordinary water, it was water in an ice cold glass with a mix of rose petals, lemon slices, and other bits of fruit floating around the top. It tasted good though, she took a few calming sips to try and steel her nerves. "This is so extra." 

He held his out in a toast towards her, she smiled and clinked her glass against it. "That's LA." 

"Honestly you should just make merch with 'That's LA' on it, you say it to me so fucking much." She made a point of rolling her eyes. "Get a new hobby." 

"Hm, I don't think I will." 

She picked up her phone with her other hand, struggling to unlock it one handed. Once she managed it after her third attempt, she opened Instagram and swiped left. "Wait, can we cheers again? I need it as a boomerang. No, don't look at me like that. You're not the one with a daily target for posts."

"Fine," He said as though it was the most annoying and taxing thing in the whole world.

"Utter legend," She grinned and recorded the boomerang, captioning it with 'even the water in LA is flexing on me' and uploading it to her story. "So yeah, how come you don't get given a posting goal? Bit rude to me, leaving me to do all the hard work." 

He swirled the water around in the glass as though it was whiskey or an expensive wine that needed to aerate. "Again, bad boy persona. Posting too many selfies would take away from my air of mystery. Hence why I have no posts on Instagram and only follow Snoke, the Empire Management HQ one, Hux, and Phasma. I used to follow the First Order one but, well,"

"And me," she smiled, still feeling pretty honoured that she was part of the exclusive club, even if it was just a marketing ploy. 

He nodded. "Yes, and you."

"You should post something though so I can comment." 

He fixed her with a disparaging look. "Is everything you do exclusively for your personal gain?" 

"Abso-fucking-lutely." She laughed and took a sip of the water, in an 'I'll drink to that' gesture. 

One of the producers bustled through the door, headset on and clipboard in hand. "You're on in twenty. Rey, you're needed in wardrobe. Follow me. Kylo, my colleague will find you shortly for the same purpose." 

"Ah, coming," She chucked her phone in her bag and stood up. As much as she would prefer to do an interview and performance in her light wash jeans and white cropped sweater, she could see how that wouldn't give the best impression for her or Snoke. "See ya, Kylo." 

"Until the other side," He nodded, picking up a random cooking magazine and engrossing himself in a ratatouille recipe. That made her smile; she honestly doubted he could cook. 

She followed the producer out of the room and down a long corridor full of people and equipment, cameras, lights, a beach ball she could only assume was a prop from last Saturday's show, until they reached a door just off to the side. The woman knocked on the door and it swung open, revealing a girl about Rey's age looking pretty frazzled. 

"You're finally here," The girl breathed like an exultation of faith, gesturing her inside. "Hallelujah," 

"Sorry, am I late? I was only just called through–" 

The girl waved a hand dismissively and closed the door behind them, shooing her towards the others in the room. "It's not you. Everything's running later than usual today for some reason. Can someone get the dress Snoke sent? Yeah, the one on rail three," 

A moment later and Rey was being pushed behind a screen with a dress bag. She stripped, carefully removed it from it's protective cover, and unzipped the back, stepping into it. It was loose and silky, a rich red. After struggling for a terrifying moment with the zip, scared she'd managed to break it, she stepped out. 

The girl scrutinised her. "You look good. Here's the jacket," 

Rey took the black blazer and put it on. Before she had time to even properly look at herself in the mirror, she was being ushered into a chair for hair and makeup. Everyone made small talk while they worked, buffing in foundation and brushing hair back, asking her about her day and what she had planned, and it served well to soothe the nerves which had manifested in shaky hands and a bright smile. It was made difficult to answer their questions when lipstick was being applied though, so she just hmmed with different intonations and hoped it conveyed the message. 

"Alright, doll, close your eyes," The makeup artist instructed, dipping an angled brush into some black eyeshadow. 

She did as instructed and felt the smooth bristles smudge it across the outer corner of her eyelids.

After that she put on the heels that she'd brought with her at Snoke's instruction, telling her to make sure she'd broken them in before the show. That made a hilarious afternoon of wandering about LA and stumbling every other step, trying to act casual and like she was totally meant to be there. "Perfect. You're free to go." 

"Thank you," She took a quick moment to look in the mirror at the final product. Holy shit, she looked hot. She looked like the grunge girl she'd always aspired to be, perfect alt-rock-but-make-it-sexier material. She hadn't expected to like looking edgy that much, but it made her wonder if she should redo her entire wardrobe. 

Then she was ushered away to the room she'd been in with Kylo earlier, where luckily he was already waiting. 

"Hey, I'm back. God I am so nervous I think I'm going to pass out," 

He turned around at the sound of her voice, starting a response before cutting himself off and saying instead: "You look… Nice." 

Kylo and his backhanded compliments. 'Nice' was such a weedy word. Did he really have to settle with that to come up with something polite to say? She chose to let it go though, increasingly more used to the fact that Kylo was Kylo and things which she interpreted to be negative were usually just him trying his best. "Thank you. New version of me unlocked; femme fatale Rey." 

"A fine addition to my collection of Pastel Rey and Emo Rey," 

"You've cleaned up well. Who knew you'd look so good in a suit?" She grinned. 

"One minute before air! Where  _ is  _ Calrissian?" A rather harassed looking producer ran past them, her heels copping loudly against the hard flooring. 

Kylo went to put his hands in his jacket pocket, seeming to forget he was in a suit. "He's probably outside having a smoke. It's what he always does."

"You know him?" She asked with a slight tilt of the head, trying to ignore the way her fingers trembled from pent up nerves. It would be fine. Everything would be fine. It was just an interview. Just an interview broadcast to a few million people on TV and then also permanently uploaded to YouTube. Okay, maybe it did feel like the world was collapsing around her. 

He settled for leaning against a nearby piece of staging, already creating creases in his suit. "I know enough of him from the times I've been on his show before." 

"Right, the last time was with The First Order just before you quit," She recalled, remembering the shitstorm it had caused afterwards. 

He gave a brief nod. "Exactly. But I'm back again, like a fucking moth to a flame." 

"You'd make a good moth," She commented, smiling. God, nerves made her say the weirdest things.

His gaze flitted down to her. "Okay." 

"Like, if you were a moth and I found you in my bathroom I probably wouldn't scream too much." She tried to explain further, but only succeeded in digging herself further and further into a hole. Was it just her or was it boiling? Shit. "I– whatever, I'll just be quiet." 

He looked her up and down with calm disinterest. "That's probably for the best."

She fidgeted with her hands, turning the rings on her fingers round and round as though they could ground her. Apparently, wearing rings was within her new branding. Nevermind that the ones further up her fingers were sure to clack against her acoustic if she even tried to play. Luckily enough, Snoke had informed her and Kylo that there'd be a band so all they'd have to concentrate on was singing. She'd been relieved. He'd looked ready to stab someone. Understanding him was a battle she didn't think she'd ever win. 

The producer ran back through with Lando following at a leisurely pace. He gave them a casual wave as he walked past, engrossed in whatever the producer was hurriedly explaining to him. 

"So this is really happening, huh?" She said a little weakly, feeling uneasy on her feet. 

Something that might have been concern showed on Kylo's face, but he covered it quickly. "It is." Then, after a pause: "You'll be fine."

"Not really helping," She took a few deep breaths, falling back on her amateur theatrics to appear calm and composed though on the inside she honestly felt like she'd collapse. She'd had a massive breakdown about it the night previous to Finn over Skype. It was one of the biggest moments in her career. She couldn't afford to fuck it up in any way. It wasn't some stupid twenty questions tag from one of her fans when she only had 10k subscribers. 

Someone wearing a headset walked over and gestured towards them. Kylo straightened up and followed as they walked away, Rey scrambled to keep up, repeating her new mantra of  _ this is fine everything's fine  _ over and over in her head. 

Backstage was a little less of a mess than it had been previously, everyone seeming to have found their places now that Lando was onstage and beginning the show. If she strained she could just about hear his voice and the live audience laughing, a sound clearer and clearer as they walked closer. 

They were held back at what she supposed were the wings, and from there she could see the set. Bright studio lights. A polished hardwood floor. A brief glimpse of the audience. Lando sitting on his desk rather than the comfy looking chair behind him (for some reason). A long sofa for Kylo and her to sit on. 

"And for tonight and tonight only, I'm joined by the millenial king of rock himself, Kylo Ren," Lando announced to a burst of applause. "And his latest collaborator, Rey!" 

"Right, you're on." The assistant said lowly, gesturing for them to pass. 

She felt like she was going to die as she took the steps forward from the comforting quiet and dark of backstage towards the studio. Kylo looked unaffected as ever, face set and walking with purpose. He took her hand, gave it a light squeeze. Startled, she looked up at him, but he'd already let go and was almost onstage already. Confused, but half reassured, she shoved on a smile and walked out with him. Lando walked towards them with a wide grin, shaking Kylo's hand and then hers before returning to his chair. They sat together on the sofa, Kylo sprawled out as if he was relaxing in the studios and Rey sitting properly because, well, that was just her. 

"I'm so glad you two could join us tonight," Lando introduced, still smiling. That helped to relax her. 

"Thank you for inviting us," Rey said with a much more genuine smile, an exact execution of the instructions Snoke had given her earlier. 

Kylo just nodded, in his true fashion. 

"So, I'm sure everyone is eager to know. You two have just released an alternate version of  _ Sound Of The Lonely _ as a duet. What inspired the collaboration?" 

Collaboration questions were delegated to Kylo. He adjusted how he was sitting to be more comfortable, the formality of his suit a weird contrast with the informality of his actions that he somehow managed to pull off ."I saw her YouTube video. She's a great singer. It would've been stupid not to," 

Lando nodded. "And I understand that this is the first collaborative musical effort you've put out since leaving The First Order last year."

"That's correct." Kylo seemed to be a master at short, concise answers that gave a pretty limited amount of information. 

"Rey, Kylo mentioned your YouTube channel. What made you decide to do your original cover of his song?" 

She smiled and smoothed out a small crease in her dress. "Yeah, it was actually suggested to me by one of my subscribers when I asked for requests. I'd already been listening to it non-stop, so it felt like it was the right thing to do. I never would've imagined it would end up like this, though." 

"Were you a fan of Kylo's, then?" Lando asked, taking a sip from a cup of water (not as fancy as the one she'd had earlier which seemed to be reserved for off camera). 

"Mm, I listened to The First Order quite a lot while doing college assignments. And I was just as shocked as everyone else when he announced he quit," She gave him a little nudge, starting to relax into the interview. "But I'll be honest, Lando, I didn't have posters of him all over my walls."

The audience laughed at that, filling her with a little bit of confidence. She felt as though she was doing okay so far. Everything had been going well, she'd had an answer ready for the questions, and maybe it wasn't so bad after all. 

"So Kylo flew you out to come and record the song with him; where are you from? I mean, we can all tell by your accent that you're British but from which area?" 

"London. Stereotypical, I know." 

"And how are you finding America?" 

"It's… Different." She settled on, to a few amused chuckles. "LA is the complete opposite of where I live, I can say that."

"And how has working together been?" 

Kylo ran a hand through his hair, messing up the work that the stylists had put into it looking presentable. Knowing him, it was probably an intentional move. "It's been fine. We went through the rehearsal process with a lot less trouble than expected." 

She glanced towards Kylo with a smile. "For all he pretends to be insufferable he's actually amazing to work with. We're really influenced by the same stuff," 

"Such as?" Lando guided. 

"Oh, there's so many," She laughed, listing them off in her fingers. "The Smiths, Nirvana, Pink Floyd–" 

"The Killers, Queen, The Rolling Stones," He added. 

"And I have a soft spot for The Beatles. All the classics, really." She concluded. 

"And on the subject of musical influences, Rey, there's a rumour circulating on social media that your stage name 'Rey' is derived from the alternative artist Lana Del Rey."

"Oh, no, I love Lana's music but it's literally just my name. I don't tend to use my surname unless I really have to, hence my YouTube handle  _ ReyofLight _ . However that didn't really sound very alt-rock, so I've decided to just go by Rey for now." 

"That is fair enough. So, either of you, is there anything else in the works?" 

She let Kylo answer first, considering he actually had a solid career laid out ahead of him, unlike her. "Work has started on my first solo album. We've written the majority of the songs and now it's just a matter of time before we can produce and record them. It's in line with the sound of  _ Sound Of The Lonely  _ but heavier at times. I really wanted this album to be for me, the songs that I would listen to."

"Whereas I don't have any future releases lined up yet," Rey adjusted her hair, a nervous habit. "Although if everyone streams  _ Sound Of The Lonely _ enough that might soon change," She gave a wink to laughter from Lando and the audience. 

"Any plans for future collaborations together? Since you both seem to have enjoyed producing the song." 

"I don't think so…?" She looked to Kylo to see if he knew anything about it. Secretly, the more days that passed in LA, the less she wanted to go back home and say goodbye to her new life. Though she missed Finn, and the hotel room was too posh to be a replacement for home, "Though if Kylo approached me again in the future I'd say yes in a heartbeat," 

"Nothing planned as of yet," Kylo confirmed, and she didn't want to admit it to herself but she did feel her heart sink a little. "I'm sure you'll be the first to know if something happens." 

They went through the rest of the interview portion just as well, to the point where Rey felt completely relaxed and in her element, an outcome she had not in any way anticipated. It turned out the talkative, sweet Rey dynamic worked well of Kylo's brooding, mysterious one. Maybe Snoke did know a thing or to and she should stop being annoyed at him for microscheduling her entire life. 

The performance felt like it came round too quickly then, as before she knew it she and Kylo had been applauded off to quickly warm up and have their appearances touched up backstage. 

Luckily, she didn't feel too nervous anymore. She was still jittery, but she felt as though she might actually be able to do it, and that was enough. "Hey, Kylo," 

"Yeah?" He answered, preoccupied with unbuttoning the collar of his shirt. 

She blinked a couple of times, wondering if she was just imagining him undoing his shirt. "Wait, what are you doing?" 

"It's the branding." He stopped after the first three and rolled up his sleeves, chucking the blazer onto a nearby piece of equipment that was probably very expensive. Luckily, it didn't appear to be damaged. 

"Oh, yeah, right." Turning slightly away to take off her own blazer, she prayed that the warmth she felt in her cheeks wasn't obvious. "Bad boy and all that. I know," 

He ran his hands through his hair a couple of times to mess it up even more. "What was it you were saying?" 

"I honestly can't even remember." She watched as he did so, wishing that she got to present herself with the same lack of care he did. 

One of the backstage crew gave the signal and so Rey was faced with walking out to an environment with millions of people's eyes on her again. Kylo sauntered over with the same unaffected air of last time, and a small part of her was ever so slightly disappointed when he didn't offer her any support that time. 

The stage was set up just as it had been for soundcheck earlier, two microphones near the front and the band behind them. Without her guitar, she didn't quite know where to put her hands. They stepped up to the mics and Rey adjusted hers, even though it was fine before. Kylo gave a small nod to the band and they began to play. 

Kylo, as always, started perfectly. The stage really seemed to be his domain as he held everyone's attention, singing with just the right amount of detachment and passion. The stakes were set high. Her first bar was approaching rapidly, and she didn't have time to think before the words were out of her mouth and muscle memory took over. 

The song was over just as quickly as it had started to lots of applause and an overwhelming sense of relief. Overjoyed by how well it had gone, she flashed Kylo a smile before they took their slightly awkward bows and were on their way offstage. 

"Ohhhhh my god," She breathed as they stepped back into the room they'd been in earlier after changing back into their normal clothes, her hands shaking from the after effect of nerves. "Oh my god, it's over." 

"See, told you it would be fine," He unlocked his phone and tutted before putting it away. "Snoke says he's sending a taxi for you."

She frowned. "And he decided to tell you that rather than me?" 

He shrugged, just as baffled by it as she was. "Apparently so. Perhaps he sees me as the more responsible one." 

"I bloody hope not, because it is so the other way around." She all but collapsed onto a chair, suddenly very exhausted. 

"Mm, keep lying to yourself, Rey." 

She started to remove all of the hairpins, glad that the ordeal was over and she could finally relax. Each curl that fell felt like a small relief. "I don't know what I'm gonna do with the rest of the evening. I kind of just want to go to bed."

He fixed his sleeves from where they'd accidentally rolled down during the performance. "That was honestly my plan," 

"I would've thought you'd decide to like, commit petty crime or something." 

He shot her a disdainful look, typing a response to who she assumed was Snoke. "Petty crime? If I was going to commit a crime I'd go all the way." 

She laughed. "Ooh, can't wait for the day you finally snap and murder me," 

"That may be sooner than you think," He punctuated that comment with an aggressive tap of the send button for what she assumed was dramatic effect. 

Leaning back in her seat, still smiling, she added. "Can you schedule it in? Preferably before I go." 

"We'll see," He replied with a smirk, reaching out his hand to her hair. 

Startled, she didn't move, though her confusion must have been plainly written across her face. 

"You missed one," He explained as the final strand tumbled to her shoulders, dropping the pin into her palm with the others. 

"Oh, thanks. Blasted things," She cupped her hands together and then carefully lay them out on the table. 

Her phone buzzed in quick succession then, so she reached over to see what it was. "Hm, Rose."

**_Rose:_ **

_ Rey babe you did amazing!!!!!!!!  _

_ You also looked super hot ;)  _

_ Like when you two were singing together???  _

_ 🔥🔥🔥👀 _

_ Tell Kylo he did great too from me _

"Anything important?" 

"Rose says congrats on the performance." 

"Guess I'm supposed to say thanks." 

"Well yes, that  _ would  _ be the polite thing to do."

**_Rey:_ **

_ Kylo says thanks _

**_Rose:_ **

_ BTW have you been on twitter lately?  _

**_Rey:_ **

_ Uhh not this evening _

There was radio silence for a long minute until she received Rose's short reply. 

**_Rose:_ **

_ lol have fun _

What kind of response was that? She frowned down at her phone. Should she be worried? She showed Kylo the text. "Know anything about this?" 

"Nope. I don't live on social media, unlike you." 

"Ugh, you know that's Snoke's fault." She grumbled, opening the app on her phone and refreshing her feed a few times. "Wonder what's going on…" 

The first thing she saw was a gif of the second chorus, which a fan had somehow already made within the two hours since the performance, captioned with a ton of fire emojis and 'get urself a man who looks at you like kylo looks at rey when she's singing'. Probably not what Rose was referring to. And, watching the gif, she didn't really see anything noteworthy in Kylo's expression. He just looked like he was engrossed in the music. 

So she scrolled further down, encountered lots of thirst tweets she really wished she hadn't seen, until she found what she believed to be the culprit. A shaky, terrible quality picture, though still an existing picture, of her and Kylo in the ocean, caught just at the moment that she went to tackle him in retaliation. 

"Oh god." She sighed, looking at all of the replies. 

**_@sunshinerey:_ **

_ OMG IT'S HAPPENING WHAT DID I TELL U ALL _

**_@70sren:_ **

_ press [X] to doubt _

**_@thefinalorder:_ **

_ stan twitter really be out here blessing us with sneaky reylo pics 🙏 _

**_@hoeforkylo:_ **

_ is this allowed? oh my god, is this allowed?  _

**_@vintagekylo:_ **

_ Y'all are reaching so hard it's embarrassing 🤭 is he not allowed to have friends anymore or _

"So, you know when you said people would be gossiping about whether or not we have a relationship?" She showed him the tweets. "Guess you fucking jinxed it. Also where did they get that pic?" 

"Paparazzi." He didn't seem bothered by it in any way. "That's celebrity life," 

"But I'm not a celebrity," Rey groaned, chucking her phone down. Luckily it didn't break. God knows what sticky situation she'd be in if it did. 

"You are now." He reminded her, and though it was a fair comment it just disgruntled her more. 

"I'm only mad because I'm terribly single and this is just rubbing salt in the wound," she gathered all of the pins into a little pile. "I'll hate to crush everyone's dreams when I go home on Wednesday. God, only 3 days left. It feels like I've been here forever." 

"Have you been converted to LA yet, despite my warnings?" 

"Unfortunately yes. I just can't see myself going back to essays on victorian lit in my shitty apartment in London anymore. Not now I've had this," She gestured around herself, hoping to convey the enormity of her experience. "And then if I do continue with this whole music thing I've got the struggle of finding a manager and producer in my area. Not to mention, all of my contacts are over here."

"Snoke has better contacts all over the world. He could probably give you a successful career if you decided to move to Easter Island or somewhere similarly remote." He replied matter-of-factly. "You'd be fine." 

She tried to line up all of the pins in a neat row, anything for distraction. "Yeah, you're right." 

"I always am." 

Smiling to herself, she said in exasperation "You're the worst." 

He raised an eyebrow, the classic look she'd grown to expect from him whenever she spoke. "And yet you stick around anyway." 

She wasn't quite sure why she  _ did  _ stick around, as a matter of fact. Though she and Kylo got on most of the time, he didn't seem all that invested in knowing her. Maybe it was just because she didn't have anyone else in the crazy whirlwind of the music industry, so she clung onto the first person she saw.

Deciding not to ponder it too long, she changed the subject. "Ugh, Snoke told me to post something after the show. I have nothing. What kind of thing is interesting to people? I'm so bad at this," 

"Well don't look at me, you know I don't understand social media." 

"Hey, Kylo," She began, an idea already forming in her mind. "Say I needed a favour," 

"I don't like where this is going judging by the smile on your face." 

"Would you be willing to take a selfie with me?" 

"I don't do selfies." he replied, deadpan. 

"I know, but for me?" She gave him her best smile. "You don't even have to look happy in it." 

"Fine," He caved. "Why I do these fucking things for you I'll never understand," 

"Thank you!" she grinned and opened her camera, setting up the self timer and propping it against the vase on the table, then walking to the middle of the room and checking she was still in frame. "Soo, I'm thinking full body of us looking like fucking idiots." 

"Whatever, as long as it's quick." He sighed and got out of his chair, standing next to her awkwardly. 

"Right, so, I'll put it on for ten seconds, be right back." She pressed the shutter button and then hurried to position herself before the countdown ended and her phone took a burst of pictures. "One of those'll be good. Okay, you're free to go now. See how non taxing that was?" 

He muttered something she couldn't quite catch and returned to his seat. She scrolled through the pictures and ended up picking the one where she was throwing peace signs and doing the typical squat pose and Kylo was stood next to her, somehow looking red-carpet ready and not awkward at all. Typing out a quick 'you vs the guy she tells you not to worry about' over herself and Kylo, she tagged him then posted it to her story. 

"You look really good in it," She leaned over to show him. "Very jealous of that  _ smouldering  _ stare," 

"Years of being dead inside," He dismissed.

Laughing, she put her phone away. "That is probably the most relatable thing you've ever said to me." 

He smiled a little, a small curve of the lip. "That's a bad thing." 

"Well, it's the truth." 

Her phone buzzed again. Annoyed, she took it out of her pocket. "Oh, taxi's here. Gotta dash. I'll see you at some point soon…?" 

She couldn't remember when Snoke had next scheduled them in to do something together, but she was ninety percent sure there was another one before she left for London on Wednesday. 

"See you," He nodded, back to flicking through cooking magazines. 

As she stepped into the taxi and gave the driver the address of the hotel, she thought back to how Kylo had taken her hand earlier, that gesture that he'd barely acknowledged but was weirdly considerate for him. As always, he was a conundrum. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you're all gucci  
> So I was thinking about my update schedule which is currently once every three days but how is that for you guys? Is it too often? Would it be better if I had a set day of the week?  
> Lmk if you have any thoughts!  
> Love u all sm, ty for comments, kudos, bookmarks,  
> \- brie xx


	7. Don't Make That Title Any Longer Or You'll Put Panic! & Fall Out Boy Out Of Business

Rey's last day in LA was a strange one. Though she knew that the moment she'd leave would have to come soon, she'd refused to accept it as reality until she realised it would be the last time she'd walk through the revolving glass door to Snoke's studios. 

As she walked past the reception desk, she was stopped. "Excuse me, Rey."

She backtracked a few steps. "Yeah?" 

"Phasma told me to give you this when you arrived." The receptionist handed over a cream envelope with her name written on it. 

"Thank you," She turned it over in her hands, a bit baffled. No further explanation was offered so she went back on her way, carefully opening it. 

Inside was a card, the image on the front a picture of her and Kylo on the night of Phasma's party during their performance of Tainted Love. She was smiling massively, belting into the microphone as dramatically as though she were in a stadium performing her favourite song. Kylo looked less into it, although there was a hint of a smile on his lips. She opened it and felt her heart jump. 

_To Rey,_

_Good luck with everything back in London! We're going to miss having you around the studios and not just because you make Snoke tolerable._

_Lots of love,_

_Phasma xxx (best member of TFO)_

_Hux._

_Kylo (the actual best_ ~~_member_~~ _ex-member)_

Strangely, she felt like crying. It was the sweetest gesture she'd received from anyone. Taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes quickly, she slipped it back into its envelope for safe keeping. She already knew she'd treasure it forever. 

**_Rey:_ **

_Did you send Phasma the picture of Kylo and I for the card?_

**_Rose:_ **

_Yep! Screenshotted from the video :)_

_Is the card cute?????_

She took a quick picture of the inside and sent it to Rose, followed by a bunch of crying and heart emojis. 

**_Rose:_ **

_Omg that's so cute_

_Wish I could get a card with all of their autographs smh_

_Do you know how much that's worth now?_

That made her chuckle despite how emotional she was feeling. Hoping she looked composed, she walked down to studio 3 where she'd agreed to meet Kylo. 

She opened the door to find him sat in his usual chair, though for once he wasn't playing his guitar, just staring at the wall with his brows furrowed and lips slightly parted. Not wanting to rudely interrupt, she held back by the door. He stayed that way for a couple of minutes before he placed his fingers on the fretboard, strumming a short chord and reacting almost violently to the sound as though it was the most offensive thing he'd ever had to hear. She knew she had to interrupt at some point or she'd be standing there the whole day. 

"What did that chord ever do to you?" She asked with a slight smile, though she was still weighed down with the sadness of knowing this would be the last time that she was able to see him like this. 

"It was supposed to be Esus4. I played E7." He didn't glance up, attention wholly on the guitar. "Or I think that's what the chord should be." 

"Why, what are you doing?" She asked, sitting in her usual seat next to him. 

He did acknowledge her existence then with a curt nod, testing more chords on the guitar. "I'm figuring out the chords for one of my new songs. For the album. I've got the main melody but I don't know what the fuck's happening in the bridge." 

The fact that he was acting like it was just another day in the studio saddened her a bit. It wasn't like she wanted anything special, the card had been way more than she'd expected, it was just… weird when she could see time ticking down until they'd part probably forever and he was talking about his album as though that was the pressing matter at hand. "What have you got so far? I'm usually good with chords," 

"I'll play it to you." He moved the scrap pieces of paper in front of him around on the music stand and cleared his throat. She made herself comfortable, determined to appreciate one of the last times she'd hear him sing. 

The song began with a harsh dissonance (intentional, she assumed) and evolved into a more conventional chord progression through a series of complex modulations and fingerpicking patterns. When he opened his mouth to sing, it was lower and rawer than what she'd heard from him before. It transfixed her, all she could do was watch and listen as his fingers moved with his eyes closed and his foot just perceptibly tapped in time. It was the first song of his that she'd heard and properly enjoyed, rather than just thinking it was mediocre sadcore. She was so lost in it that she forgot why she was listening in the first place, so when he stopped playing and looked at her expectantly it took her brain a good few seconds to catch up. 

"Right, so what were the chords before then?" She asked, humming the melody line to keep it in her brain. 

"F sharp minor, A major." He strummed them again for her. 

"Hmm, so that would mean on the previous line… Can I have the guitar a sec?" 

"Of course. Don't break it."

"I wasn't planning on it." She strummed the chords and through some trial and error managed to play the melody. "Mkay, so if that's an F sharp and then it's a run down to a B… Maybe B major? Mind singing the line for me again?" 

He complied and she tried the progression with a B at the end. 

She frowned. "It works. But I don't think it's what you're after." 

"It feels empty." He agreed, clearly unimpressed. 

"Okay, umm, we could try E major. That has a B in it." 

Again, it just wasn't quite right. 

"Okay, it _has_ to be G sharp or I'm rage quitting." 

He sang the line and she grinned. "There you go. It's G sharp. Please pretend that was the first chord I suggested and act accordingly. No sarcastic comments."

He held out a hand for the guitar. "You know I can't restrain myself from making fun of you."

"I know, but I can dream. I can also be sad because it's the last day I'm here." She handed it back, sensing a massive drop in the mood, entirely her own creation. In an attempt to salvage the good spirits, she said: "I love the song, by the way. It was like _Sound Of The Lonely_ except less… Simple? Content wise it's more complex in themes and sound. What's it called?" 

He smiled wryly. " _Spirit, For What It's Worth_."

"Don't make that title any longer or you'll put Panic! and Fall Out Boy out of business," she joked. "But no, I really like it. It's relatable. Like the whole idea of putting your all into something and not having it pay off but spirit is all you have going for you? Genuinely my life story." 

He played the bridge again to check the chord fit, and on some instinct she joined in with a soft harmony. 

"That sounded okay." He sounded quite surprised by it, as though he'd been expecting to hate it as he did most things she suggested. 

"You won't combust if you use a positive adjective to describe me, Kylo. You're allowed to say it sounded good." 

"Hm. Do that again, but the octave up." 

"What is it with you and your obsession for higher octaves?" She grumbled but did it anyway. 

"I think I preferred that. It created more space." He mused, finding her starting note on the frets and jotting it down. "So what about the second bar of the bridge… It needs _something_."

She folded her arms. "I'm not your on command backing vocals simulator," 

"You are now. You're enjoying it, anyway." 

As annoying as he was, she didn't really have a comeback for that considering it was wholly true. "I think the bridge needs the melody in sixths."

"Then let's try it," They ran it through. "Hm. Not quite. Can you just stay on the B?" 

"Yeah, sure." 

They tried it again but it still wasn't satisfactory to him. 

"I know the vibe you're going for, I just have no idea how to get it." She said slowly, her brain trying to work through the theory of it. "Why'd you have to go and write a song so modulatey?" 

"Whatever, I'll get Pryde to fix it." At her blank look, he added. "My producer. Probably the oldest member of the studios. He outlasted all the ownership changes." 

She nodded to show she was on the same page. "Did he produce our collab?" 

"Yep. Every little sonic detail was his. He's insufferable, but he knows how to make music." 

"Crazy how much goes into music. Just writing lyrics and a melody and finding the chords is enough stress for me. Did I tell you that Rose is studying Music Production? She showed me some demos a few days ago and they're amazing, so intricate." 

"Phasma told me." He propped his guitar against his chair, as always at a precarious angle. "She was impressed by it so made Hux and I listen to it. Not that we'd care in any capacity." 

Bless Rose and her ability to get contacts. "Aaaand what did you think?" 

"They're okay." He answered, seeming to choose his words carefully. Practically a first for him. "They're not really my thing. As you know, I'm rock. Rose's demos were more indie pop, which is why you'd like them, I suppose." 

"How do you manage to sound so condescending?" She smiled a little, shaking her head. It was one of his talents. "Indie pop is a respectable genre. Though it's almost a 180 from the single with you." 

He wrinkled his nose. "It's just a bit pathetic." 

"Pathetic?" She laughed, completely in disagreement. "It so isn't, but go off I guess," 

"Name _one_ influential indie pop song that everyone's heard of and isn't something naive about being sad." 

She smirked. "No, because naive sadness is your genre." 

"Oh come on, I have _some_ nuance in comparison." 

"Babe, just because you use a thesaurus doesn't change the fact that your music is still stanned by thirteen year olds because it perfectly summarises feeling thirteen. You write emo music. Just accept it." She grinned, picking up his guitar. "Look, I'll compose a Kylo Ren song right now." 

"You're so fucking annoying," He sighed, but didn't do anything to stop her. 

She strummed a minor chord. Then another. Trying her hardest not to crack up she began to sing. "I woke up this morning… And out of my window I perceived the silhouette of a bird… Effervescent… And I was like… I wish I was that bird, except without any wings… Cause I deserve to plummet to the ground… Cause my last girlfriend cheated on me…" 

"Rey, do you want to just take over as my songwriter? I think you have a talent for it." He looked as though he'd die from piling on so much sarcasm; suffocate in it. "You're the piece I've been missing from my album all along. You just _get_ me."

She did burst out laughing then, stopping the terrible though iconic song in its tracks. "Thank you, thank you. I call that one _Please Reply To My Calls Linda, I Miss The Kids_." 

He rolled his eyes, though she caught the smallest hint of a smile. "Now give me the guitar before you taint it any further," 

"Yes sir," Still grinning, she passed it carefully back to him so as not to damage it when the door to the studio burst open and in marched Snoke. 

Somehow whenever Snoke was around she felt the need to be on constantly high alert, straight posture, smiling but not too wide, ready for anything that might happen. Kylo, however, didn't seem to feel any of the same impulses. If anything, he acted even less respectful than when he was with anything else. A bold move, considering the assumed power Snoke had over his career. He muttered lowly so only she could hear. "Late again as fucking usual." 

"Good. You're both here." In his usual black suit, Snoke was a pretty intimidating presence when stood over them. "I trust you're both ready for the shoot?" 

She nodded, he half shrugged. 

"We're using our locations this time. The warehouse."

That seemed to register with Kylo, although it meant absolutely nothing to her. 

"You both know the concept, wardrobe will be on-set to sort that aspect, and it should take a maximum of six hours from 10 am to 4pm. The aim is to have it edited for release by 8pm tonight. It will be our priority." 

8pm. That was barely before her flight left to go home. She'd have to watch it alone on her phone with three quid earphones and crappy airport WiFi because foreign data rates were extortionate. She'd shelled out enough texting Rose. Beside her, Kylo scoffed. 

Snoke gave him a warning look but carried on. "And Rey, you haven't posted today." His expression was disapproving, in the same way her high-school English teacher would tell her after a shitty essay 'I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed'. 

"Oh crap, sorry." With the stress of her last day she'd completely forgotten about it, preoccupied with not being a crying mess. "I'll do that soon," 

"Yes. You will." Snoke replied curtly. "Either behind the scenes of the shoot or now." 

"Sorry," She repeated, really not wanting to get on his bad side this late in the game. 

"It's now 10. Please make sure you're on set in time—" He gave Kylo a pointed look to which he rolled his eyes. "Or you'll slow the whole production down," 

And with that, Snoke marched right back out. 

"No matter how many times I interact with him I stand by the fact that he's bloody terrifying." She said once the door was closed, finally able to relax again. 

Kylo didn't seem to agree. "He really isn't. Just a narcissist with a management company."

"Did you see the look he gave me over the social media thing? Nearly died on the spot." 

"You're melodramatic." 

"Yeah, for good reason," She replied defensively. "He gives me bad vibes." 

"He gives everyone bad vibes." He said tiredly, and she supposed it was true. 

~

Luckily, no bad vibes were carried over onto the set of the music video. Although Snoke lurked for the first half an hour to make sure all of the crew were on track, he was blessedly absent by the time they actually started filming. 

Rey stood to the side in a skimpy dress, shivering and cradling a polystyrene cup of coffee in her hands. It seemed that to compensate for the intense heat caused by the filming lights, the studio had to be freezing cold. Why the director had decided that she needed to be in the littlest little black dress of her life was beyond her. The song didn't exactly scream 'hoe anthem' to her.

Kylo was on set already, classic black leather jacket on, looking like he was ready to throw some punches. She'd been sidelined while the director bossed Kylo about, made a lot more gruelling by the fact that Kylo always seemed to do his own thing rather than what he was told, so the filming process wasn't going as quickly as she'd hoped. 

The same song snippet had been playing on loop for half an hour as Kylo mouthed along to it, his eyes as dead as she'd ever seen them. She knew it must be a drag for him, but she had hoped he'd be more considerate of everyone else (read: her) on the last day. 

"Cut, cut, cut!" The director exploded, head in his hands. Silence fell over the set, the cameras stopped rolling, someone turned off the track, and Kylo just stood there without a care in the world. "This clearly isn't working. We're going to have to move onto the next scene. Everyone take five!" 

"Whatever," He shrugged, sauntering off to join her. Gesturing to the cup, he asked "Can I have some?" 

"Go ahead," she pressed it into his hand, trying to ignore how much she missed its warmth already. 

"Thanks," He took a sip and cringed. "You look cold." 

"Yeah I am actually– Woah, woah, wait a second. Stop," 

He fixed her with a confused and judging look. "What?" 

"Did you just _thank_ me? I must be dreaming," She smiled in disbelief, deciding she'd remember the moment forever. 

He rolled his eyes in annoyance, passing her the cup back and shoving his hands in his pockets. "It won't happen again, I can assure you." 

"Aw, disappointed." She teased, finishing up the coffee. It warmed her a little bit, although goosebumps still lined her arms. "I can't believe you get to wear something warm while I'm here catching pneumonia. Talk about objectification of women." 

"Welcome to–" 

"The music industry, LA, I know." She cut across, his mantra ingrained in her by that point. "I just want a coat while I'm not on, honestly."

"Right! Five minutes are up! Rey and Kylo!" The director demanded, sitting back down in his chair with renewed vigour. He looked a little bit less like he wanted to die. 

She dropped the cup in the bin and made her way over with him. "That so wasn't five minutes," 

"To be fair, he never specified the units of 'Take five'." Kylo shrugged off his jacket and chucked it over one shoulder. 

"Yeah, yeah," They got into position before the cameras, and she was almost blinded by the fluorescent lights. "Ugh, god." 

The director clapped his hands together to get their attention. Rey shut up, turning to face him and listen carefully. "This is the final scene, the closing of the song. The two have reunited at last, or at least that's what the both want. Go on, act like it's the first time you've seen each other in years." 

Rey immediately looked to Kylo for guidance. Improv wasn't her forte. He stood there, holding onto his jacket. She positioned herself opposite him, closer than she would normally be. Trying to get across the 'oh my god, is that you?' element of seeing someone for the first time in years, she put on a puzzled expression and reached out as if to touch his cheek. "Uhh, like this?" 

"That's perfect. Now again, without talking." He signalled to the camera men. Somehow doing it and knowing it was being filmed made it a hundred times more stressful. "And once more… Now mouth along to the lyrics." 

Rey did as she was told, filming those three seconds over and over and over until she began to understand why Kylo stopped following instructions halfway through his scene. It was mind-numbingly boring repeating the exact same action over and over again. Thank god that just as she was about to snap, the director moved them along. 

"Place your hand on his cheek," 

Rey hesitated a little, her hand close but not quite touching Kylo. In exasperation, he placed his hand over hers, and then held it to his cheek. 

"There, that's perfect. Really shows the desire for contact after all the years. Cameras, did you get that?" 

A grunt confirming yes. 

"Now Kylo, take the jacket and place it around her shoulders."

He did as told, and she was grateful for the warmth it provided. It was still awkward, being in that close proximity of each other.

They ran through variations of tat for the next half an hour before getting onto the other scenes. By 4, as Snoke had said, they were finished and ready to leave. 

"Finally," He sighed, looking absolutely exhausted. "That felt like it lasted for-fucking-ever." 

She took the jacket off, which she'd ended up wearing for the rest of the shoot, and handed it back to him. "Here, don't want to steal it,"

"No, there'd be hell to pay if you did." He said in his true half-sarcastic and half-serious way, starting the walk back to the studios. 

"Anyway, I guess that's it for my whole Snoke stuff." She thought aloud, on the spot. Just like that, her seemingly monumentous schedule at the start of her trip to LA had been completed. In a week and a bit, she's achieved more than she'd dreamed of achieving in a lifetime. Her gaze was focused on the coffee cup in her hand, the sixth lot of the shitty stuff she'd drunk that day. It was easier than looking at him while talking about something so difficult to put into words. She spoke slowly, carefully considering every phrase. "So I guess this is goodbye. I don't really know how to do this… I guess I'll just be honest? I'm excited to go back home but it won't be the same as the fun I've had pissing you off here, so… yeah. Kylo?" 

There was no response. 

"... Kylo?" She looked up and was met by no-one beside her. 

The bastard had already gone. 

~

**_Finn:_ **

_So your flight gets in at 7pm right?_

**_Rey:_ **

_yh_

**_Finn:_ **

_I'll make sure I'm there to pick you up_

_How are you holding up?_

**_Rey:_ **

_not great ngl_

**_Finn:_ **

_Aww :(_

**_Rey:_ **

_like I can't wait to see you again obvs_

_but I'm having to leave as soon as I finally found my feet_

_and come back to london with everything changed_

_and it's like some weird_

_disconnect?_

_between old me and new me_

_and yea I'm just a ball of stress_

**_Finn:_ **

_Peanut you've gone through a hell of a lot in a week and a bit_

_When you get back I am going to tackle you with hugs and then put you straight to bed_

**_Rey:_ **

_BTW what time is it there?? Shouldn't u be asleep??_

**_Finn:_ **

_7 am_

**_Rey:_ **

_ew too early go back to sleep_

**_Finn:_ **

_I'm always awake at 7_

_Anyway congrats on the song reaching 3 mill streams_

**_Rey:_ **

_It's reached that already??? holy shit_

**_Finn:_ **

_Yep!_

Leaning over to read the messages, Rose lit up. "Hey, three mill! That's so good." 

After texting Rose to say she'd like to say goodbye before the plane left, they'd gone to get coffee together, had a great time, and then Rose had refused to leave, saying that Rey couldn't go without human company and besides, she had nothing to do that night. Immensely grateful, Rey had taken her up on the offer. Now they sat in the waiting area as they had done for the past hour, trying to pass the time. 

"Thanks for being here, Rose. Seriously. You didn't have to." 

"I know, but I wanted to." She gave her a smile. "This is the last time we'll see each other in a while." 

"Or ever." Rey said glumly. 

"No, don't say that." Rose said firmly. "We will definitely meet in person again, but until then I'll Skype you loads and send you stupid letters and stuff." 

"Mkay," Her spirits were still considerably dampened. "It's gonna be so weird going home after all the craziness here. And who am I gonna call on for last minute partying? Finn certainly won't go with me," 

Rose nudged her lightly in the side. "C'mon, you don't want your last memory of us to be sad. Save the crying for just a little bit later so I don't have to sob along with you." 

"By the way, Kylo said that Phasma loved the demos you sent her." She said in effort to lighten the mood. 

Rose's eyes widened. "Really? Wow…" 

"Guess you two really hit it off at the party then." 

"I guess so…" Full of awe, Rose smiled. "Think I'll be on Kylo's next album?" 

"Ha, over his dead body. He wants emo, not good." She smiled back, feeling a little bit better. 

"Oof, bit savage there, Rey." Rose laughed, putting an affectionate arm around her. 

"He's not here to hear it, so," She laughed too, hoping if she smiled enough she'd believe that it didn't affect her that much. Logically she knew that if he came to the airport he'd probably be swarmed by fans and that would be stressful and there'd be paparazzi and it would be a bad time for the both of them. Emotionally, it hurt that he hadn't said goodbye at the end of the music video shoot, the last time she'd see him god knew how long. Anyone would be upset about that kind of thing, right? Maybe she should text him… 

"So what've you got planned for when you get home?" Rose asked, seeming to sense the shift in mood and wanting to veer it back on a positive track. 

"Going to bed," She decided without much thought. 

"That is honestly so valid. And after that?" 

Rey picked at the luggage tag on her suitcase. "I'll probably watch some films with Finn." 

"Right, your roommate?" 

Rey nodded. "Yeah, that's him. Then I'll go to my local coffee shop because I miss those heavenly blueberry muffins, check out a few classics from the library, crack open a beer, and read in the park in the sunshine. That's the plan, anyway. More likely I'll just stay at home being unproductive and crying when I think of how much I miss everyone here."

"That's also very valid." Rose gave her a gentle squeeze in the half hug. "I'll miss you." 

They chatted together for the next half an hour, about nothing and everything at the same time, until Rey was starting to feel less on the verge of breaking down any second. 

"You don't have to stay now," She said, wanting to be considerate of the fact that Rose probably did have things on that evening that she wanted to get up to. "It's not long until the flight and honestly if you're here right when I have to leave I'll just start crying," 

"Aww, Rey, you sure? I don't mind staying." Rose, always compassionate. 

"I'm sure," She gave her a little smile. "Thanks so much for everything though." 

Rose swept her up into a tight hug "Seriously, don't thank me, okay? I don't want to cry while saying goodbye now," 

"If you cry, I cry," She hugged her back tightly, already feeling her voice waver slightly. "Oh no." 

"Make sure you call me loads and text me everyday, okay?" Rose said. "Promise me?" 

"Promise."

The hug ended too soon. Rose gathered her stuff, said one last goodbye, one last wave, and was gone. Now shedd have to entertain herself until the flight, but at least she wouldn't be an emotional wreck. 

Boredom was setting in. She'd already tried mentally reciting as much of the First Order discography as she could and gotten stuck on the track order of album three. After that, she decided she'd count to as high a number as she could and got sick after reaching fifty seven. Snoke had already announced through her socials that the video for _Sound of the Lonely_ was being released at 8pm, so she decided to waste some time by scrolling through the tag on twitter to see what people were thinking. 

**_@kylhoe:_ **

_only 1hr left until kylo steals my ovaries 🙏_

She laughed at that; what the fuck was stan twitter on? 

**_@soundofthereylo:_ **

_Who else is already pointlessly refreshing the premiere page??_

**_@floralrey:_ **

_tag urself I'm the fact that the live chat is full of people saying 'bet' for no good reason_

She smiled at those too and then checked the time on her phone. 7:30. The plane would be boarding soon and she still wasn't ready in the slightest. Going home was going to be such a massive shock. Half-heartedly, she opened Instagram and took a selfie of her smiling widely, captioning it 'home here I come!!' and uploading it to her story. Post quota met. Snoke would have nothing to complain about. She was glum as she scrolled through random memes, always careful about which ones she liked and commented on unless someone decided to use that as ammunition against her (a warning given by Snoke because apparently people cared about that sort of thing). Her favourite memory was still when people found out she followed an account dedicated to rating different pieces of toast and her fans had taken it upon themselves to make bread related puns about everything she did from that point onward. It seemed that she had gained some of Kylo's young, kind of obsessive audience, but mostly the older fans for which she was grateful. As much as she loved to take the piss, Kylo's fan base wasn't exclusively tween girls. It was at that moment that she looked up to check the flight was on time that she saw him. 

"Kylo…?" She couldn't quite believe her eyes and so blinked a couple of times. He didn't disappear, which had to mean this was real. Real, or a very convincing hallucination. "You're here?" 

He stood with his hands casually in his pockets, sunglasses on as though it was the perfect disguise from his fans or paparazzi or anything of the sort. "Yes I am. An astute observation," 

She laughed slightly, overwhelmingly glad to see him. "You can't be mean to me, I'm already sad," 

"As if that's ever stopped me before," 

"Touché, you fucking asshole," She grinned. 

"You never learn, do you? I'm Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren doesn't do nice."

"What _does_ Kylo Ren do apart from write emo poetry for prepubescent girls to cry to?" 

"Hey!" He actually sounded pretty offended by that comment. "I sing it too," 

She threw her arms around him in a tight hug. 

"I'm going to miss you. _So_ much." Tears she fought to hold back welled in her eyes, her tone choked and heavy, emotions she'd suppressed out of embarrassment free from their cage. "You don't even know. God this is so _stupid_ , I'm so sorry,"

He looked down at her sympathetically, his usually cold expression softened. He didn't seem to know what to do with his hands, so patted her awkwardly on the head. "You have nothing to apologise for." 

"I just…" She hiccuped slightly and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth to quell the sound. "Ugh I didn't sleep last night. I'm just like this cause I'm tired." 

He seemed to figure out how hugging worked, placing his arms loosely around her. "Rey, I'll… Without you around to bitch about me, my ego will spiral out of control." 

That got a small laugh from her through the tears. "I think it's out of control already, but…" 

"Touché," He chuckled. 

They lapsed into silence, the slow stream of tears finally drying up until she ended up giving a few pathetic sniffles, taking deep breaths to recompose herself. It was nice, having his arms around her (albeit loosely). It was what she needed in that moment, emotionally support, even though she'd told Rose she didn't want her to wait around until the last minute and would prefer to be alone. Having him there didn't make it any easier though, as she knew the hug would have to end and she'd have to go on the plane and go home and live a new, weird, different life. 

Once she felt she probably wouldn't cry again, she pulled away from the hug. He gave her a small attempt a genuine smile, his hands dropping back to his sides. Unable to contain herself, she blurted "Your sunglasses make you look like an idiot, by the way," 

"Wow, thanks, Rey." 

Why had she said that? "You're welcome." 

"I'm trying so hard not to say anything mean right now—" 

He was cut off by the sound of her phone ringing. Perplexed, she took it out of her pocket. She hadn't been expecting any calls. One glance at the time, she had to be boarding soon anyway. Maybe she should just leave it. She looked down at the Caller ID to see that it was Snoke. 

"Snoke?" Kylo frowned. "Don't tell me he's going to say goodbye too," 

"I don't know…" She trailed off. "I should probably answer it."

"Hello, Rey, It's James Snoke." Came his voice on the other end of the line, crackly from the bad signal in the airport. "You're not on the flight yet, are you?" 

"Uhh, no, not yet. Why?" She looked up at Kylo and mouthed 'I'm confused'. 

"Excellent, because as last minute as it is I've got a proposal to make. How long until your flight departs?" 

She glanced up at the board again. "Half an hour." 

"Plenty of time for you to make a decision." He stated as though it wasn't the most cryptic thing. 

"A decision?" 

"I'm getting there." He said firmly. Feeling scolded, she rolled his eyes, glad he couldn't see her. "Rey, due to the unexpected height of success of your collaboration with my client, I'd like to offer you the opportunity to stay in LA longer under my management. The truth is, you've impressed me. You've handled the publicity incredibly well and built a fan base greater than that which we expected. I'd offer you the opportunity to work with our best producers on your own debut album."

"I– wow," She managed, feeling as though all of the breath had been knocked out of her. It was an insane proposal. Her own album. Staying in LA. Finally, the career she wanted. 

"Of course it would be a long process: finding your sound, deciding if you're right for the Empire image, putting you through a lot more PR and the like. However, I feel fairly secure in saying that if you stay the probability of you being signed to our label is high." Snoke continued, overwhelming her with opportunity and information. "And it would be different to the terms on which we are working now. You'd have to find your own accommodation, for a start. There's no pressure to let me know straight away. Call me back once you've made your decision." Then, before she could say anything he hung up. 

"Holy shit, " She breathed, staring down at her phone in her hands. "Holy _shit_." 

"What was it?" Kylo asked, something akin to concern in his tone. "Snoke being a dick?" 

"No, the, uh, opposite." When had her hands started shaking? "He's offered to let me stay in LA. Indefinitely." 

Kylo recoiled as though he'd been punched in the face. "He _what_?" 

"I know!" She exclaimed, just as shocked as he was. 

He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling deeply. "What are you going to do?" 

"I have to call Finn," She said weakly, already dialling his number.

After the first few rings, Finn's sleepy voice spoke "Rey? What is it?" 

"Hey, Finn? Sorry to call so early but it's really important." She drummed her fingers against her thigh nervously. 

She heard the rustling of bed sheets as he shot up. He must've gone back to sleep after she'd texted earlier. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry, I'm okay." She said hurriedly, stumbling a little over her words. 

"What is it, peanut?" 

"Finn, I'm really sorry but… I'm not coming home." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody!  
> Hope you're all good :)  
> I'm slowly running out of things to say in these notes but I want to interact with you guys anyway lol!  
> But fun news! @justadreamforthedead on tumblr drew [this art](https://justadreamforthedead.tumblr.com/post/615361542127517696/some-reylo-art-i-did-check-out-my-instagram) of the ocean scene in chapter 5!! isn't it so cool!!  
> Honestly you're all so lovely and reading your comments makes my day,  
> \- brie xx


	8. Manufactured Authenticity

"Thanks so much for letting me stay here," Rey yawned, cradling a mug of coffee in her hands. If she held onto it long enough, she could almost believe that the whole situation was actually happening. 

Sunlight poured through the windows of the apartment, bright and intrusive. It was somehow already 8am. Snoke had told her that she needed to be back in the studios by 9 for yet another meeting (because apparently she could never have enough of those) and she was already regretting not appealing the time. 

"Seriously, it's cool. Don't worry about it," Rose set out a bowl of cereal and took a big spoonful. "I just hope you got some sleep. I know the couch's not the comfiest, but," 

"It was great. Better than, like, sleeping in the airport or having to find a hotel room at such short notice." She took a long sip of the coffee. For someone who worked at a coffee shop and had to know what good coffee tasted like, it surprised her that Rose drank purely instant. "I have literally no idea what I'm going to do. It's not like I can stay in a hotel forever. And it's also not like I can get my own place when I don't know how long I'll be staying," 

Rose nodded sympathetically. "If I had the room, I'd offer to let you stay here. I mean, if it comes down to it I'll definitely have you. But it'd be a pain for both of us if there's a different option. Have you not got any of the money for the collab yet?" 

"Nope, Snoke is being mysteriously tight-lipped on when that'll happen." It felt like a bit of a red flag, but it wasn't like there was anything she could do about it now. She'd got her career, and would always be grateful towards him for that. "Though Kylo said it usually takes a month for the royalties to come in, so I'll probably start actually being able to support myself in three weeks." 

"That's so shit." Rose wrinkled her nose. "You're like, really famous right now and you're having to sleep on my couch." 

"Yeah, well, that's LA." She shrugged, adding a couple spoons of sugar to the mug and stirring it in. When had that become her mantra too? Before she knew it she'd be saying fucking 'welcome to the music industry'. "Speaking of, I haven't uploaded on YouTube in a hot minute. People who don't follow my other socials must be so confused," 

"Feel free to use anywhere here. Only term of agreement is that I have to be in it," Rose grinned. 

Rey laughed, brushed her messy hair back. "You know I was going to ask you to be in it anyway, right? I couldn't leave out my favourite tour guide."

"Hmm. Maybe that should be my side job; I can start a tourist business. Our whole unique selling point can be that it was made for you." Rose finished her coffee at lightning speed, considering it was still boiling hot. "So what's the video plan?" 

"I was thinking just an update video…" She mused, all YouTube inspiration vanquished on account of new career stress. 

"You should do a vlog!" Rose seemed a lot more excited by the concept than she did. "Day in my new crazy life! You can even convince Kylo to be in it." 

"A vlog?" She sighed. God, the one promise she'd made to herself at the start of her YouTube channel was no vlogs under any circumstances. A transition to vlogs was the signpost of a disillusioned youtuber trying desperately to keep hauling in ad revenue. "But they're so… I don't know, low effort, low production." 

"No, it's perfect. Less work for you. Listen, people want to know what it's like behind the scenes. You've got such a unique opportunity here! Vlog. Vlog. Vlog." She said it with such insistence that Rey started to believe she might be onto something. 

"I guess it's less time-consuming than doing a tag or cooking or England versus America video…" And the more she thought about it the better it seemed to work in her favour. "Oh, fuck it, we vlog. Get ready for a much more bubbly version of me. Gotta keep up that image," 

Rose laughed. "Manufactured authenticity, got it." 

Rey unplugged her phone from where it was charging on the kitchen sideboard, ignoring the myriad of messages and opening the camera app. "Right good lighting, good lighting…" 

She must have looked like a right idiot moving around Rose's apartment with her arm outstretched, holding her phone. Once she found a good spot, which happened to be directly facing the window, she pressed record. 

"Hey guys, it's Rey! I know it's been over a week since my last upload, sorry, but as you probably all know my life has been pretty crazy… Apologies for the worse quality than usual, by the way, I'm having to film this on my phone as my camera is still at home. Plot twist: I'm staying in LA for longer! I can't give many details yet but I will be taking you guys along with me as I go through my day. That being said, welcome to last night's home," She spun around, trying to capture as much of the apartment as possible in one shot. "With the unexpected circumstances, my friend let me stay at hers and it's a bit of a squeeze, not gonna lie to you, but it's only temporary until I find somewhere else. So everyone, meet my new best friend Rose," 

As Rey turned the filming mode round to the back camera, Rose gave a wave. "Hey," 

She turned it back. "Rose is awesome. She does musicy stuff too, so I'll link her bandcamp in the description. Make sure you check it out!" 

"And follow me on Instagram!" Rose called. 

Rey laughed. "Yeah, and follow her Instagram. And mine. @reyoflight and @roseticohno. Right, shameless plugging over. The plan for today is I'm going to finish up my coffee, get dressed and brush my hair cause it's a birds' nest, then head to the studios for a meeting. I know, fun. And then after that I'll probably grab lunch, go to one of the rehearsal rooms and vibe for a bit, see who I can convince to be in this video. Then I'll be on the hunt for somewhere to stay and yeah, get ready for a whirlwind of a day."

Ending the recording was such a relief. She all but deflated, heaving a long sigh and downing the rest of her coffee now that it had reached an acceptable temperature. "Sometimes I wonder why I do this YouTube thing at all." 

"Well, it's worked out for you so far," Rose pointed out. "You've got a whole rock career and everything." 

"Yeah." She allowed that, because it was fair. "Anyway, I have actually got to get dressed now." 

"Go ahead," Rose nodded. "Feel free to borrow anything, by the way. I know you didn't pack long-term." 

"Thanks," Rey fished out some clothes from her suitcase, a plain black turtleneck and pair of caramel corduroy trousers. Prioritising comfort over style, because she got the feeling that it was going to be a long day. 

She got changed in the bathroom, yanked a brush through her hair, wishing she'd washed it the night previous because it was starting to look a bit greasy, slapping on some concealer to hide the dark circles under her eyes, and deciding if she had bothered to do that she might as well do eyeliner too. She came out of the bathroom feeling semi-ready for the day, as ready as she probably would do. 

"Oh, you look nice!" Rose smiled as Rey shoved her feet into some plain black boots. 

"Thanks, as much as I want to see the look on Snoke's face if I showed up in pyjamas, I don't think he'd let me stay in LA," She grabbed a bag, slung it over her shoulder. "And this was the first thing I grabbed. Oh shit! Is it really quarter to already?! I've gotta go," 

"Good luck," Rose said in lieu of goodbye and Rey rushed out, much more flustered than she wanted to be. Where had all the time gone? She hurried down the stairs and out onto the streets, cursing to herself as she struggled to untangle her earphones and plug them into her phone, blasting some Pink Floyd loud enough to drown out the bustle of the city. 

She arrived at the studios tired and vaguely sweaty, just as the clock turned 9. She prayed that Snoke would do his classic fashionably late move as she said a quick hello to the receptionist and jogged down the hallway to room eight. 

When she opened the door it was blissfully empty. Taking a massive sigh of relief, she collapsed into one of the two chairs on the other side of the table, fanning herself to cool down. Deciding she could sneak it in, and even if Snoke did interrupt he'd be more than happy she was working on her public image, she decided to do a quick segment for the vlog. 

"So I'm just waiting for the meeting now, all by myself. Can promise exciting things on the way!" 

Snoke came in just as she finished, setting a heavy file down on the table. "Rey. Good to see you. I trust you are well," 

"Yeah, thanks," She shifted in her seat, unsure how she should be sitting. Somehow whenever she was in his presence she felt like she was treading on eggshells. Probably because of all the times she'd heard from Phasma and Kylo that Snoke was a dick, which still baffled her because honestly he'd been perfectly respectable towards her the whole time. 

He sat down opposite her in the large black chair that was almost throne-like. "What I wanted to discuss today is how we're going to manage your image moving forwards."

She nodded to show she was listening. "Okay, sure." 

"As you know, your collaboration with Kylo has worked immensely well for both of your careers. You both have a natural chemistry which acts in your favour for press releases, interviews, general social media interaction. To be frank with you, Rey, you've managed to make Kylo less of a… volatile presence in the studios. Phasma's noticed it. Hux has noticed it. In the week and a half that you've been here he's been in the public eye and not for destruction of property." Snoke clasped his hands together on the table, fixing her with pretty intense eye contact. 

She swallowed, eyebrows drawn together. She was unsure what he was getting at. What on earth did this have to do with her album? "I… don't really know what to say, I mean, it's only been a week. It's not like I've been actively stopping him being an idiot or anything," 

"The collaboration fulfilled its purpose for his image. If you'd like to stay and produce an album with us, there's only one catch."

"Go on," She said a little hesitantly. 

Snoke unclasped his hands to pour them both a glass of water from the jug on the table. It wasn't as fancy as the water on Calrissian's show, but it still had slices of lemon. "We're going to lean into the relationship between you and Kylo. It's good press coverage for the both of you." 

She frowned. "You want me to stay in LA for an unspecified amount of time so I can be the subject of speculation as to whether or not Kylo and I are dating."

"I want you to stay in LA to record your album and we'll make sure our marketing focus is on you." Snoke corrected, as though that was any different. "All of our resources will be focused upon you." 

That really didn't make it any better. If anything, it made it worse because he was trying to deny it. What the hell was she doing? Should she stay and record the album, even if it meant having to 'date' Kylo? God, it was throwing a wrench into all of her plans to finally meet someone. It wasn't like Kylo wasn't good-looking or anything, she'd thought he was attractive from the first day they'd met (objectively, of course) and it wasn't like she didn't get on with him, they'd been like a house on fire for the whole time (bar, like, two arguments but those were her fault for being pushy). So maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe she could survive it for her career. 

Tapping her fingernails on the side of the glass, she considered her answer. "I would like to do the album. It's just…" 

The look he gave her was so disapproving that she broke off her weak protest. 

"Okay. Yeah. So what's the plan for the album?" She relented, taking a sip of water. It was more sour than she expected. 

"You'll give us a brief concept and we'll work from there. In all likelihood, you'll be paired with Pryde to produce the album. He orchestrated all of The First Order's discography and Kylo's solo album." Snoke explained, leaning back in his chair. Even when relaxed he seemed to dominate the room. Facing him alone was honestly nerve-wracking. "If you have any original songs that you'd like to submit for the drawing board, please go ahead. As you know, I've listened to the ones on your YouTube channel. With some work they could be great. On the other hand, we have an excellent team of songwriters if you'd like to relinquish a little creative control."

"When would you like me to send you the demos?" Her brain was working in overdrive already, sifting through every song she'd played in pubs or in her room and trying to decide which would actually be good enough to make her famous. 

Snoke replied. "We have lots of time, don't you think? There's no rush for the moment. Preferably we'd have a single out in the next two weeks." 

"Two weeks?" That sounded like a rush to her, considering she'd decided none of her songs were good enough. That'd mean writing a new one, figuring out the chords, melody, general vibe, all while being paraded around as Kylo's girlfriend. Fucking fantastic. 

Snoke lifted his glass. "Is that a problem?" 

This was the one opportunity she had. She couldn't mess it up now. Shaking her head earnestly, she said "No, no problem." 

"Excellent. Do you have any ideas as of now?" 

"Well, I was thinking sonically I want something in-between the collaboration with Kylo and the covers I posted on YouTube. More of an indie influence than classic or alt-rock, think Peach Pit. Possibly even some jazz influence." She explained, gesticulating nervously. "I'm thinking the theme could be something about the fact that I'm new to the industry and feel quite lost which I think could be quite relatable to a wide audience. Or maybe I could go the concept album route if I think about it more. Basically, since my branding is that I'm the nicer version of Kylo, I want my music to be a reflection of that. I think something that has some elements of pop but subverts it with other genres' influences could be cool."

Snoke nodded, digesting that information. "I'll think about it. You have shown an affinity for alt-rock music, though. That's what most people will know and expect from you. Especially after Calrissian's show."

"I'd really rather have my own sound–" 

"I know you would, but that's not how this arrangement works." He said firmly. For the first time, she saw a spark of annoyance or even suppressed anger from him. 

She opened her mouth to protest again, then thought better of it. This was the man who could make or break her career. She had to put some faith in him that he'd know what was best. 

"If you submit some demos soon then we'll discuss it." He said calmly, back to his usual self. "There's no point speculating over the sound of an album of songs that don't yet exist. Once you have the basics of the songs Pryde will experiment and get the sound that works best for your voice and image." 

She bit down on the inside of her cheek. "Okay. Okay, that's a good idea." 

"To return to the original purpose of this discussion; managing your image. You'll have to be seen with Kylo in public. We will arrange these outings for you so there shouldn't be any stress on your part. All you will have to do is play up your natural chemistry for the cameras, post something suggesting that you two are dating, and at the end of the day everyone's happy."

Happy was a weird way to describe it. She still had massive reservations. It was obvious that the album was just an excuse to keep her around to better Kylo's image, but why go to all this trouble? And shouldn't he be here, then, if it was a discussion about their fake relationship and his public image? 

Seeming to read her mind, Snoke answered. "I thought I'd let you know first. You still have time to refuse the album offer. If you choose to accept, then I'll let him know later. There's less… Pointless debate if I make the decisions and tell you separately." 

"I suppose that makes sense," She didn't have the energy or inclination to argue with that. The most pressing matter at that moment was still finding housing. 

"And I'd prefer if you left telling him about this to me. I wouldn't want to compromise your relationship before it's even started," His tone was light-hearted, but she couldn't help worrying. Something seemed off. To be fair, everything to do with her time in LA seemed off, but her more so. 

"Yeah, of course." She nodded. 

He slid the stack of papers across the table. "Here is the contract for the album. If you're still interested in the opportunity, sign and return to me by this evening."

Of course, by returning it to him he meant she should drop it off at reception so his PAs could sort it out for them. 

"Thanks," She flicked through it, though it didn't help in the slightest considering she knew nothing about the law. 

"Well, that's everything from me for now." He finished his glass of water. Hers was still three quarters full, barely touched although her mouth felt like sandpaper. "Any changes and I'll be in touch with you." 

Suitably dismissed, she stood up, tucking the dossier under her arm. He stood up too and as was polite they shook hands. 

As much as she wanted to, she managed to restrain herself from sprinting out of the meeting. The file was heavy tucked under her arm, and the stress of her new proposed life weighed in her mind. Coffee. She needed coffee, and the good stuff for once. 

Shit, she needed to vlog. Checking the corridor was quite around her, she whipped out her phone and spoke quietly, the camera focused mainly on her forehead and the ceiling. "Hey guys, so I just got out of the meeting. It was quite boring so I won't give you details. It's now around 10 so I'm going to grab a coffee and then probably try and do some exercise. I say 'try' because I know myself and my terrible motivations. Okay, check back in soon!"

She would've thought that once she'd got the music career of her dreams, she'd be able to drop the YouTube thing. But apparently it was an important part of her public image, the girl next door or British sweetheart circa 2013. Yes, abandoning her channel now would be a bit sad considering how many years she'd had it, but with the stress of LA it just didn't seem that worth it anymore. 

Sighing, she headed out into the main foyer. To be fair, it wasn't like her life was terrible by any stretch of the imagination. If making vlogs was the height of her stress, she could be doing a hell of a lot worse. 

Phasma stood by the door in a surprisingly casual outfit for her: a First Order tour shirt from five years prior, faded from use, and skinny blue jeans. Between her fingers she held a cigarette, halfway burned. Phasma didn't strike her as a smoker, so she was quite taken aback by the image. Her gaze on the street outside seemed unfocused, thoughts far away. 

Rey stepped outside, joining Phasma against the wall. "Hey," 

Phasma glanced up warily, then relaxed. "Oh, it's just you." 

"You okay?" She said a little awkwardly. She was the kind of person to always want to be supportive, even if she didn't know Phasma that well. 

Phasma held out a box. "Want one?" 

"No thanks," Rey refused to touch cigarettes, avoiding them as if they were the devil themselves. 

"Okay," She shrugged and put the box into the back pocket of her jeans. She was avoiding the question. 

They stood together in silence for a few minutes, neither of them wanting to make the other person uncomfortable. But it tore Rey up inside, seeing that something was clearly wrong. 

"What's up?" She asked gently, hoping to show that she was willing to listen. 

Phasma smiled though there wasn't any joy behind it. "Ugh, everything?" 

God, did she know the feeling. "Wanna talk?" 

"I don't want to bore you with venting."

"You won't be boring me. Wait, not that I'm offering because I want entertainment. Because I have a thing where I want to fix everyone else's problems." 

"It's just…" Phasma trailed off, taking a drag while she thought. "About my career. It's been six months since The First Order crumbled."

Rey nodded, thinking she knew where this was going. 

"Since Kylo quit." She corrected. "And since then it's been downhill. I keep telling myself that I'm not mad at him and that I couldn't care less, but to be honest, Rey, I'm really fucking pissed still. The First Order was everything to me. I mean, playing bass for a stadium full of people? Getting to do what I loved for so long? For Hux too, the band was all that mattered to us. Everything we did we put each other first because that's what mattered the most. Apparently fucking not to Kylo,"

She listened, unsure what to say so electing to say nothing at all. 

"The day that The First Order broke up was the day my career died. And now I'm here, with you," She laughed a little bitterly, accidentally smudging mascara under her eyes with a knuckle. "Kylo's next project. America's sweetheart, practically overnight. Snoke never shuts up about how good you are for Empire," 

Good for the company—was she just a pawn in everyone else's game? 

"This isn't a go at you. I know it's not your fault, Snoke contacted you, that's not what this is about at all. You've got your own career, that's amazing, and I'm so happy for you." She sighed. "But here I am, twenty-nine years old and already having a midlife crisis. My career is down the drain. Snoke's not even bothering to help build hype around any album that I might have. So when Kylo complained to me yesterday about all of the things Snoke had scheduled you guys in for, well I'm sorry, but at least he has a fucking chance of still making it."

Silence again. It seemed like nothing she could say would brighten the mood. "I'm sorry,"

Phasma gave her a derisive look. "Why are you sorry?" 

"I–" It was just what felt right to say. No rhyme nor reason. "Just that you've been fucked over by Snoke like that," 

Phasma sighed deeply again, dropping the cig and stamping it out with the heel of her boot. "You're honestly lucky Snoke's still playing nice. Rey, I don't want this to come across the wrong way, but you need to be seriously careful around him."

"Okay," 

"He's not who he paints himself to be." She took her phone out of her pocket and checked her appearance in the screen reflection. "Great. I look like shit." 

"You don't." Rey said sincerely. "Maybe there's mascara under your eyes, but like, you always look great." 

"Thanks," She took a tin of lip balm out and applied it. "But enough of me complaining. You looked worried when you came out here. What's up with you?" 

"Snoke," 

"Ah, that  _ charming  _ man," 

"So you know that I'm staying to do an album. Or, I'd presume Kylo told you because you didn't seem surprised to see me earlier." She began, leaning against the wall with her hands in her pockets. Phasma nodded so she carried on, "Well, turns out that's not the real reason Snoke wants me to stay. It's all for Kylo." 

Phasma winced. "Ah." 

"I've got to date him for the press coverage because fuck my feelings, I guess. And it seems like if my album does happen it's all going to be done for me, no creative liberty." She realised the mood had really dropped and so hastened to find some positivity. "I'm looking for somewhere to stay too because Snoke can't provide accommodation. But I guess it could be worse. The single could've flopped and then I'd go home in shame or something." 

"Sometimes success is worse." Phasma gave her a pitying smile. "How's Kylo feel about it? I can't imagine he's thrilled." 

She shrugged. "Literally no idea. Snoke hasn't told him yet." 

"God, prepare for a shitstorm then." 

"Believe me, I already am." 

~

After having her caffeine fix she decided that the best way to calm her worries about the album and the publicity was to go for a run. Honestly, LA was changing her into a different person. The Rey from a month ago would've never considered exercise as a solution to her problems when it was much easier to cry over chick flicks or write songs about the experience. 

She'd headed back to Rose's and borrowed some exercise gear, finding a nearby park on Google Maps. She'd then headed out with earphones in hand (well, ears) and started her quest to literally outrun her problems. 

Accompanied by Another Brick In The Wall Pt. 2, not thinking about how her new life stressed her the fuck out was pretty easy. She ran for a solid forty five minutes before regretting it, her legs aching. When had she become this unfit? But she pushed through it for fifteen more minutes, determined to do at least one measly hour of exercise. 

Her phone started ringing and so she stopped running, slowing down and evening out her breathing before checking to see who it was. Finn. Huh, they hadn't scheduled a call. She hoped he was okay. 

"Hey, Rey," Finn's voice came through the phone, distorted and crackly due to the poor signal. 

"Finn! I'm so glad to hear your voice." She smiled widely, holding the phone between her shoulder and face. She was still pretty out of breath and she hoped it didn't sound like she was dying. "What's up?" 

"I've found you housing," He sounded pretty pleased with himself. 

"Oh my god? Seriously?" She sat down on a nearby bench. "Is it expensive?" 

He stifled a yawn. She always forgot there was a twelve hour time difference between them. "Free." 

She laughed incredulously. "I don't believe you." 

"Only condition is there's a roommate." 

"I can probably deal with that. What do you know about them?"

"It's Poe. I skyped him yesterday and we got onto the topic. He lives near the studios and said he'd be more than happy to have you."

"Oh my god," Relief washed over her. It was the best possible outcome of the situation. She wouldn't have to meet someone new, or stay in a hotel for ages, or rent a wholeass apartment. "Please tell me you're not kidding," 

"Absolutely not kidding. He's got a spare room that you can use so it's not even like you'll have to sleep on a sofa. You'll get to meet his cat before me," 

"He has a cat?" The arrangement seemed to get better and better with every word Finn spoke. 

"Yep."

"Thanks so much. I owe you one. Or maybe twenty at this point." 

Finn laughed. "It's fine." 

"So have you told him how you feel yet?" 

He hesitated before slowly replying, "I have been dropping hints."

"And let me guess, he's totally oblivious to them." 

"Exactly." 

Brightly, she replied, "Well, if I'm going to be staying with him I'll see what I can do." 

"God, Rey, no." 

She laughed, leaning down to brush grass off her black boots. "You can't stop me,"

"I know, and that's what scares me." He chuckled. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to tell you. I'm actually going to sleep now."

"Okay, goodnight, sweet prince," She smiled. Finn had always been a sucker for Hamlet. 

He yawned again and she heard a rustle as he presumably rolled over. "Night. Never change, Rey." 

"I'll try my best not to. Love you." 

"You too," He ended the call. 

~

She returned to the studios around 3pm in much higher spirits. Now there was one less thing to worry about. Finn had forwarded on Poe's number and she'd agreed to meet up with him in the evening for a drink before setting up camp in his apartment, and she'd texted Rose to let her know the plans too. All in all, things were going much better than she'd expected, which obviously meant that something would have to come along and ruin her day. 

Acoustic in its flimsy case on her back, she pushed open the door to studio 3. It had become her unofficial home in the past week, the place she went whenever she wasn't sure where to go. It was massively cheesy, but honestly it was the one place she could clear her head and relax with some tunes. No-one was in there, blessedly, so she closed the door behind her and set up on the stool, phone propped up on her music stand with chords and lyrics onscreen. 

She ran through a few classic songs to get into the spirit of things, sacrilegiously playing electric guitar solos as best she could on her crappy strings. That would be the first thing she'd blow her royalties on, she decided. A new guitar. Maybe even two, one acoustic and one electric. Ooh, or three, and get a bass while she was at it. As much as she loved her current acoustic, as much as they'd been through in ten years together, she wanted a change. If she got a bass she could ask Phasma to teach her. If she got an electric she could ask Hux for the tabs for iconic First Order songs. Or not. He'd probably kill her on the spot if she did. She still had no idea what Hux had against her. 

After playing through any song that came to her brain, she moved onto scrolling back through the notes app on her phone for previous original songs she'd written. There were a few and they were all shit so she quickly abandoned that idea and decided to improvise until she came up with something good. She logged onto the studio laptop with the credentials Snoke had given her a few hours ago and opened Cubase. Right. Technology all set up to record and layer stuff she liked. Now she just had to do that, create stuff she liked. 

An hour passed of her playing and singing random things that came to her, recording and rerecording and deleting like nobody's business. In the end, she had two tracks, one a thirty second voice clip and the other a basic chord progression. It wasn't much, but it was something. With a couple more hours she could flesh it out into the skeleton of a song and send it to Snoke, and then the album would be underway. 

She was just recording the third harmony part for the chorus when the door burst open. She startled, almost dropping her guitar, knocking her phone off the stand. 

"Fuck off, Hux!" Kylo yelled down the corridor, barely in the door frame. She heard a muffled reply but couldn't distinguish what it was saying. "Go film another fucking cheerios ad!" 

He stormed into the room and slammed the door behind him, taking heavy breaths. When he looked up and saw her, his anger rekindled and threw his hands up in the air. "No. I'm not fucking doing this right now." 

"Hello to you too?" She said warily, removing the headphones from where they rested around her neck. 

He looked ready to kill. She had no idea what the hell was going on. 

"Is nowhere sacred?" His outburst simmered down to despair as he looked at her and then around the room, energy dissipating rapidly. 

She picked her phone up off the floor, luckily there were no cracks in the screen. "... Do you want me to leave?" 

"No? Yes?" 

"That's not a helpful answer." She sighed, putting her acoustic back into its case while the laptop logged off and shut down. 

He moved away from the door to collapse into his chair, eyes closed and hand on his forehead. 

"What's up?" She asked, pretty sure she already knew. 

"I've had fucking enough of  _ fake dating  _ people just because Snoke thinks it's good for my career."

Her suspicions were correct, then. She continued packing up, not wanting to be around him when he was in a mood. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't want to do it either." 

"No, that doesn't make me feel better." He snapped, opening his eyes to glare at her. 

"Well, don't fucking look at me as if it's my fault," She shrugged, guitar on her back. The album could wait. The vibes were so off it would be pointless to even try. "You're the one who Snoke thinks needs a good influence. And I'm starting to agree with him." 

"First it was me and Phasma," He complained through gritted teeth. "And now there have to be rumours around  _ you _ . Fan-fucking-tastic." 

"It's not that bad, is it?" She was honestly starting to feel a but offended by how adamant he was about hating the idea of being in a fake relationship with her, as stupid and illogical as that was. "We don't actually have to like each other for this, you know."

He laughed scornfully. "You don't  _ get  _ it." 

She paused, her hand on the door handle. Her patience was wearing thin. It was like he had absolutely no respect for how she might be feeling about the situation. Did everything always have to be about him? "What don't I  _ get _ ? I  _ get _ the situation perfectly well, thank you very much." 

"My life will be dissected by the media again. I'll be stalked by the fucking paparazzi even more. Every interview from now on will be about our  _ relationship  _ and how good it is that I have an opportunity to  _ change  _ and become a  _ better man _ . Everyone thinking they're fucking entitled to discuss my life again. People saying that I'm using you for my own personal gain, or when we have the slightest argument turning it against me to run my image and career into the dirt. There'll be tabloids about it for weeks. And you know what? I can't fucking do it anymore. My image is fucking fine. If people think I'm an arrogant jackass with anger issues then at least they're fucking right. You're lovely, but you're not worth that."

She swallowed. It felt like hundreds of emotions had just slapped her in the face at once, most of them exasperation, hurt, incredulity, and anger of her own. Didn't he understand that it gave her no benefit? Snoke had kept her in LA purely to maintain his image. Determined to keep her cool, she replied stiffly. "What part of 'I don't want it' do you not understand? This isn't just about  _ you _ . As much as you'd clearly like it to be. Don't take it out on me because of Snoke's decision. I'm fucking pissed too, okay? But we're stuck with this situation and we're going to have to grit our teeth and get through it.  _ God. _ "

Arguing with him was the last thing she wanted to do, but he was being so insufferable that it was practically impossible not to. An ugly silence fell between them. She considered leaving, the metal handle cold under her fingertips. But avoiding the situation could just make it worse further down the line. She could see why Snoke had delivered the news to them separately. This argument would've been a hundred times worse in front of him. 

"Rey," 

She turned back to face him, face set, still halfway between leaving and staying. "What?" She replied, and it came out a bit harsher than she'd intended. The line  _ you're lovely, but you're not worth that  _ still stung, as much as she tried to brush it off. 

He opened his mouth but seemed to lose his train of thought. He scowled, deep in thought. She waited. Eventually, he shook his head. "Nothing."

That did it. She opened the door, heart thumping in her chest, stepping out into the corridor. She went to close the door. His expression was bewildered. "And there I thought you might even fucking apologise," Her voice broke on the last word and she internally cursed, the anger breaking through where she least wanted it to. "You're a dick. Truly."

She shut the door with unnecessary aggression. She was so caught up in overwhelming annoyance that she tried to shake off with every step. 

Great. Hux. Just who she wanted to see less than anything. He looked her up and down. "Kylo?" He guessed, raising an eyebrow. 

"God help me before I kill that man," She sighed, anger already giving way to flat exasperation. 

"Yes, well, we've all thought that before." He nodded, and with that disappeared down one of the branching corridors. 

Kylo really had a talent, she thought as she made her way to somewhere, anywhere to clear her head, a talent for being the most frustrating and confusing person she'd ever cared about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: write a happy chapter about the start of the fake dating  
> me to me: put my kids through a n g s t
> 
> Hope everyone's OK! Has anyone else's workload been massive? Like I've been trying to finish my EPQ essay for the past three days and just failing, then I've got to make and script a presentation to do over video call 😭😂
> 
> As always ty for kudos, comments, bookmarks, the like,  
> \- brie xx


	9. Fun Fact

Rey and Kylo's first date was going spectacularly to shit already. Snoke had sent them to a fancy restaurant on the other side of LA, told them the paparazzi had been tipped off to appear thirty minutes in, and given them no further instructions. There was definitely still tension between them as a result of yesterday's outburst; they drank expensive wine in near silence and spoke only for stilted small talk that neither of them actually wanted to participate in. Honestly, she'd never been so miserable on a date. He'd set a new record. 

She stabbed her fork through a piece of lettuce with more aggression than warranted, imagining it was every problem in her life that she could just take out all of her anger on. 

Kylo watched her over the rim of his glass. Despite the weirdness between them, mostly a result of Rey still being mad at him for his overreaction yesterday, he elected to act as though nothing had happened. It only succeeded in making her more annoyed, as it definitely seemed as though he just didn't care. "You're still upset." 

"I'm not." She didn't look at him, setting her fork down on the plate and taking a steadying sip of wine. Maybe if she ignored it enough, she'd stop being so worked up about it. 

He shook his head, finishing his glass, going back to pushing his food around the plate. "You're so fucking confusing." 

She snorted. "Or maybe you're just shit at reading people," 

"You're obviously still mad. You're shit at lying." 

She looked up then, poised to protest. But then she thought about her career, how much rested on the date looking real, how much worse LA would be if she was on weird ground with Kylo the whole time, and gave a relenting sigh. "Okay, I'm still mad." 

"Well what do you want _me_ to do about that?" 

She fixed him with an incredulous stare. He really just didn't get it. "Accept that my career is as much at stake over this stupid PR move as yours is and act accordingly with empathy like a normal fucking human being." 

He raised his eyebrows as though she was the unreasonable one. "I know that already. Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you yesterday, okay? But I've been in this industry way longer than you. I know how these things pan out." 

"And how do they pan out?" 

"Terribly." He said succinctly, refilling both of their glasses. 

"Great. Just what I want." She sighed deeply, fiddling with her necklace. It was a locket Finn had jokingly given her a few years ago, with a picture of the two of them on the cocoa bean ride at Cadbury's World on the left side and a picture of her flipping off the camera, horrifically drunk, looking like absolute trash on the right. The more she thought about it, the more she missed him. It wasn't the same having to communicate solely through video call and text. "Yesterday you said you did this with Phasma," 

"Granted it was slightly different. We didn't actually have to do anything, Snoke just fed rumours to the media and made sure we were always seen together out in public. This," He gestured between them. "Is something I haven't done before and hoped I wouldn't have to." 

"I can't believe he's given us a checklist. Fucking 'hold hands towards the end of the meal', this is such a joke." At least she was less annoyed at him now that he'd apologised. There was still a tiny bit of her that was determined to be salty, but she tried to move past it. "Also the fact he had to tell you to smile," 

"Smiling isn't my natural state," He replied, deadpan. 

"Yeah, I've noticed." She thanked the waiter as he cleared their plates and soon replaced them with the main course, which honestly looked like an appetiser. It was that kind of high-brow restaurant, where they'd feed you a single leaf and charge ninety quid. Well, ninety dollars. She still wasn't used to the currency. "Ugh, already?" 

"Already what?" 

"Don't look now, but first signs of paparazzi at three o'clock." She inclined her head in the direction of the photographer on the other side of the windows. Of course Snoke had booked them the least private table. 

"Fucking brilliant." He scowled, ignoring her advice and looking right over at the paparazzo. 

"Kylo, no, no scowling. Snoke'll have our heads," She said with fake cheer, gently nudging him with her foot under the table. "Smiles on, remember? Maybe if we talk about something interesting enough they'll become genuine," 

"I highly doubt it." He huffed, but forced a hint of a smile. His eyes were pained as he nudged her back under the table. 

That made it near impossible not to smile properly. "Oh my god, could you look any less happy to be here?" 

"Definitely." He took a swig of wine. "This _is_ my happy face." 

"Do you actually understand the concept of happiness?" She teased. "Like, is this an emotion you've experienced before or is that why you're finding it so hard to look as though you're enjoying yourself?" 

"Happiness is foreign to me." He replied with such sarcasm that it almost became deathly serious. 

"Ooh, fucking emo." She grinned. 

"Just be glad you've still got your soul. Mine was sold to Snoke and LA years ago." He gave her his classic ironic curl of the lip, the closest to a smile he'd willingly give her. She wondered what on earth he had against showing positive emotion. Or any emotion, really. The image of when they'd been on the beach for the impromptu single release party and had the fight in the ocean, his shirt soaked and clinging to his body, his laugh, his smile, was a memory she looked back on with more than fondness. 

"How much did they give you for it?" She asked with a smile. 

He drew his eyebrows together as though thinking hard about his answer before settling on "Ten bucks and a dusty vintage in the back of one of the Empire document cupboards."

"Ah, the classic deal with the devil." She raised her glass in a toast, suppressing laughter. 

They dug into their main courses: Kylo a steak, Rey a vegetarian pasta dish that she still didn't quite know what was in. She relaxed as the atmosphere softened and the wine and food warmed her from the inside out, releasing tension she hadn't realised she'd been holding in a stiff posture. 

"Have you found a place to stay?" He asked, just as she took a large mouthful of pasta. Typical timing for him. 

Holding her hand in front of her mouth and trying to chew quickly, she swallowed and answered "Yeah, Finn's boyfriend lives nearby. Well, they're not actually dating but they're both pining over each other like lovesick puppies, refusing to make the first move. That's one good thing; at least with this whole fake dating thing it's made easier by being in the same location. Imagine if we had to fake e-date." 

"I cannot think of anything worse."

"Though at least we wouldn't have a handholding quota. God, everytime I think about Snoke I just realise how awkward this relationship is going to be. Like, if I took your hand right now you'd combust. I can just tell."

"Affection repulses me," He said, monotone. 

"I can't tell if you're joking anymore," she laughed, tilting her head slightly as she tried to figure it out. He offered no verbal or nonverbal clues, so she decided to brush it off as him being melodramatic. "I'd have to subtweet while back in London. Maybe like some reposts of that pic of us in the ocean. Maybe post snippets of me singing love songs."

"As I said: I cannot think of anything worse." 

"Yeah, you're right." She speared a green bean on her fork and chewed it thoughtfully. "This whole situation is highkey fucked up, the more I think about it. Thanks Snoke for ruining my romantic prospects, now I'll never get a boyfriend." 

"You'll have me, the boyfriend half the nation wishes they could have, which is far superior." 

The fact he was making a joke actually surprised her a little, she smiled unexpectedly. "That's a fair point. Maybe after we stage our breakup it will make me more eligible. A rite of passage, if you will, I dated Kylo Ren so you know I'm a good girlfriend." 

"If anything that would make you a worse girlfriend. If you come out of this without a newfound cynicism or scathing outlook on life, I'll be convinced you're inhuman. I tend to have that effect on people." 

"Hey, the whole reason we're fake dating is to show that you can be with a woman and not ruin her life. I will definitely be unscathed." She laughed, brushing her hair behind her ear. "More paparazzi, same position as before. If they publish any photos of me from bad angles I'm suing them." 

"I don't think that progression would stand up in court. You can't sue a news company for unflattering photos." 

"I can certainly try," She pointed at him with her fork to emphasise the point. "And they'd better be taking photos right now, this is good fucking content." 

He reached across the table for the bottle again. Midway through, she intercepted, taking his hand loosely. Instinctively he gave her a sharp look, then relaxed. 

"Are you really not used to physical affection? From the look you gave me just then it was like I'd decked you or something. If that's how you react to the slightest bit of contact, god forbid the day we have to kiss." 

His expression was actually akin to disgust, a massive overreaction in her opinion. "Don't even go there. I'm refusing to think about it."

"It wouldn't be _that_ bad, come on."

"Yes, it would." He said firmly. 

"Maybe you'd even like it," She grinned. 

He flinched. "Fuck no," 

"Oof. I'm not going to lie awake at 5am tonight replaying this conversation. Haha, I'm not insecure." She said jokingly, though she knew that was exactly what she'd do. Her brain worked in mysterious ways. Whatever, it wasn't like either of them needed to like it anyway. That was the joy of fake relationships. "So, anyway…" 

"Yes, _any_ other topic of conversation." 

She ate the last of her pasta, setting her fork down neatly. "Snoke scheduled you in for anything else today?" 

He shook his head. "No, why?" 

She gave him a smile, the one reserved for general mischief. "Well, I was thinking…" 

"You're capable of thought?" He said snarkily, removing his hand from hers. 

"Yes, I am." She rolled her eyes. "So I don't have anything else on today." 

"I don't like where this is going," 

They were intercepted by the waiter who placed dessert menus down in front of them. Almost immediately, Kylo waved his away. 

"Aw, you can't not have dessert!" She said. "That's so sad. Especially when Snoke's paying." 

"I don't do dessert." He said loftily, already reverting back to his sarcastic, detached self. "I don't like sugar." 

"Bloody hell, you are emotionally damaged." She sighed, shaking her head in disbelief. "Anyway, back to what I was saying," 

He leaned back in his chair, arms folded behind his head. "I was hoping you'd forget about that." 

"Well, I didn't, so." she huffed, then realised he was very successfully distracting her. "Ugh, okay, basically I was looking on trip advisor for something to do and apparently there's this ice rink nearby. And Rose is at work and I don't really know Poe well enough to drag him along with me, so," 

"Okay." He replied, seeming to miss the fact that she was attempting to invite him. 

She put her elbow on the table, resting her chin on her hand, hoping he'd get the hint. "And I don't want to go alone because I've never skated before." 

"Phasma will go with you. Before doing music she figure skated professionally." He answered casually, getting his phone out of his pocket and scrolling through something. 

She stared at him. "Are you intentionally trying to aggravate me?" 

"Oh, always," He said distractedly, replying to a text message. 

She sighed. Of course she had to fucking spell it out. "Kylo, will you come with me? The answer is yes."

"Why is the answer yes?" 

"Because I say it is."

"That's not a good enough answer."

She bristled, disappointed. She'd been looking forward to doing something fun without the stress of music hanging over them. Especially if it was to spend more time with him. "Ugh, fine. I'll just… Find something else to do with my time, I guess. I don't know why I bothered to ask. Of course you wouldn't want to go. " 

"I never said I didn't want to go." He glanced up and met her surprised gaze. 

"What?" 

"I never said I didn't want to go." He repeated, as though she was an idiot. 

"But you–" She cut herself off. He was the most annoying person she'd ever met, she was sure of it. Why he couldn't just say either yes or no from the outset like a _normal_ person was lost on her. "Right, okay. You're so difficult. So you are coming?" 

"We'll have to rent it out." Still not a clear yes or no, though it was probably safe to assume it was a yes. "Otherwise the whole time I'll be attacked by fans and I really don't have time for people's shit today." 

The waiter returned, Rey ordered a slice of cheesecake. "Do you have time for people's shit any day, Kylo?" 

He considered it, running a hand through his messy hair. He didn't seem to be familiar with the concept of a hairbrush. Or maybe he just liked the windswept, bad boy look. "No." 

"That's what I thought." She sighed. "Right, so you can be in charge of booking because you're annoying. What time works for you?" 

He shrugged. "I have all afternoon and evening. Snoke wants me in the studio but fuck that." 

Frowning, she replied, "Do you really want to get on his bad side?" 

"Rey, I'm permanently on his bad side. This won't make a difference." He said in a way that was meant to be reassuring, but came across as more sad and worrying if she was honest. 

"If you say so…" She didn't like the idea but wasn't going to protest.

"Let's say 8." He picked arbitrarily. 

"Yeah, sure, fine with me."

He wrote a reminder of it down in his notes app and then put his phone away. "I'll get that sorted after lunch and text you to confirm." 

"Sure," She smiled. "I'm glad we can do something together while not fake dating. It'll be a welcome relief from all the shit Snoke's gonna put us through. We can pretend to have a functioning friendship before it's all torn away from us." 

When her cheesecake arrived at the table she lifted her fork, ready to take a bite, before near chucking it down. "Oh shit, gotta fuckin instagram this. Seriously, you don't know the pain." 

She lined up the shot carefully so that he was just recognisable in the background, hoping it was enough bait for her fans to theorise over on twitter for a while. 

"Want some?" She asked him, gesturing to the cheesecake with her fork. 

"I already said I don't like desserts."

"If you're sure. You can just have a tiny bit," 

"No, thank you." 

She shrugged and ate it merrily. The rest of the meal passed in random chatter about what Snoke had planned for them next; Kylo wasn't looking forward to the release of his next single and she was less than happy about the fact she'd been assigned to every event that Kylo, Hux, or Phasma were attending to build her image. 

They stood up from their table, ready to leave having paid the bill on Snoke's Empire card. In an unexpectedly gentlemanly gesture, he held out her jacket for her. She turned so her back was to him, slipped her arms in the sleeves. 

"Now don't freak out when I do this." She warned with a smile, leaning in close to whisper in his ear. "Pretend I'm saying something sweet, try not to look like you hate me." 

"That is more difficult than you realise," He murmured lowly. 

She stifled a laugh and drew back. They were still standing close and Rey casually took his hand like she had across the table earlier. It was almost nice, like she could imagine he actually didn't mind their friendship. "If this doesn't make buzzfeed headlines or have stan twitter screaming I don't know what will. It better satisfy Snoke." 

"Snoke is insatiable. It would take a lot more than that to get on his good side." At her suggestive smile, he gave her a warning glare "And no, you're not going to try and do anything that you think would satisfy him." 

"Not just one kiss on the cheek?" She teased, leaning in. 

He placed a finger on her lips, lightly pushing her away. "No." 

"Fine then. When Snoke gets mad I'll blame you." She relented, taking a couple of steps backwards so there was a more comfortable distance between them, less awkward invasion of personal space. 

"He'll blame me anyway." He stated with a shrug. "Wouldn't make a difference." 

"Well. See you later?" She smiled. "If you can book it," 

He sighed as though he was already regretting his decision to go with her. "Yes, I'll see you then." 

~

Later came around a lot more quickly than she'd anticipated. It felt like only a couple of minutes before she was waiting outside the rink, tightly holding her coat around her as her breath plumed in the frosty air. In true Kylo fashion, he was late. In true her fashion, she was exasperated but not mad. She did wonder if punctuality would kill him. It's not like it was a bad thing in any way. Shivering, she rocked back on her heels.

**_Rey:_ **

_he's late_

_i'm cold_

_:(_

**_Rose:_ **

_The little fucker_

_Break up with him_

She laughed at that. Bless Rose. She was the only person apart from her and Kylo who knew about the inauthenticity of their relationship and had been bullying her about it ever since. 

**_Rey:_ **

_u know i can't do that_

_much as i'd like to smh_

**_Rose:_ **

_Don't let your dreams be dreams!!_

_So what if Snoke murders you!!_

**_Rey:_ **

_that's the one thing I'm trying to preventtttt_

_if he murders me then I'm dead_

**_Rose:_ **

_That is how murder works_

_Congratulations_

**_Rey:_ **

_it's so sad that I've honestly had worse boyfriends…_

_wait gtg I can see him!!!!_

**_Rose:_ **

_Have fun! Use protection!_

**_Rey:_ **

_HSHSJSJSJ ROSE_

_I HATE U_

That girl was going to be the death of her. She put her phone away and waved as Kylo approached, hoping he could see her considering it was so dark and she was in a black coat. 

He didn't wave back, but inclined his head to acknowledge her existence. 

"Hey, you finally made it," She said lightly, smiling a little. 

He didn't take the bait. "Yes. We should go inside." 

So they did, going through the automatic doors and making a beeline for the main desk. The place looked pretty empty, she realised, meaning that Kylo's attempt to book it out had been successful. They grabbed skates and sat on a bench to the side of the rink to put them on. 

Having never been skating before she had no idea how the blasted things worked. It looked as though logically the plastic strap bit with teeth should go through the buckle, but with how much that wasn't working it seemed it was more complicated than it looked. 

"Oh my god, I am going to riot." She pulled at the plastic straps on the skates. They didn't budge. Stupid things. 

Kylo, who had already done up his skates within twenty seconds of sitting down, sighed. "What have you done?" 

"I don't know." She said miserably. "These are awful contraptions." 

He looked to the sky as if praying for patience "You're so useless. Turn this way," 

She swivelled to face him. 

He frowned as he looked at the skates. "How you've done that is beyond me. They're done up wrong. You need to make sure the tongue is tucked in and then do each strap. Look, like this," He undid one of the straps to demonstrate. "You're going to have to start again." 

"Mkay." She managed to yank everything out, back to square one. "Like this?" 

"No, it goes through that buckle," 

"This one?" 

"No, the one below," 

"Oh, got it."

"No, no, oh my god, what are you doing. That's not what I told you to–" He looked ready to hit his head against the wall. 

"Yeah, you said that one–" 

"No I didn't!" 

"You did, you said the one below, and this is the one below–" 

"Stop, stop, stop. Stop getting defensive and pause for a second." 

She grumbled but shut up. 

"Right, I'll do it." He sighed as though it was the most aggravating thing he'd ever been subjected to. "Prop your foot up on the bench." 

She followed his instruction. He fiddled with the straps and within ten seconds the skate was on. 

"How did you do that?" She asked tiredly. 

"It wasn't exactly hard. Next foot," 

"I feel like such a child," She sighed as he did the other one up without any trouble. 

"That's because you are a child," 

She nudged him with her foot, thrown off by heavy it felt with the skates on. "Hey," 

He stood up and offered her a hand. "Don't fall over before we're on the ice." 

She took it, carefully standing up. Her balance didn't seem off or anything. Maybe it would be a lot easier than she thought. "I mean, I'll try not to, but I really can't promise anything."

"Do or do not. There is no try." He said sagely, leading the way to the edge of the rink. 

"Ugh, shut up." She smiled and followed. She wobbled slightly and felt her entire life flash before her eyes. Okay, maybe it was a bit hard already. Attempting confidence she didn't feel, she walked across the carpeted area over to join him.

He was already on the ice. "We don't have all day," 

She grumbled "I'm coming, I'm coming. I just don't want to die." 

"Hold onto the side," He patted it, "Then just step onto the ice." 

She clung onto it for dear life, knuckles white, then put one foot then the other onto the rink. Exhaling deeply, she relaxed her grip a little and immediately felt her feet slip under her. "Woah, shit!" 

"You're okay, turn to face me." He didn't seem to be battling the ice at all, standing still and well balanced without any support. 

Still clinging onto the side with both hands, she turned her hips. 

"Let go with your left hand so you're only holding on with your right. You've got to have your whole body facing forwards," 

"Okay, okay," She bristled, doing as he instructed and nearly falling over again. "Ah, fuck." 

"Take a step forward like this," He demonstrated. He made it look so easy. 

Taking a deep breath and bracing herself, she moved forwards a fractional amount. "I feel so unsteady," 

"There you go. That was good. Now the other foot."

She just about managed that, still very much on edge. "Ohhhh my god," 

"Now you just have to do that again to move around the rink. We'll go anticlockwise." He skated over to stand on her left. "I'll go at your pace." 

"You won't want to. I am going to be like a snail," She tentatively skated forwards, hand on the side. "This is highkey terrifying." 

"You'll get used to it." As he promised, he moved at her speed. 

After a few minutes she started to get the hang of moving around the ice and had completed a whole circuit. She even stopped death gripping the wall, just leaving her hand resting on top of it as a kind of safety net. 

Kylo rolled his eyes at that. "Take your hand off the wall now. You've got good balance." 

"You don't understand how terrifying this is," She complained, taking her hand off the wall for one second before immediately putting it back there. 

"Stop whinging and do it," 

"You're so mean to me," She steeled herself and took her hand off the wall. Her legs were slightly shaky as she stood without support on the ice, praying she wouldn't slip and die. 

"Come on, skate," He stayed by her side in an equally supportive and totally not fashion. It was actually kind of stressful, knowing that he could skate circles around her but she was forcing him to go pathetically slowly. 

She very cautiously skated forward, exhaling deeply. Calm. Stay calm. This was fine. "Oh my god, I'm doing it," 

They skated around the rink a couple of times before she felt less worried for her safety, relaxing the tension in her muscles. She'd still falter and have to grab the side occasionally, but it was going surprisingly okay. 

"Try going faster," 

She shook her head adamantly. "Nope. No way." 

He gave her his deadpan 'I'm so done with you' look. "Yes way. You can't stay in your comfort zone forever." 

"I can certainly try," 

He skated faster so he was a bit ahead of her. "Come on, you're fine."

"Seriously, I'm gonna die." 

He pivoted around so he was skating backwards, facing her. "You're not. Rey, do you trust me?" 

"Absolutely not." She replied instantly. 

He rolled his eyes. "Well, you're going to have to. I'll make sure you won't die." 

"How are you going to do that?" She said apprehensively, still massively preoccupied with trying to stay upright. 

He held out his hands. "Going faster is actually easier. And if you fall, I'll go down with you." 

She weighed it up, looking uncertainly at his outstretched offer. "So this is like a suicide pact," 

"Oh my god, you're so fucking melodramatic, and that's coming from me." He said in exasperation. "It will be fine." 

She relented and took his hands. "Please don't go crazily fast," 

"I won't. Try and match my pace," He started skating slowly at first, allowing her to feel comfortable before slowly pushing the speed up so it was more like they were skating than snail gliding. 

She clung onto him like a lifeline, hoping she didn't look as stressed as she felt. "Okay, okay, this isn't too bad." 

"We'll go faster then." He picked up the pace. She focused on him so she didn't have to watch as everything else blurred around. 

After a few more circuits she managed to stop crushing his hands, for which he looked grateful. 

"So," She said lightly, trying to distract herself with conversation. 

"So," He echoed, pulling them away from the side of the rink so they were in the middle. If she fell there was no hope of grabbing the wall for support. 

She frowned, deep in thought. "I've just realised I don't know much about you." 

He didn't look bothered in any way. "No, you don't. I prefer it that way." 

"Fucking edgelord," She laughed. Of course he'd say something to try and appear cool and mysterious. "So I wanna know, what do you do that isn't work?" 

"I don't really do anything else. It's a full-time thing," 

"You must do _something_. Okay, New question. What were you gonna do before you became a celebrity? What did you study?" 

He let go of one of her hands. She tried not to freak out, keeping her balance. "American Lit." 

"Woah, no way!" Her eyes widened with surprise and excitement. "Literature gang!" 

He snorted. "It destroyed my soul. Snoke gave us the deal just before I was going to drop out." 

"Yeah, analysis destroyed mine too. Love-hate relationship." She nodded. "I don't know if I'm going to continue with my degree anymore… So what were you gonna do with it?" 

He shrugged. "Fuck if I knew. It was just the thing I found the most low effort so I did it. I mainly went to college because my parents wanted me to. I could justify it for the parties and the band," 

"Yeah, the band. It started out with loads of you right?" 

"Quite a few. We narrowed it down to just us three." 

"Finn's still salty," she smiled. "He's tried to convince me he isn't but everytime rent comes in I can see the regret in his eyes." 

"He shouldn't have quit over a guitar solo then," He said pretty apathetically, as though he couldn't bring himself to care about anything to do with The First Order. As an afterthought he added: "Not that I'd wish our careers on everyone. It's the opposite of sunshine and fucking rainbows, as you've started to find out." 

"Yeah." She agreed, suddenly slipping and flailing as she tried not to land on her face. "Fuck!" 

He supported her as she righted herself, making sure she was steady again. "Maybe don't go that fast while I'm still going slowly for you," 

She took both of his hands again, confidence knocked a bit. 

He started to narrow their circuits around the rink until they were focused in the middle, moving round in increasingly smaller circles. "Hold on," He advised before suddenly spinning her around.

She yelped and tightened her grip, caught off guard. "Kylo!" 

"You're fine." He rolled his eyes, tired of her complaining. Faster, he spun her around. Like when they'd been speeding around the rink, she kept her gaze on him rather than the surroundings which passed by in a dizzying blur. 

All was fine until she messed up her step pattern and the toe of her left skate crashed into the heel of her right one, knocking her completely off balance. She yelped again, tripping forwards, throwing the momentum of their spinning. There was no salvaging the situation as she tumbled to the ground knees first, landing with a solid thump and dragging Kylo down with her. 

"Oww," She said meekly, rolling into her back and wincing. She was completely covered in ice shavings. "That's so gonna bruise."

"At least it's not broken," Kylo didn't look injured, lying casually on his back without any sign of pain. He'd probably been specifically taught how to fall on the ice or something. 

She sighed deeply. "Yeah, I guess. I don't want to move now."

"You'll regret that decision."

She huffed. "Don't tell me what I'll regret," 

"Suit yourself." 

"Tell me something you've never told anyone before," Her head still spun from the dizzying spins, the ice cold against her back as she turned her head to look at him. 

He hadn't sat up yet either, his hair spread like a dark mane around his head. "I don't know what you want from me." 

"Just a fun fact. Or a secret. Or an admission of guilt." She knew standing up would be a disaster, that she'd immediately be thrown off balance and end up on the floor again. The lights overhead were dazzling, so she shielded her eyes with a hand. "Something interesting." 

"I can't think of anything." He kept his gaze on the ceiling. 

"You didn't even try." she nudged him lightly with her elbow. "That's not in the spirit of things." 

"I don't _have_ spirit," he scoffed, then sarcastically continued "God, did you even listen to the lyrics of my new song?" 

"It can't be that hard to think of something," She pressed. "Look, I'll even overshare first so it's less pressure. Fun fact: I was in the Foster care system since I was five cause my parents were drug addicts." 

He was momentarily speechless, a feat of which she was kind of proud. "... How is that 'fun'?" 

"You've got to look on the bright side of life," She said, thoroughly unconvincing. "Fine then, just fact. No adjective. Your go." 

"I have no idea how I can follow that. I guess if we're going on the family theme my fact is that I don't talk to my parents. Though everyone knows that." 

"Daddy issues gang," She grinned. 

"Are you just going to find every small similarity between us and class it as a 'gang'?" He sighed, a hand on his forehead. 

"Maybe. Right, next fun or not fun fact." She tried to think of one, realised she was pretty boring, so decided to overshare some more. "I feel absolutely lost in LA. I don't think I should be here because I really don't fit in but I have no prospects back in England. The industry is… It's vicious. I don't get how you cope. I'm just alone. I've already cried about it like five times," 

"Honestly?" He turned his head to look at her. "I don't. Like I've always said, LA is a shithole. The industry chews you up and spits you out. Most of us are depressed. There's nothing that rewarding about it, we pour our heart and soul into music that then gets polished and commercialised before being ripped to shreds by critics. I know that I always wonder what the fuck I'm doing here."

She swallowed. He'd hit the nail on the head. 

He looked as though he was struggling for what to say next. "Rey, feeling like that sucks. You're not alone," 

She reached out across the ice, placing her hand on top of his. "Neither are you. If you ever want to talk, I'll always listen."

His eyes were troubled but something flickered in his expression. Hope?

"My back's really cold now," She broke the moment with a laugh sitting up. "Staying down there was a bad idea." 

"What did I say." He stood up with ease, brushing ice off his sleeves. 

After a hand up, they skated to the edge of the rink and stepped back onto normal, carpeted land. They extracted themselves from their skates, returned them, thanked the employees, then decided to call a cab back to their respective places. The journey back they mostly spent in comfortable silence, content to just exist together. 

Once they reached her place, she opened the door and unbuckled the seat belt. She thanked the driver, then gave Kylo a loose half-hug as best as she could manage with the seats. 

He looked down at her, hands stiffly by his sides. "A hug? Don't make this a thing," 

"Oh, it's a thing now. I'm slowly conditioning you to act like a normal human through exposure therapy."

"I don't think that's how that works." But he eventually warmed to it, still not hugging her back but relaxing so he was less unnaturally tense. 

"See you when Snoke next decides to bully us," She said in way of goodbye. 

"Until then." He agreed. 

She stepped out of the taxi to Poe's apartment, watching as it drove off into the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> So my workloads been a bit stressful recently because I cannot time manage to save my life lol gotta love online school  
> But apart from that I've been vibey!  
> Love u guys sm, y'all don't understand how much I look forward to writing this dumb story 😂  
> \- brie xx


	10. To Hell With Normalcy

Rey was in studio three when Phasma popped her head around the door. She looked less worse for wear than the last time they'd talked, but her expression was just as troubled. Rey held up her hand to signal for a moment, pausing the file on Cubase and taking off her headphones. "Hey, you okay?" 

"Yeah. You seen Kylo recently?" She looked around as though expecting to find him hiding in a corner behind the guitars or under a table. 

She shook her head. "No, sorry. Haven't seen him all day. Don't even know if he's in." 

Phasma sighed and leaned against the door frame. "That bastard. I need to talk to him." 

"What about?" Rey asked, morbidly curious as always. 

"Snoke's planning on arranging some new PR things." Phasma said vaguely. "Don't know the details." 

"Ugh, does he do anything else with his life?" 

"Apparently not," Phasma pushed off the door and walked across the room to her. "What are you up to?" 

She gestured towards the other half of the piano stool she'd dragged over to sit on. Phasma sat down next to her. "Working on a single for Snoke. It is  _ not  _ going well." 

She gave Rey a sympathetic look. "It'll be better than you think it is. But I get how hard it is sometimes. Reached the point where it feels like you're repeatedly slamming your head against a wall?" 

"Yeah, exactly that. I just don't know how to make it interesting. It's… Plain." She chewed her lip. "And I have a vibe that I want from it but I can't get it into actual music." 

"Can I hear it?" Phasma asked, tucking a leg underneath herself. 

Rey unplugged the headphones and adjusted the volume level. "Please don't judge me too harshly. I haven't warmed my voice up properly and the harmonies are still in progress–" 

"It's cool." Phasma cut her off firmly, pressing the spacebar. 

There was something so horrifically awkward about being in the same room as someone listening to her rough demo. As the perfectionist she was, allowing people to hear anything that was anything less than exactly what she wanted was pretty difficult. The two minutes of audio seemed to last forever as she fidgeted, hoping it would be over quickly. 

"Oh, I like it," Phasma said once the recording had finished. "So what's the exact problem?" 

Rey was overwhelmingly pleased that she didn't hate it, no matter how illogical that fear had been. "It feels empty. Especially in the chorus." 

Phasma rewinded it and played the snippet again. "Yeah… Hmm… It needs more weight in the lower range since you're singing relatively high. You haven't got a bass line at the moment." 

Rey smiled a little. "Knew you'd notice that straight away."

"Well, I am a bass player." Phasma reached out to grab one of the basses leaning against the wall. "Do you know how to play?" 

"Nope." 

Phasma passed it to her anyway. It felt large and heavy in her hand and lap. "Okay, well it's like the bottom four strings of a guitar but an octave down. What's the vibe you're going for in the chorus?" 

"I don't really know how to describe it. I want the focus on the voice so nothing too fancy," She attempted to convey the ideas she had in her brain. 

"Okay. Just start by playing the root note of each chord, then we can embellish." Phasma pressed play on the recording and gestured for Rey to play along. "Okay, nice. Switch up the rhythm." 

Rey fiddled around with it for a bit. In the end, she came up with something she quite liked and Phasma helped her make it more complex. 

"Thanks so much," She said gratefully, no longer hating her song as strongly, mainly because her favourite bit was Phasma's addition. 

Phasma shrugged coolly. "Anytime," 

"So any advances on the album?" She asked. "Snoke coming up with a game plan for you yet? Please say you've got some new music. Genuinely you're the best member of the first order and Kylo and Hux can fight me." 

Phasma smiled at that. "Thank you, they'd hate to hear the truth from you. I haven't heard anything yet, but I'm praying that's what the meeting's about. I don't know why Snoke wants Kylo there, but to be fair I don't think any of us understand his motivations, and we've worked with him for five years. Five years, god. I'm getting old."

"You're not old!" Rey laughed. "How is twenties old?" 

"Time flies," Phasma shrugged. "Well, I should go for the meeting. Without Kylo, because like the fucking pain in the ass he is, he's decided not show up today."

"Good luck," Rey said, thinking that's what she'd need to hear before any interaction with Snoke. That, or 'I promise I'll organise your funeral'. 

Phasma nodded. "See you when I see you. Hope the song goes well. Snoke will like it, by the way. Thought to be fair, it seems at this point he'd do anything to keep you around Kylo." 

~

She was running late. Shit. It wasn't enough that she'd forgotten her keys to Poe's apartment at the studios, she now had to be late because of it. And worst of all, she was lost again. 

LA was like a maze, or a logic puzzle. The problem wasn't that it was twisty and complex like towns and cities in England, it was that it was perfectly grid structured. Though it was easy to get lost down winding streets back home, somehow it was even easier to get lost here because very corner and intersection looked the fucking same. Eventually she caved in and used Google maps, putting in the address to Rose's apartment. 

She knocked on the door half an hour later, absolutely exhausted from speed walking the whole way there. 

"You made it!" Rose flung open the door, grinning widely, holding her arms out. "I was starting to think you'd never come!" 

"Yeah, sorry, I got really fucking lost," She hugged Rose tightly. "I hate it here."

"Yeah, me too. Come in," Rose led her through to the living room and kitchen area, picking up a jumper that was slung over the back of a chair. "You left this here when you moved your stuff to Poe's," 

Rey just about caught it when Rose chucked it over. "Oh my god, thanks. I was wondering what I'd done with it." 

"And," Rose grabbed something from the countertop. "You also left these."

Luckily she didn't throw it at Rey because she would've almost certainly missed. Instead, she handed it over. "Oh, my eyeliner. Thanks again. I am  _ such  _ a mess." 

Rose offered, leaning back against the counter. "Want a drink?" 

She looked at the time; 7pm. "Sure," 

"I have pretty much everything; beer, cider, wine, gin, liquor," Rose listed off on her fingers. "Oh, and I guess, like, lemonade and water too."

Rey laughed at that. "Jesus Christ, that's a lot of alcohol."

She shrugged, grinning. "I like to be prepared. LA people are usually so picky about what they drink. So what'll it be?" 

"You know what, I'll switch it up and say cider. I'm not gonna get too smashed, I don't think Poe and I have bonded enough yet for him to pick me up at like 4am while I'm shitfaced."

"Aww, but getting smashed is fun." 

"I'm not disputing that. Just not when Snoke's got me with Kylo tomorrow," 

Rose smirked, pressing the chilled can of cider into Rey's hand. "I want to know everything about that situation." 

"You know it all already." She tried, opening it and taking a long sip. "And I feel like if I did have more to say, which I don't, you'd just bully me about it." 

"Aw, you can't call me out just yet." Rose sat down next to her. "Not until I've got the information. Judge me on the actions I've completed, not the ones I've considered." 

"So I know what you're like. There has to be a reason you've invited me round," Rey said, sipping her cider and getting comfy on the sofa. "I feel like this all has a purpose." 

"Is it not enough to want to have fun?" Rose shook her head. "Honestly. I have no ulterior motives like getting gossip about Kylo or asking about the new albums," 

Rey laughed. "I don't know what I expected. But that's not just it. I can tell you're excited to say something to me," 

Rose was basically vibrating on the spot, smiling super widely. "Okay, okay, so you know how I sent Phasma my demos?" 

"Yeah, I remember. They were really good." 

"Wellllll, she liked them and sent them around some of the studios here to see if they'd be interested in adding me to their arranging teams." 

"Oh, congrats! That's so cool," She smiled, glad Rose was finally getting the recognition she deserved. 

"That's not everything!" Rose interjected. 

"Go on then," 

"Not only did she send them round, but I actually got some responses. And they were good. And, it gets better," She took a sip of her cider. "It gets so much better, because Rebellion Records have offered me not a production contract, but a whole artist's one!" 

Rey was left speechless. Holy shit. Even though they'd been usurped by Empire for a while, they were still the highly respected, massively prestigious, studios that had produced  _ the  _ Luke Skywalker. "So you're gonna be, like, ghost writing?" 

She shook her head. "No. It's me. I get to sing my own songs." 

"That's incredible. Oh my god, welcome to the industry," Rey tried her hardest to sound as thrilled as Rose was, but something nagged in the back of her mind. It was like Kylo had said at the ice rink, he wouldn't wish this industry on anyone. And she didn't want to interfere with what was making Rose happy, but if it was going to turn out anything like  _ her  _ career, then… 

"Yeah. It's a bit terrifying, not gonna lie. I've always written for other people so it's a bit of a shock that Rebellion want me." Rose smiled, tapping her can against Rey's in a toast. "But if it means making music and putting my degree to use, then to hell with normalcy." 

"To think you'll be recording in the same studios as Skywalker…" She still couldn't quite fathom the news. In a way, she was insanely jealous. Luke had been her idol for as long as she could remember. When everything seemed rough she would turn to the old vinyls and cassettes, and suddenly everything would be okay. Not to mention the fact that everyone loved his music. It made her feel belonging she didn't have anywhere else. What she wouldn't give to be part of Rebellion, part of the history, family, intrigue. But she was stuck with Empire, that commercialised beast, and she should be grateful she was part of a label anyway. 

"I know," Rose's eyes sparkled. "From making coffee to making music. Oh my God, if I become famous we've  _ got _ to do a show together." 

She laughed slightly, brushing her hair behind her ear. "We can do a virtual one right now if we wanted. Beauty of the Internet." 

"But just imagine," Rose continued, lost in thought. "Imagine a venue filled with people who knew our songs. All those people that connected with us on the deepest level. Wouldn't that be amazing?" 

"Well, yeah," She admitted. It had been a guilty pleasure of hers to daydream sold out stadiums, flawless performances with no stage fright, just exhilaration, energy and life in her veins. "We shouldn't count our chickens, though. When do you start?" 

"I've already started. They liked my demos so much that they gave me the green light to record them on Monday, and then release it ASAP really. I just gotta hope it does well." 

"You're really living my indie pop dreams here, Rose," She laughed, though there was definitely some bitterness behind it. As bitchy as it was, a small part of her was upset that Rose got the career she wanted so badly. 

Rose laughed too, retrieving a paper menu from the table. "Yeah, but you've got a boyfriend and alt-rock," 

"Two things which I don't want," She tried to make her tone light. Fuck. She needed more alcohol if she was going to last the night. 

Rose rolled her eyes, smiling. "Oh, shut up. You've got everything anyone could want." 

Then why was she so unhappy? "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm grateful." 

"Anyway, pizza good with you?" Rose waved the menu towards her and she jumped up and swiped at it to reach it. 

Carbs. Grease. The cure to all her woes. She looked over all of the options, suddenly aware of how hungry she really was. "Hell yes." 

Rose came round behind her, leaning on the back of the sofa to read the menu over her shoulder. "What topping should we go for? I'll eat literally anything." 

"I'm vegetarian, so like, we could do half and half if you want something meaty?" She suggested, her mind wandering back to before Calrissian's show. That had been a good day. What she wouldn't give to be that thrilled with her career right now, rather than stressed and disillusioned. She was just being dramatic. It was probably just one of her bad days, when she was stuck in a funk and everything seemed bleak no matter what. 

"Yeah, awesome. I'll have to go classic pepperoni. What do you want?" 

"Hmm, just the vegetably one." she decided after little deliberation. "God, I am so hungry you don't even know." 

Rose laughed, swiping the menu from her and dialling the number on her phone. "Oh, I know." 

While Rose ordered the pizza, Rey did her usual 'I have nothing else to do and so I'll instinctively go on social media' scroll. The first thing she saw was a post from Phasma in the studios, wearing an old First Order tour shirt, captioned 'soon.' Rey left a like and a series of eye emojis, hoping that meant Snoke had finally given Phasma the go ahead for an album of her own. 

Being part of Empire was such a weird family. She felt like she should be closer to everyone, to Hux, Phasma, and Kylo, but the truth was that although she was now there on a kind of permanent basis, she didn't really have a place in their relationship dynamic. After all, they'd been in The First Order together for five years. No matter how nice to them she was, she couldn't compare to that bond. But it was okay. Everything was fine. 

She carried on her pointless scrolling. People still weren't over the music video for  _ Sound of the Lonely _ , it seemed, as new screencaps appeared in her feed everyday. It did warm her heart though to see all the edits, where Kylo and her audio had seeped across into different fandoms. It was like a particularly nice parasite. 

"Mkay, that's the pizza ordered." Rose vaulted over the back of the sofa and crashed down next to her, holding two cans. She really was the definition of chaotic energy and Rey loved her for it. "Should be here in like ten minutes. Want another drink?" 

"I shouldn't…" She felt her willpower fluctuating. Yeah, it would be a bad idea to be hungover for the date tomorrow. But present Rey didn't care about future Rey, and present Rey wanted just one more drink. Then she would be vaguely tipsy, but nothing worse. "Go on then, one more." 

"Hell yeah," Rose passed her one of the cans, cracking open her own. "So. I have a new topic of conversation." 

"Why does that worry me?" Rey sighed. 

"Because you know me better than I know myself." 

"True. Go on then," 

"Your  _ boyfriend, _ " Rose teased. "Kylo fucking Ren. Do you know how many people are jealous of you for that?" 

"Quite a number, I'd imagine." As a matter of fact she didn't even have to imagine it, she'd seen it on Instagram and twitter. 

"Hell, I'm jealous. So you have to tell me everything because I say so."

"Yeah, how's your secret Kylo stan account going?" 

"50k followers," Rose joked. "All because of the leaks I post from mysterious sources." 

"Well, if I had the option to break up with him to let you try to date him I'd do it in a heartbeat. But I don't so you'll just have to find someone else." 

"Phasma," Rose decided with a sage nod. 

"Not Hux?" Rey grinned. "I could see you and Hux." 

"No." 

"Awww, there goes my OTP." Somehow Rey had already finished her second can. She felt absolutely fine. The next one Rose was offering couldn't hurt. "Do people even say that anymore?" 

"Eugh, I hope not. Talk about cursed 2014 Tumblr."

"Yonder days of superwholock and the emo trinity," She recounted fondly. "Holy shit, that was six years ago."

"Fuck," Rose took a swig. "Six whole years." 

The plan to not get smashed had gone terribly. She'd always been a lightweight and by her third can of cider the world was starting to appear a little blurry. 

Rose nudged her in the side, less drunk and absolutely taking advantage of it. "Admit it, Rey, you think he's hot."

Somehow the conversation had looped back around to Kylo. She chose her words carefully but they felt awkward and clunky coming out of her mouth. "I have eyes and I recognise that he is attractive." 

"Come on, everyone would  _ kill  _ to date him. You're so lucky," 

"Not really, it highkey sucks," she shook her head, immediately regretting it when it felt like her head felt like lead. Rose's silence managed to drag more information out of her, even though she was trying her best to hold it in. "Okay, fine, I think he's hot but it's like, not a thing, you know?" 

"I can tell," Rose took her hands, looking her seriously in the eyes. "You are not subtle."

"Don't give me that look! Seriously, it's all from an aesthetic point of view. Actually having to fake date him sucks."

"But you get to like, make out with him. I saw how you looked at him in the party and in the press pics," 

"I didn't look at him like anything," She protested. "And we haven't kissed. He'd deck me if I did."

"So you've thought about it!" Rose said triumphantly. 

"Well, like, yeah, uh, if I'm fake dating him Snoke's gonna make us do it at some point. He scheduled in  _ handholding _ for God's sake," She held her ground. "Besides if we're gonna be convincing we can't  _ not  _ kiss."

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks." Rose grinned, nudging her playfully in the side. "Oh my god, this is so exciting."

"It isn't." Rey said woefully. "And I am protesting the right amount." 

"I bet he really likes you too. Like, just the fact that you convinced him to go skating is proof enough. And I've seen you guys interact and it's the cutest thing." 

"It's not like that," she said tiredly. "And I don't want it to be, okay? I just want my time in LA to be drama free and make my career." 

"Suuure," Rose raised an eyebrow. Luckily, before she could say anything more on the subject, there was a knock on the door. "Finally, the pizza!" 

Rose went to grab it and set it out in the table Relieved for the change in subject, Rey tucked into the pizza. "God bless."

~

Rose had long fallen asleep, leaving Rey without much to do. She still felt quite awake. Thinking back to her conversation with Phasma earlier, she decided to message Kylo. 

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ kyloooooo  _

_ where were u today _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ Felt ill.  _

_ Why?  _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ i missed uuuuu _

_ also phasma was looking for u _

_ said something about a meeting w snoke _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ Fuck. I forgot that was today.  _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ now he's going to doubly kill you _

_ not in the studio yesterday bc u were w me _

_ not in earlier bc u were ill  _

_ bad look _

_ hehehhehe _

_ totes on brand _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ Somehow I don't think using my branding as an excuse will save me from Snoke.  _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ he's so mean _

_ :(((((((((((((((( _

_ big bitch energy  _

_ he's like _

_ wait  _

_ omg _

_ did u ever realise snoke is one letter away from snake  _

_ mind blown _

_ hshshsjsjej _

_ anywayyyy wuu2 _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ Well, I was trying to get some of the album done before you messaged me.  _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ ooooh exciting _

_ is it rlly emo _

_ i kno u didn't ask but i'm at roses _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ Are you drunk by any chance?  _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ mayhaps _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ Get off social media before you post something embarrassing.  _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ but I wanna talk to uuuuu _

_ miss uuuuu _

_ studio was sad without u bullying me _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ You are so needy.  _

_ Don't get too drunk or you'll be hungover tomorrow and Snoke will kill you. _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ omg tomorrow  _

_ i forgot _

_ date date date date _

_ good old fake relationship time _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ Exactly.  _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ can I call u _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ If you have my number.  _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ i don't  _

_ :(((( _

_ can't believe I'm ur gf and I don't even have ur number _

_ that's like so rude _

**_@KyloRenMusic:_ **

_ I'll give it to you. But don't share it with anyone else or I'll have to get a new one again and I really can't be fucked.  _

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ hshshnsn _

_ exciting  _

He sent it through and she stood up, taking the blanket Rose had given her outside and onto the balcony. The last thing she wanted to do was wake Rose up by annoying Kylo over the phone, so she shut the door behind her. She sat down on the chair, curling up and getting comfy under the blanket before working up the courage to call him. Why it made her nervous she didn't know. 

He picked up after a few rings. "Hello."

"Heyyyy, it's me," 

"God, you are drunk." He sighed. "You're such an idiot." 

"That's mean," She said rather sadly. Alcohol tended to have that effect on her; at first it was all fun and games but about an hour and five drinks in she was pretty emotional. 

"It's true. Why'd you want to call, anyway?" 

"I don't really know. No reason. I like your voice." She rambled. "I'm scared for Friday," 

"Friday…?" He repeated blankly. 

"That's when Snoke wants a demo so I can have a single," She looked out at the city skyline. It was dark, misty, orange and blue and green lights glowed everywhere. "But I'm having a crisis because my songs are shit," 

He sighed again deeply. She could imagine him on the other end of the line rubbing his forehead. "They're not shit,"

"You're just saying that," She swung her legs over the armrest, leaning across, sitting as weirdly as would rival him any day. Her head felt fuzzy, and her thoughts tumbled out without a filter. "I know they're shit. And I can't make them sound good and that's stressful, because if I don't get it right then it's back to London and back to normal life, and I would rather die than pick my degree back up." 

"I'm not just saying that. Rey, you know more than anyone that if I thought something was shit I wouldn't hesitate to say it."

"Yeah…" She trailed off, unconvinced. 

"And regardless of whether or not you think they're shit, Snoke will keep you around." 

"Only because of our fake relationship," 

"But you'll still be around. You'll still make money. Even if it's singing fucking commercialised bullshit, you'll get your cheque and then you can do whatever you want. 

She stood up, blanket still wrapped tightly around her, and leaned against the balcony railing. She felt so small in contrast to the sprawling city below. A small whip of wind blew up, throwing her hair across her face. "That's a point."

"I know. That's why I said it." His usual rebuke. 

She swallowed. It was easier to speak on the phone when she didn't have to see his face and could almost pretend she was just sharing her thoughts with no-one. "Do you ever miss The First Order?" 

"What kind of question is that?" 

"One that I want answered." she replied. 

"Fuck. I don't know. Sometimes." She heard him shift on whatever he was sitting on. "But leaving was the right move. I just couldn't do it anymore. And I don't think I could ever do it again." 

"Hm." She placed her left hand on the rail, reveling in the cold feeling of the metal. "I wish I could just leave." 

He was silent. All she could hear was static on his end and the sounds of the bustling city below. 

"I don't want to go the direction Snoke's chosen for me. But there's nothing to be done, I guess. I'm literally just here because it benefits you. That's all anyone fucking wants from me, someone to pose and smile with you Someone to prove that you're not the dick you present yourself to be." She could feel the suppressed frustration bubbling up again, fuelled by drunken haze. 

"That's not what I want from you." He said simply, as though it was that easy. 

"Then what  _ do _ you want from me?" 

"Nothing." He answered. 

She chewed on her lip. "I—" 

"That's all. Nothing." He repeated. 

"Thank you." She said softly. It was the right answer, unusually for him. Her whole time had been filled with people's expectations and wants and needs, so to have someone who would just accept her for what she was without thinking she owed them anything… "I needed that." 

"I can tell." 

"You're a saint. I don't get how you can put up with me when I'm this drunk," 

"Pity?" He suggested, making her laugh a little. 

"I'll take it." 

He just stifled a yawn. "Good, because it's all I can give."

~

She woke up groggily, her phone buzzing obnoxiously next to her head. She didn't remember falling asleep. To be fair, she didn't remember much. Grabbing her phone, she rolled onto her back and squinted at the bright screen. Why was Poe calling her? And at 2 in the morning? 

"Hey?" She said sleepily as she picked up, trying to be quiet so she didn't wake Rose who was sound asleep on the coffee table. 

Poe's voice was worried. "Rey, where are you?" 

"Oh. Right. Shit." She rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Sorry, I'm at Rose's. I forgot to call and let you know, sorry." 

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank god. Finn would kill me if you'd disappeared. You're okay, yeah?" 

"Yeah, yeah. Tired. Tipsy." She yawned, barely stifling it behind her hand. "Don't worry about me. You should sleep," 

"Mhm. Well, I can now." 

"Sorryyyyyy," 

"It's fine. Just wanted to make sure you were safe. I woke up and saw you still weren't back."

"You're a legend. Finn's lucky he's your best friend. He's always said you're great. And now I see why," 

"Okay, Rey. See you tomorrow evening. Well, this evening." 

"Mmm, night," The second the connection ended she chucked her phone across the room and curled up again, straight back to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> So I finished my EPQ!!! Finally!!! And I wrote an English essay yesterday at like 7pm. I have been so swamped with school work it sucks ngl.  
> But I'm on top of it now! Hope you're all gucci.   
> Again your comments, kudos, and bookmarks give me so much joy in this quarantined world so thank you everyone!   
> \- brie xx


	11. Fuck It Up, Sweetheart

What the fuck. _What the fuck._

Rey thought that dating Kylo would be the crux of completely unreasonable, idiotic, morally dubious things she'd have to do for her career, but apparently not. Apparently, it was very easy for things to get even worse. Worse than she'd ever thought was possible. Was it not enough to walk around holding his hand in public, to sneak in a kiss on the cheek, to post very heavy-handed references to their relationship all over social media? Was that not good enough for her brand? 

"You don't look very pleased." Snoke commented, hands clasped on the table, suit perfect as always. "I'm disappointed. This is a big opportunity for you." 

"I—" She cut herself off before she'd say something she'd regret. What she really wanted to say was _fuck you, fuck my career, fuck kylo, I've had enough with you meddling with my personal life and this is just the nail in the coffin_ but her sense of self preservation was mercifully present. "I just don't think–" 

"It's the perfect PR plan. It's beneficial to you both." Snoke fixed her in place with his intense gaze. She felt like she was withering under it. "And besides, if you want that album of yours you're going to have to make some sacrifices." 

She gritted her teeth. Clenched her hands under the table. Prayed for patience. "Fine." She managed, though it still came out more aggressively than she'd intended it to. 

"Good." Snoke smiled pleasantly, passing her a glass and the pitcher of water. She poured it and took a steadying sip, hoping it would quell her anger somehow. "Then it's decided."

She sat there, absolutely fuming. He gave her a dismissive gesture and so she left the room, taking care to walk as calmly and normally as possible. The second she was out in the corridor she let it all drop, like a weight from her shoulders, taking a detour to the bathroom. 

Needing something to snap her out of it so she didn't do anything stupid, she ran the tap as cold as it would go, doused her hands, and splashed her face. God, her life had become such a tragedy. And now she was so melodramatic that she was sounding like Kylo, which only succeeded in making her feel worse. 

Deep breaths. Calm. This could still all be fine. It might not cause irreparable damage. It was just a stunt, after all. It wouldn't change anything in actuality. 

She was such a bad liar. 

Rey took another minute to try and diffuse her anger, shaking as she held onto the ceramic sides of the sink. What the fuck was she going to do? 

She decided for now she'd do the one thing she did best: venting to apathetic Kylo. Sure, it would probably just piss her off more when he acted like she was being over dramatic, but it was also good to have him call her out on her bullshit every once in a while. 

Kylo looked up at the sound of the door opening. He'd been midway through recording something so he pressed the stop button, set his guitar down, and took the earphones off his ears. He tilted his head to the side, a frown on his face. "Christ, you look like shit." 

"Don't." She snapped, unable to deal with him being prickly at the moment as she usually would. "Please, not today," 

He held his hands up in surrender, raising his eyebrows. She crossed the room in a few strides and flung herself into her chair. 

"I am so fucking _done_ ," She said intensely, on the verge of crying or shouting or both. "Snoke's such a dick," 

"What did we tell you," Kylo shrugged nonchalantly, though he still looked slightly concerned, watching her closely. 

She rubbed her eyes and exhaled deeply. With them closed, she could almost pretend everything was fine. Almost. "I don't know why I'm here." 

He rolled his eyes, shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "Enough with being vague. What's he done now?" 

"He's dragging me into a rivalry with Rose for PR. Think Kanye West and Taylor Swift style. Or maybe Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. Fuck it, you know what I mean. He wants me to be bitch about her in future interviews and social media posts and shit. He's already gone out of his way to drop hints to the press." She recounted despairingly, "Like why can't he just leave my personal life alone? I don't want to risk my friendship with Rose for something so stupid. It couldn't be a fake rivalry with, like, someone I don't know could it? First it was dating you, now it's being a bitch to Rose, I _hate_ it here."

He was silent for a while. When he opened his mouth to speak, she cut him off. 

"And don't say _welcome to the music industry_ or _that's LA_ or other comparable shit, because I am not having a good time right now and I will just cry." 

"God, you have no faith in me. That's not what I was going to say." He saved what he was doing on the laptop and shut it down, giving her his full attention.

"Then what were you going to say? Or in fact, don't say it, because I don't think words can make this any better right now. I just want to wallow in self-pity." She slipped her hands into the sleeves of her jumper and curled up in the chair, taking a leaf from his book of not sitting normally. 

He accepted her request and was quiet. No empty words of comfort, or telling her she was an idiot. It was actually kind of nice. 

Completely lost in her pathetic, woeful thoughts, she drew her knees to her chin and rested her head on them. Yes, it wasn't that bad right at the moment. And she knew that Rose was the kind of person to take this all coolly and even joke about it. But she wasn't prepared for the massive risk it would pose to her emotional state. She was already in thin ice with Kylo, stuck in her fake role as caring girlfriend and actual role as friend he vaguely tolerated but probably didn't give two shits about. If her relationship with Rose became weird too then she'd have no safety net in LA. Technically she'd have Poe. But that wasn't the same. 

"I don't want to do the show later," She said smally, dreading it massively. "To be fair I didn't want to do it since you told me about it last week," 

In the last couple of weeks, Kylo had released two more singles: _Spirit, For What It's Worth_ which he'd played to her and a new one titled _I Heard I Love You_. He seemed to have a thing for long song titles. But that was beside the point, as a result of the new singles a secret show had been arranged in one of the local bars. He would perform the new songs, a few covers, and then she'd been dragged along to do her new song and their collab. 

"Yeah, well, I don't want to do it either. Snoke'll have our heads if we don't though." He said lightly. She was always amazed by how little care he showed towards the world. It was like nothing got through to him. The only time she'd seen him experience any sort of outburst of emotion was after Snoke instated the ridiculous dating plan. "And contrary to popular belief, I quite like being alive." 

She groaned. "Can I suddenly disappear off the face of the Earth so I don't have to do it?" 

"He'll find you." 

"I hate him." 

"We all do. You're really part of Empire now." 

"It's just," She gestured uselessly. "Ugh. I need to be positive. I'm done with wallowing in sadness." 

He raised an eyebrow. "That was a quick 180."

"Yeah, intentionally. We're gonna smash the show." She said without any of the appropriate enthusiasm. "And then it will all be cool because I'll get the album and you'll get your public image nicely and Rose will have her music and everything will be fine, nothing will go wrong. I'm speaking this into existence." 

He scoffed. "Good luck with that," 

"Don't shit on it before it's had time to work," She grumbled. "You're ruining my mood." 

He held his arms out theatrically, as though ready to take a bow. "It's what I do best." 

"Oh, definitely. Fucking dick." She snorted, wishing her foul mood would go away. 

"Ouch, Rey. The way you said that really hurt today." He placed a hand over his heart, delivering it completely deadpan. 

That got a small smile from her. As pissed as she was at Snoke and the situation, of course Kylo would find some weird, most likely unintentional way to cheer her up. "It's what you deserve." 

"Again, ouch." 

"You say ouch but you can't dispute it. I am correct." 

"You're not, sweetheart, but I'll let it slide." 

" _Sweetheart_?" She repeated incredulously, staring at him as if he'd grown four heads. 

His face was his usual mask. "What?" 

She cringed, scrunching her nose. It was wrong on every level. "That is so cursed. I don't like it. Eugh, bad nickname." 

"Then sweetheart it is." He decided, completely ignoring her protests. 

"Kyloooooo," She complained. 

" _Reyyyyyyy_ ," He mocked in a terrible imitation of her voice. "Snoke told me to call you that. No matter how much you complain, it won't change his plan. And I'm not in the mood to fight him today, but if you want to go back into that room and refuse, be my guest," 

She slumped in the chair. Was everything lost? "One day I'm going to have his guts. I can't deal with you giving me a pet name. Well, it could be worse, I suppose. At least it's not, like, Pumpkin or something."

"Exactly. Be grateful for what you have." He said, irritatingly to her. 

"Anyway, the show later." Luckily she was starting to feel less murderous over the Rose rivalry, the initial shock and outrage subsiding. "Then we wait for the release of your album, hopefully I get to stick around and do mine, Snoke sends you off on tour with me opening a couple, hopefully we prosper. Wonder what Snoke's planned for Phasma and Hux."

"Nothing," He answered, picking his guitar back up and carefully and methodically going over melodic minor scales. Why he'd _choose_ to play scales she didn't know. He must be some kind of demon. 

"Seriously?" She glanced at him, surprised. 

"Seriously." He nodded, moving on to guitar solos. It made her smile a little when she recognised one of the riffs from her songs. He didn't even seem to notice it was her music he was playing. "They're not the priority at the moment." 

"God, it's a wonder they haven't just snapped and quit. I would." 

"Contracts. Putting up with Snoke's shit for the past five years," He replied, moving on to different plucking patterns. "It's what they're used to."

"That's so shit," She said, affronted on their behalf. "Snoke can't just do nothing with their respective careers because he's focused on you."

"Well, that's what he's done. Again, if you want to argue with him about it, feel free. But I won't attend your funeral." He shrugged, playing random snippets of songs she'd heard all over the studios. 

"I just don't understand him," She sighed, fiddling with the ends of her hair. "You, Phasma, and Hux were, like, the biggest band in the world. And now he's ignoring them. Surely they could make just as much money." 

"Don't look at me. It's not like we know what he's doing either." He didn't look at her in favour of playing the guitar. It seemed like whenever she wanted to talk to him he just shut down. "He's never made sense, but those moves have always resulted in maximum profit." 

She chewed her lip. The longer she spent in LA, the more fishy the whole Empire thing appeared to be. Granted, it had been weird as hell from the start, but now it was just even weirder. And she was still annoyed that her personal life wasn't personal anymore. 

Deciding lingering in sadness wasn't the most productive use of her time, she nudged Kylo with her foot. "What were you up to, by the way, before I interrupted?" 

"Working on the final song of the album." He precariously balanced the guitar on his knee and stretched, shirt riding up a little. She wondered if he had anything else in his wardrobe apart from black jeans, leather jackets, and plain shirts. Probably not, considering how awkward he'd found the suit on Calrissian's show. God, that felt like forever ago. He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more than usual. "Once this one's done then that's it. Just tours. Talk shows. All that shit." 

"God, I wish that were me. I've got, like, two songs and no inspiration." She smiled a little. "Can I hear it? If you're allowed to let me hear it." 

He changed the settings on the amp and cleared his throat, putting one foot up on the wooden box on the floor in front of him. "It's a work in progress so it still fucking sucks. Also, Snoke will probably change half of it. But here it's is so far," 

She sat back and relaxed in the chair, getting suitably comfortable to hear his song. It was always exciting seeing him play even more so when it was just to her. It was like he completely lost himself in it. His passion was honestly inspiring to see, despite how much he protested it. Why he felt the need to act like nothing brought him any emotion still baffled her. 

He began playing and though she didn't think it was possible, she immediately loved it. It had more of an R&B influence than his other songs, a welcome change. It suited his vibe massively. It felt strangely intimate to be on the receiving end of the music, like it was a conversation she shouldn't quite be overhearing. His voice was smoother than usual too, less rough around the edges. Somehow, despite everything she knew of him from the month and a half she'd been around, despite everything he'd done and said and presented to her and the press, it felt more like him than any other interaction they'd had. This was the man behind the brand. And god, was it nice to see him let go. 

He finished with a sharp strum, loath to look up at her for her reaction. The delay pedal echoed it back, filling the empty space between him. It was like she was looking at him in an entirely new light. 

"I loved it," She said simply, not having any other words that quite expressed what it meant to her. "That was so good. My favourite on the album by far. It's such a good sound for you," 

"It's not there yet. Obviously I need to get Pryde on production, drums, synth, that bullshit." He dismissed, back to his usual mask. He put the guitar down again, unsteadily against the wall. She cringed looking at it, really hoping it wouldn't fall and break. 

"Yeah, but still, I seriously think it's great." She caught his gaze, trying to pour as much sincerity as she could into her words. "Just take the compliment."

He didn't say anything to that, which she supposed was better than him opposing it. Maybe she was making some progress in their friendship. 

"So, the secret show tonight. It's at the bar where Phasma had her party right? I'm not gonna lie, I zoned out of Snoke's monologue after the first five minutes." 

"Five minutes? Impressive. I usually last about ten seconds." 

She smiled, giving a small laugh. "Ten seconds? From my experience you shut off before he even opens his mouth." 

He smirked. "I'll give you that." 

"Good, cause it's the truth and you'd be rude not to." She nudged him again. 

He nudged her back. "Rude is what I do best."

She started to protest and then cut herself off. He actually wasn't wrong. He had a talent for being infuriating and impolite. "I'm actually not gonna disagree with you there, as much as i'd like to." 

"You don't like me being correct," He remarked, leaning back in the chair. "But you're gonna have to get used to it, sweetheart." 

"No. Stop." She held up a hand. "No pet names unless it's absolutely necessary. I will accept it when we're in public because that's for Snoke. But I will actually deck you if you start using it casually." 

His smirk widened. "I'd like to see you try," 

She reached out to push him. "Maybe I'll show you."

"I'd like that," He challenged, utterly unaffected by her pathetic attempt at getting him to stop. "Be my guest," 

She tried to push him again, hoping that if she kept it up long enough it would become annoying and he'd stop, but he simply closed his fingers around her wrist before she could make contact with him. "You're feisty today," 

More surprised than she'd care to admit, she replied as coolly as possible. "It's the pent up aggression towards Snoke for fucking up my life," 

He kept his hand around hers, again challenging her to see what she'd do next. "Mm, we all feel that. But you don't see me going around and shoving people, sweetheart."

She could feel her pulse quicken slightly under his touch, and hoped he couldn't. Something in the air felt different, very different, different from every time they'd had to put it on for the cameras. "I swear I read an article like last week about you getting into a fistfight with Hux," 

He rolled his eyes and loosened his grip, letting her wrist drop. "That was because he was being an asshole, as usual."

She laughed "Still, you can't try and tell me off for something that you do yourself. Fucking hypocrite," 

"Do as I say, not as I do. Case and point: your whole career." He adjusted how his guitar was leaning against the wall so it was less tedious, still rather than teetering to her relief. 

"What helpful advice have you offered me?" She folded her arms, acting annoyed although she was grinning quite a bit. "I come to you for help and you tell me to suck it up and get on with it because your life is so much worse." 

"Valuable advice." He replied, deadpan. 

"It so isn't!" She laughed incredulously. "It's the least helpful thing you could say to me." 

He raised an eyebrow, fixing her with his signature intense gaze. "You're too naive to understand its true value." 

"Oh, piss off," She shook her head. "If you keep this up I'll give you a fucking stupid nickname in return." 

"I'm sure that would make Snoke very happy. And unlike you, I don't let the smallest things get under my skin. So really, it would offer you no satisfaction and you'd be playing right into the hands of the thing you hate so much." 

He did actually have a point, as annoyingly as he'd said it. It was one of his infuriating habits. "Ugh, whatever. It doesn't matter anyway."

"And I've just won that argument." 

"Ugh, you haven't, just because I'm too tired to deal with your bullshit," 

"That's winning to me. Anything that shuts you up." 

She scowled at him. "You're so horrible to me." 

"Yes, I am." He admitted it, without any shred of concern. "But you like it," 

~

She was still thinking about it as she got ready in Poe's bathroom for the show. Yes, she did like their banter. Was that so wrong? Why did it feel almost embarrassing to admit it to herself? Ugh, long days and bad revelations and general feelings were always a bad combination. 

She finished up the dark red lipstick and walked out, chucked on the leather jacket hanging in the back of the living room chair that Poe had suggested she borrow to fit her alt-rock image. A glance at the clock told her she was miraculously on time for once, early, even. She took the moment to shoot Rose a quick text. 

**_Rey:_ **

_hey_

_just heading off for the show now_

_i think snoke wants me to start the drama between us_

_just a warning_

**_Rose:_ **

_Lmao go ahead_

_I'll make sure to saltily subtweet you!!!!_

_This is so funny I don't think I can act like I hate you_

**_Rey:_ **

_ikr i'll feel so bad_

**_Rose:_ **

_Don't_

_Seriously I'll actually have fun with this so don't hold back_

_Who can come up with the savagest insult!!_

**_Rey:_ **

_i don't see how anyone will buy this anyway_

_everyone knows we're tight_

**_Rose:_ **

_Oh they'll believe it_

_Friends to enemies is like the best celebrity drama_

**_Rey:_ **

_okay u have a point_

_but gotta dash_

_please don't end up actually hating me_

**_Rose:_ **

_Omg I won't we've been over this babe_

_Good luck w the show!!! Wish I could be there_

**_Rey:_ **

_wish u could be too_

_ <3 _

"Ready to go?" Poe asked, car keys dangling from his index finger. 

"Yeah," She was still a bit awkward around him though she knew there was no need to be. Poe had been a literal Saint towards her the whole time. It just felt weird taking favours off her best friend's lowkey boyfriend. "Thanks for offering a lift, by the way, I appreciate it loads," 

"It's cool," He waved a hand nonchalantly. "You're Finn's friend, you're my friend."

The journey to the bar only took twenty minutes blessedly, filled mainly with chatter about how Finn was doing back at home. It just reminded her of how much she missed him. There had to be some way to go back or get him over, to tackle him with the biggest hug she could muster. It was the uncertainty of how long they'd be apart which made it more difficult than anything. At least if there was a set date she could count down the days. 

She thanked Poe again and took the back entrance in as Snoke had instructed her to. She wondered how busy it would be. Hopefully not too bad. Performing still gave her a shit ton of nerves, something she knew she'd have to get over if she was going to do the album and stay in LA. Especially if she got as far as touring with Kylo. That would be to _stadiums_ full of people. Her stomach flipped just thinking about it. 

The back entrance led to a narrow corridor lined with a couple of doors. One was ajar so she glanced inside; it was filled with bottles and kegs. The second door had a paper sign on it with her and Kylo's names on. She opened the door. 

It was a small room with an amp, a pitcher of water and a few glasses, a mirror covering one of the walls and a couple of chairs. It wasn't as glamorous as the backstage rooms on Calrissian's show, but she much preferred it that way. It reminded her of her roots, all those evenings spent singing in shitty hometown bars for a tenner or maybe two. This was her domain. She could do this. It was just to a crowd who would actually want to listen as opposed to one who treated her as a glorified jukebox. 

So maybe it was a little more stressful. 

She got comfortable and sat playing random crossword games on her phone until the door opened and Kylo arrived. Immediately she lit up. "Hey, you're here!" 

"Jesus Christ, you're happy to see me," He looked at her as though she was a completely different person, with vague disdain. 

She raised her eyebrows. "Am I not allowed to be happy to see you?" 

"Nope. I'm banning it." He shrugged off his jacket and chucked it across the room. It landed on the chair adjacent to hers, just slung over the back. 

She scoffed, putting her legs up on the table in a move reminiscent of him. "You can't ban me being happy to see you." 

He walked over to the mirror, messing up his hair. "I just did."

"Oh yeah? And how are you going to enforce that?" She challenged, reaching out with one foot to poke him in the thigh with the heel of her stilettos. 

Without glancing back, he swatted her away as if she was a particularly annoying mosquito. "I have my ways, sweetheart." 

She scoffed. Of course the stupid pet name was back. "Yeah? Like what?" 

He made eye contact with her in the mirror, a half-smirk on his lips. "When it comes to you, all I have to do is shut down. You can't stand to see me upset or unresponsive. It's pretty much your fatal flaw." 

"I wouldn't call it a fatal flaw," She tried, but made no attempts at correcting him. It was pretty true. Though it was the same with most other people, she just felt everything, especially other people's emotions. So it wasn't like he was _special_ for that fact or anything. "It's just my personality," 

"Your _whole_ personality is your fatal flaw? That's so tragic," The sarcasm in his tone was so thick it could be cut with a knife. She poked him again in retaliation. 

"Shut up," 

"No." 

"Yes." 

"No." 

She scowled at him. He gave his usual deadpan expression, the one she was so used to receiving and infuriated her so much, though a small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth, aching to break free. Before she knew it she was smiling too and then they were laughing, hard, though it wasn't even that funny and she wasn't quite sure why they were laughing in the first place, but the fact that he was laughing too was enough to push those thoughts to the back of her brain.

"So what's the running order again? Also, is it busy? I don't know if I hope it is or not," She asked, swinging her legs off the table to sit properly. Unlike Kylo, she actually felt a little bit bad about being impolite. 

"I saw on twitter earlier that someone had leaked the details. So I'd say it's going to be a fucking free-for-all." 

"Ah fuck," She went to rub her eyes but stopped just before, remembering the smokey eyeshadow she'd spent half an hour perfecting. It turned out it was very difficult to not look like a racoon or panda with more edgy makeup. 

"Exactly." 

"Thanks Snoke," She grumbled. 

He finished making his hair suitably messy and turned around, leaning back against the table in front of it. "I'm performing first. Latest two singles, then you're coming on to do Sound Of The Lonely." 

With little enthusiasm, she replied "Fun fun fun," 

"And after that it's your single and then Snoke wants me to do classic covers, maybe a few First Order tracks." 

"Well, it could be worse. I could be up there for more than two songs." She sighed, realising she'd have to take what few blessings she could. "I could be doing your set. Have fun with all that," 

"Oh, I won't." He stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "As per usual." 

"Aww, that's actually kind of sad," She gave him a worried look. She knew he didn't love his career, but it should at least give him a small shred of joy, right?

He shrugged it off. He didn't even have to say it that time, because her brain automatically filled it in: _welcome to the music industry_. 

There was a knock at the door. They both looked over at it. When Kylo didn't respond, she said "Uh, come in?" 

A guy popped his head around the door and looked straight at Kylo, ignoring her entirely. "You're on in five, come this way." 

"I'll be there in a minute," Kylo ambled over to the table and poured himself a glass of water, taking a slow, relaxed sip. 

The guy at the door looked pretty taken aback. "Uh, you're needed _now_." 

Kylo continued to take his time. Maybe it was supposed to be a small rebellion against Snoke, but all it seemed to be achieving at the moment were problems for people who were pointedly Not Snoke. She tried to give him a warning look, to communicate that she didn't want to get into any messes because of his bullshit, and after a second he relented. Seeming relieved, the guy started to walk out of the door and down the corridor. Kylo followed. 

"See you up there, sweetheart," He gave a nod goodbye and closed the door. 

When would he stop doing that? She exhaled deeply, closing her eyes. The pre show nerves were setting in. No matter how many times she did this it was just as terrifying as the first. To calm herself, she poured her own glass of water, taking a few gulps. It steadied her. When she set it back down on the table, a crescent of red lipstick marked it as hers. 

The next fifteen minutes passed in a blur of muffled cheering and thumping bass and nerves she refused to give the time of day. Before she knew it the same guy had come back to get her, leading her down the same corridor and stopping just in the makeshift wings. He handed her a microphone which she clutched so tightly her knuckles turned white. From where she was she could just see a glimpse of Kylo onstage, singing the last lines of the song. As with Calrissian's show, his guitar was absent in place of a backing band. She wondered when they'd ever get to play their own instruments again rather than having someone do it for them. 

When he finished the song the crowd went wild. Her breathing hitched. Oh fuck. It was absolutely packed. Adrenaline spiked in her veins. She could hear and not hear the opening riff of Sound Of The Lonely, feel and not feel the hand on her shoulder guiding her onstage, and suddenly she was in the dazzling lights, stood beside him as they'd done on the show, and it was her cue and muscle memory did its job. It wasn't like the karaoke. Somehow it was more terrifying for having prepared. Though she knew her expression was relaxed as she'd trained to be, it felt like so much was riding on the show that she could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she sang. Blessedly, the notes came out fine. It felt like she was in a sleepy haze and wide awake at the same time for the first half of the song, but when she realised it really wasn't that bad and she'd got this because she'd been working towards moments like these her whole life, the newfound confidence finally made it feel real. 

They got the whole way through the song with nothing going wrong. She glanced at him and grinned, it was a first. One of them always fucked up, inevitably. But not that night. 

"That was Sound of the Lonely," Kylo said over the applause of the crowd. "I'm going to fuck off now and let Rey sing to you." 

As he had when leaving their 'backstage' room, he gave a nod goodbye to the audience, flipping the mic over in his hand, switching it off, and making his exit off the stage. On the way past he brushed a hand across her shoulder, lightly, casually. "Fuck it up, sweetheart," He grinned, and then he was gone. Before she had a chance to even register what had happened, the band behind her was playing and she was introducing her song. 

She got through her set fixedly in the moment, determined not to compromise her performance by messing up because she was distracted by whatever the hell that had been. But by the time she had finished up her set and she was calling Kylo back on, she had time to stumble backstage, head to the bar, grab a vodka coke and hide enough in the shadows and corners that no-one would see her. 

He never initiated the affection. Never. That had become her unofficial job, as the least pleasant one for either of them. So what was that? Okay, maybe he'd just learned to suck it up and play Snoke's game until they could afford not to anymore. That was probably the answer. 

She downed half of her drink while Kylo was on stage playing Nirvana. He held the microphone with two hands, cupping it to his mouth, a slight sway on the spot to the beat, muscles in his back visible through his shirt, under violet and magenta and red lights haloing his dark hair. Something inside her caught, like missing a step on the way down a flight of stairs. The bass was pounding so loudly she could feel it, the guitar so loud she couldn't think, the drink in her hand ice cold, droplets of condensation on her palm. She watched as he sung, deeply engrossed in the music, like it was studio three again and he was playing his roughest demos to her again but different, something markedly different she just couldn't place, something mesmerising about the way he looked out at the crowd as they danced with something she'd never seen before in his eyes, the echo of his touch on her shoulder. 

The rest of the set disappeared like a whisper in the wind, and finally she was starting to feel the pleasant warmth of alcohol in her veins. She didn't plan to get smashed. Though that had turned out terribly last week at Rose's. But no, she had willpower. No matter how weird the night had become, how off her feelings felt, she would survive. 

She pushed off her spot on the wall (Kylo's spot during Phasma's party) and waited for him near the door out from the stage to the main floor. Once he'd given his final bow to the audience, she slipped through the door to catch him on the way out. 

He came down the small set of steps with hair askew, small beads of perspiration on his forehead which he wiped away with the back of his hands. He seemed surprised to see her there. Why, she didn't know. 

"Hey, great set." She smiled. It really had been.

"Yeah, whatever." He passed the mic to one of the sound crew and made a beeline for the room with their stuff in, not stopping to talk to her. She bristled slightly but followed him, trying not to feel like a lost puppy. 

He opened the door and strode in, polishing off the rest of his water and chucking on his jacket. 

"Where are you going?" She asked as he was halfway out of the door again. 

"Home." He said, like it was obvious, dialling a number on his phone and holding it to his ear. 

She frowned. "Snoke told us to stay. I've got to set up the drama with Rose, remember?" 

"Fuck Snoke. I showed up. I played the show. That's my job done." The other end of the line picked up so he fed them the address of the bar, confirmed a cab, then ended the call. He was ruthlessly efficient. 

"Okay, but what about me?" 

"What about you?" He looked at her blankly. 

"You won't stay for Snoke, but you should stay for me. I don't want to have to mingle with a bunch of people I don't know by myself for the sole intent of causing drama. That's just sad." 

He pointed at his phone. "I've already called a cab." 

"Ugh, fine, just fucking go then," She sighed, exhausted out of her mind. "At this rate I'll just grab a mic and yell 'Rose is a bitch' then leave. I swear it'll have the same effect." 

"It has its merits," He replied, checking his pockets for his wallet. "Not very eloquent but I doubt Snoke expects that of you," 

She fished her lipstick out of her bag and crossed the room to the mirror to reapply it. It had mostly transferred off her lips from the drinks, and she hoped that no-one would save one of the glasses to sell on Ebay or something like they had done for one of Kylo's a few years ago. He was still in the doorway. She frowned in his direction, looking at him via the mirror. "I thought you were in a hurry to leave," 

"You haven't started the drama yet." He said boredly, leaning against the frame. 

"You're waiting for me?" 

"Yes. You're taking forever." 

"Well I didn't _know_ you were waiting because, like always, you say the exact opposite of what you mean and then expect me to understand—" 

He cut her off. "Less complaining to me here, more complaining about Rose to me as we leave together through the main exit."

She put the lipstick away, turning around to look at him properly, pretty impressed by that plan. "That could actually work. And we'd get to leave right now." 

"It will work. So get moving," He offered his arm out to her. As she had done so many times by that point, a couple of weeks into the fake relationship bullshit, she took it and they left together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyoooo  
> So I reached my camp nanowrimo goal for this fic!! 50k in one month hell yea!!  
> I didn't anticipate how long this is turning out to be. I'm like halfway through my plot outline so uh,,, buckle in everyone 😂  
> Love you all sm, thx 4 comments, kudos, all that fun stuff,  
> \- brie xx


	12. A Pavlovian Response

Rey stared down at her phone. She could do this. She'd got this. This would be fine. This wasn't  _ that  _ difficult, for God's sake. It was one tweet. Tweets weren't hard. Oh lord, this was going terribly already. 

Snoke had been satisfied with her and Kylo's stunt while leaving, the very heavy-handed way she'd made something up about Rose to complain, as it had been immediately picked up and before she even got back to Poe's apartment it was all anyone was talking about. To her, that was more than satisfactory. But Snoke had been dropping hints that he wanted something more, from both the Rose drama and the Kylo relationship. 

When she'd taken the flight to LA a couple of months ago, still bright-eyed and bushy tailed, she'd thought that the most stressful thing would be proving that she could sing. It turned out that meant fuck all in the weird world of celebrity politics, something she really hadn't been anticipating. If she had the decision to stay in London now, would she? Everything was so confusing. 

She typed another draft tweet and looked down at it with a frown. How did one subtweet in a way that didn't feel forced? Rose had been having the time of her life with it already, something that did make Rey enjoy herself a little bit too. 

**_@ReyOfLight:_ **

_ u know when u meet someone and it's great at first then all they do is leech off ur success? yea…  _

Ugh, it would have to do. She didn't have Rose's tweeting talent.

"You finally come up with a good one?" Kylo asked, not taking his eyes off the laptop in front of him, headphones still on. 

"'Good' is an interesting choice of adjective. I've got one that does the job." She put her phone down on the table and picked her acoustic guitar back up again. Still not having gotten around to replacing it due to the sentimental value it held, her acoustic was her most prized possession. Though her first cheque from Snoke was supposed to come in that day, she still hadn't decided if she'd get a new guitar. It was tempting. She could even get an electric like she'd been wanting to for so long.

He held up a hand for silence and pressed the record button, playing a complicated riff on his guitar. She stayed dutifully quiet while he recorded, though as always, it was when she needed to be quiet that she wanted to make as much noise as possible. 

In a weird bout of productivity, she'd convinced Kylo to spend the day in the studio with her working on their respective albums. It was always less lonely to have someone else in the room while composing, especially with the added benefit of additional ears. It reminded her of doing her GCSE music composition years back, the whole class sat on the ensemble room floor with laptops and earphones, sneaking in a listen and suggestion when the teachers weren't paying attention. As Phasma had predicted, Snoke liked the couple of tracks she'd sent him so far enough to keep her around, and so she wanted to get the first draft of the album done as quickly as possible so she'd have a chance of him being pleased with her work for once. Not that it was likely to happen, but still, it didn't hurt to dream. Kylo, on the other hand, was refining the final song of his album, the one he'd decided was his magnum opus. It was the one she liked best, and it felt nice to be privy to his creative process. Whereas she was very logical and liked to draw out all the theory behind what made a good track, he seemed to just lob emotion at Sibelius and Cubase and come out with an amazing track in less than an afternoon. 

He finished recording the part and gave her thumbs up as a signal to talk or move or make any kind of noise as she deemed fit again. 

"How's it going?" She asked, taking out her left earphone. "You've done so much recording is honestly intimidating."

He shrugged. "It's going. I deleted most of the recordings. I've got thirty seconds of shit I can actually stand, and the rest is an incoherent mess." 

"I doubt it. You have a talent for getting, like, artistic gold out of nothing. I don't see this song being any different for you." She had way less than thirty seconds: eight bars of plain, semibreve triads. How he said a clear image for his songs so quickly amazed her. "Ugh, this sucks. My heart's just not in it." 

"It's admirable that you still think creating music requires heart," His typical cynical attitude was back as he snipped and pasted audio samples across the track.

Honestly. She decided to take the bait and ask "What does it require then?" 

He gestured at the sea of mugs around him. "A fuck ton of coffee and Snoke threatening to cut you at any moment."

"So that's why all your music is emo and depressing. It's literally just your way of life," She teased, pressing save on the crap she'd got and taking out the other earphone, walking round to see how it was actually going. She leaned on the back of his chair and looked over his shoulder, tucking her hair behind her ears so it didn't fall onto his neck. "Well, it looks like you've got loads. And I like the look of those modulations. Can I hear it?" 

"Knock yourself out," He took the headphones off and passed them back to her. She took them and put them on. 

"I'm so ready for this."

"It won't be your thing," He warned and pressed play. 

She changed how she was leaning to be more comfortable and listened to the track. It was, to put it simply, incredible. If anything, it was the closest to 'her thing' that he'd produced so far. She listened to the vast orchestration, appreciated the way he managed to blend the classic rock instruments with a string quartet and somehow still have the track sound brooding and sexy. He had so much talent that it kind of scared her, or at least intimidated her. 

She expressed as much to him once the snippet he'd shown her was over, shaking her head in disbelief. "How have you done that? It's  _ so good _ . Seriously, Kylo. Like, I love it." 

He frowned ever so slightly, to her utmost confusion. Why did he always look ready to die whenever she complimented him? It was getting so old. "It's missing something."

"Is it? I thought it sounded pretty complete," She took the headphones off and set them down on the table in front of them. As she leaned over him she could smell his cologne, something musky and smokey all at once. Luckily, it seemed that he'd learned the meaning of 'less is more' after Calrissian's show. 

He unplugged the headphones and played back a small four bar section of the bridge. "It needs more vocals. Rey, you're doing it." 

Taken aback, it took her a moment to reply. "Uh, me?" 

"No, the other Rey." He turned his head to give her a sardonic stare. "Of course you." 

"Hey, shut up," She pushed his shoulder. "What is it you want me to do? Since I'm incapable of saying no to you…" 

"I don't know. Something," He gestured at the mic and headphones. "Just don't fuck it up," 

"That's so vague. I don't know what you want," She sighed, replaying the snippet and humming something random over it. "Do you just want it doubled up? Harmonies? Countermelody?" 

"Whatever, don't care," 

God, was the pressure on. It was the best song on the album so far and he was giving a shred of creative control to her, who hadn't got anything resembling a song in the last three hours of work. But she put the headphones back on anyway and prepared to embarrass herself massively. Leaning back in the chair, he didn't look like he was going to move without prompting, and she didn't want the pressure of recording over his shoulder and singing right next to his ear. "Could you budge then? If I'm gonna do it I need to be relaxed."

"I  _ could _ . But I might decide I don't want to," 

"Oh my god, take the piss," She said under her breath, in her usual praying for patience way. Then, at her normal volume again. "Fine. Kylo, budge the fuck up." 

He coolly got out of the chair, sauntering over to the station she'd set up with her composition and sitting down there instead, feet up on the table. Ugh, he was so annoying. But at least he'd moved, a small blessing. 

Trying not to feel intensely watched, judged, and put on the spot, she looped the section he wanted her to do something with and improvised a harmony over it. Once she was happy with how it sounded, she pressed record and sung her very rough part. 

Listening back to it, she really hated it. Ugh. It did the job, but it felt redundant; she knew Kylo would say that it still felt empty. She'd have the same problem with doubling it up then. So she decided to come up with a countermelody, something random comprised of echoing bits of his lyrics and humming. She recorded that bit multiple times until she was happy, then turned around to look back at Kylo. "How much can I mess with it?" 

He glanced up from where he was scrolling on his phone. "Fully. I have a back up. Your tweet about Rose is so fucking funny, by the way," 

"Not quite the intended effect but I'll take it," She replied tiredly and went back to messing about with the track. She changed the position of the audio output for her part, having it alternate between the left and the right pretty arbitrarily. Then she began cutting up his voice part into samples and applying all sorts of effects: pitch shift down an octave to add more bass (Phasma would be proud), delay on the end of lines just because it was vibey, and some reverb to make it sound like they were in a bigger space, giving more spotlight to the instruments. It was one of those things that seemed counterintuitive sometimes, putting the instruments that weren't the voice at the forefront of the song. But it almost always made it sound more like a piece of music than a random pop song, so she hoped it would have that effect here too. Finally, she added some swells to the dynamics of the strings, and applied enough effects to the small audio samples to sound like they had been recorded on an old system, very 70s rock. Why she had way more inspiration on his track than hers, she didn't know. Probably because her track had to be perfect for Snoke's manufactured image of her which was currently 'Kylo but cute' whereas his track was closer to the stuff she wished she could be doing. She still didn't get why she couldn't just do her own thing. 

"Okay, I've done something. It's really rough, and you'll probably hate it, it took me like fifteen minutes, so don't judge if it's bad." She announced, nervously rambling because letting other people hear her work when it wasn't perfect always had that effect on her. 

He walked over and gestured for her to move so she did, passing him the headphones and loitering nervously by his side. Instead of putting them on, he rigged his laptop up to the speakers. At her vaguely panicked look, he said "You've got to hear it on different devices to make sure it sounds good in everything. Quality control," 

"You know a lot about this," She mused as he sat down in the chair. 

He glanced up at her. "Don't be under that impression of me. I made that up." 

But he pressed play anyway, and her edited version of the track played loudly through the studio speakers. She chewed on her lip, hating hearing her work, trying to gauge his reaction without being obvious. In her peripheral vision he closed his eyes, taking in the music without any other stimuli to distract. If anything that made her more nervous because it meant if it sucked he'd really experience that. 

It was mercifully over after thirty seconds, he'd played the chorus before and after to check the flow of the piece, and he sat where he was for a while before opening his eyes and frowning slightly in concentration. His thoughts seemed to be a million miles away. After a long minute, he replayed just her section on loop three times. 

"Did you sneak in the Sound of the Lonely riff in your vocals?" He asked, bemused, replaying back the offending bar for the fourth time. 

"Uh yeah, I thought it would be a cool motif. Like, across tracks have some continuity." She laced her fingers together in front of her, shifting slightly. She couldn't tell if he hated it or not. He had a brilliant poker face. 

"And don't think I wouldn't notice, that's your lyric from one of your singles," 

"You can change it to whatever, obviously, it was just the first thing that came to mind and I needed a placeholder before asking what you wanted me to sing—" 

"You don't have to justify your artistic choices to me. It sounds good." He looked at her as though she was a very difficult puzzle he was trying to figure out, a mixture of curiosity and confusion. "I like it." 

"You do?" It was her turn to look at him the same way. Crap, that's what she'd made the track. "It's really rough. Most of it doesn't really work."

"God, is everything a pity party for you?" He'd made up his mind and decided to view her with exasperation. "It's good. It doesn't need to be perfect. Is that not enough?" 

"It's so depressing that you're the one calling me out on emo bullshit now," She smiled a little. "Don't be cruel to me because of my perfectionism issues."

"I'm cruel to you about everything, you've got thick skin," He said lightly, fiddling about with some of the levels. 

She started to walk back to her composition, thinking that she should probably work on getting her song on track before messing with his anymore. But when she was halfway over there, he called her back. "Rey, one sec, can you re-record this line?" 

"Yeah, sure," She shrugged and turned right back around. "What do you want?" 

"Same thing, octave up?" 

"I hate you." 

"No you don't. Now octave up," 

"Why do you always want the vocals higher? You're the reason there's so much alto prejudice in the world. Like, all anyone finds impressive are people who can sing high. Where's the love for me and my low notes? I'm basically a man."

"Stop complaining and just do it," 

"Fine." She decided to stand up to record it rather sit down as she had with the previous snippets, needing to actually have good breath support for higher notes. "Warning, I'm going to sound like I'm dying the first five or so times. So tune that out."

"I'm used to tuning you out, it won't be an issue," He said dismissively. 

"Ugh, just be quiet," She put the headphones on and looped the bars, practicing a few times and wincing when it did sound like she predicted. But eventually she got her act together and was bold enough to press record, and surprisingly that time didn't go as badly. Listening back to the isolated track, it was actually quite good for her. "Hopefully that should be okay." 

"We'll find out," He messed with the levels and reverb and lots of other things that Rey had honestly no idea what they did. Once he was done he rigged it back up to the speakers and hit play. 

They listened in equally stunned silence. 

"Woah. Okay." She was rendered unexpectedly speechless by the piece. "Maybe putting the octave up  _ was  _ a good idea." 

"Ye of little faith," He sounded pretty pleased for once, and it was nice to see him actually externalise emotion. If only he did it more often. "I don't hate it." 

They lapsed into silence, both of them lost in thought. Still leaning against the back of the chair, she tried to ignore the fake dating instinct Snoke had instilled in her that made her want to rest her chin on his shoulder and drape her arms casually around him. It was such a problem especially since they spent so much time together, to keep snapping backwards and forwards between their identity as a couple and their identity as begrudging friends. Did he feel the same way? Probably not. She wasn't sure he felt much at all, or at least that's how he made sure to present himself. She was probably just overthinking it again. It was probably just a placebo effect; something like she'd had to fake feelings towards him for so long that she'd started to believe it. Or a pavlovian response, which was probably more fitting considering Snoke had her following him around like a dog.

Her phone buzzed loudly on the other side of the room, startling them out of it. "Oh fuck off," She sighed. Really she wanted nothing more than to ignore it, but that wasn't great practice if it turned out it was Snoke trying to contact her. "I hate technology." 

She picked it up and unlocked it, opening the text message. Of course, it was from Snoke. She just hoped he had less to complain about that day than usual. It turned out to be worse, though for a different reason. 

**_Snoke:_ **

_ Rey. Are you with Kylo?  _

She frowned and looked over at him. "Snoke wants to know if you're with me. What do you want me to say?" 

He was still engrossed in polishing up their recording and replied, distractedly, "Tell him to fuck off." 

She laughed and made a show of rolling her eyes. "You know I can't do that. So what's the answer?" 

"He probably already knows we're here. It's likely to cause less of a headache if you say yes, sweetheart." 

"Will you quit calling me that?" She didn't have to put on the exasperation that time, it just came naturally. "You are so getting on my nerves. To be fair, I don't think you ever get off them. But you know what I mean," 

He just raised an eyebrow in an 'are we really going to discuss this again?' kind of way before going back to the music. 

"Ugh, I'll tell him you're here." She typed out a quick response, making sure that her grammar and punctuation was perfect, unlike when she texted anyone else. She didn't want to risk getting kicked out of Empire for unprofessional text messages or something equally stupid. It was the sort of thing she wouldn't put past Snoke at all. 

A minute later, she got a reply. 

**_Snoke:_ **

_ Good. Tell him not to ignore my emails, text messages, and calls. I get notified when he reads them and I know exactly how long an appropriate response takes.  _

What was the point anymore? Of course she was just there to be the messenger between Kylo and Snoke. She sighed, deeply, wishing she had patience that she didn't possess. "Oh my fucking God," 

He glanced up at that. "What's the message?" 

"He says to make sure you stop ignoring his emails, calls, and text messages. I'm not your keeper! Why can't he just come and find you in person and say himself," 

"Because Snoke is a bastard," He answered simply, and went back to arbitrarily adjusting the delay on the guitar parts. 

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. "Ugh, so what do I say back?" 

"I don't know. I'm not your keeper," 

"That's not even the same," She said despairingly. "Fine, I'll make something up, because I get the feeling this is as much about how I react as you do and I don't want him to be on my case for the rest of the album." 

**_Rey:_ **

_ I've passed the message on. He says he'll get back to you.  _

"I've told him you'll reply so please do. I value my career, mostly." 

He gave a dismissive gesture and unplugged the headphones from the laptop. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Listen to this. I can't decide on the reverb." 

He pressed play and the music rang out. Then he pressed a few buttons and played it again. 

"I can't tell a difference." She admitted. "They sound the same." 

Disdainfully, he plugged the headphones back in and replied "Of course you'd say that," 

"Oh, don't get all high-and-mighty with me. I had enough of that in my first two weeks." She said in exasperation. "Look, I trust whatever you think is best in terms of miniscule, inconsequential differences, so just pick the one you think sounds best." 

"I don't get 'high-and-mighty' with you." He replied loftily, putting the headphones back over his ears to pretty much block her out. 

"There, just there, that was exactly what I'm talking about. You talk down to me like I'm an idiot." 

"I don't. Not intentionally. It could be a subconscious reflex, though," 

"Ugh, just do what's best for the track, I don't care," She said tiredly, pulling her chair over beside him and all but collapsing into it. "But don't be mean to me because if you do I'll make up loads of weird shit about you to the press." 

"Ooh, what a terrifying threat." He said without any emotion whatsoever. "That would teach me a lesson." 

"It would at least make me laugh. Like, since I'm your  _ girlfriend  _ I can say shit like 'Kylo only eats grapes with the skin peeled off' and everyone would believe me. All your fans would start doing it too. You and grapes would become a meme, and it would all be caused by me."

Her phone buzzed again so she groaned and begrudgingly checked the notification. She'd been tagged in something loads of times, her motifs blowing up. Of course, it was a tweet from Rose. 

**_@roseticohno:_ **

_ watching people say they won't change because of fame change because of fame really hits different when you're supposed to be friends _

"Oh, she is having way too much fun with this," She showed Kylo the tweet. "Why is she so much better at this than me?" 

"Secret resentment?" He suggested. 

"Not so secret anymore…" Though she knew on every level that it was all staged and that Rose really didn't feel that way about her, it still made her a bit worried. Had she changed because of fame? Or if she hadn't changed yet, would she? "Well, it's working. Everyone's freaking out about it." 

He finished clicking random buttons and leaned back in his chair, arms behind his head. She wished she had his apathy sometimes "Snoke will be glad," 

"That's what I'm worried about," She sighed, tossing her phone between her hands with restless energy. "I still don't like this at all. None of this relationship and rivalry stuff."

"That's nice for you," He said pretty condescendingly, another classic move from him. "It's not like you have any choice about the matter," 

She fixed him with a grumpy look. "It's almost like that's why I hate it. Because there's no choice," 

He shrugged. "You'll get over it. And it'll be over soon. Snoke will make us break up in a couple months." 

"A  _ couple months _ ?" She repeated despairingly. He probably couldn't have said anything worse if he'd tried. "Oh god," 

He smirked. "Why, you wish it was longer, sweetheart?" 

"No!" She protested immediately. "I have barely survived one month of having to show affection towards you, I'll be fucked if we have to keep this up for another two. It doesn't help that you actually look like you want to punch me every time I hold your hand." 

"In my defense, I look like I want to punch you most of the time." 

"Well, yeah, but like most of the time my career isn't riding on whether or not you respond well." She ran a hand through her hair, exhaling deeply. "You're so lucky that you can just get away with whatever because you're Snoke's favourite."

He fixed her with one of his judging stares. "You seriously think I get away with shit?" 

She didn't back down. Of course he did, more so than the rest of them anyway. "Well, yeah. Phasma and Hux have nothing, I'm only here for you, so like… Connect the dots, babe." 

"Well then. Shows how little you know about what actually goes on around here." He said it lightly enough, too lightly not to set a small spark of worry inside her. Blasé as always, he saved the track they'd been working on and packed up his stuff. 

"Where are you going?" She asked, confused beyond belief. 

He slung his jacket over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow, as though she was the one being suddenly confusing. "To get back to Snoke. Like you told him I would." 

"Oh, don't look at me like this is  _ my  _ fault. You're the one who ignored his messages." She frowned, folding her arms. Why did he always do that? Take small things that were beyond either of their control and blame it on them? "Ugh, whatever. Just let me know if it's important, right?" 

He looked to the ceiling for patience. "You're so fucking annoying, yeah, I'll tell you." 

"That is so rich. Just because you know I'm right," She shook her head, exasperated, and sat up in her chair to get back to work on her track. "Whatever happens, don't throw me under the bus," 

He gave her his half-smile reserved for when he wanted to really solidify the bad boy image by appearing like the biggest dick on earth. "Now why would I ever do a thing like that?" 

It was her turn to pass the judging look, a quick glance up from the laptop screen. "It's literally your first move in any situation?" 

"Touché." 

"You're stalling, go," 

"I don't  _ stall _ ."

"Still stalling." She gave a shooing gesture, fighting back a smile. God, she loved their banter. In her peripheral vision she could see he was doing the same, and when she looked up again he was halfway out the door and flipping her off. She laughed, failing to stifle it behind the back of her hand. "Kylo! After everything I've done for you!" 

He gave her his familiar curt nod goodbye, though the corners of his mouth were undoubtedly turned up in a smile. "When I don't return from this you're in charge of my funeral playlist." 

"I'll just play Tainted Love over and over," She warned, still smiling widely. 

He called from the corridor, just before the door shut behind him. "That is not a problem." 

~

Rey didn't know how much longer the meeting with Snoke was supposed to take. Technically, she and Kylo were scheduled for a date that night, but looking at the time it was becoming increasingly more unlikely that they'd be able to pull it off. Fucking Snoke and his meetings. Knowing him it probably wasn't even something important, just another unreasonable request of the two of them he didn't want to break to them at the same time. 

Since Rose's tweet, her twitter, Instagram, and YouTube comments sections had been an absolute mess. It was almost exciting that she was experiencing her first batch of 'haters' as everyone seemed to call them (though she detested that term with a passion) if it wasn't so depressing. It was also depressing to see some of her fans tearing Rose to shreds on her page. It was all just part of the brand, she reassured herself, and none of it meant anything and all it would do was draw attention to Rose's single that was going to be released in an hour and Rey's upcoming album. It wouldn't have any real consequences between them. Or at least, that's what she hoped with every fibre of her being. 

She was just checking up on the comments calling her a two-faced bitch when Kylo returned. He entered normally enough, didn't look nearly as pissed to see her as he usually did, and somehow that sent more alarm bells ringing in her head than if he'd stormed in and started ranting. 

"Hey," She said tentatively, her rising intonation on the end making it an almost question. 

He looked at her and blinked, as though he'd temporarily forgotten she was there. "Hey." 

Oh god, something was wrong. He hadn't insulted her or given any hint of his snarky self - it was just flat and that worried her. "Are you gonna sit down?" She asked awkwardly because he was still standing in the door frame, looking as lost as she'd ever seen him.

"Yeah," He said a second too late and crossed the room, collapsing into the chair next to her. He breathed a long sigh, his eyes troubled. 

She bit the inside of her lip. She wasn't sure if asking would be the wrong thing to do, but he was in such a weird state that she couldn't bring herself to do nothing. "Snoke being a dick again?" 

He laughed humourlessly. "Oh, always, it's what he does best," 

"What was the meeting about?" 

"The First Order." 

She frowned deeply, already confused beyond belief. "But you–" 

"Quit, so why would he call me into a meeting about a band that no longer exists," He finished for her. 

She nodded, resisting the urge to place her hand on his. He wasn't like anyone else she knew. Trying to show she cared would probably come across the wrong way. "Well yeah, that," 

"He wants a reunion." 

"He  _ what _ ?" She stared at him. What on earth was happening anymore. "But you don't want anything to do with them anymore—" 

"Because it was holding me back and I'm a selfish prick who wants to be the centre of attention, yes, but Snoke's going to organise it anyway. Don't think that any of my protests, or Hux or Phasma's, will stop him. There's a reason none of us play together anymore,"

She bit back the question she really wanted to ask, knowing it was way too personal and would definitely make him shut her out, instead saying "You all seem on friendly terms, though. It's not like you're at each other's throats," 

"Is that really what you think?" He scoffed, derision pouring out. "You think we're all still  _ friends  _ after the biggest fracture in our careers?" 

She paused, utterly perplexed. Yes, that was exactly what she thought. After a moment, she said slowly and carefully, struggling to figure out whatever the hell was going on. "But you get on, I mean, whenever I've been around you're more than civil with each other. Phasma invited you to the party, she checks in on you, Hux… is Hux but he still seems to treat you with less scorn than anyone else," 

"There, you said it yourself." He said, as if the point was settled, a tired look in his eyes. 

"Said what."

"We get on  _ whenever you're around _ ." He rubbed his forehead, like she was a particularly difficult child he was struggling to explain something basic to. 

It hit her then. She thought about Phasma's frustration with being sidelined for Kylo and the way Hux always had something biting to say whenever the two of them were around. 

"Oh," She said quietly, heart unexpectedly sinking in her chest. It felt like her world had been tipped, tilted at a forty-five degree angle and everything she thought she understood and took for granted was false. Her feeling of a found family in Empire had been utterly illusory. 

"Of course we weren't going to make things awkward for you. Snoke would kill us if we did. But God, couldn't you tell from the moment you met everyone?" He looked away, distancing himself again as he was always so good at doing. "It's  _ just the brand _ . Like everything else in Empire." 

"I—" She really didn't know what to say to that. Was everything in her new life fucking fiction? "So what are you going to do?" 

He said simply, flatly. "Fucking do it, I guess. It's not like there's any decision involved." 

"If you all don't want to do it then maybe Snoke will change his mind, decide all three of you being difficult isn't worth the effort," She tried, though she knew her reasoning was weak and a poor attempt at making him feel better in any capacity. 

He shook his head. "Snoke's speciality is difficult. He'll do whatever it takes to manipulate us into agreeing to it."

She fell silent for a moment. She felt so much sympathy towards him and anger for him that she didn't know how to conduct herself. "Is it just a couple of shows? What actually is it?" 

"A global tour. One and a half months." 

"Fuck," She winced. "Kylo, I'm so sorry."

He gave her a completely apathetic look, as though giving a casual aside and not discussing one of the most stressful things so far. "You always apologise for things that aren't your fucking fault." 

"Reflexes." She shrugged with a little smile. "I just want you to know that I care." 

"I know you care." He frowned, the first bit of actual emotion he'd displayed since returning. "You always do, for some fucking reason."

She pulled him into a tight hug, holding him as close as she could, one hand gently on his back. He tensed up and she panicked, wondering if she'd done completely the wrong thing to help him out in that moment and had only succeeded in making it worse. But after a second he relaxed and though he didn't put his arms round her, she knew by that point that it was already a lot more vulnerability than he was used to allowing himself. 

"I can't believe him," Her anger on his behalf was starting to seep through, despite her attempts not to let it. She let go of him, sending the hug had lasted longer than he would've liked. "That man… I swear he's a psychopath. No-one else would mess with everyone's lives to this extent if they weren't. When's he say you're going?" 

He made eye contact, his face a mask. "Tomorrow," 

"Fuck off." She stared at him, disbelieving. When he just shrugged she felt like she'd been punched in the gut. "Tell me you're fucking kidding. You're not going on a world tour starting tomorrow." 

"The tickets went on sale last night."

"But we would've known. People would be talking about it and tweeting us—" 

"Did you forget Snoke has a social media team managing each of us pretty much 24/7? It wouldn't take much for him to add mentions of it to a blacklist so we couldn't see before it was too late." 

"You can't organise a world tour in one evening," She desperately tried to find some way to prove that this had to just be another one of Snoke's marketing ploys, that this wasn't happening, that her safety nets weren't being torn away from her. "It just doesn't work like that—" 

"Rey, we were the biggest band in the  _ world _ . The tickets sold out for every venue in less than four hours. Rules don't apply to this kind of shit," 

"But still, you can't be expected to drop everything at such short notice – what about all of the dates that he planned for us, what about finishing your track, what about the albums?" 

"The timescale doesn't matter. Whether he told us two months ago or today there's nothing any of us could do to protest it. Snoke  _ owns  _ us. What he says is what happens. That's just how it fucking is." 

She looked up at him, already feeling like everything she'd worked so hard to build in LA was crumbling; the support, the friends, the one person managing to keep her humble and vaguely sane. "God." Pressing her lips together in a tight line, she was still too stunned to be properly upset. 

"I know." He gave her a sad smile, the most defeated she'd seen him. It was worse than the fake dating. He didn't even look like he had the energy to stand up, let alone fight back. "Snoke still wants us to go on our date tonight, by the way." 

That forced a laugh out of her, incredulous that  _ that  _ was the thing Snoke seemed to be worried about beyond anything else. "God, it's going to be the most depressing fucking date ever. He better not expect us to be like, happily chattering away." 

"It's Snoke, of course he's going to fucking expect that," He also found an ironic humour on their terrible situation, a wry smile on his lips. "So see you at six, sweetheart?" 

"Of course," She answered easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY FIRST OF ALL IM SORRY I CAN SEE YALL SCREAMING LOL I FEEL REALLY MEAN BUT THE PLOT MUST GO ON  
> Hehe apart from that hope everyone is vibey  
> Love y'all loads, really don't have anything to say in my notes today,   
> \- brie xx


	13. Too Depressing To Be Ironic

The sun had set early that night, a bit of pathetic fallacy that she found too depressing to be ironic. This was her last day with Kylo for months. Actual months. God. Her last fake date with him for who knew how long, and to be fair, it could've been a lot worse. They'd found a park that was just secluded enough, raided a local supermarket for food, and bought a shit ton of beer in commiserations. Rey sat on the picnic blanket, her shoulder just about touching Kylo's. The wind was cold as a breeze blew up around them, sending a small shiver through her. She held her jacket tightly around herself. Leaning into him for warmth subconsciously, she took one of the strawberries from the punnets and looked at it, thinking about how much she hated LA and her career at that moment, and putting it back. Her appetite had vanished. 

"Snoke arranged anything for you?" He asked, shoulder brushing against hers as he leaned forwards to grab one of the cans of beer from the fraying plastic bag. 

She shook her head and bit down on the inside of her cheek. 

"Nothing at all?" 

She shook her head again. 

"Jesus." He took a long sip of beer. "What the fuck is he even doing?" 

She'd spent all day waiting for Snoke to call her into a meeting, to give her instructions on how she was going to go with Kylo on the tour, to be the supportive fake girlfriend, to be the supportive actual friend. But she'd heard nothing. Absolutely nothing. The one time where she'd be more than happy to have him fuck with her life, he'd decided not to. "God knows," 

The atmosphere was decidedly miserable, as she'd predicted. Their attempts at cheering up had fallen flat both times they'd tried, and honestly she couldn't bring herself to do the loving relationship act that Snoke so wanted. It felt as black as a fucking funeral. 

"I just don't get it," She said after a minute, leaning back on her hands and breathing a sigh. No matter how many times she'd tried to make sense of the situation she'd drawn up blank. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be understood. Like Kylo had said a few weeks ago, no-one understood what Snoke did but somehow it always resulted in maximum profit. No regard as to how she might be feeling, as per usual. "I don't see why he hasn't, like, forced me into tagging along with you the whole time. That's what I'd expect. Or even just arrange a couple of the tour dates nearby so I can pop in. How's this going to work with the fake relationship?" 

In the few hours they'd been apart, Kylo had returned to his usual self. He wasn't so much a hollow, empty shell anymore. In fact, he seemed to have doubled down on the apathy. Maybe this was what he'd been waiting for all along, a chance to get away from her – to escape the 'just business' relationship he'd been so against from the start. He gave a shrug and gestured towards the bag. "No fucking idea. Want another beer?" 

"No thanks, still on this one." The can had long gone warm in her hands, she'd taken three, maybe four sips of it at most. She couldn't bring herself to have any shred of enjoyment when her mind was so preoccupied. 

He raised an eyebrow. "You've been on that one for an hour," 

"Yeah, I know." She looked up at the sky. The first sign of stars twinkled overhead, small and easily barred by the low rolling clouds. She wondered when everything in her life had changed so much, when it had all snowballed to the point of resulting in her pretty much alone in LA. Kylo was going. Phasma was going with him, as was Hux. She couldn't hang out with Rose because they were supposed to hate each other. Finn was still in fucking London. She had Poe, kind of, but he was still Finn's friend way more than hers. And she couldn't go home because she was still under contract, still had another half of an album to produce before she could even  _ begin  _ to think of leaving LA. "I'm taking my time," 

"Clearly," He leaned back too, turning to look at her with a removed and vaguely judging expression. She wished he would stop doing that. He managed, more than a little awkwardly, the words coming out stilted and forced: "You okay?" 

"Yeah, absolutely vibing." She said with a sad smile. "Never been better. Why?" 

That got a small laugh out of him, a short exhale that was more a recognition of irony than an expression of humour. "You're a terrible liar, sweetheart." 

She couldn't even get mad at him for the nickname that time, knowing it would be a while before she'd hear it from him in person again. "I'm usually a pretty good liar, actually. I convinced Finn in the first year we were friends that I was moving to Australia for three months."

He gave her a thoroughly baffled, immensely judging look, like he could give her all the scorn in the world and it still wouldn't be enough. " _ Why _ would you do that?" 

"Thought it was funny? It started cause someone said to him that I was going there on holiday – I wasn't, never been able to afford it, never will – and when he asked me about it I was so baffled that I didn't say anything to dispute it. Gradually that turned into me telling him I was in a new study abroad program. They were wild times."

He just shook his head in exasperation and took another sip of beer. "You are so fucking weird." 

"Yeah, but you like me anyway." She smiled, lightly bumping shoulders with him. 

"Oh, I have been forced to like you since the start. Don't delude yourself that it's genuine," 

She laughed, shoving him. "That's really mean! Okay, just because our friendship was built on lies and acting during the start of the collab, doesn't mean that we're not actually tight now. Admit it. You're going to miss me just as much as I'm going to miss you while you're away." 

He cracked a smile and shoved her back; in retaliation she swatted his hand away when he went in for another. "I'm emotionally damaged. I don't  _ miss  _ people." 

She grinned widely, swiping his can from him. At his protests she leaned back, holding it behind her so he couldn't grab it. "You're not gonna last three days without me, calling it now. You'll try to ignore me until then but then you'll crack because you need someone to be a dick to who doesn't take it seriously," 

"I intend to end all forms of contact with you unless absolutely necessary." He insisted, doing his best to appear convincing. If she didn't know any better, she might have believed him from the scowl he was able to pull from nowhere. "Besides, I'll have Phasma and Hux to detest in your absence." 

She scoffed. "Oh, like that'll get you the same level of enjoyment." 

"I survived without you before, I can survive without you now." He said so firmly that she could almost believe it to be true. Well, it was definitely the opposite of true for her. Surely he had to feel the same way after so long. "Don't flatter yourself," 

She smiled up at him, hoping to push his buttons. "I will flatter myself all I like, you can't stop me." 

"Your branding will stop you." Came his deadpan reply. 

He was always so good at pointing out the obvious, especially when it was what she didn't want to think about. "Ugh, I want to die." 

He gave a short laugh and raised a questioning eyebrow at her. "People say that a lot, but few really mean it." 

"I'm one of the few." She said with a little smile, then shook her head. "No, but really. Can't I go off the rails just once? Isn't that, like, mandatory for every 'good' person in the industry? When do I get my Snoke-sanctioned tantrum?" 

He considered it and then answered, running a hand through his hair. "I have them anyway and when he realised there was no way he could stop them, he changed my image to reflect that." 

"Maybe if I blame it all on your influence." She tried, eyes bright. 

He gave her the usual deadpan stare, monotonous delivery. "Completely discrediting me and the point of you being here in the process," 

"It could work," She grinned, trying to imagine it. How great it would be to just flip out at Snoke one day, especially on national TV. "Just imagine the headlines! All press is good press," 

"Even Snoke would disagree with you on that one. Can I have my beer back now?" 

"Oh shit, yeah sorry," She laughed, handing it back to him. "Highkey forgot I stole that from you."

He took a long, satisfied sip. She took the moment to watch as a flock of birds took flight from across the grass some feet ahead of them, soaring up into the skies to be immediately obscured by opaque cloud. As she looked around, wanting to remember the details, she caught sight of what looked suspiciously like the reflection off a camera lens from behind a mass of bushes and trees. 

"Don't look now, but we are bloody surrounded by paparazzi. Oh, how I wish I could tell them to fuck off." She sighed wistfully imagining how glorious such an occasion would be. 

"It's not your branding." He reminded and she groaned. 

"Fuck my branding," 

"Tell that to Snoke. Me, however," He grinned, doing the exact opposite of what she'd told him to do and looking around for every camera, fixing his gaze on a couple that were closer than the rest. "It is perfectly within my character." He cleared his throat and prepared a glare. "This one's for you sweetheart," 

"Kylo, no!" She laughed, as he turned to face them. When he didn't stop she tugged on his shirt sleeve. "Oh my god, Snoke will actually kill us if you do!" 

"Hey, you!" He called to the paparazzo barely disguised behind the bushes. "Yes, you. The one that's trying to act like I'm talking to him." 

"Oh my god, stop!" She laughed more, finding it absolutely hilarious but also mortifying. He turned, shot her a quick grin, then went back to chewing them out. 

Fixing them with the glare he reserved for when she was being aggravating, he continued: "Fuck off and let my girlfriend and I enjoy our date in peace," 

"Kylo, no!" She grabbed his arm, trying to conceal her laughter for the inevitable pictures being taken of him infuriating the press. "Oh my god, this is funny, but please, I do value my life a little right now." 

He backed down in the end, flipping the cameras off for good measure, before turning back around to her with the biggest self-satisfied smirk she'd ever seen. "You're fucking welcome," 

"I don't know if I  _ want  _ to thank you for that," She smiled, still fighting back laughter. "That really is the antithesis of the happy couple we're supposed to be. We're really gonna have to play it up now," 

"That a problem for you?" He challenged, still smirking. 

"Well yes, but also no," She answered after a moment. "It's more of a problem for you, considering how bad you are at responding to the slightest bit of affection." 

He rolled his eyes but didn't protest. She loved when he accepted she was right. Leaning across to grab himself another can (she wondered if he'd slow down considering it was around his third one) he asked "Want a beer yet?" 

"The answer's still no. Chuck me some raspberries though?" She requested, gesturing towards them. 

He took one from the punnet and as she reached out to take it, moved his hand back. She rolled her eyes and went to take it again, but he held it out of her reach for a second time. 

"Hold still," He instructed with a smirk. Whatever he was planning worried her, as usual, but she followed his instruction and stayed put, resting back on her hands and waiting for whatever he was going to do next. 

He took the raspberry between his forefinger and thumb and leaned towards her. Involuntarily, her heart jumped. Taking her chin gently in his other hand, he placed the berry against her mouth. Getting what he was going for, she relaxed and parted her lips. It was sweet on her tongue. 

"You know that wasn't exactly what I meant, right?" She said after eating it, feeling her cheeks burn and really hoping that it wasn't visible. 

Still smirking - that damn smirk would be the death of her - and still close, he murmured. "It'll give the press something to talk about while I'm gone." 

"I suppose it will." She laughed a little awkwardly, glancing away. She was still too upset about them being parted for a month and a half to play along wholeheartedly, but figured that it would probably fit her image more than if she did anything else. 

Eventually he leaned back and passed her the punnet, thoroughly unaffected. Unusually for him, he didn't look ready to die after their little stunt. "Here," 

"Thanks," She grabbed a handful and ate them at lightning speed. It was a nervous habit she had and really wished she could shake. "You know, I'm really not looking forward to being alone in the studios with just Snoke. I'm putting you in charge of my funeral." 

"It's not exactly a situation any of us would kill for." He agreed. "Bastard of a man. You must've done something terrible to the universe for it to make you so unlucky, Rey." 

"Ha, clearly." She said humourlessly. "I'm actually going to die."

He scoffed. "Fucking melodramatic."

"Hey, one second ago you were agreeing with me that it sucks and now you're calling me melodramatic?" 

"Exactly." 

"You are so  _ difficult _ ." She huffed, playing with the ends of her hair. "You know that?" 

"Oh, I pride myself on it." He grinned, infuriatingly. 

"I bet my album won't be any good without you there to fix half of it too," She complained, halfway between sitting on the rug and lying down on it, a weird midway that made her core muscles hurt more than it probably should. "All of the good bits in my previous singles were your additions." 

"You'll have to learn to write your own good music, tragic. Don't you just hate having to do the bare minimum?" 

"At least your music is stuff you actually like. I can't deal with this your-stuff-but-more-pathetic bullshit. It's just like Snoke took everything that makes alt-rock interesting and watered it down to be more palatable to a wider audience. I hate being his commercial project,"

He lay down on his back then, having finished his can. "Unfortunately that's exactly your purpose to the studios. Commercialisation is the sad reality of what we do."

It was one of those things that was true but she hated having to accept, like most things about her career and time in LA. "Just like… Everything is so fake and it's exhausting. Especially my drama with Rose, if it can even be called drama. I mean, we all know that's just a disaster waiting to happen. I don't see anyway we can come out of it the same. 

"Again, that's just what we do." He sighed. For once he didn't sound as prickly saying it, as though he was allowing himself to be a little bit vulnerable too. "Perks of being signed by Empire, too. Rebellion doesn't get half this shit."

"God, to be signed by them right now…" She said wistfully, lying down next to him. "To be in the same studios as Luke Skywalker… Rose has it so damn lucky and I will admit that I'm insanely fucking jealous," 

"Fuck Skywalker." He said with a lot less vulnerability than his previous statement, a hard edge to his tone. 

Taken aback, she asked "You don't like him?" 

"That's one way of putting it," 

Her curiosity got the best of her and she frowned "Um, why?" 

"I was going to be signed with Rebellion originally. We'd just started working on some tracks when he kicked me out. Said I was too much of a risk to their image, that I'd ruin the reputation of the studios." 

"Oh." She said. "Shit. That's so cruel," 

"Entirely justified," He answered easily, so easily that it had to be a cover. "Controversy and risk is what I make my money off now,"

"Treat a man like a dick and he'll learn to act like one?" She gave a little smile, a poor attempt at humour. 

"Something to that effect. Went to college because I had nothing fucking better to do. Started a new band. Got noticed by Empire. Snoke promised he could give me what I wanted. And thus, Kylo Ren was born."

It was something she couldn't quite grasp, that her idol in the industry for so long would act in a way that seemed entirely out of character and chuck Kylo out like that. She had the suspicion that he hadn't graced her with the whole story, though, just the highlights. 

"I wish we could go back to the beach," She thought aloud, filter removed as she lay on her back, the uneven ground under the blanket digging into her skin. 

He furrowed his brow. "You do? We could go. It's a twenty minute walk. Snoke would murder us," 

She breathed a laugh. "No, like, metaphorically. When our collab had just released and it felt like we could do anything." 

"We still could do anything. If you're also willing to directly contradict Snoke's instructions," 

"Yeah, I'm really not willing," She smiled, turning to hide it. "That man makes me feel so much rage I didn't know I was capable of, you don't even understand," 

"He has that effect on people," A small smile played on the corner of his lips. "And believe me, I'm probably the only one who does understand. 

It was pretty true. Phasma and Hux just seemed to get on with it, and though she'd had Phasma express frustration to her before it hadn't really got beyond that point. Kylo was the only person she could open up to who felt exactly the same way, despite all of their other differences. He got what she felt. Where she could talk to Finn over Skype and Rose via text even though they were supposed to be feuding, they just didn't get it - and it wasn't their fault nor for lack of trying. But Kylo had been through it too. "Yeah… You're right." 

"As always, sweetheart," 

She laughed incredulously. "As always? As if," 

"Go on, name one time I haven't been right." 

"... Okay I can't think of a specific time right now, but like, you don't win this argument." 

"What a strong defence," He said with enough sarcasm to drown in. 

In retaliation, she nudged him in the ribs. "Hey, shut up, you know it's true," 

He nudged her back. "It is not, and that's why I'm protesting it." 

They stayed quiet for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts. Eventually, she asked, "Where's the first show again?" 

He tucked his hands behind his head and continued searching the sky - what for, she wasn't sure. "We're doing the European leg first. Amsterdam, I think. Though I wasn't paying any fucking attention when Snoke told me the itinerary." 

"Of course you didn't listen. Important information is just trivial to you, isn't it?" She said with affectionate bite, kicking him lightly in the shin. "Fucking world tour tomorrow and you don't even know where you're going…" 

"It's the same show regardless of location." He said with ease, like it was a mantra he'd stuck by for years. 

"Yeah, I suppose so, but like– oh, whatever, it really isn't that important," 

"Glad to see you're finally understanding how this works, sweetheart."

The sunset had long faded into cold night when they decided that they should probably get going - well, Kylo because the flight was leaving at 6 the next morning and he didn't want to be even more of a dick than usual. So she rolled up the picnic blanket and tucked it under her arm while Kylo took their rubbish to the bins and recycled them appropriately, trying not to feel like the good mood had immediately dropped. It had ended too soon. And if they left, she had to face the fact that he was properly leaving for ages. And that was some whole mix of feelings she didn't want to confront right then. 

When he returned he picked up what was left of the beer, three cans, and offered them to her. "Want them? I won't be able to take them," 

It was the small reminders like that which seemed to get to her already. She wished she could just not think about it. "Yeah, I guess they'll only go to waste otherwise. Poe might want them," 

He handed her the bag after checking that it was still mostly intact from the weight of everything they'd taken with them. "Here," 

"Thanks," She tested its weight. Luckily it was pretty light.

"Are you walking back?" He asked. 

"Yeah, it's not far," 

"It's late,"

She rolled her eyes. "I know, it's fine." 

"You can't walk alone." 

"Seriously? I'm not a child," 

"You're acting like one." 

"Touché." She said, leading the way through grid streets and identical blocks. 

They stopped outside Poe's apartment, Kylo walking her back despite the fact that she said it was fine and not even that late. Well, at least it was an unusually nice gesture from him. After unlocking the door she stopped and turned back to him. 

"So I guess this is goodbye," She said, hoping her voice wasn't shaking as much as her hands she clasped together to hide it. "Until you're back from the tour. Don't have too much fun without me. And don't find someone else to bully in place of me, that's my position and I won't give it up to anyone."

That got a laugh from him. "Yes. Until I've sold my soul to Snoke for the fiftieth time and return as a shell of the man I once was." 

"Promise you won't replace me?" She smiled, taking his hand because the cameras had followed despite Kylo telling them to fuck off earlier, and also because deep down she simply wanted to. 

He rolled his eyes. "You are so needy. No, I won't replace you." 

"You've got to promise." She teased, tugging him towards her. 

"Fine. I  _ promise _ . Happy now? The word doesn't make a difference." 

"Yes, happy now. And it does, to me. Cause if you break it, when you come back I will absolutely wreck your career." 

"We've already clarified that you'd be shit at trying to ruin my career. It's not like you have any controversial secrets about me." 

She laughed. "That's what you think," 

"Yes, it's what I know to be true." 

"I'm going to miss you," She said after a pause, feeling vulnerable all over again. 

He frowned, a troubled expression taking over, as though he was stuck on a particularly difficult maths problem or trying to figure out the best harmony parts on his songs. Eventually, he said, looking as though it pained him to even consider the idea "I'll miss you too." 

It was both the best and worst thing he could have said. On one hand, all she wanted was to know that he valued their friendship as much as she did, that he did actually give a fuck about her when it came down to it. On the other, it just had to come at the worst time, when the confirmation meant nothing for being oceans away for an extended period of time. 

"You'll call," She said, more of a statement than a question. "Because if you don't I think I'll go insane from too much Snoke," 

He nodded. "I'll call. I need someone to keep me in check and give me my daily reminder that I'm a dick." 

She laughed a little. "I can provide that." 

They lapsed into silence. It had almost become a cliché of their own that night. She had so much more that she wanted to say but honestly no way to say it. It was like everything she was feeling was too much, too big to be put into words with their set meanings and order and structure when really what she wanted to convey to him was beyond those constructs. She struggled with it for a minute, trying to translate it into speech. Then she gave up, and, as she knew Snoke would want, stood on tiptoe to place the lightest brush of a kiss against his cheek. It didn't get any easier for all the times they'd done it for the cameras. She bit back a smile at his thoroughly disgruntled expression which soon gave way. 

"Camera," She said as explanation, giving a slight nod in the direction of the paparazzo that had hung back. 

He nodded and brushed a strand of her hair back that had fallen in front of her face. His light touch against her skin lit up every nerve. With the hint of a smirk, he replied "Shall we give them a show, sweetheart?" 

Was he suggesting what she thought he was suggesting? She swallowed. It wasn't in Snoke's plan for their relationship. But Snoke had given her any plans since this whole fucking debacle had been revealed, and they'd been putting it off for a month and a half, and she didn't know when they'd see each other next or what the status of their fake relationship would be, so when he placed his hand on the small of her back and pulled her close she leaned into it, met him halfway as his lips touched hers, hand on the nape of his neck. The click of a camera. Her pulse raced so much he could probably feel it as he kissed her, and  _ shit _ they were really doing it and Snoke would probably kill them and it would be all over the fucking media tomorrow, she'd never hear the end of it from Finn or Rose and it was a step over a line she'd never be able to uncross between them, and goddammit did it have to feel so  _ right _ ? 

When he pulled away she knew her face had to be flushed, it had to be obvious how much that felt like a tightrope walk over a city skyline. 

"That should tie them over," He said simply. Of course, he was as apathetic as ever, maybe even more so. It was all just business. Like they'd agreed at the start. 

"Yeah," She managed a laugh, slightly hollow while her brain tried to process what in the actual  _ fuck  _ had just happened. "You know you've just made sure we're going to be bombarded about this. We won't be able to open twitter for weeks." 

He stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans, scowled, something she'd grown to found almost endearing. "I prefer it that way, it's a fucking hell site." 

She laughed again, a second too late. "That's probably the truest thing you've ever said to me." 

"Well." 

Silence. Had she said something wrong? It suddenly felt like he was already oceans apart from her, continents away, on the other side of timezones and phone calls and entirely separate lives, though he was still close to her, closer than usual, and she could still feel the flush in her cheeks, the way her heart refused to regulate itself, and was reminded of just how utterly fucked she was. 

The door swung open behind them, a window of warmth and golden light spilling out to illuminate them on the street. She spun around, nerves still on overdrive, as Poe's silhouette appeared in the door frame and he gave her a questioning look. "Sorry, heard the door open and no-one came in. Am I interrupting something?" 

She glanced back at Kylo, he shrugged and replied, to her vague annoyance: "Nope."

"Okay…" Poe looked between the two of them a little suspiciously, but soon shook his head and pushed off the door frame. "I'm going back inside. Don't let the cold in, Rey," 

"I won't, sorry," She cringed. 

He turned back around and returned inside, pulling the door to behind him but not locking it. Kylo gave her a bemused smile, waiting for her explanation as to why she was still standing there. She needed to say something. But what? Nothing could bridge the gap between them now. 

"I don't want to say it," She laughed nervously, glancing away, clasping her fingers together for something to do with her hands. 

He frowned, standing stock still. "Say what?" 

"Goodbye," 

"You just said it," 

"I know I  _ just said it _ , but I don't want to believe it." 

"Can't help you there, sweetheart." 

"I'll miss you," 

"You've said already," 

"It's still true," 

"Goodbye. " He said firmly, and she wondered whether he was saying it to be cruel or kind to her in that moment. 

"Goodbye," She echoed, a rising intonation, still not ready to accept it was her reality. 

He gave her a subtle incline of the head and it felt like being back in studio three on her first day again, carefully constructing answers to the tests he sprung upon her every other moment, the music, the stilted banter, the way it almost felt like they were back to square one all over again. At least when he'd sent her off on her flight it had felt like they'd still be close. Now every exchange of words was synthetic and scripted, like two actors stumbling through a pivotal scene with lines forgotten, just fumbling to move the action from point A to B. Needing to convince herself that everything was still fine, and had a chance of continuing to be, she caught him in a loose hug, one arm slung over his shoulder and the other on his back. Slowly, awkwardly as ever, all gusto from their stunt earlier evaporated, he placed a light hand between her shoulder blades. 

"You're going to make your roommate cold," He said once the hug had lasted longer than he'd expected or wanted, starting to detach himself from her already. 

"Yeah, well," She gave a shrug in echo of the ones he gave her, a small smile. "You're more important right now." 

"You'll be fine without me," He said in a way that was only partially reassuring. At her look of disbelief, he rolled his eyes and said more emphatically "You will. You'll have the studios to yourself. Recording your album will be easier than it was for any of the rest of us." 

_ That's not the problem here _ , she wanted to say, but swallowed it back. He wouldn't respond well to clinginess, especially any declarations of how he was her best friend out here and she wouldn't know how to cope with the stress of the industry with him gone. 

"You're stalling," He said with a wry smile. 

"I don't stall." She quoted him from before, giving a similar smile in return. 

"Just go." He gestured towards the door. 

She swallowed. It was idiocy to think that by procrastinating it would change the situation in any way. There weren't any tears. Why wasn't she crying? She nodded and walked up the steps. Two metres apart felt like miles. He gave her a small tilt of the head. With a bittersweet smile, she raised her eyebrows and blew him a kiss. The soft click of cameras again. Still her eyes didn't sting, maybe it just hadn't set in yet, the denial stronger than logic. Finally finding the courage to open the door and step inside, closing it gently behind her, it took everything in her to not drop the bag of beer in the hallway and run into the bathroom to stare wildly at her reflection, scrambling to figure out when everything had fallen apart so fast. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> It's May the fourth tomorrow!!! Happy star wars day in advance!!!!  
> It's so sad I was gonna lightsaber battle one of my friends but due to lockdown that cannot happen (tragic)  
> Hope everyone's okay! We've been doing this lockdown thing for six weeks now (at least in the uk anyway) and we've got this!  
> Lots of love, thx for kudos, comments, all that, stay safe, wash your hands,   
> \- brie xx


	14. Sweet FA

Never before had Rey been so close to just  _ fucking losing it _ . Snoke, in his typical, infuriating fashion, had banned her under all circumstances from saying goodbye to everyone at the airport no matter how much she'd tried to reason with him: I can't just let them go it looks bad, the paparazzi would love pictures of Kylo and my teary farewell, why are you stopping me from this when it's so insignificant? But that made no difference and neither did the pathetic pleading and begging, until finally, over the phone at midnight, he'd told her he'd scheduled a meeting that she couldn't miss at 6am, the exact time Phasma, Hux, and Kylo were due to leave the continent. There was so much pent up annoyance in her she didn't even know what to do anymore, it festered in her veins like an unpleasant sting and made her as numb and heavy as a vaccine in the arm, the realisation that she was utterly alone for the first time in years and had no idea how the hell to acclimatise back to that state of existence. 

So that's how she'd spent her morning, groggy, depressed, listening to Pryde monotonously monologue away about elements of production he'd planned for her tracks that she couldn't bring herself to care about when the building was deserted and there was pretty much no-one she could spend time with. He explained that in order to market her album she'd need to stick exclusively to the instrumental suggestions he'd made, and it took almost everything in her not to punch him when he suggested removing one of Kylo's motifs that he'd added one afternoon when they were sprawled on the studio floor together like kids, stools abandoned at the side, earphones in and laptops on and Cubase and Sibelius open all while she complained that she still didn't know what to do in the chorus and he'd whipped the laptop from her and without even taking the earphones, composed a short motif that she'd ended loving so much she'd kept. It felt so stupid to attribute such sentimentality to something as simple as one bar of clumsily written music, but it was all she had left of him in the most melodramatic way. He would still be on the flight now, if it was anything as long as the one she'd taken to get to LA in the first place, and that filled her with restless energy. She still hadn't quite figured out how to be sad over it yet. Surely it would hit her later like a slap in the face, but for the time being her brain had neatly compartmentalised that slew of feelings away to make place for grim resolve and a hollowness that hurt more than it should. 

And to put the icing on the cake, the cherry on the top, all similar idioms to the same effect, Snoke was still being aggravatingly tight-lipped about any possibility of her flying out too. When she'd proposed the idea of supporting one of the shows, or even just heading out to do the concerned girlfriend act, he'd just laughed and in the most condescending tone possible told her not to worry about it. God, she hated that man. 

Those meetings had set her whole day off on a bad foot, along with the fact that she'd had to get up so bloody early to attend them anyway, and it was with a heaviness she didn't know she was capable of that she slumped in front of the laptop to work on the next section of her track. Over the past month, she'd finished about half of the songs on the album. She wondered how Kylo would finish his, what with being on a world tour and everything. It didn't exactly scream free time and resources to be able to finish the song. Maybe if he asked she could forward the files on to him or something… 

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, an annoying buzz against her jacket. She fished it out and sighed. Rose. Why did the thought of talking to her sound exhausting? As it rang four more times she considered just not picking up at all. But what would she actually gain from that except an excuse to wallow even more deeply in her sulk? She pressed the accept button. "Hey, what's up?" 

"Rey! Babe, I've missed you!" Rose's voice crackled through the speakers, wind crackled across the line. She was simultaneously too loud and too quiet all at once, and from her heavy breathing it sounded like she was running. 

Just hearing her voice made her smile. She could at least pretend in calls like this that they weren't supposed to be hating each other in the eyes of the world. "Missed you too. What are you doing? The line keeps breaking up," 

"Jogging," Rose replied breathlessly. "Soz, phone's in my pocket and I'm trying to use the mic on my earphones." 

"You jog now?" Rey replied with a surprised laugh. She knew that Rose had been into things like yoga and once managed to drag her to a pilates class, but straight cardio didn't seem like her thing at all. 

The sound of feet against tarmac formed a backbeat to Rose's reply. "Yeah, I jog now. But I've missed you so much. I hate not being able to hang out with you because of stupid drama." 

"Yeah, me too," She balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder and for a moment felt like a highstrung businesswoman trying to manage an important client while struggling to sift through piles of related paperwork. Then the fantasy of a simpler job was shattered, and a tinge of worry built in her stomach. "Wait, where are you?" 

"Downtown. Maybe like ten minutes from Empire?" Rose answered, and as she slowed down the reception became much better. "Why?" 

"Shit, if you're in public someone might overhear this conversation." She chewed on her lip, pressed the save button on her current Cubase loops. "This isn't a good idea," 

"It's fine," Rose said breezily, a smile evident in her tone. "No-one's listening. Earphones, remember?" 

"Well, yeah, okay. But you can't say my name or anything that hints towards me being, well, me." She felt bad for imposing such stupid rules on their call but discussions (read: lectures) with Snoke had warned her against doing anything to compromise the perfectly crafted PR he'd built. The fallout could be catastrophic. "Even though people can't hear my end they can still hear yours," 

"Yeah, yeah," Rose grumbled, and her footsteps faded out to slow walk as she caught her breath and carried on talking. "I know. Ugh, this sucks. Why can't we just get smashed at my place again?"

"Because our record labels are bitches. Next question?" 

Rose breathed a laugh, and Rey could imagine her shaking her head on the other end of the line. "God, you're not wrong there. But it so couldn't hurt to sneak out at some point and do something." 

"Uh, actually, that really  _ could  _ hurt." 

"Fine." She sighed, and the audio crackled loudly. "But I do really miss you. Making shit up about how much I hate you has got old really quickly. I thought it'd at least be kind of fun for the first month at least, but apparently I have only one insult and that's not enough for a rivalry." 

"You'll just have to be more inventive," Rey smiled, suddenly finding inspiration to fix the rhythm in one of her more problematic bars. "Find some really cruel ones. Trawl through your fans' replies; they have some really creative insults."

"Ha, as do yours. I've already been called a leech in every variation of the word. Even a vampire because I, like, sucked the fame out of you or something." 

Rey burst out laughing and tried to stifle it with the back of her hand pressed to her mouth. "Oh my  _ god _ I will not live that down. Edward Cullen is fucking quaking,"

Rose laughed too, and it was so great to hear her voice that Rey could again almost pretend that this was a phone call like any other that wouldn't get her into deep shit with Snoke if he found out. "The perfect time to be a vampire really, the Twilight Renaissance." 

"That is  _ not  _ a thing," 

"It so is! It's cool to like Twilight now! As a collective society, Tumblr has decided that vampires are sexy again. Cringe culture is dead." 

" _ Shut up. _ " Rey grinned, feeling laughter ready to spill out from the tip of her tongue. "This is why I have a fake rivalry with you." 

"You're just a hater," Rose said with a complete lack of malice, enough to set the two of them into fits of giggles. It felt like being at a teenage sleepover, exchanging secrets and stories about boys under the intimate blackness of night at one in the morning. 

"God, do I hate you," Rey said with a similar lack of feeling, grateful beyond belief that Rose had called her. "Watch me write a tweet about this and vague you on my insta story." 

"Can't do that, babe, it would give away this phone call." 

"Shit, you got me there." 

"So my jogging aside—" 

"Still want an explanation for that one." 

"Good for my image. Anyway, how's your album going?" 

"It's going," Rey said non-committally, glancing at the laptop screen of a small minute loop and notepad of naïve, unfinished lyrics. "Just not in the way I'd like it to at all." 

"Ugh, sounds like it sucks." 

"Yep. I'm not a songwriter at heart. As much as I loved it five years ago, I have realised just how terrible I am at it. Though actually handing over full creative control to Pryde and Snoke would be infinitely worse, so maybe it's better to suffer this headache." Rey rubbed her forehead and looked warily at the screen. The screen saver, a bunch of press releases for Empire, has begun going through its slideshow. "How's your next single going? Not to be like  _ wow I have it so much harder than you  _ but you already have a portfolio of songs that Rebellion liked, right? So you just have to maybe polish them up and re-record the vocals and you're set." 

"Mhm. Perks of studying Music Production." Rose had started walking again, making the connection shaky. "Luckily I can still keep up with my course and do this. Rebellion are really flexible with it, actually. Leia said I should put my education first, which is sweet but unexpected from someone who wants to profit off me." 

"Ugh, must be fucking nice. Guess what time Snoke had me in the studios this morning," 

"What?" 

"Six."

"Ew. What the hell?" 

"Exactly." Rey's frustration was resurfacing again, as it did everytime she thought about that man. "And, this is entirely verbatim, 'because Kylo, Hux, and Phasma won't be in the studios, I expect you to make the most of this time by spending everyday working on your album. Pryde will be available from nine to six to assist you.' He sounds like a fucking high school teacher, all 'you should be using this time to revise' and shit,"

Rose gave a low whistle. "Geez, he really doesn't cut you a break, huh?" 

"The opposite. Now he's booted the others off on the stupid reunion tour I'm the only one around for him to fuck about." In a suddenly paranoid state, she glanced across the studio to check the doors were closed. Thank God they were. The last thing she needed was for Snoke to hear her bitching and then become even more cruel to her for it. "So yeah, I've still got five more tracks to tackle for the album and then I'll be blessedly done." 

"What's the deal with you and Kylo's relationship?" 

"Hm?" It took her a minute to realise what she was talking about, she'd been so lost in self-pity. "Oh, yeah. I really don't know." 

"I saw the pics from last night," Rose's voice took on a lilted, teasing tone, she could hear the smirk purely in her speech. "So how was it? Is he a good kisser?" 

"I don't know. I guess? It wasn't a snog or anything," She was so glad that Rose wasn't there to see the flush on her cheeks. 

" _ Snog _ ." Rose repeated, finding it hilarious. "You sound like you're in Harry Potter.  _ Snog _ . That's so funny," 

"Hey, just because I'm British!" Rey protested. 

" _ Oi, guvnor! _ " 

"I don't sound like that!" She dissolved into laughter. "Shut up!" 

"You do, babe, but whatever. Anyway, at least you didn't hate it. God, I can think of way worse people to have to kiss for the press…" Rose trailed off dreamily. 

"I'd offer you my place, but somehow that might not align with how Snoke wants all my relationship dynamics to pan out. Maybe I can give him to you as a truce in like three months." 

"Nah, you're good. I see the way you look at him in those photos and I will  _ not  _ insert myself in the way of that debacle." 

"I don't look at him like anything," 

"Sure you don't. You have these big, gentle eyes." 

"That's because we  _ have  _ to look like we like each other. How would fake dating work if I just glared at him the whole time?" 

"Sounds an awful lot like denial to me," Rose said in a sing-song tone, finding an almost offensive amount of glee in the discussion. 

"Just you wait until you get a fake music industry boyfriend or girlfriend. Then you'll stop bullying me." 

"That's not really Rebellion's MO, not gonna lie to you." 

"I am insanely jealous of you, you know that?" 

"Yup," Rose replied cheerfully. "Anyway, gotta dash if I'm gonna finish this 5k in time. So talk to you again soon?" 

"Yeah, please. I'm going crazy from lack of human interaction here." The call had cheered her up immensely, all the better for being entirely out of the blue. "Just make sure we don't get caught, yada yada, you know that spiel." 

"Sure do. See ya, love ya," 

"Love you too," She smiled as the small click signalled the call had ended. 

She spent the next couple of hours continuing to work in the track, driving herself close to insanity with how many times she'd listened to it and rewritten the lyrics. It would be stuck in her head for days, and not in a good way. At least it was starting to take shape now. She had the basics of all the verses, choruses, and the bridge, as skeletal and bare as they were, and was starting to feel a bit more chipper despite everything. As much as she loved composing things with Kylo, it turned out she was a lot more productive when she wasn't distracted by him every five minutes - who knew? She was just starting to work on the rhythm guitar parts, trying to emulate her inner Kylo and compose how he would, when her phone buzzed again. Ugh. Of course her work flow would be interrupted. It wouldn't be anything to get her hopes up over either, Kylo wouldn't be in Amsterdam yet, and genuinely no-one else would be interesting. She managed to ignore it for around ten minutes, completing the eight bars she was close to tears of frustration over, and then caved in and took out her phone. 

Huh. Weird. It was a string of messages from Finn. But he should be fast asleep, it was 11am in LA which meant it must be 3am back home. Thinking he probably just couldn't sleep and was spamming her with memes, she didn't grow too worried about it as she opened her Instagram dms. Instantly, she was distracted by a bombardment of message requests. Snoke had made her contractually bound to not respond to people's DMs, as, in his words, 'there's too much at risk to be worth giving yourself the ego boost'. That still grated at her, honestly, if anyone was the egomaniac it would be Snoke or maybe Kylo. She tore herself away from that train of thought and opened her DM. 

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ Oh shit _

_ Just saw the news peanut :( _

_ Really sorry _

Her heart dropped like a stone in the ocean. What news? Why the hell was he sorry? Anxiety bubbled inside her as she sent a reply with fumbling hands. 

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_?????  _

_ uh what lol _

It was probably fine. It was probably insignificant and she was freaking out prematurely for absolutely no reason. But it still wouldn't make sense that he was sorry if it was nothing. Goddammit, for once logic still led her to a place of panic. Finn typed for a painfully long amount of time. Biting the inside of her cheek, she watched anxiously as he stopped then started again on loop until she got the worst message of her life:

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ Oh crap I don't want to be the one breaking the news to you.  _

_ You don't know?  _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ no???? _

_ srsly wtf is going on lol _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ Check your twitter mentions _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ ok???  _

_ also lol why didn't u text me _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ First app I opened when I woke up.  _

_ Peanut just read it and stop stalling _

_ Then come back for virtual hugs _

Why would she need virtual hugs? Genuinely what was going on? On autopilot she saved and closed her song, pulled her knees up to her chin in the chair she was sat in and opened twitter. 

Everything seemed normal at first, or if not  _ normal  _ at least what she'd been expecting. The '#reylo' tag had blown up overnight and flooded her feed. The pictures of her and Kylo at the picnic and outside Poe's apartment really hadn't hung around to let the sting of him leaving wear off. Ugh, paparazzi. She still had no idea what Finn could be referring to and so kept scrolling down her feed. It was still all just people freaking out and calling her and Kylo their parents (yet another stan twitter thing she didn't think she'd ever have to deal with but here she was) and reblogged news articles about it. 

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ you're sorry kylo and I kissed???  _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ What no _

_ Why would I be sorry about that _

_ Well apart from the fact that the last time we talked you said he was annoying and you hated having to date him _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ omg can you just TELL ME what's going on _

_ you're really stressing me out now  _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ This isn't funny rey I'm genuinely trying to be supportive  _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ I LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON  _

_ IT'S NOT FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S NOT A JOKE _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ Okay okay fine _

_ I have no idea how you've managed to avoid this _

_ Been on Rose's page?  _

_ But here: _

Finn sent a screenshot. It was of one of the tweets she and Rose had laughed about a week or so ago, back when all of this was fresh. 

> **_@roseticohno:_ **
> 
> _ y'all act like your fave can do no wrong but srsly if you had the tea on all the shit they've done…whew chile _

She frowned and sent Finn another message back. 

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_??? yeah we discussed that tweet lol _

_ it's funny dw about it _

But Finn wasn't done. He sent another screenshot, this time of a random twitter account she'd never seen before.

> **_@KathMaddox:_ **
> 
> _ Can't believe anyone still stans rey. Anyone who bullies people throughout high school and is homophobic gets a pass from me but I guess y'all like the ~drama~ _

"I— What the fuck?" She breathed, staring down at the tweet. Where on earth had  _ that  _ come from? Jesus Christ. It had thousands of retweets.

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ finn wtf  _

_ tell me this a stan acc being stupid again lol _

_ like that one time someone made the fake lana edits on insta _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ not a stan.  _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ fuck _

_ I just  _

_ what _

_??????  _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ idk peanut sorry _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ this is so ridiculous  _

_ literally I was the one who was bullied at school lol _

_ and where did the homophobia comment come from????  _

_ JFC I'm OPENLY BI I'M SO CONFUSED HOW AM I HOMOPHOBIC _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ it gets worse unfortunately _

_ that account says she was one of the people you bullied _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS _

_ WHAT THE FUCK _

_ I'M SO CONFUSED _

_ LITERALLY I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THIS GIRL _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ There's been like three other people who have stepped forward and said you were a bitch to them _

_ Look: _

Another attachment. God, she wished she'd never checked the original message and just lived in ignorant bliss. 

> **_@avaaaaaaa:_ **
> 
> _ wow I used to be a fan but after hearing what rey did to those girls… knew the whole sweetheart thing was a facade but damn _

She thought she'd reached her limit that morning when she'd wanted to kill both Snoke and Pryde. Now she had reached her actual limit, a complete state of confusion that meant she had no idea what to do. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard nervously. Finn hadn't known her in high-school. 

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ you know it isn't true right _

_ you believe me _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ Yeah of course peanut dw _

_ I know you _

_ That would be nothing like you at all _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ I bet rose hadn't checked it _

_ or she would've told me a couple hours ago _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ The tweets were posted at like 1 _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ oh my god what am I gonna do _

_ seriously it's all untrue  _

_ I should probably tweet about it _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ DON'T!!!!!!!!!  _

Taken aback by his sudden and kind of harsh response, she felt quite offended for a split second. The whole situation was just so overwhelming that it was like she was feeling things fifty times over and all at once, made worse by the fact that it was just her in the studios and she couldn't escape herself. Kylo would know what to do. Or he'd either piss her off or calm her down enough that she forgot about it. But he was still in the air.  _ Fuck.  _ What would he think of her when he found out what people were saying? She should text him, or something, to say it was fake or to ask for help when he did land or something–

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ Rey ily and I know you want to prove it's fake _

_ But Snoke's your manager right? He's in charge of these situations. So you shouldn't put out a statement before he's told you what to do or it could make everything worse _

_ Especially when you're stressed it could come out wrong _

God. He was right. But that didn't make it any easier to hear, that she was helpless for the time being when her one defining characteristic was that she was a control freak with anxiety issues and terrible self-esteem already. 

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ christ ok _

_ ur right I'll leave it but holy shit what  _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ Ikr :((( _

_ All bc of a random tweet in the feud _

_ Peanut I'm so sorry I'm not there with you _

**_@reyoflight:_ **

_ yeah I'm sorry too funnily enough _

_ not vibing the whole being on my fucking own while the internet decides I'm a horrible person based on NOTHING  _

_ srsly thought my day couldn't get any worse aha _

_ but here I am _

_ god I need to get back to work and maybe cry in the toilets for a bit _

_ you need to sleep _

_ I just need some time away from this lmaooo _

_ cya _

**_@finn2187:_ **

_ I'm always here to talk okay?  _

_ If you want to vent about it later.  _

She left his message on read. God, adding 'lmao' and 'lol' to the end of the messages really didn't reduce the hurt she was feeling. Well, hurt, confusion, shock, all those fun emotions. Suddenly the feud with Rose didn't feel as fun anymore when she was being accused of serious shit. She took a deep breath. Fought the urge to throw her phone halfway across the room, knowing that as satisfying as it would be in the moment it would only cause more problems down the line. Anger issues would be added to the list of terrible things she'd done, probably. She wanted nothing less than to be another Kylo. She still wanted to text him. 

**_Rey:_ **

_ hey we really need to talk _

_ call me once you've landed _

That would have to do. She wasn't going to stoop to the indignity of sending him texts that came across as stressed as the ones she'd sent Finn. Why did it feel like her world was collapsing in on her? If this wasn't sorted soon then there'd be articles about it, then everyone would think she was a terrible person and her career would be over and it would be back to London without the album, with the First Order gang hating her, and Snoke telling her what a disappointment she'd been. Speaking of, why hadn't Snoke done anything? Like Finn said, he was in charge of managing her socials - or delegating tasks down to the media team. And this had been happening for two hours yet he'd said and done nothing. What was he playing at? Soon she'd have her own '#reyisoverparty' tag trending. Lord. 

She sat with her head in her hands for more time than she cared to admit to herself, hating how utterly useless she felt. It was just that it was so untrue, based on nothing, utterly unfounded. If it had been controversy over something she'd  _ actually  _ done then she'd understand it, but it was the fact she was being criticised over rumours from a random twitter account from a person she'd never met in her life. They must've been really bored, she thought, to stir up shit and post about it enough to snowball it into something potentially lethal to her career.

Some while later, again she wasn't sure when, the door opened. She didn't look up. It was either a receptionist, Pryde, or Snoke and she didn't particularly want to talk to any of them. From across the room, they cleared their throat. 

"Rey. How is the album going?" It had been the latter. She worked up enough energy to lift her head and glance over in Snoke's direction, at his too neat suit and tie, perfectly polished shoes. Somehow just looking at him infuriated her more than usual. 

But she plastered an attempt at a smile on her face, terribly fake and not at all convincing, and answered: "I've nearly finished the next track."

He frowned and crossed the room, sitting down in the chair a few metres across from her, Kylo's chair. Why did he always do that - the 'I'm not angry I'm just disappointed' look? "Nearly finished," He repeated with a disapproving edge to his tone. 

"Yes." She said slowly, trying to ignore how instinctively uncomfortable she felt. "I've only got a few bars left." A lie. 

He looked hard at her then, scrutinising, discerning and dissecting that statement until saying in the same manner. "A few bars left." 

She nodded wordlessly. It felt like anything she could possibly stay would be a huge misstep. Snoke had that effect, of conjuring eggshells all around him, way back to the beginning. 

"Well, that's just not good enough." He had that disapproving look on his face, eyebrows drawn together, as though it was difficult for him to say but he was doing it for her sake - utter bollocks. 

"Sorry," It came out as more of a question than a statement, a hesitant reply to something she wasn't sure warranted one. 

He let out a heavy sigh and leaned forward on the chair, his hands resting lightly on top of his knees. She repressed the urge to squirm away, condensing it into a small shrinking into herself, tightened shoulders and hands reflexively over the laptop keyboard. He let his last statement hang in the air for an uncomfortably long time, letting it hang like miasma. "You understand that the deadline for your next two tracks is today." 

"Yes," She glanced at the clock; it was 1pm. The deadline he'd imposed this morning was for 6pm. That left five hours. So why was he bothering her about it now? She bit back that comment though, considering it was thoroughly smartass and would not go down well. With a small twinge, the slightest flicker of hurt, she thought about how if Kylo were here he would've said it anyway. "Sorry," She added again. 

He shook his head in dismissal. "Don't waste your time apologising when you could be doing something about the problem." 

_ I could be doing something about it if you'd just fuck off and leave me to it for the next five hours.  _ "Okay," Her fingers hovered over the keys, she had no idea whether to take that command literally and keep working while he was talking to her or to leave it. 

"You know that I've pulled a lot of strings to give you more than a month to record this album," He caught her gaze. She swallowed. He just barely shook his head in disapproval. "You're an exceptional scenario for us and we expect the best from you in return."

She nodded. It felt like she was a kid being reprimanded by a teacher, and she didn't like it one bit. "Like I said, I'm basically done on this one and then I'll have the other finished for six–" 

He held up a silencing hand. She shut herself up immediately. "I don't want to hear excuses. I do want to see results of the investment we made in keeping you here." 

_ Investments my ass. You only kept me around to look pretty with Kylo and make everyone think he's enough of an okay person to boost sales.  _ "I understand."

Snoke didn't give an affirming reaction to that. Now more than ever, she was overwhelmingly jealous of Rose and her position at Rebellion. "Now. I'm sure you've seen the PR situation we're keeping under control." 

How the fuck it was being kept under control she didn't know. It had already spiralled terribly and she'd lost over 50k followers across platforms. That didn't exactly scream  _ under control  _ to her. But she nodded anyway, like an obedient dog. 

"I wanted to thank you for not making any rash decisions; posting about it, responding to fans, et cetera." He didn't sound thankful in the slightest, still vaguely annoyed even though she'd apparently done the right thing. "The last thing we need in a situation like this is a loose canon." 

The shade he was throwing to Kylo was unreal. She felt a suicidal urge to defend him, but forced herself to play nice. The last thing she needed was Snoke to be a purposeful prick towards her while no-one else was around. "So what are we going to do?" 

"For the time being we're doing damage control. We'll monitor the situation for a couple of days and then release an official statement from your account." He explained. "Obviously, this won't be authored by you." 

She bit down on the inside of her cheek. Great. Two days of doing sweet FA then she'd get a fucking notes app celebrity apology - great for proving her credibility to her fans and the world. "Obviously," She echoed, to show she was following. 

Snoke gave a curt nod then continued. "This means that for the time being, probably the next two or so weeks, we're going to keep you out of the public eye while everything dies down. That means no social media, no public appearances, nothing of that sort." 

She actually wasn't too mad about that. A break from constantly tweeting and posting to her Instagram story about every little thing she did would be a welcome break. But she was worried by the implications that had - public appearances? Did that mean—? "Absolutely nothing? Can I, like, go to the shops though?" 

"Consider this a lockdown," He replied and she wanted to scream. "Granted, I can't monitor you 24/7 to see whether you're staying at home, but the less you can be seen out and about the more quickly this will blow over. A lot of the steps we need to take will be entirely self-discipline on your part." 

Amazing. Just what she needed. "Got it. Don't go outside." 

"Which means that you're going to have to suspend any posts to your YouTube channel as well."

Her heart sank. She'd finally got round to editing a vlog with Kylo the week prior for post that day. And now for what? "Even the video with Kylo?" 

"Yes. Our aim is to make you disappear for two weeks. That video can wait until afterwards, when everyone is on your side again." 

A whole fortnight. That was so long to be doing nothing. She nodded to show she understood, as much as she hated the decision. At least it was for the best, an inadequate comfort. 

"Well, that is all." He sat up straight again. "Any questions? No? Exactly how I like it." 

"Actually," She heard herself cut in before she even realised what she was doing. Her heart hammered in her chest. Shit. Bad idea. But she couldn't go back now. The first steps had been taken. The line had been crossed. "I wanted to know what we're doing about me and Kylo," 

He stared her down, making her feel more and more uncomfortable by the second, like she was his science project. "What about it?" He replied, his tone cold and deceptively flat. 

"Well, I mean, since he's on tour and stuff," She rambled, her brain just a loop of cursing and wishing she could time travel back and undo the interruption because by God this was going to be a disaster. "Since the three of them are on tour, and I've been this supporting figure to them, um, like, Phasma and I are quite friendly and people know that, Hux can tolerate me which is saying something, and Kylo, well, he's my boyfriend, so I wanted to know when I'd be flying out?"

It was a ballsy move. One she regretted almost immediately. 

Snoke steepled his fingers, taking his time to digest everything that she'd just said. When he finally looked up, he gave the answer she wanted to hear less than anything. "Rey, we discussed this earlier. My answer has not changed. No." 

As stupid as it was, something wild in her refused to back down then. The utter desperation, the depression that staying cooped up alone and feeling like everyone hated her for half a month, pressed her recklessly on, like an unstoppable stone set rolling from the top of a hill. "But I don't see why I should stay here when I could open shows—I could be continuing with the dates—Or even just doing  _ something  _ rather than getting more lonely and bored by the minute _ — _ " 

Snoke's glare was powerful, like daggers. " _ N _ o." He repeated coldly. "This isn't about  _ you _ . The First Order is an entirely separate entity. Don't let your ego get the better of you. God knows we deal with that enough from Ren." 

All that energy had diffused down to her trembling hands as she bit back so many career ending insults, everything she'd wanted to yell at him since day one. This was supposed to be her fucking  _ dream _ , recording in LA, being associated with the biggest rock stars of the generation, doing talk shows and realising singles left and right. Somehow it had turned into the worst mess of her life and the only thought she could grasp firmly was  _ I want to go home _ , as deluded and impossible as that was. "But—" 

Snoke's temper flared then. "You're not going to Europe. You're not going to be seen in public for at least the next two weeks. You're going to stay here and work on your album until it's the best thing you've ever produced, and there will be no arguments. Do I make myself clear?"

A surge of wretchedness, of bitter humour she wasn't quite sure where from. "Crystal." She forced in her most even tone possible. In the pockets of her jacket, she balled her hands into fists. 

"Good." He was his usual calm, cold, collected self as he leaned rose from the chair, smoothing out a non-existent crease in the left sleeve of his suit. He crossed the room swiftly, with straight attention. "I expect those two songs in my inbox by six." 

She bit down on the inside of her cheek, the blossom of pain distracting her a little from the urge to throw something at the wall and then him. God, she could see why Kylo was always on the verge of breaking. He'd done well to endure five years of this. "Will do." 

"Oh, and Rey?" 

She glanced back up, a little, entirely misplaced spark of hope. 

"Keep an eye on your temper." He said disdainfully, hand on the door handle. "It doesn't suit your brand." 

The door shut behind him with a firm click. Just like that all of her energy evaporated, leaving her exhausted and slumped in the chair. Jesus Christ. What was her life becoming? Fucking lockdown for two weeks - all because of a stupid tweet that was wildly incorrect, Snoke pestering her into finishing the album she didn't even think she wanted anymore, and no-one around to cheer her up. Brilliant. This was so fucking  _ brilliant _ . 

Shit. The sadness was finally setting in as she realised she was welling up, her eyes stinging unbearably, but she gritted her teeth and pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth like she'd read in a random article once and though it hurt like hell none of the tears spilled onto her cheeks. God, this was pathetic. If Kylo was here he'd probably say something mean but funny and she'd be able to brush the conversation off, for the time being anyway. It would be something about wallowing in sadness being a stupid idea. It would be something that she knew already, but was more convincing coming from him. 

She took deep breaths. Breakdowns were not welcome in a studio environment. Especially when they were over something as stupid as fake drama spiralling out of control. And she certainly wasn't going to have one over the fact that it had only been day one of the two months she wasn't going to see Kylo. Those were the two things she promised herself in that moment, that no matter how much Snoke was a dick and the whole internet called her a bitch and Kylo was away in a different continent, she wouldn't let it affect her because if it did then everyone who'd ever said she couldn't make it was right. And if there was one thing that motivated Rey more than anything else, it was pure spite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> Again not much has been happening to me so I don't have much to say lol. (but I like talking to u guys!!)   
> On a thoroughly unrelated note, my English teacher asked me to write a poem in the style of Keats about lockdown? I have no idea why? But anyway I've written a sonnet and although I really don't consider myself a poet it's surprisingly okay.  
> What new hobbies have you been up to?  
> Love you all sm, thx for comments, kudos, you know this bit by now but SERIOUSLY I am so grateful and blessed,   
> \- brie xx


	15. Not A Vibe

Rey was having a terrible day. Actually, on second thought it was way more than terrible. It was probably one of the worst days of her life. A shitty, long, painful day she just wanted to be over already. 

Explaining to Poe that she'd have to hang around the apartment all day everyday for the next fortnight hadn't been a fun conversation. Despite how guilty she felt about it, considering that he was already going above and beyond by letting her spend her nights there, he'd taken it like an absolute legend and, when she'd asked what she could do in return, just shrugged and said 'make sure there's still enough vodka left for me' which she decided to count as a win. 

Her days were so boring. Snoke had let her nick the studio laptop to continue working on her album which should've given her something to do, but the thought of sitting on top of the bed and trying to create music out of nothing didn't fill her with any motivation whatsoever. Snoke had also found out about her call with Rose earlier that week and given her so much shit for it that she was considering taking the next flight back to London, walking all the way back to her apartment, and collapsing on the sofa, hoping that she'd wake up to a cup of tea and a dark chocolate digestive biscuit from Finn the next day. So much shit for the call in fact that he'd threatened yet again to cut her from the studios if she didn't take things seriously enough. Luckily he'd said all this over a phone call so he couldn't see Rey's absolutely pissed off expression or the way she repeatedly punched the pillow whenever he spoke. 

The internet hadn't been any less cruel to her in seven days. Snoke still hadn't published her synthetic apology (why not, she hadn't the foggiest) and so everyone was wondering whether or not she'd ever respond at all. It had reached the point where she'd ended up creating conspiracy theories so deep that they suggested the @KathMaddox account had actually been Snoke all along, trying to stir up drama for the sake of it. Maybe once it was all over she'd work up the guts to ask him. For the time being though, she was going to keep her head down as best she could and go absolutely insane in the apartment. 

It was one of her typical days of waking up at eleven in the morning after finally falling asleep at five, trundling into the small kitchen and brewing a disgustingly strong cup of coffee and then shuffling out into the living room, zombie-like, to exchange cursory 'good morning's with Poe as he looked increasingly more worried for her health. She'd just sat down in the chair she'd claimed as her own in the opposite side of the coffee table to Poe when he finally voiced his concerns. 

"You okay?" He asked carefully, taking in her messy hair from the ponytail she'd slept in three days straight, the heavy bags under her eyes, the way she didn't even have the energy to be herself anymore. 

"Yeah." She replied automatically, taking a long sip. It was utterly rank. But then again, she'd never drunk coffee for the taste. 

He drew his brows together, clearly nowhere near believing her. She didn't blame him honestly, she knew she was a shell of her former self. It didn't help that she'd suffered a breakout across the left side of her jaw, an angry constellation of spots that lowered her mood even more. It was a vicious cycle; she felt like shit which made her look like shit, which made her feel even more shit, which made her look even shittier, on and on and on. "You sure?" He replied, pausing in the middle of typing and looking up from his essay - the one he'd told her a few days ago was on something to do with Chaucer (when he'd asked if she had any insights she just looked at him blankly – her time studying English Literature felt like it had been a lifetime ago).

"Yeah, I'm okay." She said tiredly, rubbing her eyes. A smudge of days old mascara came away on her knuckles, like dustings of ash or soot and she sighed, wiping them on her jeans. 

"You don't look it," He said and the twinge of concern in his voice somehow made it even worse. She felt weirdly like she was disappointing him, though she couldn't logically say why, like by taking her on as his flatmate she needed to be way less depressing to make it worth it. 

She shrugged. "Yeah, well."

Poe swallowed, stalling for time, presumably trying to figure out the best way to carry the conversation. "If you want to talk I'm always here. Like I said, you're Finn's friend, you're my friend. It's okay to… Not be okay right now. You haven't been sleeping–" 

She didn't want his pity, sympathy, anything of that kind. She didn't want him to look at her like she was a wounded puppy or like he wanted to bundle her up and protect her. She didn't want to talk about it, to spill her problems to him. Nothing of that sort would make it feel any better. What she wanted, what she needed more than anything, was to have her mind taken off it, to be told that it wasn't that serious and she would be fine and she should stop being such a drama queen because Kylo being one was enough for the both of them, and then that twinge struck inside her again, deep and breathless. 

"I said I'm okay," She snapped. Poe raised his eyebrows and pointedly went back to the essay he was working on, in a way that clearly communicated  _ I'm only looking out for you _ . Instantly, she felt horribly guilty for being such a bitch, and added meekly: "Sorry." 

"It's fine," He said offhandedly, getting stuck back into his work, deciding to drop it and give her space. But space wasn't what she needed. She felt gross inside her own skin, moping about for days on end in the same place working on the same tasks, all the hours merging into one. "You don't need to apologise, you haven't done anything." 

She looked down at her mug on the table, nausea rising in her stomach. Suddenly it wasn't as appealing anymore. The thought of being both hyperactive on the surface and bone-deep exhausted made her want to hide in a dark room. "It's no excuse, I just—" She shrugged uselessly. "Yeah. I just."

When it became clear that Poe didn't have anything left to say to her after she'd rejected what he had to offer, she cradled the mug in her hands and stood up, making a beeline back for the kitchen, trying not to look like a kid in a massive sulk. Emptying the untouched coffee down the sink, she fought the urge to check her phone again. Nothing would have changed in the ten minutes since she last looked at it. And besides, being on social media constantly was a shitty idea. She grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the jug Poe kept in the fridge. After leaning her back against the kitchen counter and closing her eyes, counting to ten, she made her sad way back to the stuffy cave of a room she was using as her workspace. 

It was like summer holidays when she was seven, that disorienting lack of time where you never knew what day it was from the second you woke up until you went to bed, as though everything was happening in a vacuum completely detached from reality, an offhand dream that faded as soon as you woke up and were forced back into routine. Setting her glass of water on the bedside table, she threw herself under her covers and pulled up the laptop, logging into the remote server and opening up the Cubase file that had been giving her so much grief. She'd managed to get the two tracks done for Snoke a few days ago, to his begrudging approval, and since then Pryde had sent her updates on how his arrangements were going. They sounded fine. She really couldn't bring herself to give less of a fuck. Which meant she was down to three tracks left. It sounded like a tiny number, but it was giving her absolute hell for ironically three reasons. 

First of all, with being in the apartment all the time and Poe working on his thesis at home every other day when he wasn't doing tutorials or having meetings with his supervisor, sometimes stopping by at odd hours to just chill on the sofa with a beer and a random novel, it was incredibly difficult to find the right time to play her music. She didn't want to disturb him by constantly singing the same verse over and over, strumming her guitar while he wanted to shut the world out and have some time to himself. But when it came down to it she didn't have much choice, and just had to pray he wouldn't kick her out anytime soon. 

Secondly, the lack of the right working environment meant that she was unmotivated to the max. One of the (only) good things about the studios was that it provided her a clear distinction of places to get her ass into gear and places to relax. Now, at the place she associated with chilling and doing fuck-all, she was being forced to do the same level of work, and it just wasn't happening. Already, she'd wasted an hour that day just staring at the laptop blankly, like her brain had completely switched off. 

Thirdly, being banned from leaving was driving her crazy. Being stuck in the same environment with no artistic inspiration was pushing her to her absolute limit. Where before she'd go for a walk to clear her head if it came to that a bit of the song just wasn't working, she couldn't do that. She couldn't even crave sweets and pop down to the shops to get some, it was that ridiculous. Okay, she kind of understood what Snoke was going for. She didn't want to be harassed by paparazzi when she was felling at her lowest. But surely it couldn't hurt to just go outside for, say, ten minutes for a new stimulus. It wasn't like she was getting anywhere with the songs she was currently on. But alas, knowing Snoke he probably had her phone's GPS tracked or something equally fucking creepy and stupid. 

With a sigh she whacked some random keys on the laptop, filling the bar with musical gibberish. She didn't know how to write lead guitar parts. If Hux was there she would've annoyed him until he gave in and helped her like he had done in some of her other tracks. Same with the bass guitar, Phasma was always more than happy to spice up the parts so the bassist didn't have to play a whole show practically asleep. And Kylo would give her all sorts of weird melodies and modulations that made no technical sense but sounded incredible anyway, with a massive side serving of bitching alongside it as retribution. That was probably why all her music sounded so shit with the First Order crew gone– it was just an amalgamation of their talents based on pretty much nothing of her own work. Jesus Christ, she was in it now. 

When her phone rang loudly she startled, lunging across to grab it from where she'd carelessly chucked it on the floor. She knew she was getting her hopes up unnecessarily, that it was probably Snoke telling her that she was a waste of space or Pryde monologuing about the subtleties of organs in the sixteenth century again for some reason as though that had anything to do with her music. But she fished it up and answered the call with shaky hands. 

"Hi?" Why was her voice shaking, hopeful and worried all at once? 

"Hello." Kylo answered casually, with just the typical air of not giving a fuck that felt to her like coming home. 

She breathed a sigh of tiredness, joy, frustration, all in one knockout cocktail. "I am so happy to hear your voice."

He gave the smallest of chuckles, she could all but hear the smirk on his face. "I bet you are." 

"Why didn't you call me six days ago?" She tried not to sound too demanding, to not let the tiny bit of hurt lodged in her chest spill into her tone.  _ I thought something was wrong. I was worried. I missed you. Everything sucks without you making fun of me every five seconds.  _

He sighed in annoyance and she heard a rustle as he ran a hand through his hair. "We've been playing a show every night and travelling all day. I haven't had the chance to check my phone. God, you're so needy, you know that? My life doesn't revolve around you." 

There it was. She smiled widely; despite the odds it had made her day just that bit better. The teasing and near ruthless banter she'd missed so much. The banter that she was separated from by oceans and a dodgy phone signal. "Well, maybe it should. Me being your girlfriend and all," 

"My life revolves around no-one except myself." He replied emphatically. 

She laughed, feeling warmth blossom inside her. When had his voice become her best medicine? "Selfish bastard." 

He gave a short laugh of his own, the one that was more a recognition of the irony of the situation than him finding anything humorous. "Well, that would be discounting Snoke anyway." 

And there that was. The absolute damper in the mood, a heavy, damp blanket chucked over them both. He felt so far away all over again, like he was ebbing away on a strong tide, and for a hysterical second she was scared he would drift away forever. There was silence for a second as she realised she didn't have the right words to reply, twisting a strand of hair around her finger in endless loops, catching it again just as it was about to slip. 

He didn't seem to have noticed her reaction - how could he, they weren't face to face - and carried on in the same almost flippant tone as before. "Anyway. I'm phoning you now. So stop wasting my valuable time and tell me what you need to say." 

"Uh, yeah, sorry." Rey set her laptop down on the table and moved to lie down on top of the duvet, staring up at the ceiling in near darkness. In the past week she'd managed to memorise every crack, every small and uneven lick of paint, the contours and corners she knew as well as her own face. How could she explain that in a way that would make him understand - that everything in her life had crumbled to the point she was having to find stability in the structure of other people's ceilings? Always an English Lit student, as much as she always denied it. When she finally found something to say it came out muffled, like there was something blocking her throat. "Have you seen what's happened?" 

"Probably not. Like I said, I've only just turned on my phone." In the background to his voice she could hear distant mutters, Hux or Phasma maybe, something about the next show and jokingly how shit it had been having to put up with each other again. It was horribly selfish and she resented herself for it, but hearing them still joking and laughing like everything was fine hurt, because while she was at her lowest point ever without the three of them they were just fine. It was the sad reality of the situation: as she had been contractually obliged to act as an expendable part of their tightly packed unit, she was one in actuality. "Rey? Are you going to tell me or be bitchy and give me the silent treatment because I'm supposed to know already?" 

Even on top of the duvet it was too hot, too stuffy. "Just gathering my thoughts. Don't be an egotistical prick, not everything I do is a direct attack against you."

He laughed, deep and full. His voice had a slightly ragged edge to it, as though he'd been singing for ages without drinking water. "Sure it isn't, sweetheart. God, I've missed you having a go at me." 

"I've missed trying to piss you off too," She smiled a little, and it wasn't sad that time, just wistful, like a parting on good terms. 

"So what's the fucking point of this again?" They'd started to digress already, and Kylo was having none of it. Always to the point, that guy. 

It was easier to word vomit than try and construct a response. "Okay so. First of all Snoke is giving me so much shit about the album. Second of all he's not letting me come and see you. Third of all everyone is trying to cancel me on twitter for stuff I didn't even do. And fourth Snoke has decided the best way to deal with that is to put me on fucking house arrest and I'm actually falling apart, I miss you guys so much, I can't see Rose because of the stupid drama, and I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. So, uh, I'm really going through it. Yeah. Not a vibe."

He took a minute to digest that. A long minute, before replying simply "That fucking bastard." 

"Yeah, exactly." She sighed like a weight had been taken off her shoulders, it turned out venting her frustrations had been immeasurably helpful. She still felt like shit, just a little less shitty than before. 

"Anything else?" 

"Huh?" Confused, she paused midway in grabbing her drink. 

"Since you're using me as your pseudo therapist I thought I should check if there's any other repressed trauma you want to get off your chest." He elaborated and she could hear him shift through the line, a door close and the voices from before muffling into a squashed hum. 

"I mean, I'm still mad that we have to keep fake dating while I'm not allowed to see you. It makes no sense." She replied, taking a sip of the water and feeling a little better for how cool it was against everything else in the room. 

"Ugh, tell me about it. Do you know how many fucking reporters have asked me about that? Too many. And the  _ fans _ , God, its fucking awful." 

That got a small laugh out of her, just him being himself as always. "We should just give them Snoke's business card and refuse to answer any questions ourselves. If he's gonna keep messing us about like this." 

"You know, sweetheart, that's a pretty solid idea. Or whenever someone asks for my number I'll give them his."

"You know I always have the best ideas." 

He scoffed. "You don't, but I fuck with you for trying." 

Affronted, she grinned and demanded "Name one bad idea I've had!" 

He seemed more than happy to take that challenge. "Coming to LA. Signing on for the album rather than getting the fuck out. Fake dating me."

"Okay, ouch, I said  _ one  _ bad idea not every fucking one of them," She laughed, and suddenly everything didn't seem so bad anymore when she could talk to him and know that no matter how volatile her life had become over the past week he would always stay the same. 

"Beggars can't be choosers. Next trauma," 

"I'm going crazy being kept inside. But Snoke doesn't want any reporters or paps intercepting me so I can't go out. I kinda get that one but I'm still pissed. Mainly because anything and everything he does pisses me off, but that's not the point." She drained the glass and set it back on the coaster rolling over onto her stomach and fiddling with the loose screws on the headboard absently. "And I do wanna make sure you know that the rumours aren't true at all. Before you, like, hate me or something." 

"It's you, I don't believe you'd be capable of hurting a fly." He said. She could imagine him rolling his eyes on the other end of the phone. 

"Hey, I've taken out many a fly in my time."

"You're actively sabotaging your point, you know that?" 

"Yeah, whatever. But I've never bullied anyone and I'm not a homophobe."

"You enjoy being the victim too much to do that."

"Hey!" She laughed, and if he'd been there she would've punched him in the arm. "I don't have a victim complex!" 

"Everything you're telling me is pointing in that direction." He replied gravely. Before she could counter his comment, he said "Right, next trauma." 

It felt so stupid saying it out loud, but she knew if she didn't say it she'd forever wonder. And besides, a second opinion was what she needed on those kinds of things. It was so easy to convince yourself of irrational things when you were still in the thickets of emotional distress. "Okay so, hear me out, don't make fun of me for this one. But, um, do you think there's a possibility, well do you think I'm being paranoid or, that Snoke might have planned this? Like, set up drama for me?" 

Kylo exhaled slowly. "Honestly?" 

"Yes, honestly. I don't want you to lie to me." 

"It's Snoke. He's a dick. He does fucking shitty things and ends up with what he considers good results in the end, more publicity. So yes. I think there's a chance. But I wouldn't bet my life on it." 

"Is there anything you would bet your life on?" 

"No." He replied like he'd given that kind of thing considerable thought in the past. "Like I'd put that kind of power in someone else's hands." 

But he had. They both had. They were Snoke's pawns. And he'd already proved how far he was willing to fuck with their lives for his benefit, forcing a connection between them and playing it up for the cameras, tearing them apart when she needed him most just to see what would happen, and that was the sad truth of the matter. They didn't belong to themselves anymore. Their lives weren't their own. 

In an attempt to lighten the mood, she said "I'd bet my life on, like, whether or not my killer would like a good old-fashioned chip butty. I'd take him down to my local chippie back home and show him the proper way to make one and I'd get off entirely scot-free." 

"I didn't understand a word in that fucking sentence. British people, honestly." 

"A chip butty is just chips in a sandwich. It absolutely slaps. And a chippie is just a fish and chips takeaway." 

"You eat fish with chips?" He looked like he was trying to figure it out in his head. 

"Yes?" She replied. "Is this a trick question?" 

"Like a packet of— do you mean fries?" 

"I– You thought I meant crisps? Like in a sandwich? Wow I forgot you guys didn't give things normal names. Why would you call crisps chips? That's just confusing and rude for everyone." 

Her distraction had worked well; the mood had lifted and they merrily discussed who had rightful control over the English language. She'd like to think she won, but in all honesty they got absolutely nowhere in the debate and made a speechless unanimous decision to move on rather than waste precious minutes. 

"Anything else, sweetheart?" He asked, and it was weird to hear him sound like he might actually care for once. It was as though he could tell there was still something she was holding back, even from herself. He made a great therapist. 

"Nope." She replied with false confidence, hoping that it was enough to convince him to drop it. Because the last thing she wanted to do was to have a nice chat about her feelings in the context of their stupid PR relationship. She was allowed to enjoy the kiss. It was just a kiss, it meant fuck all, it was just for the cameras. If she'd hated it then it would surely be caught on camera and everything would have crumbled. So it was fine. Everything was fine. "I'm all out of trauma for today."

"Disappointing. I was hoping to have constructed a complete psychoanalytical profile of you."

"Ha, well. If you want to get into my daddy issues and troubles with trust you'll have to play the long game  _ and _ be a lot more charming."

"You'll open up to me soon enough, sweetheart, I won't have to change a thing." 

The scary thing was that he was right. Despite the fact he'd been an utter piece of shit the whole time, if he'd actually asked she probably would've told him everything about her. Even the bits she didn't tell Finn. Even the things she didn't understand herself. 

"Where are you at the moment, anyway?" She asked, wanting to change the subject very quickly before he realised the goldmine of teasing that he was very close to uncovering. 

"Russia. Moscow."

"Oh fun. My favourite bits in War and Peace were set there." 

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" 

"No, just purposefully winding you up by acting like a certain arrogant and narcissistic prick I know," She grinned. "Think you'd get along with him just swell," 

He laughed at that which made her feel better, just a little. "Think I'd hate him. Can't have any competition for my title of biggest bastard on earth." 

"Yeah, that's a point." She laughed too and sat up, her back against the wall. God, it felt like having a phone call with a first crush, all giggles and restless movement. But she'd missed him loads. She really had. She just wanted to catch up. "So you've been in Moscow, you may have gone to Amsterdam though you never did update me on that one, where next?" 

"Apparently we're going to Paris tomorrow and then we're in the UK after that." He recounted, his voice fading up and down in volume as she heard the sound of his footsteps and a door opening. Clearly he thought she was no longer on the edge of a breakdown and so had decided to go back to wherever the others were. Were they in a tour bus? Were they still at the venue of their last show? Were they in a hotel? She wanted to know everything about what he'd been up to but didn't want to pester him with questions for once. She couldn't afford to get him  _ actually  _ annoyed at her when they were so distanced. 

"Aww, I'm sad now. I wish I could be in the UK with you. I could've shown you round London and everything." It wasn't even an exaggeration, she was beyond disappointed. While in the throes of her album induced boredom she'd dreamed about Snoke allowing her to fly out for just the one show and her being able to take Kylo out around all of her favourite places: favourite coffee shop, favourite record store, favourite park bench overlooking a fountain that she could sit and watch the ducks from. She'd even had great date plans to satisfy Snoke from taking Kylo to the Globe Theatre and educating him in the joys (or headaches) of Shakespeare to even just taking him back to her apartment with Finn and showing him round. That was a point. She'd never seen any indication of where Kylo actually lived. For all she was concerned, he existed mainly in the studios. She'd have to ask him to invite her round once he got back. It was probably a mansion or something, considering the amount of money he made. 

He had the good grace to sound disappointed too, whether or not that was how he truly felt. "Yeah, well, blame Snoke. Fucking idiot." 

"You can say that again," She sighed, wishing she had all the worst words in the world in her vocabulary to string together a sentence that really expressed her feelings towards that git. "But what's it been like? How's the touring life?" 

"Same as any other tour really. Getting up at ungodly hours of the morning, days spent on the road, bets about shows, trying not to rip each other's heads off, doing our best to be civil towards the opening acts even though most of the time they're shit." 

She laughed, startled. "I'm sure you can't say that. Musician's honour or something," 

Apathy dripped from his tone like licks of ice, cold and judgemental. "That's not a thing, sweetheart." 

"They're probably really excited to open for you guys and everything, and you're being a dick by saying they're crap." She carried on teasing him, a small bit of her usual fire and zest for life back. She hopped up from her bed to open the window just a crack, to finally clear out some of the stuffiness and let LA in again. 

He snorted. "I don't say it to their faces. I have some tac." 

"No you don't. Coward." She said with brilliant insistence. 

She heard his barely repressed tut as he grumbled a reply "Why is it always damned if I do, damned if I don't with you?" 

"Cause I like to keep you on your toes." She said sweetly. 

"You certainly do a good job of that." 

Instead of flopping back onto her bed she leant out against the windowsill, trying to catch some of the late morning wind on her face. The weather was starting to heat up already so it didn't offer that much reprieve, though it was still nice to get some fresh air. "Still can't believe you're being mean to little baby artists who you're supposed to mentor and nurture to stardom." 

"Hey, you're a pretty new artist to be calling others baby. You've only been in this industry for four months. You're certainly the baby of Empire." 

"Only because you're basically retired. 5 years, whew. How's it feel to be an old man?" A grin spread across her face as she leaned against the cool glass, breathing in what she liked to pretend was pure, countryside air when in actuality it was dingy, polluted big city crap that coated her lungs like cigarette tar. 

He actually sounded pretty offended by that which only succeeded in making her giggle. "I am  _ not  _ an old man."

"Who's opening for you at the moment anyway?" She tucked herself up into the window ledge, knees in, just a little cramped. From that position looking around at everything felt different, like a new perspective. It was a welcome change from the same view of the ceiling she'd become accustomed to. 

"Some indie pop band. Hadn't heard of them before this but I guess they're tolerable." He replied vaguely as though he really couldn't care less which, knowing him, he really couldn't. 

"Just a minute ago you were saying they were shit." She quipped. 

"And just a minute ago you told me to be nice because of musician's honour." He answered deftly and she smiled more if possible, because this was what she loved most in the world, the way they'd riff off each other and build up insults, take the piss and call each other out when needed, the kind of thing that usually offended other people but worked for them. She knew she could be as much of a pedantic bitch to him as she wanted because he would do the exact same in return and no-one would get hurt. 

He described the band to her in more detail and after a while it became apparent that they were one of the artists that she used to listen to a lot in her early days of college, and still quite liked to be honest. She grilled all sorts of information about the members out of Kylo ("The lead singer used to be, like, the sexiest man alive. Is he still hot?" "He looks like a toad") and was enjoying just talking for the sake of talking with him. It was one of the best things about him, that he was always interesting because you could never quite anticipate what he'd do next. She suspected that was what made him so appealing for the teenage audience, that enigmatic air that surrounded him, all reflected in his lack of social media presence and reluctance to talk about his life. It was like Kylo Ren existed only in his music. 

A distant voice called "Hey, Rey!", muffled and hard to make out. 

"Phasma," Kylo explained with a heavy sigh. 

"Tell her I say hey back." She answered, still smiling though he couldn't see it. She'd missed Phasma too, the way she took absolutely no bullshit and always expressed her feelings. Unlike herself, who just bottled everything up until it all came out in one massive explosion of oversharing. She also missed how willing to help Phasma was when it came to bass parts - she really didn't have to be. "And I'd assume Hux is there too, so tell him the same."

There was a rustle as Kylo moved the phone away from his ear and pressed it to his shoulder, and she could just about hear him say "Rey says hey back, Phasma, and she also says hey to you Hux." 

Hux grunted something that she couldn't distinguish and probably didn't want to. When Kylo came back on the line he didn't bother to explain what had been said, so it was most likely typical rudeness from Hux. Strangely, she even missed that. Especially when she'd just be minding her own business walking along the corridors of Empire and almost crash into Hux because she wasn't looking where she was going and he'd sneer something about how she was an idiot, the usual stuff that would've pissed her off two weeks ago but would be way more than welcome in that moment. 

"There, told them for you." 

"Thanks babe," She smiled. "So, anyway, who's opening for you when you get back home?" 

He took a minute to answer, presumably running through the massive list in his head. "We've got so many, one sec. Snoke's really milking this whole alt-rock generation thing because we've got about a million First Order rip offs playing." 

"Doesn't that make you feel flattered?" 

"No. They can get their own fucking sound." 

She laughed. "Okay, so a whole bunch of supposed copycats, anyone else?" 

"There's this random folk singer at one point, don't even ask - apparently it's big right now or some shit, but I don't trust Snoke on that one - and then there's still some that haven't been confirmed for the last leg of the tour." He finished listing. 

It was a huge list. She wouldn't want to be doing that number of shows based on the sheer number of opening artists alone. "Wonder if Snoke'll let me open for one of them. I just miss you guys. Also performing in, like, a stadium would be so fucking cool." 

"I knew you only wanted to collab for your own personal gain." He joked with his usual deathly serious delivery. "

"Oh,  _ shut up _ ," She laughed incredulously. "You're the one who proposed the collab to save your own back! You can't call  _ me _ selfish!" 

"Well, I just did, sweetheart." 

She groaned. That damn nickname again, and that damn chop-logic. "I hate you."

"No you don't." 

"I do. I'm reaching my limit now." She insisted, trying desperately to prove a point although she wasn't exactly sure what that point even was. 

"No you're not. Your limit is being sulky for two hours then coming running back when you want attention again." It was like he was there in front of her raising an eyebrow in a challenge like always, daring her to prove him wrong with evidence when they both knew he was right, even if she hated admitting it. 

"Do you  _ have  _ to keep calling me out like this?" 

"Yes, or you'll become a shallow, narcissistic product of the most soul destroying industry known to man." He said gravely. 

"Oh, like you?" She asked sweetly. 

"Like Hux." 

"Oh god, the terror," She laughed. 

"Exactly." She could hear the hint of a smile in his voice, the slight warmth that he so often tried to shield from everyone slipping through his stronghold. "So listen when I give you advice, industry baby. I've been at this game for a lot longer than you have and seen a lot more good people turn bad. I won't let that happen to you." 

"You know, that little speech of yours could almost be touching if you didn't sound so sarcastic when saying it."

"Can't help it, it's in my genes." He replied flippantly. 

"You going for a nature versus nurture argument here?"

"Though I suppose being Snoke's pathetic chess piece for so long would nurture me into an asshole too." He added as an afterthought. 

Her grin widened and she swung off the windowsill, doing her best not to land weirdly on her ankle and need to get it checked out or something. It was just that kind of bad luck that seemed to follow her everywhere. "Exactly. But what about your hidden soft side? The one where you're actually a decent person and I feel kinda sorry for you because you're so  _ broken _ ?" 

"Reserved only for you, on the most special of occasions." 

"As your  _ girlfriend _ ." 

"God help me, nothing kills me more than being reminded of that. Fucking Snoke," 

"I know right? We should revolt against him." 

He humoured her, with his own tease "What, start our own record label?" 

"Hell yeah, something between your rock and my indie pop." She was only half joking. 

"Or just rock, because we both know that's better." 

She shut that down quickly. In this hypothetical they'd be working together in harmony, a fine balance. "No it's not. There's no superior music genre."

"But there are inferior ones like–" 

"Soulless mainstream pop." She finished for him. 

"That or rap." 

"Rap's still an art form, I can accept it even if I don't like it." 

"Even mumble rap?" 

"Well…" She trailed off with a laugh. "Each to their own." 

"You're  _ so  _ nice." 

"Thank you, even though you say it like a bad thing." 

"It'll be crushed out of you soon. Then you'll end up as cynical as the rest of us." 

"Oh please no," 

They laughed together for a while, exchanging short stories of what they'd been up to. Kylo's turned out to be infinitely more interesting than hers considering he was actually doing stuff, visiting other countries, playing shows, being on the road with Phasma and Hux, but she didn't mind. In fact, if he'd let her, she'd probably be able to sit and listen to him talk forever. 

Their time was over soon though when Kylo was called away and Rey realised they'd spent the better part of an hour and a half talking each other's ears off, having made no progress on her compositions for which Snoke would absolutely crucify her. She expressed as much to him as they tried to cram in their farewells. "Yeah, gotta go too, unfortunately. As much as I want to gossip all day I've gotta finish these tracks. So call you again soon?" 

"Soon." He confirmed. 

"Don't leave it as long as this time though, okay?" She bit her lip a little. "Remember the only human contact I have right now is Poe who's lovely but doesn't get it, Snoke who I hate, and me who I also hate." 

"I'll try not to. But I won't promise because this tour has been crazy shit already and I never know when I'll get time off." 

"But you'll try." 

"Yes, I'll try, you're so clingy." 

"I know, but you wouldn't have me, any other way. Bye for now, good luck on the tour, miss you. " 

"Goodbye for now." He echoed and there was a small click as the call disconnected, leaving her with a mood that was both better and worse for talking to him and hundreds of bars of song that still weren't finished. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay we're at chapter 15! One of my arbitrarily favourite numbers!  
> Hope everyone's gucci. Nothing to say today except I've been inhaling literature like oxygen these past few days lol love that for me. Book recs welcome!  
> Big love, talk to me, validate me, all that fun stuff  
> \- brie xx


	16. Carpe Diem & All That Shit

"Hey, Rey?" 

She looked up from her laptop, comfy in her cocoon of blankets and nest of a room. Poe stood in the doorway with a jacket on and his keys hanging off his index finger as he spun them around, jangling every time they faced towards the floor again. She pressed save and took out her earphones; the week and a half of this being her daily routine luckily hadn't removed any etiquette from her. "Hey." 

"I'm heading out until probably 8 tonight. Drinks with some uni friends, you know the drill. Anything happens just call me, okay?" 

"Yeah, sure." She tried not to look too surprised. One thing she hadn't managed to do during her Snoke imposed lockdown was remember that it was only happening to her and everyone else was free to leave as they pleased. She did feel a small spark of envy as Poe talked about something as casual as going out for a drink. What she wouldn't give to do that right now rather than be sat beating her head against the wall over her album. "Have fun." 

He smiled and pushed off the door frame. "Will do. First draft of the dissertation finished means getting smashed." 

She managed a small laugh at that. "Then definitely have fun, you deserve it." 

"There should be some stuff in the cupboards and fridge when you want dinner. Go crazy, I don't care what you eat." 

"Famous last words. I might break into your cereal stash if you really mean that." She teased lightly. The first morning she'd woken up in Poe's apartment and he'd directed her to the kitchen for breakfast she'd been greeted by way too many boxes of cereal, a toaster, and some porridge oats. On top of the box of cheerios had been a note 'my favourite' so she'd decided not to touch any of it lest Poe kicked her out.

"Everything except my cereal." He confirmed. "Anyway, I'm off. Don't work too hard, yeah? Take a break. You've been at this nonstop." 

"I know, I know, I'm nearly done." She most definitely wasn't, but she didn't want Poe to go on another tirade about the importance of self-care (as well intentioned as such rants were). In actuality she'd finished one of the three, got maybe a couple verses of the second, and had been refusing to even think about the third. But she'd dutifully sent Snoke her finished track to a lukewarm reception, which she supposed was as positive as Snoke would allow himself to get. 

That seemed to satisfy Poe though. "Good. See you then," 

"Yeah, see you." 

He pulled the door closed behind him and she heard the distant sound of the keys in lock and the front door opening then closing again. Finally she was alone. 

It wasn't like she'd actively been wishing Poe would leave - she was the guest in his apartment after all and he was perfectly nice - but it would be nice to have the space to herself for a bit without worrying if she was being annoying with the constant stream of music and swearing as everything she tried to compose sounded somehow worse and worse than the iteration before hand. Standing up, still wrapped in her blanket, she lifted the laptop and nudged her door open with her foot, shuffling into the kitchen-lounge area. 

The first thing she noticed was that it was too bright, blindingly so. It was around 4pm and she'd spent all her time in her darkened room as per usual, so really the sun had no business being that bright in the sky still. She blinked a few times, wincing as she adjusted to the new light levels, practically collapsing into the chair opposite the coffee table to try and act like a functioning human being. Unsurprisingly, that was easier said than done. The change of scenery had done nothing to give her any musical ideas, she stared at the laptop screen blankly. Maybe if she stared hard enough her brain would kick into gear and give her something to work with. Or she'd be stuck with absolutely nothing of value. She had no inspiration. Crap. Three days left for the deadline Snoke had set. Three more days before she was allowed to go outside again. It was so fucking ridiculous. 

Shielding her eyes with her hand, she looked out at the window and its view of the street below. It took up a good portion of the far wall and she was positioned just in front of it so she could see the people walking about below. What she wouldn't give to be one of them again, just another face in the crowd. Success  _ sucked _ . She really should have taken Kylo more seriously when he told her how terrible the industry was the first time they'd met. But she was naive to a fault, obsessed with the idealistic, in love with the idea of finding purpose and giving it to like-minded people. If she hadn't fallen into the collab she'd probably be an over-impassioned uni lecturer deep in academia or a murderer or both. At least that would actually be a bit interesting, having some crime to contend with. 

In the street below people kept walking as though pulled by some invisible tide, divided into streams that had a pattern of their own, drifting along the waves to wherever they were supposed to be. She supposed this was her city now. It had been months since she was last in her crappy flat with Finn in London, god, it felt like lifetimes ago. As cheesy and cliché as it sounded, she was a whole new version of herself now, and that new version was more comprised of LA and its bullshit than any remnants of home. She'd always said to herself, from the moment she started playing barely gigs at local pubs and posting solidly 2013 covers to her YouTube channel, that if she ever made it big she'd stay the same. She was Rey, and Rey was the girl next door who was your best friend and just so happened to like music too. Now she was just depressed, to be honest, bitter, lonely, disenchanted with music and life in general. Now she was more like Kylo, the person who she used to think was a stuck up, emo, melodramatic prat. She'd become the very thing she promised herself she wouldn't be. God, this was pathetic. 

Tearing herself away from philosophical pondering over the window, she forced herself to work on her album for just ten minutes more because it wasn't much but way better than nothing at all. Those ten minutes were the most gruelling ten minutes she'd ever experienced, and that was only a slight use of hyperbole. She knew what the problem was. She needed to get out. Out of the apartment, back out into the real world. But, of course, fucking Snoke was ruining everything again. 

Biting her lip, she pondered the consequences. Snoke had said she was going to be out of the public eye for as long as it took for the drama to die down. The apology had been posted and generally well received four days prior. Though she chided herself every time she checked Twitter because it wasn't good for her mental health, it seemed like no-one was bothered about it anymore. That was the lucky thing, despite some worries she'd had early on, her reputation had come out of it mostly unscathed. People seemed to accept that she wasn't a bitch or homophobic (she still wanted to know where on earth that had come from) due to the lack of evidence. Finn had also banned her from watching any videos posted by drama channels on YouTube, as alluring as they were. But even those had stopped and the titles had turned in her favour, so really there was no reason why she needed to be inside anymore. And if, like Snoke had said, someone intercepted her and asked about the situation, she could just say 'no comment' and get on with her day. It would be so easy. All the positives outweighed the negatives. And if Snoke found out about it, she'd just beg for forgiveness. He wouldn't actually kick her off the label, she was too valuable to Kylo for that. Maybe she'd found the leverage she was looking for. 

4pm. She'd blend in with the crowd. Anyway, she was still pretty underground - even before the house arrest people only recognised her a few times a week, it was nothing like Kylo had to deal with. Fuck it. Carpe diem and all that shit. It was what Kylo would do in her situation. 

She pressed save on the small bit extra she'd done and left the laptop on the coffee table, signed out from her account but still turned in so she wouldn't have to wait millenia for it to start up when she got back. Grabbing her set of keys from where she'd left them in a corner of the kitchen counter, she shoved them into her bag hanging from a hook on the back of the front door, then took a quick detour to her room to grab a jacket. In the bathroom she gave her face a quick splash with water to look less zombie-like and ran her fingers through her hair in lieu of a hairbrush, chucked on a pair of sunglasses (feeling like an idiot for doing so but hoping it would obscure her identity or something of that kind) and unlocked the front door, her heart jittering a little as she did so. She knew she really wasn't supposed to be doing this. But she also really couldn't bring herself to care at that point. Staying inside was driving her actually insane. 

She slipped out of the front door, making sure to lock it behind her, and plugged her earphones into her phone. With some classic 80s bops blasting in her ears her nerves subsided a little. She was being paranoid for literally no reason. It would be fine. She was just going for a short walk, a bit of exercise, maybe a coffee or to grab something for dinner, then she'd be back in the apartment right as rain. 

Spilling out onto the street felt glorious,as did being swept up in the hubbub of people moving forwards. It was a small reassurance that the world did still exist, everything was going on as usual, no matter how much drama she got into life carried on. Though she was in her comfiest clothes (an oversized t-shirt and some old jeans - all she could be bothered to put on that morning) she felt like she fit right in, just another cog in the great machine of LA, just another electron whizzing around the nucleus of an atom.

Since she now knew LA like the back of her hand, maybe even just as well as home, figuring out a short circuit around a few blocks didn't prove difficult. That was one of the things that had felt the weirdest when she'd moved to LA, how carefully planned everything was, the idea of grids and blocks of buildings. It was nothing like the sprawl of back home, backstreets, winding main roads, cul-de-sacs a plenty, an absolute maze of a city. Maybe it was a metaphor or something, for the difference between her old life and her new one. What was that called? Juxtaposition? It had been so long since she'd properly thought about uni that it felt like even the most basic bits of her English Lit skill set were slipping. If someone asked her what a rhyme was she'd probably panic and say it was a mode in Indian Classical or something, her brain was that consumed with music. With a small twang she realised it had been four months since she'd read a book. Jesus. LA really was doing a number on her. The old Rey couldn't survive a day without having read at least a page and yet here she was now, probably illiterate at this stage. 

The sun was warm on the back of her jacket and the top of her head; she wished she'd tied her hair up. But it was too late to be worried about those kinds of trivial matters, she'd just have to deal. As she walked along the pavement with the rest of the crowd she wondered what Kylo was up to that moment. He should be in the UK, which meant it was about midnight for him. He was either heading to bed having finished a show, already sleeping, or just staying up for the sake of it. She knew better than to call him, though. They'd figured out a system wherein he'd call first as the one with the insane schedule, and she'd happily drop whatever it was she was working on or wake up at any time to chat to him (even though she'd grumble and complain as much as possible every time he did just so he knew not to get used to it). It felt like every day that went by she managed to miss him a little bit more, while at the same time she didn't miss him as much. God, trust her to live her life in oxymorons. Though she thought about him less a week and a half in, when she did think about him it hurt more. She'd have to bully him into skyping at some point. She missed his face. 

She continued round on her planned path, bopping dutifully to the beats of one of The First Order's more experimental tracks on their third album. Their third album had been their most controversial, and to be honest that's why Rey liked it so much. It reminded her of all the good bands and artists in the 70s/80s who pushed what it meant to make music and discovered a whole new type of artistry. While the general consensus seemed to be that it was too weird to be a commercial success, she did love it all the same. As she crossed the road, narrowly avoiding getting run over by overeager taxis, music as loud as it could go to drown everything else out for a bit, she felt her mind start to wander. Why had Kylo changed music styles? Quitting The First Order made sense kind of, but a genre switch from alt-rock to whinging emo really didn't do it for her. She did feel pretty guilty about not vibing a good chunk of his stuff. At least with Sound Of The Lonely she had to like it because they played it so much together, but his other singles? Yep, she definitely felt bad. But then again he didn't like her indie pop rock so it didn't matter that much anyway. 

She continued walking around, completely buried in her thoughts, trying to figure out a plan to not have Snoke go ballistic on her (planning down to the hour how she'd get the tracks finished), honestly not in too bad shape. No-one had stopped her in the streets or anything. Even though it had been an irrational fear to have, Snoke hadn't randomly popped up and torn her apart for being out of the house. And there was no paparazzi. Maybe everyone had really forgotten for the time being. She glanced up at the shop signs as she strolled past, propping her sunglasses up on the top of her head to see better. She ended up outside the coffee shop she'd met Rose in, standing by the windows and weighing up whether or not to go in. It wasn't like Rose would still be working there. Well, actually she might be, and if she was on her shift then Rey definitely couldn't go in. Taking a sneaky glance she saw nothing that looked Rose shaped so decided to go in and treat herself. She'd even be able to treat herself to something less depressing than a black americano if she so desired. The perks of the royalties  _ finally  _ trickling into her bank account, slowly but surely. 

She pushed open the door with one hand and her hip; the bell rang merrily. She hoped she looked shitty enough that no-one would recognise her in there, or at least be too tired to care. She waited patiently in line (god how she missed good old British queues) and when she got to the counter ordered a vanilla latte, and when the barista asked if she'd like to try one of their house muffins she even said yes. She tucked the muffin in its paper bag into her handbag and waited for the coffee. Once it was finished she thanked the barista brightly and dropped a couple of bucks into the tip jar. It reminded her of her old smoothie bar job, if someone tipped her even a penny she was over the moon. Two bucks, or two quid, would've felt like a blessing from the heavens themselves. Oh, the woes of minimum wage jobs. 

She checked the time on her phone and saw that she had only been out for forty five minutes and so decided to hang out around the city for a little while longer. She walked on autopilot, no idea where her feet would take her but trusting the process. Luckily her subconscious didn't direct her towards the Empire studios or she'd be royally fucked, but instead on a weird route that included the bar that Phasma had hosted her party in and she and Kylo had also done their secret show in, the ice rink which was bustling with people despite it being a weekday, a small section of beach promenade, and back round to the park where she'd had her last date with Kylo. Would Snoke make her do virtual dates with Kylo if she wasn't allowed to fly over? She couldn't decide whether that would be a blessing or a curse if he did. Probably a careful mix of the two. 

She finished off her coffee which had grown a tad cold by that point and chucked the empty cup into the recycling, then found a secluded park bench to sit down on and reconsider all her life choices. Her phone had moved her music playlist onto some random Pink Floyd which she really wasn't mad about, interspersed with the occasional old demo she'd refused to listen to again for literal years. She didn't want to get lost in another pity party and so fended off any negative emotions associated with music at that instant, and instead diverted her attention back to completing the songs. After zoning out for a good half an hour, picking away slowly at her muffin which was actually pretty good, she had a solid idea for the first of the two songs she needed to finish. She really wished she had the laptop to write it all into Cubase but since that was still in Poe's apartment she made do with the garage band app on her phone to record a rough version instead. Not pretty, but it didn't have to be, it just had to store the idea until she got back and could carefully put it into staves of music with dynamics, articulation, and all that other crap that Pryde was always on about. For an arranger/producer he made her do an awful lot of his work for him. But it was better that way because at least she had some creative control soon, as much grief as that was giving her at the moment. 

It took half an hour to get it all down to a satisfactory level and by that time the sun was slowly sinking in the sky. Six pm. She'd been out for around two hours and it really didn't feel like it. Walking back to the apartment would probably take another forty five minutes, and by the time she got in she would be ravenous. Scrunching up the paper bag and also recycling that, she fixed up her playlist and started the journey back. 

On the way she stopped off at a small corner shop to grab some food for dinner. Even though Poe had said she could eat anything she'd feel bad, and also she was really craving pizza. So she wandered her way into the chilled food section, grabbed a margarita with terribly processed looking cheese, took a detour via the alcohol to stock up. She went for self checkout, still sort of terrified she'd be recognised yet, and managed to slip out of it relatively unscathed. 

The bottle of wine and the pizza didn't fit in her handbag so she'd had to cave in and buy one of the plastic bags, much to her own disappointment. But she carried her haul home with a little spring in her step because everything had gone according to plan for once, she didn't feel bound by Snoke's orders as much anymore, and she was going to have a good night before she got down to serious work the next day. She was well practiced in working under pressure, she procrastinated so much it stressed Finn out to no end. But she needed that pressure or she'd never have motivation to get it done. She was a terrible role model. 

She fished her keys out of her pocket and put them in the door. When she turned them there was no click. Huh. Weird. She tried the door handle. It was open. Maybe Poe was back already? But he said it wouldn't be until at least 8pm, and honestly they'd both nonverbally agreed it would be closer to midnight. So in all likelihood it wasn't him. That was really weird. She'd made sure to lock it behind her before leaving. Or maybe she hadn't? God, this was doing her head in. So she sucked it up and opened the door. 

"Poe?" She called just to check, feeling like a right idiot when no-one responded. She made her way into the hallway, it looked just the same as before. She was really worried about it now. Swear on her life, she'd definitely locked it before going out. Was there a way she'd thought she'd locked it but hadn't turned the key the right way or something? 

She firmly told herself to stop stressing out because everything would be fine when she opened the door to the kitchen. It was complete carnage. It looked like a bomb had gone off, papers and letters were spread all over the table, things had been knocked into the floor, there was glass everywhere. She dropped the plastic bag holding the wine and the pizza onto the nearest clean section of floor. What the fuck. Her first thought was to grab a dustpan and brush and sweep, who knew her calm and logical side would come out under intense stress? She was halfway through the process when the implications hit her. Shit. If this room looked like it had been raided, then what about the others? 

Her bedroom hadn't been the cleanest of places before considering it had been her music stress nest but when she saw how her duvet had been chucked onto the floor and her drawers were left open her heart skipped several beats. It was ransacked. Her clothes spilled out of the wardrobe and with a start she rushed forward to check her bedside table, to check the drawer she kept her jewellery in. She opened it with fumbling hands and scrambled for the little black box, opening it with both fear and hope, breathing the world's biggest sigh of relief when her pendant from Finn was still in there. She'd got off lucky. Whoever had trashed her room had left that at least. She turned back around to survey the damage and moved to fix the duvet cover and clean up there as well before stopping herself. Was this a crime scene now? Because that meant that she shouldn't touch the evidence in fear of contaminating it and throwing off an entire investigation. So she left it where it was and continued to look without touching. Her notebook was gone from where she'd left it on top of her covers. A bit of a weird thing to steal. She spun around to take inventory when it felt like her heart had completely stopped. Her acoustic. It was gone too. Apart from the pendant it was the thing that meant the absolute world to her. And now it wasn't there. More anxiety bubbled inside of her, a dread she couldn't shake off. If that had been taken what else? Thank fuck she'd taken her phone with her while going out, if they were after valuables they definitely would've gone after that. The only other thing was—

Oh fuck. The laptop. 

She ran back into the kitchen through to the lounge half and her heart plummeted faster than she thought was possible at the sight ahead of her. The table, the one she'd sat at earlier to try and get more work done, was empty. The laptop was gone. Fuck fuck  _ fuck.  _ Panic really started to set in when she connected the dots, her notebooks were gone, her acoustic was gone, and the Empire laptop was gone. Someone had fucking targeted her music. She felt tired enough she could die on the spot, utterly crushed. What the hell was she supposed to do? Logically she had to call the police. This was a robbery. When you're robbed, you go for help. But when she went for help they'd ask her loads of questions and she'd have to say she was out and saw nothing. How would she explain this absolute disaster to Poe, who knew as well as she did that she wasn't supposed to have left? How could she explain this to Snoke? How could she get over the inkling of suspicion that if she'd just stayed in the robbery might not have happened? But God, she was sure as anything she'd locked the door. She was in such deep shit now. Deep, deep shit. 

With another spike of fearful energy she went to check Poe's room. From the chaos it didn't seem like whoever had broken in knew what they were doing or what exactly they were looking for so the odds were that they'd also managed to mess up there too. She nudged open the door with her foot to see a similar sight, things chucked everywhere with reckless abandon, draws left open, all that good stuff. 

God. This was bad. In a weird state of shock she returned to the kitchen and cracked open the bottle of wine, taking a long swig directly from the bottle. It felt like she needed a lot more alcohol to even begin to process what on Earth had happened here. With shaky hands she retrieved her phone from her bag and did the only thing she knew how to do; phoned Kylo. 

He didn't pick up on the first ring, sending her straight to voicemail. She cursed and called again, gnawing at her lip enough to draw blood, pacing around the hallway with the phone in one hand and bottle of wine in the other. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he picked up. 

"Now's not really a good time, sweetheart," He didn't give as much as a hello, his voice sounding preoccupied and edgy like his whole body was filled with tension. "Can I call you back?" 

"It's urgent," She managed, leaning her back against the wall and closing her eyes. Why did everything in her life have to go wrong? Was she doomed just to suffer? 

She heard a stifled yawn and him shifting, a rustling of sheets. When he spoke again his tone was deep and gravelly, like he'd only just woken up. "What? Don't tell me you miss me." 

She was too stressed to give her usual answering laugh, gripping the bottle of wine as tightly as though it was a lifeline. Her head was still spinning, from the craziness of the situation or the alcohol or both, she honestly wasn't sure. "I think I've been robbed." 

" _ What _ ?" His voice turned sharper then, any hints of sleep shaken off instantly. She could hear him fumbling about on the other end of the line, and a small click which she took to mean he'd turned a light on in his room. "What do you mean you  _ think  _ you've been robbed? You've either been robbed or you haven't." 

"Please don't be a pedantic fuck, fine, I have been robbed." She sighed deeply and reopened her eyes, blinking rapidly against the darkness as she took another swig from the wine bottle. She was so hungry she felt sick, made worse by the fact that she wouldn't be able to eat that pizza tonight. "And I have no idea what to do. Help." 

"God, Rey." He exhaled deeply, sounding just as tense and high strung as she felt. "You're okay, yeah? They didn't, I don't know," 

"I'm as okay as I can be considering Snoke will gut me and eat me for breakfast, or perhaps hang my carcass outside the studios like Kings in medieval times. They took the fucking laptop. And all my notes. And my guitar." 

He was silent for a while, the only sound she could hear the gentle rise and fall of his breath. Eventually, he replied "It's not your fault, at least. What's Snoke gonna do, have a fit because you didn't fight off the robber with your bare hands? Where's Poe?" 

"Out with friends."

"So it was just you. You're sure you're okay?" 

"Absolutely spiffing." 

"You're gonna have to call the cops." 

"Okay." 

"You can give them all the info right? You know what the robber looks like, or what they were wearing, what time it happened." 

He'd very quickly come along the one flaw in that plan. She had no answer to any of those topics. "... No." 

"No?" He repeated with a short laugh, as though she was joking. "You'll have to jog your memory somehow." 

Fuck fuck fuck. She took another gulp of wine to try and steady herself but instead it resulted in the opposite, a wave of dizziness. Her voice sounded smaller than usual, tinged with guilt like a child who'd been caught in the middle of drawing on the walls with a crayon. "Kylo, I… I may have been out. When it happened. Hypothetically." 

Silence. It felt like it lasted forever, a horrible tension and diffusion of anxiety. When he spoke again there was no humour, nothing even warm. "I'm so glad I'm not you right now." 

"Yeah, well," She answered with a burst of frustration: at herself, the situation, him, the injustice of life. "Unfortunately I am me and I don't want to die at Snoke's hands though that seems inevitable right now. So what the fuck do I do?" 

He yawned again and she was too stressed to feel guilty for waking him up at 3am. If there was ever a time she needed his advice it was now, and it was fair for all of the times he'd woken her up in the middle of the night the weeks previous. "You're just going to have to deal with it, sweetheart." 

"That's not helpful! Fuck off!" The outburst was unexpected even to her, a sudden exposure of hysterics. She sunk down to the floor, her back against the wall, legs a tangled mess underneath her, still holding the bottle. She took another sip and groaned.

"Are you drinking?" He asked with enough judgement to suitably chastise her. "Don't get drunk before reporting this to the cops."

"Don't tell me what to do. You're not my dad." She said glumly. 

"A minute ago you asked for my advice. Take it or leave it. But don't be a fucking idiot, Rey. How will it look to Snoke if you're an intoxicated mess on top of everything else? Get some self preservation." He replied impatiently.

"Fine." She realised she'd left the screw cap in the kitchen and so carefully propped the bottle up opposite her instead, the next best thing to closing it. 

"So all your music stuff is missing." He confirmed, and she could practically hear the calculations running in his head. "When did you go out?" 

"I left at 4 and got back at 7." She answered, rubbing a hand over her forehead and eyes. God, was she tired. "So whoever it was could've come and taken everything within that three hour gap." 

"Right. And Poe comes back when?" 

"He said 8, but he's out drinking with his mates so it could literally be whenever." Her voice sounded flat and thoroughly exhausted, a weird disconnect between her conscious self and the words that were coming out of her mouth. "I'm in such deep shit now." 

"You are. And I'm not going to tell you it'll be fine because we don't know that. But what we do know is that you need to call the cops, they'll get the investigation going, and then we'll deal with Snoke afterwards, okay?" 

Though it absolutely wasn't the time to be thinking such things, something warm lit up inside her when he used  _ we _ . They were in it together. For the first time, he'd seemed willing to offer her support in his own weird way. She breathed slowly and deeply, still on the verge of a breakdown. "Okay. Thank you." 

"Don't thank me." He sounded absolutely repulsed. "This isn't an act of charity." 

She breathed a half-laugh that was somewhere closer to a hiccup. "I know it isn't. Wow. My life is such a mess right now. It would be so nice if something went well for once. Why is this happening to me?" 

"It happens to all of us. The mid-career crisis."

"It's not even my fault." She said miserably. "All because of stupid fake drama and dating and the Internet."

"I'll let you go now." He said like he wasn't the one who wanted to end the call, tiredness encroaching in his every word. "Just promise me you won't do anything idiotic while I'm asleep."

"I thought promises didn't mean anything to you." She tried lightly, hoping that if she reverted back to banter then every other problem in her life would magically fix itself. 

"Just shut up and take the sentiment," He said with the same lightness. "Keep me updated. If Snoke kills you let me know and I'll fly over and end his life myself." 

"Ooh, gotta love a bit of revenge tragedy. I'll make sure to become a ghost and haunt you. It'll be very Hamlet." 

"I don't want to be Hamlet. Hamlet–" 

"–was a bitch." She finished for him with a slight laugh. "You told me before Calrissian's. And you have no choice in this matter, sorry babe."

"Go away and call the cops before I tell Snoke myself that you managed to lose the laptop."

"Fine. Talk to you later, when it's the afterlife." 

"Melodramatic. Later." 

When he hung up she took another long sigh. So maybe everything was going terribly. Maybe one of the company laptops had been stolen with all her files on it, as had her notes, and her guitar. Maybe she literally didn't have a life anymore. But at least the damage wasn't irreparable. The laptop she'd just buy a new one for Empire, her files were all backed up on the servers, she could remember most of the notes she'd made, and she'd really needed to buy a new guitar anyway. When she looked at it like that it felt a little less like the world was crashing down around her. 

She checked the time. It was 7:30. Poe would be home in thirty minutes at the earliest. She should probably call him - as much as she didn't want to ruin his evening she also didn't want him to come home to the place teeming with police officers and bright yellow crime scene tape. She decided to call the police first and get some grips on the situation. The conversation with the lady on the other end of the line felt entirely unbalanced as Rey anxiously stumbled over the situation, trying to describe what had happened and where she was, and the responder asked direct questions in a calm, clipped tone. Then she was informed that someone would be over in ten minutes to ask her a few questions and assess the damage. Well, at least that bit was sorted. Now she had to explain what the hell was going on to Poe. 

To his credit, he took it like an absolute champ. He sounded more tired than anything and promised that he'd be over as soon as he could, which was probably in thirty minutes considering where he was. His good reaction was mostly because Rey had spared him the important details like the fact she'd been out, hoping that if she looked sad and stressed out about it enough in person he'd be pitying enough to not get mad. Small hopes; entirely unfounded. 

So she sat by herself in the floor for five more minutes before she worked up the energy to move, carefully manœuvring her way into the kitchen to put the bottle of wine and pizza in the fridge, stepping cautiously over the glass and sheafs of paper to reach the sink and pour herself a massive glass of water. Goddammit. Literally what had she done to deserve this? 

When the first officer arrived he was stereotypically unbothered, sounding like he would rather be anywhere else when she quizzed her on the facts of the case with a dry drawl. She answered his questions to the best of her ability, was more honest with where she'd been and the facts surrounding the whole issue than she had been to either Kylo or Poe, and was generally not having a good time while he wrote notes and took pictures. When he told her to get out because it was a crime scene and they needed to lock it down for awhile while other departments showed up, she reluctantly took herself out the front door and sat in the hallway, looking as depressed as ever. 

Poe mercifully showed up not too long later, hair a mess and breathing hard as though he'd been running. "You okay?" 

Why was everyone asking her that? Clearly she was  _ not  _ okay. Anyone with any shred of intelligence would be able to figure that out in one glance. She gestured towards the door. "Yeah. We can't go in. Crime scene." 

"What happened?" He asked, joining her on the floor against the opposite wall. 

"Please don't kill me. Snoke's already gonna have my head. So I went out - don't give me that look, I needed fresh air and I thought I'd be fine, besides all the drama's died down now anyway - and when I got back the place was completely ransacked. They took my laptop, notes, guitar. I don't think any of your stuff has been taken, I had a quick check. But God, it's an absolute mess in there. And I swear on my life I locked the door. " She wondered how many ways she'd managed to rephrase 'it's not my fault' in that short dialogue. Too many times to be genuine she supposed. 

"Well. This isn't the Friday evening I'd been anticipating." He had a mix of concern and worry on his face that she tried to ignore for the selfish reason that she'd already guilt tripped herself that night and didn't want any more wallowing in self-pity than she'd already done." How long is it going to be a crime scene?" 

"No-one would give me a solid answer. As long as it takes." She sighed despairingly. "It could be overnight." 

His face fell, giving way completely to worry. 

"Yeah, I know. Where the hell are we gonna stay? They suggested a hotel but if I end up checking into a hotel room with you the press will go wild and they'll be news of me cheating on Kylo everywhere and, like, that would not be good. So I don't know. Well, actually… "

A pretty crazy idea began to form in her head. It wasn't an ideal situation. In fact, it was the opposite. But it seemed to be the best solution they had. "I'm gonna call Rose.".

He frowned. "Is that a good idea? The drama—" 

"She's not too far away. We'll be fine. No-one will know, hopefully. And if they do, well, we used to be friends so we can spin it as putting the rivalry aside for an emergency. Girl power or something." She dialled Rose's number, hoping to any and all gods that might exist that she would pick up. "And I'm not gonna spend the night sleeping or staying awake in this corridor."

"Fair enough." Poe managed to sound as absolutely shattered as she felt, resigned to the situation by that point. "I guess it's all we've got."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> Has time really passed since I last updated? Everything feels so fake with corona. I was jst thinking about how when people ask how I spent my time I'm gonna have to tell them writing an 80k+ reylo fic (talk about embarrassing lmaooo)  
> Love you all, thx for comments, kudos, bookmarks,  
> \- brie xx


	17. I'm Just Peachy, Thanks

In the end it turned out that wearing a stupid pair of sunglasses outside when she was supposed to be at home getting robbed had been the right move. She and Poe had made it over to Rose's without any trouble (or at least without any trouble at _that_ point) and dutifully taken whatever space they could scrounge to get some kip under old blankets and towels. Rose was very apologetic, for no reason as Rey was massively in her debt, when she explained that the only places to sleep were the couch or the floor. After, Rey had argued with Poe that he should take the sofa for a solid half an hour until he eventually gave in, collapsing into sleep almost straight away. Rey had got as comfy as she could on the living room rug with one of Rose's hoodies tucked under her head in lieu of a pillow and fallen asleep to its gentle aroma of water lily, and managed horribly through the night. It wasn't even that the floor was terribly uncomfortable, it was surprisingly okay, but it was the stress and pure fear about what came next that startled her awake every half an hour on the dot. She was on her fifth glass of cold water that night, exhaustion turning her into a barely functioning human, heavy lidded, lethargic movement, a pounding headache, yesterday's clothes crumpled and creased everywhere, when she realised she should probably stop before she was constantly waking up to pee. 

The kitchen was dark and that darkness was a kind of comfort, a small bit of reprieve from the bright sparks of anxiety firing off in her head like flare guns every second she let herself stop. Taking a long sip of what she promised herself would be her last glass before she ran up Rose's water bill, she leaned back against the cool countertop. The coolness was as welcome as the darkness with how stuffy the room had become, whether from her worries or the actual temperature she wasn't sure, and she pressed the glass against her forehead. A small sigh escaped her lips at its relief and for the briefest flickering moment everything felt like it might be okay. She felt horribly hungover even though she'd only got through a quarter of the bottle, way more hungover than the last time she'd been in Rose's apartment and got absolutely smashed. Unsteady on her feet, she took the same steps she had that night, quietly through the living room so as not to wake Poe who was sound asleep and softly snoring, tiptoeing to the sliding glass door and slipping into the solitude of the outside balcony. 

The freezing air hit her like a slap to the face, a sting that made her wince and shiver, eyes watering against the harsh wind. Bloody summer storms. Why did they have to be the complete juxtaposition to the nice weather earlier that day? Cold against her stomach, the rail dug in just the right amount as she leaned out, a kind of dull ache that served to convince herself that she was still alive and breathing and feeling. Even at night, LA was a pool of activity. The occasional sirens from police cars created some pretty ironic heterophony against the hum of streetlamps and rustle of litter skittering across the streets, a fitting soundtrack to the absolute disaster her life had quickly become. One half of her told herself that she had to go inside before someone spotted her and found the next tabloid topic, but the other told her to stop being so paranoid all the time; being constantly on high alert was absolutely exhausting, never knowing when you were being watched so having to assume it was all the time, the constant smiles before someone theorised you were a bitch or depressed or both, the pressure to always do the right thing straight away and first time, to be the best role model for fans or even those who didn't like her just so they couldn't justify their dislike to themselves. But with the blanket of night, that soft source of comfort, everything felt easier. She knew what she had to do. She just didn't know if she had the strength to do it. 

The clock in the kitchen had said that it was 4am and according to her calculations that would mean it was midday back home. Both Kylo and Finn would be awake. If she wanted to, she could call one of them. But did she want to? It felt like everything had reached the point where letting someone else know she was struggling was stupid because it was already so obvious, and whatever they'd try to provide wouldn't help anyway. She'd made her bed, now she'd lie in it. 

Despite the melodrama she dipped back inside to grab her phone from where she'd left it on the kitchen table. With all the chaos she hadn't had the opportunity to grab a charger and so it was running critically low, about ten percent. If she asked Rose tomorrow she'd most likely have a spare one, but still. She dialled the number she knew by heart and waited for him to pick up, tapping a stressed pattern with her fingernails on the metal railing, a small spacey ring produced each time she set the angle just right. 

"Hey peanut. Long time no talk," Finn's voice was so full of positive energy that it practically winded her, the utter antithesis to how she was feeling. He'd always been a morning person, from 7 to 1 his most productive working hours. When he'd told her that when they'd first met she'd laughed and replied that it was a very specific timeframe, to which he just grinned and shrugged and like that they were best mates. "You holding up okay?" 

Again, the same  _ fucking  _ question. No, she was not okay. How could she be? _Oh, my whole career's gone down the drain, I've been robbed, and all my relationships are going to shit - I'm just peachy, thanks._ She gave a weak laugh, hating how brittle it sounded due to exhaustion. "I'm so lost," Embarrassingly her voice broke on the last word, a pathetic sound. 

Finn's energy immediately dialed down at that, to something that was closer to a normal level of positivity, or normal British depression. "Aw, I'm sorry." 

"I've fucked up. I think," The words felt thick in her throat like she was having to fight to get them out and her eyes were stinging again and her hand shook as she held her phone against her ear and everything started to look blurry and her head was trying to implode again and every breath was a challenge as she struggled to keep it together. "I think I've fucked everything up, Finn." 

"Oh,  _ Rey _ ," He said sympathetically, and she wished more than ever she was back home stressed over her finals with him, studying like mad until the sun rose, giving each other tissues and hugs and whatever the other needed when the tears started to fall or the energy dropped to rock bottom. "This whole thing must be so stressful for you." 

She took a deep breath and blinked rapidly, brushing away the smallest signs of dampness under her eyes and then fanning her face. "Yeah, it is." 

"I can't even imagine," He was so worried and that just made her feel more shitty because as much as she wanted him to be there she didn't want to drag him down when really she was the artisan of her own destruction. "Poe told me what happened. He sounded really stressed." 

She breathed a shaky sigh, determined to force her emotions into check. Having a breakdown would only amplify the problem. "He did?" That must've been the phone call he'd gone out of the apartment to make just before they'd all gone to bed, pacing around on the street below for half an hour. "Then I guess you know why I'm just… Just."

"Snoke sounds like a right twat." He said simply, and the unusually candid nature of his dislike made her laugh just a little. 

"Yeah, he is. And knowing him he's probably tapped this call and is listening right now, preparing a list of all of the reasons he's going to execute me." 

"At least he doesn't have the authority to do that. Maybe metaphorically, yeah, but you'll be okay, peanut, this will all blow over. You know that quote you hate? This too shall pass?" He tried for a light tone, and she gave a small Mhm in response. "This will pass. It's gonna suck. But LA isn't your entire life, Rey. I know it's been a weird mix of your dreams and nightmares and when you're in the thick of it it feels like it'll consume you entirely, but you still exist without it, yeah? It's scary. I know. It's like that time you dragged me to Go Ape and I nearly died of fright at the top of the tree course. But you helped me, so I know this is an extended analogy that is probably technically terrible on so many levels to my favourite English student, but what I'm trying to say is that I'll help you. You'll cross the tightrope. You won't plummet to your foresty death."

"I think I'd maybe do anything to go back to how everything was before." She sniffed a little; though his words were clearly an attempt to inject more humour into the situation it had all passed her by as the realisation of how much her life plans had revolved around her new present in LA. "Swap the collab with Kylo with someone else. I didn't even want that stupid fucking opportunity in the first place."

"I know, I know." He soothed. "And it'll only be a few more months before it's all over—"

"I'm coming home." She cut across, the tears properly falling now as much as she strained to stop them, hiccupping shallow sobs. Her voice shook, unsteady, horribly rough. "I can't do this anymore Finn, I can't, I can't keep up with the industry when everything I know is being wrecked because of it, I don't care if I don't get a music career, I don't care if my singles get pulled from the shelves or Empire take all the earnings, Snoke is going to rip into me like a bloodthirsty animal if I show up tomorrow and I don't  _ want this anymore. _ "

He was silent while she cried quietly, plans to take the first flight she could find half formed in her mind, she had the money, she could grab a taxi, it wouldn't be hard. "Peanut," He said gently. "It's 4am. You need to get some sleep, okay? You can't make big decisions while you're this tired. Have you slept at all tonight?" 

She shook her head, then realised he couldn't see her. "Barely. I think it totals to two hours. I keep waking up."

"Even if you don't sleep you need to rest. You've had a stressful day, week, month, quarter of a year. Promise me you won't book any flights or hotel rooms out of state until tomorrow afternoon. If you still want to come home I'll make sure I'm there at the airport. Love you. I'm always here for you."

"Thanks," She just about managed, starting to grasp the reigns on her emotions again. The tears had stopped falling as thick and fast, down to a small drip at random intervals. "I'm just being dramatic. I'm really sorry, you're probably really busy and I'm just having a breakdown to you out of nowhere," 

"It's fine." He said firmly. "You're my best friend. That's what best friends do." 

"Thanks," She repeated with a little bit more strength in her voice, albeit not much.

"Now get some sleep, okay?" 

"Okay." 

"Love you, peanut. You're doing such an amazing job."

"Love you too." 

"Sleep well." 

She did spend a few more minutes just looking out at that city skyline before going back to her makeshift bed on Rose's floor, intrigued by the first mauve colourings of sunrise like watercolour in the sky. When she finally dragged herself inside, knowing that it wouldn't be the best idea to show up at Empire to be yelled at by Snoke on no sleep, she lay back down on the rug, tucked up tight for warmth, under the thin old blanket. 

~

In the end she got around three hours before she was taking a taxi to Empire, heart going a million miles an hour in her chest, wondering how on earth she was going to explain herself to Snoke. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad? If she went in with the most optimistic outlook possible, thought about the fact she was planning to get the hell out of America by the end of the day, then maybe it would be okay. At that point, it wasn't like her life could get any worse. She'd definitely reached rock bottom. 

She knew things were not going to be okay when she got through the Empire glass revolving doors to find Snoke waiting for her in the reception area. His face was, as always, carefully neutral with a slight hint of disgust and resentment, as though she was wearing a particularly foul outfit that despaired him to have to look at. She tried her best not to falter as she walked in, hands shoved in the pockets on the jeans she'd borrowed from Rose, white sweatshirt sleeves bunched up around her wrists. Why he had to be that good at glaring irritated her. 

"Rey." He said pleasantly enough when she stopped a couple of minutes in front of him. "Rey Niima. Walk with me." 

Shit, the full name was out. Things were getting serious. He didn't give her a chance to respond as he turned on his heel and strode down the corridor at an uncomfortably fast place, leaving her to hurry after him, completely undignified. She wished she'd brushed her hair. He didn't say anything for a long while as he took her on a circuit around the many corridors of Empire until stopping outside a door, looking up to regard a row of picture frames hung neatly against the blood red wall. She stopped adjacent to him, not quite sure what was going on. 

"Do you know who that is?" He asked, gesturing at the leftmost portrait on the wall with the slightest movement of the index finger. 

Of course she knew who it was, she knew it so instantly it felt like a trick question, something determined to throw her off and prove she wasn't right for Empire. "Vader." 

Snoke nodded, his focus intently on the portrait instead of her. The feeling of being examined intensified even when she wasn't the centre of his attention. "Exactly. That was his stage name. Also known as—" 

"Anakin Skywalker." She finished. Where on earth was this going? Why were they walking down what seemed to be the Empire hall of fame? Was it an attempt to psych her out? Because it was baffling her to the point of actually working. 

"Good." Snoke nodded, walking towards the next picture. Feeling like she had to follow, not of her own accord, she stepped towards it too. "And this one?" 

She frowned and looked at the picture more closely, trying to discern who the young man in the golden frame was. "Is that… Pryde?" 

He nodded again, short and curt. "In his youth. When he was working on the Vader project. That was the album which kick-started his career, as I'm sure you're aware." 

He drifted down past more portraits until he stopped before the last three. "And obviously you know who these are."

Kylo, Hux, and Phasma. The First Order. They all looked younger, brighter. Phasma's hair was longer, just above her shoulders, a honeyed blonde rather than the short platinum she sported now. Hux's face was rounder, there was a small smudge of colour in his cheeks and a smattering of freckles across his nose. But the picture that stood out to her most was Kylo's. He was caught halfway in, giving a sarcastic comment through a lopsided grin, his hair an even messier mop than that which she'd seen him with, his eyes bright. It struck her that she'd never seen him look that happy; a kind of glow about him rather than the icy exterior and dark eyebags she was used to. She nodded rather than conforming it out loud, sensing the question was rhetorical. 

"The greatest band of a generation." He pondered, taking his time to really look at the pictures. She fidgeted her hands in her pockets, still completely on edge. It felt like the floor was uneven, quicksand, a surfboard on the most problematic of waves. Like any misstep would cast her away entirely. "Do you know why I've brought you here?" 

_ To reprimand me? To kick me out of the studios?  _ She decided it was easier to shake her head than to speak and give the wrong answer. 

"The brightest musical stars of their respective time periods. Do you know what I saw in all of them?" Another rhetorical question, he liked his drama. "Potential. Raw, untamed potential. The most talented artists in need of guidance. Every artist that Empire has signed has reached global stardom." 

On that he walked a couple more paces to the right, opening the door at the end of the corridor and signalling for her to go inside. "As you know, you're walking in the footsteps of the greats. Have a seat there, Rey. In front of the desk." 

Some of the greats anyway, she thought, completely discounting how they'd been usurped by Rebellion Records and all their lot; Kenobi, Han, Leia. She followed his instructions though and sat in the uncomfortable looking chair in front of the desk, really wishing she'd had an extra five cups of coffee so she wouldn't look as downtrodden and depressed as she felt. He sat down opposite her in the much more comfortable looking one, black, plush, executive, on wheels, oversized enough that it gave the impression of a throne. He clasped his hands on the table in front of him, finally fixing her with intense attention that seemed to cut right through her. "You know why you're here so I won't beat around the bush any longer."

She swallowed and gave a small nod, tightening her hands into fists in her pockets and wincing slightly as her nails cut crescents into her palms. "Yes. I think so. I—I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Even if it's too late for that now." 

He regarded her with an expression somewhere between coldness and puzzlement, as if he hadn't been expecting that from her. To be honest, she hadn't expected it from herself either. It was the complete opposite of what she wanted to say to him, less grovelling, more ripping him to shreds with a speech she'd practiced a hundred times over about the injustices of her new celebrity life. "Do you know why we signed you in the first place?" 

Another test, it seemed, or maybe she was just paranoid. She knew the answer she wanted to believe, and she knew the answer Kylo had given her. But she wasn't sure if either of them held any merit. She took the risk and answered "To improve Kylo's public image. If I can have a successful friendship or relationship with him and remain the sweet British girl stereotype, the press would stop dragging his name through the mud for all the mistakes he made." 

"Do you honestly believe that?" 

She looked at him sharply, as though her entire lens on the world had shifted into focus. The first response she tried to give came out as nothing empty air, until she managed "It's what I've been told." 

"By Kylo, I'd assume." He sighed deeply and leaned back in his chair though even while relaxed his presence was commanding enough to keep her entirely on edge. 

She shrugged slightly. It was true. "Well, yeah." 

"That is obviously his perception of the situation. He always is more concerned with himself than others," Though his tone remained the same she could feel the disdain, the slight raise of an eyebrow when discussing Kylo. The relationship between Snoke and Kylo was still way too complex for her to even pretend to understand. "Though I will admit that played a part in my decision, there was something else too." 

Her world was still over focused, saturated, like she'd taken espresso shots in quick succession and was beginning to regret the jittery dread they built inside her. "Something else?" 

"I saw something in you, Rey. The same thing I saw in everyone else on that wall. Potential." He said it so easily, like it was an obvious fact she'd have to be an idiot to have missed, but to her it was a backhanded revelation that stung as much as it validated her. 

Where on Earth he had seen that in her dime-a-dozen acoustic guitar covers and (as Kylo had described it) fake indie accent, the fairy lights, the smiles, the overblown stereotypes she'd leaned into just for the smallest hope of reaching an audience, she didn't know. It was the most fake, manufactured, soulless thing she could have produced. And yet, in comparison to what she had been subjected to at Empire, it seemed like a careful reprieve. 

Sensing her confusion he gave her the slightest smile, a sardonic curve of the lip. "It's admirable, really, the extent you went to in changing yourself into the most marketable, most inoffensive musical artist on YouTube. I saw that in you from the first cover. You didn't like the song, and yet you were all smiles on camera. I could see your  _ ambition _ . You would do anything to get a career, to prove everyone in your life who ever told you you'd never make it wrong. Or am I misunderstanding?"

It was a pretty calculated way to put it, but there was no way she could argue when it was entirely truthful. "I— I took cover requests from my subscribers. It wasn't about what I wanted to do, it was whatever they asked for."

"Rey. Don't do yourself that disservice. You knew that Kylo had released his debut solo track and that it was all anyone would be talking about. So as soon as it was released you figured out the tabs, planned to record a cover as soon as possible. You saw that window of opportunity and threw yourself at it with everything you'd got. You're an intelligent young woman. You've been doing this for years, finding the gaps and moulding yourself into whatever you needed to be to fill them. And this time you just so happened to capture our attention." He kept his steady gaze on her like she might flee at any moment, a disarming and invasive gaze that she wanted nothing more than to shrink away from. "You've got enough drive and ambition to rival everyone here combined. You know that it can be seen in your eyes when you're performing, when you lose yourself entirely in the music? That determination to be heard." 

The more he talked the more she was having an internal identity crisis. Yes, she'd kind of hated her YouTube channel from the start. Yes, even though she didn't like Sound Of The Lonely she'd known that covering it would build traction towards her and her brand. But was she really as manipulative as he was making her out to be? She'd wanted this opportunity more than she'd ever wanted anything before despite her initial apprehensions around Kylo, it was all she'd ever worked towards. Was she really as ruthless as everyone else? 

"And when you arrived you were practically perfect. In person your desire, your  _ need  _ to prove yourself was as obvious as your accent from the first moment I walked into that meeting room with you and Kylo. And for the first few months you continued to be more than we'd hoped for. You dutifully recorded the duet with Kylo. You went through all of the performances without complaint. You managed to fashion yourself into someone that Kylo could rely on, a found half so integral to him that it would've been idiotic for us not to develop that into a romance plot for the cameras. And of course, your first album. Your theory skills surpass that of everyone in The First Order, clearly you have a natural affinity for it which you've trained into your greatest strength. And you've been working tirelessly to make it the next best American record, despite the fact you hate the genre and everything the studio stands for. That," Snoke picked up a pen from the table and pointed it towards her, almost an accusation. "Is why you're a perfect fit for Empire."

But she hadn't been perfect. She'd held a middle finger up to all of his rules, been a (justified) pain in the ass for him, ruined what felt like everything she touched which was why she was even in this situation now, sat across from him, being told that she was a lot more sociopathic than she would've liked, holding a mirror to all her worst qualities and then celebrating them like they were achievements she should be proud of. "I was just trying to survive—" 

"And when we decided to pull the PR feud between you and your friend Rose you obligingly posted all of the subtweets, pointedly moved the topic of discussion on from her at interviews, and gave just the right number of hints that something was wrong between you that everyone is convinced your drama is founded in reality. Again, you adapted yourself perfectly." He cut off yet another of her protests with a silencing hand. "So imagine my disappointment when the rumours came out about your past and you refused to abide by the rules we'd set out, for the sake of  _ your  _ career." 

"Sorry," She said quietly, her voice smaller and more pathetic than she would've liked. Snoke's gaze was still so intense that it threw her off, leaving her feeling more off-kilter than ever. "I didn't know I'd be, well, robbed." 

"The theft was an unprecedented scenario. Therefore we're going to take unprecedented steps to repair the problem. I couldn't care less that we're a laptop down. I can assure you, Rey, we are working closely with the police to find out who stole Empire property. Imagine the losses we'll make if they leak your album files." 

Suddenly her conspiracy theory that Snoke had been behind the move melted away and she was left feeling absolutely ridiculous, like a child incapable of telling fiction from reality. " I'm still… Signed with Empire?"

He steeled his fingers, surveying her carefully again. His eyes were cold and narrow, had she misspoken? "Against my better judgement, yes. I can't deny that you're still a valuable asset to us despite your little slip up." 

That was an interesting way of him describing her almost actively trying to sabotage her career. She really had no idea what she was doing now she'd been prepared to grab the first flight home and forget that LA and all of its trials and tribulations had ever happened, to move on and go back to her old life, the one filled with vats of coffee and impending assignments and days spent buried in books and literary criticisms. The old life where she didn't get to live her dream, but at least it was nice to imagine an idyllic world where she did. What use were dreams when you followed them? Once you've achieved your one goal in life there's not much left to it. She chewed her lip anxiously, slipping her hands out of her pockets and clasping them in her lap. Now she knew Snoke wasn't going to kill her as much as she'd expected she could relax a tiny bit. A second chance. A second chance she didn't think she deserved. Well, a third chance if she counted the offer of the album. "Why didn't you send me home after the collaboration?" 

He took a moment to consider his answer, adjusting one of his cufflinks. "Phasma saw in you what I also saw. She came to me earlier that day and lay down a compelling case to keep you signed to the label. She said that apart from Kylo, you were the biggest opportunity for us to make money. And of course, she was correct."

Jesus. Why had Phasma done all of that for her? It was even like they were that close. She'd be forever in her debt. "Phasma asked you to let me stay?" 

"Yes. As she also realised, like I had done, you do a very good job of keeping Kylo in check. Therefore it made the most financial sense for the company." He replied easily. So easily in fact that it made her wonder why she hadn't accepted it before. As much as she would've loved to think that she was kept around because she had talent, her worst suspicions were realised; she was  _ valuable.  _

"You offered me an album. Why?" 

"It would be improper to request for you to stay without giving you anything in exchange. Consider it an equal transaction. On that subject, we can retrieve the files you were working on. Since you were working remotely on a company laptop they've been automatically backed up to our central servers. We'll have to change your login details, obviously, in case whoever has the laptop manages to access the files too. Though overall, there's very little harm done."

The fact that he didn't seem anywhere near mad at her struck huge alarm bells in her head. Was this a new way of keeping her in line? Be nice enough that she didn't protest anything? "So what happens now?" She asked, catching a strand of hair around her index finger and tucking it behind her ear. 

"We carry on as usual. As I've already stated, until the police do their job there's no way for us to apprehend anyone for the theft. So we will have to move onto the next stage of the plans. Which means you'll still finish your album by the deadline, Rey. Just because we're under unusual circumstances, you can't afford to drop the ball. If anything, this should be a source of inspiration for you. We've let a few news outlets know about the break-in, and of course you'll be doing a few interviews where you can push your album sales through pathos. There's no need to grind everything to a halt in one of the fastest moving industries."

Of course there'd be no hope of a break. Nothing to help on terms of finding somewhere to stay that wouldn't be robbed, nothing to help on the emotional trauma count (though she didn't really have any it would've been a handy excuse), and nothing to help with finishing her album at breakneck speed. As shit as she'd thought her last week and a half of stress composing had been, she'd have to keep doing it at least until the end of the week. She breathed a small sigh, hoping it was indiscernable to Snoke. Now was not the time to get on his nerves any more than she had already. Kylo was having it so  _ lucky  _ right now, touring the world with his best mates, playing music every night to stadiums of people who loved him, not having crimes committed against him, not being stuck alone with Snoke and the stress of an album; again someone else was managing to live her dream and they didn't even seem that grateful for it. Rose. Kylo. Two sides of the same coin. Though she was really only salty because she still missed him terribly. 

A question was on the tip of the tongue. She wanted to ask it. Though she knew the answer probably hadn't changed since the last time. Screw it. What did she have to lose, except literally everything? She wasn't very good at self-preservation. "When will Kylo and everyone be back?" 

"Two weeks and they'll be back in the country. Another two and they'll be back full-time in the studios." He answered. 

"And my album should be done and released once they get back?" 

He nodded. "Precisely." 

"So what will I do between the end of the week deadline for creating the album and the month until they come back?" She was slowly inching her way towards the question she really wanted the answer to, hoping if she could create a logical progression towards it that it wouldn't seem so demanding and out of the blue. Of course, it was probably a pointless endeavour. Snoke was the kind of person who could tell your intentions the second you walked in the room. 

Snoke smiled, a pretty patronising gesture. "You'll promote your album. Talk shows, interviews, live shows. We'll build your brand and image to the greatest heights we can." 

That being the image she didn't really like from the music she didn't really vibe, great. Hoping to phrase it as eloquently and offhandedly as possible, she bit the bullet. "Will I open any of The First Order shows once they're back in the area?" 

Snoke chuckled and somehow that was even more patronising than the smile. "No."

Her heart sank. There went her dream of playing with them in a stadium to thousands of people. Of course she'd do everything for press coverage except the one thing she wanted. "Oh." She said softly because she couldn't  _ not  _ express her disappointment, but also didn't want to appear disrespectful. 

"While it is something we may consider in the future, to create some unity and crossover between fans of Kylo, Phasma, Hux and you, the primary aim of the tour was to reunite the three of them for the world. I'm sure you can see what the problem would be if you, the newest part of Empire, not a member of The First Order but instead a reminder of Kylo's new directions, played one of their shows. Perhaps when Kylo releases his album you could open then." He said as firmly as he could, showing there was absolutely no room for negotiation on the matter. He'd already considered it and made his decision. 

So that meant she would most likely have to go the whole remaining month without seeing any of them. Snoke had done a great job of implying in his statement about her not being part of the little triad that she was to have nothing to do with the success of the tour. It still didn't make perfect sense, she still wanted to push that as Kylo's fake girlfriend she should at least visit him before a few of the shows, especially the ones that would be played nearby, but Snoke had that air of resolution about him that meant she'd be a fool to try and change his mind. "I understand." She replied sullenly, picking away at a small thread on the hem of the jumper she'd borrowed from Rose. 

"Good. I knew you would." He gathered a few of the papers across the desk, straightened them up into a neat pile and placed it in front of him.

"So when will, uh, Kylo and I be continuing the fake relationship in person? I've still been tweeting and stuff," She cringed a little at how heavy handed and obvious it was. 

Snoke raised an eyebrow but replied in much the same tone as before. "At the end of the tour. Four weeks, at the airport." 

Fuck. That was forever. "Okay."

"Any other questions? No? Perfect," He said in such quick succession that even if she'd had anything further she wanted to ask she wouldn't have stood a chance of getting it in. "That is all. Please spend the rest of your day finishing that penultimate song, hm? I had expected it to be ready at the start of the week."

And he was back to being an insufferable prick. Excellent. "Yeah, I'll get it done for tonight." 

He put the pen he'd been holding back into the pen pot, neatly and orderly. "8pm in my work inbox." 

"Will do." She nodded, absolutely smiling through the pain. 

He gave her a dismissive gesture without so much as a goodbye, an acknowledgement of the door's existence which she took to mean 'get out'. So she thanked him for his time, wishing that she could punch him in the face, and got the hell out of there before he changed his mind about keeping her at Empire. She was definitely on her last chance. If anything else went wrong she didn't stand a chance, fake relationship or not she'd be out faster than she could say 'Sound of the Lonely is a bunch of emo bullshit'.

When she was out in the corridor she felt like she could finally breathe. She walked until she heard the door close behind her then stopped in front of the portraits again. She wasn't quite sure what drew her back there but she didn't question it much further, there was just something in her that wanted to look at everyone who had been there before her. Vader. Pryde. Tarkin. Hux. Phasma. All insanely talented. Had they too been chewed out by Snoke for the smallest of things? She knew Phasma and Hux definitely had, she missed the day they'd all decided to chill in Studio Three together instead of actually doing the compositions Snoke had requested from her, just bitching about how unfair their lives were and what they wouldn't give to get rid of Snoke. Intensely first world problems, of course, obviously their lives could be a whole lot more unfair, but being in the thick of Empire had the same feeling as living inside a box or a small cage, it was impossible for an of them to consider what life was like outside of it because the inside was all they knew of living. They were all in it together, at least. As much as Hux pretended he didn't need the solidarity, and as much as Kylo took the piss for her acting as though 'everything could be solved through the power of fucking friendship'. She moved towards his portrait again. He looked so young. She wished she could've known him earlier to see that grin for herself, known him before Snoke removed all the warmth and easy humour from his eyes, known him before the silver plaque underneath declared in large embossed capital letters Kylo Ren, known him when he was still the small, line break below Ben Solo. Just how different had he actually been? Or did she just have too much of a literature student inside her, determined to look back on words of the past and find whatever meaning she wanted in the verbs and tenses and abstract nouns? She pulled herself away from the photo, down the maze corridors back to her studio and the mountain of work that was awaiting her. She'd never know the answer to that question, who Kylo had been before the fame. And he certainly wouldn't tell her either, that much she didn't even consider a possibility. 

She needed to call him. Once she told him what had happened he'd agree that not seeing each other for a month was total bullshit. Like her, he'd start formulating a million different ways for them to meet up in secret, like some clandestine Shakespearean lovers. The shift from spending most hours of every day with him in the studios to only being able to catch up in two less than an hour phone calls over a month was truly shit. Fuck the rules. Fuck Snoke. There was no way they would be able to stay apart when she needed to annoy him mercilessly as much as she needed to breathe, and no doubt he felt the same way too. She curled up in her chair, the one with the wobbly leg because Kylo refused to sit on it himself, and opened the recovered documents. A few bars had been lost but it was no biggie. She'd spend half an hour pretending to make progress and then call him, and they'd figure out what the hell they were going to do and how they were going to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends,  
> Not much to say today except ily and you're all gorgeous :)  
> (my readers are the best. no this cannot be disproved.)  
> Stay positive, you've got this,  
> \- brie xxx


	18. Incognito Tests Of Friendship

_ Pick up pick up pick up pick up.  _

Rey paced around the floor of studio three, having just finished her demo of the penultimate song for her album and emailed it to Snoke. She'd got through it in a weirdly out-of-body caffeinated haze, working relentlessly all the way through the day until eight hours after her meeting with Snoke where he'd decided not to execute her. Not sure if she actually felt any better for having finished it, she held her phone up to her ear and pretty much stomped around in time with each ring, growing increasingly more frustrated that Kylo hadn't picked up yet. From what he'd told her of the shows he was playing earlier, she knew that he wasn't prepping for one that moment. It was his day off for travelling; he hadn't told her where he was actually headed after London but since she still had a fortnight before he returned to America she knew not to get her hopes up. So unless he was on a flight, which would actually be a good excuse for why he wasn't picking up, or doing an impromptu show for some random fans on the side of the road he should be talking to her right now. They'd agreed. 

Her meeting with Snoke had given her quite a lot to think about going forwards. First of all, she wanted to be sure that she wasn't actually a manipulative calculating person as he'd analysed her to be. Second of all, she'd have to figure out how she was going to deal with all of the stress of LA without anyone around to properly support her. And third of all, she was still stressed about finding somewhere new to live. Even though Poe had offered for her to move back in that night as the flat had been cleared of its status as a crime scene, she still felt pretty responsible for the break-in even if it wasn't directly her fault. Maybe she'd have to go back to staying in hotels for an unspecified amount of time. She didn't think that she could bear going house hunting or anything. 

Why wasn't he picking up? 

She was sent straight to voicemail. As she'd expected of him, he hadn't recorded a personal message, and instead she was instructed by a painfully robotic voice to leave a message after the tone. She didn't leave one though, knowing that just seeing he'd missed a call from her should sufficiently motivate him to call her back. With a sigh she decided to leave the studios, to get out and actually enjoy the fact she was technically allowed to be outside again now. With all the drama surrounding the robbery most of twitter seemed to have forgotten the feud between her and Rose and the false accusations, so she was free to roam the streets as a free woman. Making sure she'd definitely sent the email to Snoke, she signed out of the laptop she'd been working on and looked sadly at the empty guitar stand. Her prized acoustic. God knew where it was now. She honestly felt empty without it, it was really an extension of herself in every sense of the phrase. Luckily Empire still had guitars she could borrow but it just wasn't the same. Now it felt more like she had nothing left of her old self than ever, she'd have to go and bite the bullet and buy a new guitar at some point before the shows Snoke had planned. It was the kind of thing that if Kylo hadn't been away on a world tour she would've dragged him along to help. She could do with his expertise on the whole LA thing. 

She slipped out of the revolving glass doors which led to the outside world, out into the early evening scenery of LA. Making sure her ringer volume was turned all the way up for when Kylo managed to call her back, she walked her way along the beach promenade without direction or intention. People reclined on towels in the sand, splashed in the sea, all together and united in their fun. Couples brushed past her with arms interlocked, holding ice cream and ice lollies, frozen pineapple and watermelon on wooden sticks, all the signs of a developing summer. Looking at them did make a small bit of envy fold in her stomach, she'd do anything to be relaxing and having fun with someone who she hadn't led to be robbed or was in a different continent or was still in a fake feud with her. Maybe she should give in and get an ice-cream too. Even if it didn't wholly cheer her up, the sweetness would give her a small burst of energy while she thought about her next steps, which hotel to crash in for the night, what to have for tea, her schedule for the next day, all that good stuff. 

She scrounged together enough coins to get a vanilla cone and the sheer childish memories it evoked in her was enough to make her feel less depressed. Though she didn't particularly like the beach (because of the sand; rough, coarse, irritating, always finding its way into belongings for weeks afterwards) the ocean waves and the cool ice cream and hot salty chips would always be associated with good times for her. She walked along the shore front until she was past the safe lifeguarded swimming zones, until the sand fell away to tumultuous water separated from the pavement by a concrete wall. As the scenery became less pleasant, the beach houses' paint decrepit and washed out, there were less people and everything was a lot more peaceful. Perching on the edge of the wall to eat her ice cream, feet dangling over the edge to ocean underneath (a little bit of a thrill, a small bit of danger that reminded her she did still exist), she looked out to the horizon to the mix of slow sailboats and manic speedboats adorning the water, so far away they looked like miniscule models of what life should be. She couldn't help it, she checked her phone again. He hadn't called back. It was half an hour after they'd agreed to. Why did it feel like nothing in her life was going according to plan? 

She plugged her earphones into her phone to distract herself, putting in only the left one, picking some classic indie pop tunes she associated with good summers spent with Finn, drunken nights out, stargazing in the parks until sunrise, surfy guitar riffs and a clean sound that made it sound almost ethereal, music like the taste of cheap strawberry bubblegum. She stayed like that for a while, zoning out completely, to the point where all she did was listen and not even think, some time where she could pretend she didn't exist for just a short while. Whoever had decided consciousness and self-awareness would be a great feature for humanity should be shot. 

When her phone finally rang it startled her, she grabbed onto the rough stone wall beneath her in fear she'd fall off. Once over the initial shock she pulled out her earphones, swivelling around so she was parallel to the shore, knees up on the wall along with the rest of her body, and accepted the call. "Hey."

"Hey," He echoed, his voice sounding flat and tired. It seemed that no matter how times they tried to call each other her brain would still give her that same rush of serotonin every time she heard his voice again. 

"You sound exhausted." She said sympathetically. 

He sighed deeply in affirmation. "Long day. Travelling. How are you?" 

"Well, you'll be shocked and pleased to know that Snoke hasn't actually killed me. This isn't a conversation you're having with a ghost," She said lightly, in hopes that if she could joke about it she'd be less stressed. "He's keeping me on despite everything." 

"That's good." 

She thought it was probably the opposite, to be honest. As much as she hadn't wanted to be yelled at by Snoke it might've been easier if she had been sent home on bad behaviour. "Is it though?" 

"Well, not for me. I still have to listen to your incessant whingeing." He replied with just the right amount of fake disdain, evoking a bubble of a laugh from her. "So what's actually happening?"

"Well, after the meeting I had with him this morning I'm worried I'm like the worst person ever to exist." She scuffed the soles of her shoes against the rough surface of the wall, kicking little specks of gravel across into the sea. 

He scoffed. "Bit of a reach there, sweetheart. There's a lot more evil in the world than you." 

"Thanks. Well, anyway, he said that he signed me because I'm apparently really good at marketability. Just because I saw some trends and geared my covers towards them." She left out the bit about not liking his song, not wanting to cause any unnecessary drama when they were so far apart; God knows she'd had enough of that for a lifetime. "He's made my perfectionism issues into nefarious ambition. Apparently that gives me potential because I'm too desperate to be famous that I'll do whatever it takes, whatever sacrifices. I'm not really like that, am I?" 

"Fuck no. I don't think you have the capacity to act on anything other than impulse." He answered easily. 

She gave a small laugh again. "Should I be offended by that? I do think about the consequences of my actions. Sometimes." 

"Key word: sometimes." He said with a hint of humour and hell did she miss seeing his half-smirk. 

"It's like, yeah I did those things. I guess if you look hard enough at it I am a bit absolutely desperate, I fake dated you, I've done pretty much whatever Snoke told me to, all that. But I don't know. Just because I wanted to make this dream a thing doesn't mean that I'm a bad person does it?" She fretted. "And I'm definitely overthinking this, I know, but with Rose's tweets about me changing because of fame - even if she is completely joking it's made me think about whether it might be true - it's just that's the one thing I don't want to happen to me. I don't want to be a product of the system, you know?"

"You're overthinking it." He confirmed. "Seriously. All jokes and banter aside you're fine."

"You're not just saying that to make me feel better?" 

"You know me. If I thought you were as much of an arrogant prick as I am I would've told you by now." 

"I suppose that's true." She replied with a small smile, folding her legs under her to try and sit more comfortably. "You never did have a filter when it came to insulting me. I appreciate your candor." 

"Contrary to popular belief I do have a filter. You'd find me even more insufferable if I didn't." 

"I don't think that's possible, you're the absolute worst already, babe." She grinned. "But it's okay because I love you anyway." 

He scoffed again and muttered something about how she was just as annoying. "You're incapable of being actually cold. As much as you try it when I piss you off you can't keep it up for more than five minutes. So no, you're not a calculating bitch who's only put for money and fame. Just the fact you're worried about it shows you have more moral integrity than most people in LA."

That did actually reassure her a little. It was nice to know that she wasn't a horrible person from someone else's point of view. "Okay, good. By the way, Snoke's refusing to let us see each other until a month's time when your tour's over. I'm not even allowed to open for you guys or drop in when you're nearby because it distracts too much from The First Order or some shit. Seriously, even if I am grateful he gave me a second chance, I still hate Snoke. So yeah. More trying to cram phone calls into our hectic schedules, made even more so when he sends me on my album tour." 

"Fuck that man." 

"Preach." She sighed. "Truer words have never been spoken. But I was thinking…" 

"You can think? That's dangerous." 

"Oh, shut up," She laughed and swung her legs back round so her feet were dangling over the sea again, watching the rhythmical push and pull of the shoreline. "So I was thinking, and yes I am capable of thought, that it's stupid to not see you for a wholeass month just because Snoke says so." 

He sighed again, deep and regretful. "There goes my plan for a vacation from your bullshit." 

"You're so mean to me!" She laughed more, incredulous. "Just let me finish!" 

He laughed a little too, the slightest chuckle. "Get the fuck on with it then," 

"Well I was  _ trying  _ to before I was so rudely interrupted." She went for an artificially annoyed tone, though a grin was still plastered in her face, wide as anything. "We should meet up in person. We'd have to be, like, really careful otherwise Snoke could find out and kick me off the label or something but it's better than the alternative." 

"You're going to risk your career to fuck around with me?" His tone was wholly judgemental and she could imagine the eyebrow raise he always gave her, the one that signalled that what she was thinking was a pretty shitty idea. 

"Well, I didn't think of it like  _ that _ . More like… Why should our careers stop us from being friends?" 

"A bold assumption, that we're friends." 

She rolled her eyes, kicking her feet forwards and backwards as they dangled over the edge. "We are. You know it."

"We can agree to disagree, sweetheart." He answered with that slight warmth in his tone, the hint of a smirk. 

"You're really out to get on my nerves today, huh? Well it's not gonna happen. I know you want to see me as much as I want to see you so we've got to decide a time and place. Something that won't tip Snoke off." Finding something that would satisfy all of those requirements seemed to be more impossible the longer she thought about it. They'd have to be in the same location first of all. She couldn't fly out conveniently to wherever he was, that would be obvious. So they'd have to wait until their schedules lined up. "This is hard." 

"I'm back in the USA in two weeks. Depending on the shows Snoke will sign you up for we can schedule around that." He suggested. 

"Yeah. Okay. At the moment he hasn't given me any proper indication of where I'll be, as per fucking usual, so I guess we'll have to wait to schedule something once I know my itinerary." She lapsed into momentary silence. Yeah, she wanted to see him more than anything considering how much had changed in the few weeks he'd been away. But would it actually be better to just wait the four weeks rather than risk it? Snoke had explicitly told her that they weren't to interact. God knew what he'd do if he found out this was what they were planning. "So why are you late calling, anyway? I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me." 

She hopped off the wall onto the promenade to find a bin for the paper napkin she'd been given with her ice cream, balling it up in her fist as he answered. "Honestly I was in the middle of napping." 

That startled a laugh out of her. "I seriously cannot imagine you napping. Doesn't fit your brand." 

"It was a long, late show last night and early morning, we're all shattered. Phasma's been asleep since we set off, Hux drifted in and out of sleep for an hour around midday, and I just passed out for a couple. Fucking tours," He stifled a yawn, a suitable emphasis to his point. "It's not something I regularly do."

"How are the shows? Bored to death yet?" She teased lightly, chucking the napkin into a bin once she'd found one. "How many murder plans have you come up with for Snoke?" 

"God, they're fucking awful." He said flatly, a defeated monotony.

"Aww, I'm sure they're not actually that bad," She said sympathetically. "I've seen some clips on twitter. Looked like you might even have been having fun. Crazy." 

"Well, performance doesn't correlate to the reality of the matter." He lowered his voice slightly, presumably because he was still near the others. "Hux has been a prick the entire time. He refuses to talk to me unless he has to, which I suppose is an improvement. Phasma makes pointedly salty comments in response to everything I say, when we all know that's my job as resident dickhead. They've come to some agreement to act as though I'm the worst thing in their lives rather than Snoke who is  _ actually  _ the cause of their problems so yeah, pretty old. Same bullshit as why I quit in the first place. "

"That doesn't sound like them," Though she knew Hux's weird and pretty insulting way of communication firsthand and Phasma's slight tendances towards passive aggressiveness especially when it came to fears around her career, how that had culminated into what Kylo was describing sounded a lot more bitchy than how they'd acted when she was around. "I know you've told me you're not all on the best terms but for the sake of the tour you'd think you all at least be civil towards each other…?" 

"Again, you've only seen their public personalities. Even though you're technically a part of the fucked up Empire family they're still going to act as though you're anyone else they have to perform to. No-one knows their true selves more than I do, unfortunately for me."

"Oh." She supposed it made sense. Though it did still hurt everytime she was reminded that her apparent friendships or at least mutual lack of detest with the others was mostly founded on lies and fakery, she understood why. Since having her normal personality under scrutiny of Snoke and the whole world, only playing up a couple of aspects, it had really worn her down. Maybe she needed a persona before it was too late. 

"Exactly." There was a weird silence between them and for the first time in a while Rey was reminded that as much as she didn't know Hux and Phasma, there was a massive probability that she didn't know Kylo. Had he ever let his guard down around her? Or had every interaction with him been in a similar vein of performance, of a fear and defence against public scrutiny? Had he ever actually been honest with her? They'd only known each other for a few months. Though it felt like years, like a friendship as long as the one she had with Finn, in actuality there wasn't much shared time between them. 

"Hey, Kylo?" She said softly and carefully, wondering why she was bringing this topic up again when it had gone so fucking terribly the last time on the beach before their collab released. 

"Yes?" He returned, with a slight bit of his usual antagonism. 

"You know you said I'm not part of your kind of Empire family?" She didn't know why she felt so nervous asking the question, why she was so prepared to pin so much upon his answer. 

"I didn't say that." He replied firmly. 

"Well, you implied it. That I don't know Hux and Phasma or the status of you guys' feelings towards each other because you all felt too bad to act anything other than friendly around me?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, also that I don't know what Hux and Phasma are truly like because everything is all marketing this and branding that?" When he didn't reply, she pressed on. "Have you ever… Well, um, how to phrase this, do you do the same thing? Do you keep up an act around me? Like, when you joke about the fact we're not friends is that actually true because I've only interacted with the version of you that you present to everyone?"

There was a heavy silence on his end of the line. All she could think about was that damn portrait on Snoke's walls, of the younger, happier Kylo before he was Kylo. He let out a heavy, laboured, slow sigh. "I told you the first time you asked me those kinds of questions that I don't want to talk about it." 

So yes. If it had been a no it would've been no trouble for him to have said so. "It's just… okay I'm super paranoid because of all the manufactured drama and dating so don't, like, hate me for this because I need constant validation, but you do actually like me?" 

"Of course." He replied like she was being an absolute idiot. "If I didn't you'd know about it." 

She bit her lip. "But you still can't act like yourself around me." 

"Rey—" 

"It's fine if you don't." She rambled, feeling everything slipping through her fingers like shards of glass or grains of sand, desperately trying to make her point but doing everything wrong in the process. "Because like, I get it, it's a tough industry and I'm only temporary but I've always been open with you from the start and I guess because I expected that from you I've put loads of pressure on you now, and I get if you still think this is all just business, it's just I'd really prefer to know where we actually stand before… Before I do anything that makes you uncomfortable or something. I just want to know if you're honest with me because I know how much shit Snoke has put you through and somehow you always act like you're fine and cool and unaffected but I'm here, you know? I'm not making any sense. I'm really sorry. I just… I don't want everyone treading on eggshells around me."

Oh fuck, that had really done it. She didn't know that phone static could be so cold, an icy chill like one of his practiced glares. 

"We're not discussing this." He said eventually, his voice controlled and stony. 

She couldn't help herself. It slipped out, all the anxieties, all the stress, all the need for something that was solid in LA. "Are we  _ ever  _ going to discuss it? Or are you just gonna keep me in lurch forever? I just want you to be  _ honest  _ about whatever is going on between us. I can't cope with always second-guessing every action you take or every word you say because you yourself warned me about what people are like in LA. Is that really too much to ask? I don't even mind waiting, you need time, I get it, I'm patient, I just can't do this performance anymore, not now literally everything is going wrong in my life." 

More ugly silence. She immediately regretted speaking. If she could see his face, gauge his reaction, maybe it would be easier. As of now all she had was a lack of response and growing dread that in her selfish demand for him to spill his secrets or whatever to her she'd managed to fuck yet another thing up. 

"I'm not having this conversation with you right now." He'd completely shut down, retreated back into that icy exterior she'd seen so much of in her first week in LA and wished she wouldn't have to see again. "Not today."

"You're avoiding the question. I don't care if we don't discuss it properly, just reassure me that I'm not wasting my time—" Why couldn't she just shut up? 

"Why can't you ever just fucking drop things?" He snapped. "Not everything here revolves around you. My life is not your mystery to solve." 

She swallowed. "Sorry. That was… Uncalled for. I shouldn't have pressed." 

"No. You shouldn't have." His tone was sharp and inflammatory but she managed not to rise to it. 

Shit. How was she going to diall everything back to how it was before? Mixing her insecurities with his issues had been a brilliantly awful idea, and now the conversation was stuck on a horrible note, and all she wanted was to crack a joke and lighten the mood but knew it wouldn't help for once. "I'm sorry," She repeated uselessly though it was much too late. 

"Clearly you're too tired and stressed for us to be talking right now." He clipped every word. "You need to take a break."

With that heartfelt goodbye, he ended the call. Fantastic. She'd managed to alienate and annoy Kylo enough that they were now in a weird argument while across continents from each other, all while her intention had been to solidify her friendship. Did everything she touch ruin? It was beginning to feel that way. God fucking dammit. And she couldn't even be mad at him because it was entirely her fault. 

She allowed herself to rage internally for half an hour, enough time to let herself calm down and try to figure out how she was going to make him not mad at her. They'd both had long days. It was probably a bad idea for them to be talking when they were both like that. But then again, she'd only wanted to make sure he was okay, properly okay. She was halfway through walking back to Poe's apartment when she remembered that she'd decided to move out, that all of her stuff was still in Empire from when she'd taken it out, and she still didn't know where to stay. Well. She bit her lip. It was probably the best way to start a conversation again, else they'd both just leave it and, like, never talk to each other again out of awkwardness. Swallowing her pride, she took out her phone. 

**_Rey:_ **

_ do u know any good hotels in LA?  _

_ i don't know where 2 stay tonight  _

If he ignored it then at least she'd tried. Maybe it was a slightly guilt tripping way of getting him to talk to her, the implication that she'd be wondering the streets aimlessly with nowhere to stay if he didn't answer, but she really didn't know where she was going to stay. 

She didn't hear back for ten minutes and so decided it wasn't worth the effort of waiting any longer, finding a random bar and ducking in to use the free WiFi and grab a G&T while she was on her TripAdvisor hunt. There were almost too many to choose from, all prices, all over the city. Not exactly useful when she just wanted someone to tell her what to do for once. It was the small things like that, the fact Snoke was perfectly fine micromanaging every other aspect of her life down to the time she took a daily jog but couldn't even find her a good hotel. 

She'd settled on one that was only a five minute walk from Empire, forty-five minutes away from where she was right now, hoping that it would be tolerable enough for one night and then she could figure out what the hell she was doing in the long run later. After finishing her drink and looking wistfully at the groups of people all laughing and generally having a nice time together, wishing that her life was that easy all over again, that she dragged herself away from being a depressed loner in a shitty bar and started her walk back. 

God bless music. For all the shit it had been giving her recently, when she put in her earphones and pressed shuffle she could escape everything for a good while. 

Was she actually in the wrong? Kind of, she thought, because she shouldn't have been insistent about knowing if he was okay when he'd told her to drop it. But at the same time he had kind of overreacted while knowing how stressed out she was. Maybe they were both the asshole in that situation. Ugh, there she was, back on her bullshit again as she walked through the darkening streets of LA which seemed even more confusing in the night chill. Why did her thoughts always have to drift to Kylo? She didn't  _ want  _ to keep thinking about him. She didn't  _ want  _ to keep thinking about how much she missed seeing his smirk. She really didn't want to think about all the times she'd leant over his shoulder, taken his hand casually, nearly died while in the middle of ice skating, brushed her lips against the slight stubble of his cheek for the cameras. Those thoughts were not welcome. And she especially refused to think about their goodbye, his lips on hers, nope, not gonna go there, no thank you. All blame lay on the fake relationship. If she didn't have to pretend to be in love with him for weeks while he was the closest thing to a best friend she had only for him to leave out of the blue, then she wouldn't be pining at all right now. It was just a confusion between fiction and reality. Which seemed like a pretty accurate reflection of her life recently. What use was pretending when everyone else believed it to be true? If enough people believed it, didn't that make it fact?  _ Fuck. _

She kicked a few stones out of her path before she slipped over them, checking the next instruction on Google Maps for what felt like the millionth time. Turn left in two hundred yards. Like she even knew what a yard  _ was.  _

The terribly robotic voice informed her that she was twenty minutes away from her destination in the route via Empire, interrupting the flow of Kate Bush she'd been vibing through the earphones. There was really nothing quite like listening to lowkey depressing songs while already having a crisis, but that's how it was. She'd just lot herself in it again, walking in time to the beat, when a notification chime cut through the music again. With irritation she took her phone out of her pocket. 

**_Kylo:_ **

_ There's one that I stayed in when Snoke first signed me. It's not terrible. I'll send the location details.  _

Did that mean they weren't weirdly on edge with each other anymore? Did this exchange of texts count as a subtextual apology between them? She was going to count it as so. When he sent through the name and address she checked it on TripAdvisor, just because, and the reviews seemed generally favourable so she decided she'd go for it. 

**_Rey:_ **

_ thx sm!!  _

_ absolute legend :)  _

**_Kylo:_ **

_ No problem.  _

It was so hard to tell his tone over text. He always typed with perfect grammar for absolutely no reason, so whereas with anyone else she'd take his last text message as incredibly passive aggressive, from him it was just normal. It was nice to know that he wasn't mad enough at her to leave her roaming the streets or sleeping in a random hotel that might be manky, though. 

Though the studios were mostly closed by that point, the only people left at this sort of time usually just Snoke and Pryde and the cleaning staff, she went inside to grab her stuff. It was pretty crazy how her entire life here fit into one small suitcase. Whereas at home she had crap everywhere round the apartment, stuff she thought she couldn't live without, here she was running on maybe eight different outfit combinations and doing just fine. At least it was easy to handle as she wheeled it out onto the street, somehow feeling like it was her first day in LA all over again. What wild times they had been. 

Luckily the hotel that Kylo suggested wasn't too far away from the studios, Google Maps predicted around ten minutes. And while it did end up being a bit longer because it was dark and hard to read all the street signs, she got there in one piece, managed to check in to a room and not die too much at the price, and headed up to her floor in a pretty empty lift. Once she got there it didn't take long for her to find the room number on her key and get inside, closing the door softly behind her. 

The room didn't suck. In fact, it was a pretty nice, pretty standard hotel room. The first thing she decided to do was have a shower and change into pyjamas because honestly she felt like she could just collapse from exhaustion on the spot, and then tackle everything else afterwards. 

Once she'd done that and washed her hair she tied it back into a couple French plaits so it wouldn't get in her face, then went on the hunt for the WiFi password. Luckily she found it almost straight away and it connected quickly, and she was free to binge watch as many random YouTube videos as she liked. But as she opened the app and scrolled down her subscription feed, finding nothing interesting, reminded of the fact she'd barely been posting and no doubt her fans were getting grouchy, she didn't end up watching anything at all. Instead she ended up looking at Kylo's contact, weighing up the probability she'd regret video calling him and the probability he just wouldn't pick up. Fuck it, she didn't want to be weird with him for long just because they were both stressed. In a moment of blind hubris, she pressed call. 

"What?" He asked as soon as the call connected, scowling. Despite his reaction, her spirits lifted immensely, just seeing his face was a pretty good antidote to her current ailments. 

"I've taken that break you instructed me to have." She said before she lost her nerve.

His scowl lessened at that but his tone remained deadpan. "You lasted one hour." 

"But I'm not tired and I'm not stressed!" She said with as much cheer as she could muster, an easy smile across her face. "So I call that a suitable break, and you have to talk to me again now because I'm banning you from being mad at me while we're in different continents." 

He sighed deeply, looking up to the sky. There was a long pause. She could see the faintest curl of a smile he was trying his hardest to hide and immediately felt victorious. "I suppose it's not like I have anyone else to complain to when I get bored." 

"Exactly. So we're friends again, cool cool." She grinned and propped her phone up against the headboard, lying propped up on her elbows to talk to him comfortably. "First things first, while I was grabbing my stuff from Empire, I checked my itinerary against yours and we're playing a similar location in two weeks, on the Wednesday. So if we accidentally happened to bump into each other…" 

"You're so needy," He rolled his eyes but said nothing in way of protest. "I can't believe you can't last six fucking weeks without me."

"What can I say, you're just the light of my life." She smiled sweetly, to which he rightfully scoffed. "So what are we gonna do on our absolutely not Snoke-sanctioned meet up?" 

He shrugged with one shoulder, the careful nonchalance he'd perfected like his ease in singing. "This is your idea, sweetheart. I'm only along for the ride because I'm self-destructive and like doing the exact opposite of what Snoke says." 

"It's gonna be nice to do something without the cameras. We could do literally anything and not have to worry." She pondered, wondering what kind of activity would lend itself well to incognito tests of friendship. 

"Unless any paparazzi find out, it gets plastered over tabloids, and Snoke makes our fake dating life a new hell." 

She laughed a little. "A new hell? I thought it was already hellish enough. Besides, I thought our motto was 'Fuck Snoke'." 

"He is capable of so much worse when it comes to PR." He sighed. "You don't even know the half of it, sweetheart."

"I'm glad from that expression, yikes." She raised her eyebrows. "So, babe," Old habits die hard even in private, the pet name had just slipped out as a result of Snoke's relentless badgering for them to be verbally affectionate with each other. Though if he was going to insist on calling her sweetheart just to piss her off, she wasn't going to take it back. "Back to planning. I mean, I need to get a new guitar because the likelihood we'll be able to get my acoustic back is looking pretty low, though I don't know how non surreptitiously we can manage that. Though if you have any recommendations, obviously welcome. So hm. Guess we'll have to find somewhere that doesn't care who we are."

"More difficult than you'd think."

"Oh, just because you're Mr Teenage Heartthrob." She rolled her eyes. "You just have to go and be fucking world famous, don't you? Ruining the plan." 

He gave a short laugh. "If we could switch places, I'd take it." 

"This is so hard. All I want is to like, meet up and play some tunes again. I've really been missing proper human interaction because I refuse to count Snoke under that category. There'll be like, venue backrooms and stuff right? If we sneak away way before a show. It's risky, but like,"

"What's life without a little risk, sweetheart?" He smirked, and oh god there she was again falling into the trap of looking at him from the perspective Snoke had forced upon her.

"Okay. Plan kind of made. Also I expect you to tell me all of the gossip. I want to know what Hux and Phasma are doing. Do you have any groupies?" 

He looked at her with so much disdain that it instantly cracked her up. "I do  _ not  _ have groupies." 

"Hey, if anyone was gonna have them it would be you." She grinned. "Just make sure they're not hotter than me because I can't cope with the competition." 

He raised an eyebrow, back to deadpan. "An impossible request there," 

"Are you implying I'm not hot?" She laughed incredulously, still smiling widely. "Kylo, you dick!" 

That got a smile out of him despite his impossibly disaffected facade he always insisted on having. "I'm just saying that your best attribute is your personality." 

"When we meet up I will fucking fistfight you," She laughed, finding the situation way more hilarious than it actually was but she was delirious from tiredness and talking to him again and that meant she had to feel everything a hundred times over. "I am hot shit."

"The egotistical act really doesn't suit you. Stop stealing my fucking job," 

"It's not egotistical if it's true. From an objective standpoint, you find me attractive." 

He sighed heavily as though praying for patience. "Are we really doing this right now?" 

She laughed again and dropped the act. "Now you know the absolute frustration I feel when interacting with you. Pretty eye-opening stuff, huh?" 

"You are such an annoyance." 

"Good, that's my aim, to keep you on your toes." 

"Or to send me over the edge of a cliff." 

"Hey, I am  _ not  _ that annoying. You like our banter, anyway."

"And God help me for it." 

"I do really miss you, you know." She said in a more sincere tone, still light, but her genuine feeling.

"I know." He replied with that arrogance he wore like armour and the smirk that always got her for some reason. "It's obvious."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Nothing to say today whoops!  
> Love you all,  
> \- your friendly neighbourhood brie xxx


	19. Call That Commitment

Not long before she'd planned to meet up with Ben she'd finally realised how bad of an idea it was. Bad ideas were kind of her thing by that point, but still, if Snoke found out or something happened she wouldn't know what to do. Out of sheer paranoia (and because she knew he would absolutely protest the idea) she hadn't even told Finn what she was planning to do, and she told him everything about her life even when he really didn't ask. 

The release of her second single had gone well, pretty much as well as it could've done. And although there were a lot of stress breakdowns in the process, staying up late every night for a solid week, consuming way too much chocolate for one human and drinking her own body weight in coffee, her album was finished. Well, as finished as it could be on her end. Pryde was still finalising the arrangements on the last couple of songs but when Snoke had dragged her in at 6am to listen to what they'd got so far, she'd been too blown away that this whole thing was finally happening, finally tangible after everything she'd gone through, that she couldn't even justify being mad about being dragged out of bed for it, and even though it would never sound _exactly_ how she wanted due to marketability and all that similar shit, she was happy. It sounded good. Surprisingly so. 

So Snoke had booted her off on her tour with a bunch of tech and band people she didn't know and who didn't seem to care to know her much, travelling across States larger than her home country, wondering if this was what it meant to be happy: sharing a little part of herself each night on stage, meeting the fans afterwards, knowing that she'd be doing this for the next two weeks of her life. And as much as it exhausted her, as much as it was gruelling and she felt like she might die before she walked onto stage for the first time every performance, it was just incredible. That indescribable bond between her and the neon lights and the mics and half magic kept her going like oxygen. She genuinely didn't think she'd ever smiled as much as she had recently. 

But now that smile was usurped by an unease, one that followed her as annoyingly as a shadow. She was so fucking excited to see Kylo again that it was actually ridiculous, though, and that alone helped her ignore her worries for just a little bit. Finally, their schedules had lined up. Finally, she was going to sneak off to the venue they were playing in later and mess around when he was supposed to be rehearsing or doing sound checks. How had they only been apart for four weeks? As cheesy as it was, it felt like a lifetime. Maybe she should call Finn. He'd get some sense into her. 

Instead she checked the time on her phone yet again, half an hour. She was so giddy at the thought of it that it was actually ridiculous, like a kid with a crush. Picking up her guitar, the one Snoke had lined to her for the duration of her tour and had apparently been owned by Vader before her (Kylo would be jealous when he found out), she decided to do a quick run through her set list before the show that evening. She was still getting used to the guitar, the differing tension of the strings, the fretboard, the feel of the neck in her hand, the way playing on an electric made her songs feel so different than when she'd composed them on her acoustic. God did she miss that guitar. Part of her instructions while rehearsing on the tour were to make sure she understood all of the pedals and plugins and amp setting, which it turned out was a lot to think about at all times considering multi-tasking had never really been her thing. Out of habit she played Sound of the Lonely, Kylo's little guitar riff that was so embedded into her muscle memory that she found herself tapping it instinctively in random surfaces while thinking and the tab numbers ran through her head while she went for a jog like a weird kind of medieval chant to summon demons. She still couldn't fathom how much her life had changed in a few months. Thinking about how Kylo would play it if he were here, she whacked on some overdrive for the truly grungy emo sound. It was probably how he'd intended it to sound in the first place, a more angry kind of loneliness than a sad one, the bite a reflection of the injustice of existence. Though the song still wasn't her favourite, at least it was more relatable to her now. 

Carrying on in a similar fashion for the next twenty minutes, she checked she could still remember and play all of the parts for her songs, checked she still knew the lyrics, and hoped above all else that she wouldn't mind blank and have to rely on the band to improvise for her. That had only happened once though, when she'd completely zoned out in the middle of her set and forgotten she was supposed to be playing, the words and melodies tumbling out of her mouth with literally no cognitive process behind her and when she'd snapped back into it she'd been disorientated enough that she messed up the next line. No-one seemed to care though. Her fans were way too considerate sometimes. 

The alarm she'd set on her phone went off, reminding her that she was supposed to be somewhere. Earlier she'd told everyone that she was going to go for a run at this time and so had dressed accordingly, glad athleisure was still a trend in the US, trying to push aside the part of her that felt like a chav for sporting all Nike. She set her guitar to the side, knowing that as much as she wanted to take it to show Kylo it would look incredibly suspicious, and pulled in a jacket. On her way out she plugged in her earphones, put on some classic tunes to quell her nerves, and gave a nod to the members of her crew on the way out in a way of saying _yes, going out for my jog which you know I'm going on, I do this all the time, nothing weird here._

She stopped outside the venue to tie her hair up into a messy ponytail - because who worked out with their hair down? - and then set about getting the directions from Google maps. It shouldn't be far. Why was she so nervous? 

As much as she'd taken the piss out of Rose for how jogging had become her sanctuary in long studio and press days, she also found it pretty relaxing. So she set a moderate pace and zoned out from the world, letting her head which was usually so crammed full of thoughts be empty for once, a blank canvas, switching off from everything she'd put on to cope with LA. 

The venue Kylo was playing in was massive. Even in comparison to the one she was in which she'd thought was giant the first time she'd stepped onto the stage for sound checks and felt her heart drop like a hot potato. Well, she knew it would have to be huge considering how popular The First Order were, but it surprised her all the same. A wholeass stadium. As crazy and exhilarating as performing at her medium-sized venues had been, she couldn't help but dream about what it would be like to play on that stage to actual thousands of people alongside The First Order gang. If only Snoke didn't keep her round solely for making everyone look better. 

**_Rey:_ **

_hey I'm outside_

_it's so big lol what_

**_Kylo:_ **

_Sold out, too. I'm on my way._

Trying to pass off her stopping outside the venue as her tying her laces and catching her breath, she leaned against one of the entrance pillars and paused the music on her phone, taking out the earphones and wrapping them around in a neat loop to put in her pocket. 

When he came around the corner he looked like he always did; black leather jacket, white shirt, black jeans, hair like he'd just been dragged backwards through a bush. He walked towards her with his hands in his pockets, that slight swagger to his gait, his neutral expression turning to a smirk once they made eye contact. In a movie moment she met him halfway, throwing herself at him, barrelling into a hug with enough force that he stumbled backwards and nearly fell over, laughing as he did so, the grin on her face wide and bright while he found his balance again. 

"Hi," She said a little breathlessly, so, so happy to see him that it was crazy. 

"Hello there." He couldn't hold back the smile on his own face as they pulled away from the hug. "Glad to know that you're still out to kill me at every fucking opportunity. That was a pretty good attempt at a tackle, sweetheart." 

"Shut up, that's what us normal people call a hug. You know, a sign of affection? I wasn't trying to take you out." She laughed, reluctantly taking a couple of steps back and placing her hands on her hips because the leggings didn't have any pockets and she needed to do something with her awkward hands. 

"I see Snoke has changed your branding. Not sure I'm a fan of the new getup." 

"This is my surreptitious outfit. No-one wants to hear me talk about my made-up fitness plan or the workouts I've done today so no-one bothers me. It's pretty ingenious, if I do say so myself." 

"You _would_ say that." 

"And I was so committed to this façade that I actually jogged too." She tugged the hair tie out of her hair, letting it fall messily to her shoulders and running a hand through to even it out. Her cheeks were still flushed and warm, and she felt more energetic than she had ever before in her entire life. "Call that commitment." 

"Sure you did." He smirked a little. "Because that's something so in your character." 

"I did!" She laughed, hitting him lightly on the arm. "You dick, just because fitness isn't what you'd _expect_ me to be into doesn't mean that LA hasn't changed me enough to start liking it." 

"Speaking of, we should go inside." He gave a small tilt of the head towards the door. "Before we fuck this up immediately." 

"What a shout." She agreed and followed him through the back door, realising that although workout gear had got her out of her own venue without questions, why she was wearing it inside another might raise some questions. So she zipped up her jacket and tried to look casual, like she was definitely supposed to be there. "Is it bad that I keep, like, expecting Snoke to appear at any moment and berate us to no end? I feel like even when he's not here he's watching us. Ugh, creepy." 

"He does have that effect on people. It doesn't help that he has eyes everywhere either, all the crew you wouldn't expect." He led her through the catacombs of hallways which were blessedly devoid of people, walking with direction as though he'd been there a hundred times before. "But he's still in LA at the moment." 

"At least we get a break," She added. "From all of his in-person bullshit. Though he is just as annoying over email and text, the more I think about it. Still, I can punch a few pillows before replying to him and he won't even know."

He held open the door to a random room for her, a gesture that felt too polite for him when he acted like the kind of person who would slam doors directly in your face just because. "Is he giving you his _constructive criticism_ on your performances yet, or is that reserved just for us?" 

"Ooh, not yet. When do I unlock that feature?" She grinned and stepped through, thanking him. 

"Hopefully never. You don't want it. It'd send you over the edge. That's probably why he hasn't given you any, actually." 

"Stop implying I'm delicate and fragile," She huffed. "I'm as tough as nails." 

"Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart, and maybe one day it will be true." He closed the door behind them, turning the lock, then sauntering past her to sprawl onto the sofa. She followed without hesitation, sitting just across from him at a right angle so she could lean her back against the armrest. 

It felt good to be with him already, like she'd been revitalised and given motivation again from being around someone she actually liked as opposed to spending all of her time with Snoke in the studios. She'd missed him like crazy, but it hadn't sunk in just how much sunnier she was when he was around to keep her sane until just then when even though she didn't have any good news to tell him, mainly just stress stories from her touring life and finishing the album, she still felt herself smiling easily. 

"Want a drink?" He offered, gesturing towards the pitcher of water on the table. The glass was misty from how cold the water was, ice cubes and wedges of lemon suspended inside, sometimes shifting as air bubbles meandered up to the top.

The formality of it made her laugh slightly and she shook her head. "No thanks, I'm good." 

"Fair enough," He shrugged and ran a hand through his messy mop of hair. Every now and then she still had the weirdest urge to reach across and fix it herself, to tease out the tangles. How he managed to rock the bush look she still wasn't sure, and envied immensely. At least it wasn't as cursed as the other day when he'd sent her a picture of him in a manbun (apparently at Phasma's suggestion) and she'd actually had to take time out to cry before she could even begin to formulate a response about how tragic it was. "So, music industry baby. How's your first ever tour going?" 

"I hate it." She replied immediately, then broke it with a laugh. "Okay, I don't _hate_ hate it, it's awesome, amazing, everything I wanted it to be, et cetera, ad nauseum, it's immensely stressful because I'm constantly in the move. Do you feel like you're a zombie? Because I think I've maybe had three hours of sleep in the past couple of days just because I'm so preoccupied doing things. But when I go on stage that all melts away luckily, and I can just have fun. Not as much fun as our karaoke, though," she added with a small chuckle. "My crew are okay. None of them particularly like me more than they like anyone else so there's not much to say there. It's lonely. Yeah. Wish I could be with you three to really make the experience." 

He smiled a little condescendingly. "You wouldn't last a day with The First Order. We're a bunch of fucking assholes, made worse by lack of sleep." 

"I'd be your uniting force!" She tried, smiling back genuinely. "Save the day, your careers, the world." 

"Absolutely not," he rolled his eyes but there was still a hint of a genuine smile there, present in the way he tilted his head away slightly before plastering on a neutral disinterest. "Snoke mentioned to us you'd finished your album?" 

"Yeah, as of last fortnight. I swear I told you that." She frowned slightly, trying to remember. Considering it was such a big piece of news she felt like she would've told him, though due to how much it had run her into the ground it was very likely that she'd just completely forgotten to. 

"You didn't." 

"Well whoops, must've slipped my mind with all the stress. It was a longass few days. Never have I wished more that you were there with me to bully me into getting it done, I totally procrastinated til the last minute." She sighed at her own incompetence. "By the way, you'll never guess what. Since we all know I'm Snoke's favourite, and my guitar was stolen - still really sad about that, not gonna lie - he's loaned me an Empire guitar."

He raised an eyebrow. "One of the shitty practice room ones?" 

"No," She smiled smugly. "You'll be so jealous. He's letting me play one of Vader's." 

Kylo's eyes widened. For the first time she'd managed to completely and utterly surprise him, and the result was pretty sweet. "He's trusting _you_ with such a significant piece of cultural history?" 

"Now why did you say it like that?" She laughed, nudging him in the leg with her foot. "I am very responsible. I'm the best person to give that guitar." 

"I can't believe him." He shook his head, a mixture of complete bafflement and offence all over his face. "You know when I didn't have a guitar he told me to buy one myself."

"To be fair, you're, like, super rich, so I can see where he was coming from. You really didn't need him to give you yet another priceless guitar. Besides, you've got the Cobain one! That's so much cooler." 

"It isn't," He sighed. "Whatever. Suck-up." 

She burst out laughing and reached across to punch him lightly on the arm, closing the distance between them on the sofa enough that she had to tuck her legs in under her. "I am not a suck-up! I'm the complete opposite, I'm Snoke's biggest annoyance right now. Mainly because you're actually doing what you're told for once and I'm not. Role reversal, huh?" 

He faked a shiver of disgust, just about dodging it. "Oh god, anything but being compared to you. Fucking Tumblr girl." 

"Hey, I take my inspiration from Instagram instead. Don't do me the discredit of even suggesting I know what Tumblr is." She insisted, smiling wider than she had in forever. 

"Bet if I looked hard enough I'd find your fan blog," He said with a wry grin. "I can see it now: 2014 emo Rey, thirst posts about The First Order, causing petty drama with Rose over which album is objectively the best," 

"Oh my god, no!" She completely lost it at that, laughing so hard her sides hurt and she had to look away, wiping under her eyes. "I did _not_ thirst post about anyone! Especially not you," 

"Sure, sure, I believe you," He was still grinning, thoroughly enjoying taking the piss out of her as he sprawled back on the sofa in a way that reminded her of how he'd been in the meeting room on their first day, completely uncaring and effortlessly cool. 

She struggled to compose herself and leant against his shoulder, a couple tears of mirth slipping down her cheek. "Thanks, I hate it. You've irreparably damaged our friendship." 

"Fucking finally, it only took five months."

That response really didn't help her keep it together, if anything it set her laughing all over again. "You are literally such a dick!" 

He raised an eyebrow at her, his grin falling into a careless smirk. "You say that like I don't already know or care. Sweetheart, it's my branding. I'm only being consistent." 

"Well I don't like it." She said with false annoyance, glancing up at him, keeping her head against his shoulder because she couldn't be bothered to move and he hadn't given her death glares yet. Maybe he was opening up to the whole friendship thing where you could hug and all that jazz, just a little bit, in his own Kylo way.

"And why should I care what you do or don't like?" He fixed her with a pretty convincing look of disdain, well practiced between them by that point. 

"Because my opinion is very important. I'm probably the most significant person in your life," She teased. "I put up with your bullshit. You put up with mine. So we have to be good for each other or we'll both crumble and die on our own." 

"As sweet as you are, I don't think you can override my self-destructive tendencies." 

"I have faith that I can. I mean, I've got you vaguely tolerable at least." She smiled. "I think that in itself is a massive achievement. So don't be too shocked when you start saying please and thank you and give Hux and Phasma and expression that's more chill rather than prepared to kill." 

"I do admire your confidence." He gave her a little nudge with the arm she was leaning against and, taking the hint, she moved back to her original position perpendicular to him on the sofa, except that time she slung her legs across his lap. 

"My fake confidence is all I have going for me." She agreed, resting her weight on her arms behind her so she was just propped up. "But anyway, the tour. What's the show tonight?" 

"It doesn't change from show to show." He rolled his eyes as though she were an idiot, another skill he'd practiced so much that it came like second nature to him. "It's the same set list." 

"That's not what I meant. Anyone I'd know of opening for you?" 

He shook his head. "Same as last time." 

"Right. Anyone exciting lined up for the final couple of weeks." 

He shrugged. "Genuinely couldn't tell you. Snoke's as fucking tight-lipped as usual. Apparently it's in the process of being confirmed, whatever that means." 

Her eyes lit up. "Wait, do you think…?" 

"Think what?" 

"That he might finally have come around to letting me open?" Excitement filled her like a drug, the prospect of being able to do something with the gang in public again was the light at the end of the tunnel, honestly. "I mean, why else would he have to wait for it to be confirmed? You'd think any other artist would just say yes or no straight away, and if they messed about with making a decision too much Snoke would just say no for them." 

"I wouldn't get too excited, sweetheart. You're trying to apply logic to the most illogical person known to man."

"Hey, don't take this away from me. I'm allowed to be happy." 

"Yes, you are, _if_ Snoke tells you that's the plan. Otherwise he'll just fuck you over again and you'll go back to being even more of a pain in the ass than usual." 

She bristled. "Well. Whatever. Sorry the idea of me getting to play for you guys is unrealistic."

"That's not what I said." He replied firmly. 

"You implied it." She grumbled, picking at lint off her leggings, rolling into a little ball between her thumb and forefinger, then dropping it off the side of the sofa to the floor, anything not to look at his face. 

He sighed heavily, muttering 'Jesus Christ' under his breath as he did so. "I thought you didn't want arguments." 

"I didn't want to argue when we were on different continents. While we're here, however, I'd say it's fair game." She cracked a smile to show him she'd just been kidding. He actually looked pretty relieved, in his not-at-all way. "Come on, you're not allowed to be annoyed with me at all. Wanna see a pic of the guitar by the way, just to prove it?"

"Sure, why the hell not." He exhaled slowly and waited impatiently as always for her to unlock her phone and find the picture. 

It was of her in the middle of a soundcheck, a screenshot from a vlog she'd been in the process of filming and editing for her YouTube channel. She double tapped to zoom in on it gleefully. "Look, isn't it beautiful?" 

"It sure is." He agreed, and she could tell he was definitely jealous. 

"I was gonna bring it with me for this but I didn't know how to, like, smuggle it in or anything without looking weird. Though if we manage something between being allowed to meet up again and me needing to buy a new guitar I'll definitely let you play it." She continued, finishing admiring it to put her phone back in her pocket. "Speaking of, we need a jam sesh! For old time's sake! You have a spare guitar, right?" 

He gestured over at the wall where a collection of guitars were hanging from stands that looked the slightest bit unstable. "Take your pick from what they've got here." 

"Crazy. Which would you recommend?" 

"The Gibson." When she looked at him blankly, with a sheepish smile, he rolled his eyes. "I thought you liked guitars. The blue one, two to the left." 

She eventually found the one he was referring to and stood on tiptoes to gently lift it from its stand. "Right, right, I knew that. Why are they so high up?" 

"They're not high up, you're just the size of a tic-tac." 

"I hate you so much!" She laughed. "Why do you always have to insult me in the most cutting ways possible? I didn't know being called a tic-tac would feel like such harassment." 

He let out a sigh, an overdramatic huff like she was really starting to test him, and got up, crossing the room, easily reaching for the guitar, taking it down and passing it to her. "I can't believe I have to do fucking everything for you." 

She laughed and gave it a quick strum. It felt like every other guitar, weirdly foreign and intimate the first time you played it. "Thanks. You don't do everything for me, though, if anything it's the other way around. How much have I sacrificed for the sake of keeping Snoke happy when it comes to your PR? Exactly. So hush." 

"Who wrote half of the tracks on your album, sweetheart?" He reminded, grabbing his guitar from the case in the corner, setting up a couple amps and a few pedals for them. 

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the leads from the side, plugging in the guitar and adjusting the master volume so it wasn't too loud - how she'd explain away someone hearing two guitars playing and two voices, one distinctly female, coming from the room Kylo was in, she had no idea. "Yeah, yeah, okay, fine. I'll give you that one, even if Pryde made me remove some of your bits." 

"He never did like my compositional style. I bet he sensed it was mine straight away." 

"By the way, what do we do if someone, like, comes to find you?" She expressed her background worry, sharpening the tuning as a couple of the strings had dropped flat from the warm weather. "Do I hide? What's the protocol?" 

He shrugged nonchalantly. "No fucking idea. You're the one who planned this, sweetheart, I would've thought that you'd account for that." 

"Oh god." She sighed despairingly. "Guess I'll hide. Or barricade the door." 

"It's already locked." He finished up adjusting all of his settings to the specific sound that he always used, somewhere grungy with a bit more bite. "You'd have enough time to hide." 

"Hide where?" 

He inclined his head towards the filing cabinet on the other side of the room. 

She laughed. "Oh, take the piss. No way I'd fit in there. I guess I could go under the table but that's a bit obvious. Or I stand behind the door when it opens and pray the entire time." 

That got a rare genuine smile from him as he strummed a few chords to warm up, then switched to fast flurries of scales and arpeggios, even the difficult ones like melodic minors or dominant sevenths. 

"Show off," She teased as he carried on, still kind of intimidated by all of his playing skills the same way she had been that first day. "Trying to impress someone?" 

"Only you, sweetheart." He smirked and she rolled her eyes, smiling.

"So what song first?" She asked, wanting to actually get on with it rather than listen to him being virtuosic. "Classics? Your emo bullshit? My emo bullshit?" 

He didn't seem to care but paused playing in octaves. "What can you play?" 

"You're so patronising, stop saying things like that," She laughed, amazed by how easily and subtly he managed to insult her even still. "I can play quite a lot, thank you."

"Then take your pick, from your _vast_ repertoire." He grinned. 

"Genuinely hate you. Why I stick around I don't know." 

"Because Snoke has you contractually obliged." He answered easily, deadpan as ever when delivering such remarks. 

"Oof, too real. Let's do Sound of the Lonely because we're totally not sick to death of that song yet." Truth be told she'd been sick of it from the start, but that would always remain her little secret. Maybe she'd tell him in a few years. If they were still in contact within a few years, if she was still in the industry. For the first time she'd thought of her future and without second guessing herself, seen one that still involved Empire and albums and music. Half a year ago she would've said her future consisted of stressful jobs in coffee shops or burying herself in academia to escape the fact that one day she'd need to have an answer to the question 'so what do you want to be?'. That Rey, who grumbled about having to spend an hour or maybe two a week on choosing a cover and uploading it to her YouTube channel would not recognise herself in the Rey now that lived and breathed work and music and stress and deadlines. It was a wonder she was still standing sometimes.

He nodded. "God, I could do that one in my sleep. Usual parts?" 

"Me too. Let's switch it up. See if we can do each other's from memory, something to keep us on our toes or we'll get bored." She suggested, already trying to isolate Kylo's guitar and vocal lines in her head from the millions of times she'd listened to their collab and then translate that to guitar tab. How she wished she had perfect pitch - her relative pitch was rocky at best. Though she'd never thought to ask, she'd absolutely bet money on the fact that Kylo had perfect pitch. It would explain his insane technical skills and bizarre compositional process. 

He strummed her chords a couple of times to get used to the feel of them, and when satisfied replied "Sure thing." 

"This is gonna be so hard." She smiled, already struggling to remember how his harmony part sounded when it was complete muscle memory to sing her own - especially since he'd got the part with the horribly high bit she'd refused the first session. 

Entirely unsympathetically, his usual mode of communication, he replied "You're the one who suggested it," 

She cut across before he started berating her over technicalities. "I know. Now less bullying me, more playing the fucking song." 

When there was silence, she shot him a confused look. Why hadn't he started playing? 

"It's your start." He raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh shit yeah, cause it's your riff first." She brushed it off with a small laugh and played it, not as smoothly as he would've done, but well enough. He soon joined in with her rhythm guitar part and like that they were vibing, getting through the song in an endearingly stilted way. 

The first chorus was a tragedy but they pushed through, grinning at how awful it sounded when each of them couldn't help but slip into their own parts, that battle between instinct and what they were forcing themselves to do. Luckily they salvaged it in the second verse, back to an easy groove, it turned out that not thinking about it was the best method for playing his parts successfully, to just feel and let it happen. When it reached the highest part, the one that had made her blanch in fear the first day they'd met and played together, she was ecstatic and more than surprised to execute it perfectly, not sounding like a dying cat for once. LA really had changed her. All of those recording and rehearsing sessions with disapproving Pryde telling her she needed to change her vocal technique had amazingly paid off. 

  
  
  
  


They played through a whole plethora of songs, whichever either of them thought of first was next on the agenda, all the classic rock anthems they'd been raised on, Tainted Love because she'd practically begged him, and then back to their respective albums, creating weird and wonderful variations on certain songs that neither of them had actually intended but stemmed from their lack of memory. It was fun, it was always fun with him, that opportunity to remind herself of why she wanted a career in music in the first place and she was still in good spirits when they decided to stop before it got too late and their schedules got tight enough that people started asking questions about where they were. 

While he leant his against the wall (presumably so he wouldn't have to get it out of its case again a couple hours later), she stood up on her tiptoes to try and put her guitar back on its stand, to hook it carefully like all of the others were. No matter how hard she tried she was still that bit too short and, once she'd let go of her pride, handed it to Kylo who moved to stand beside her, shoulders just brushing, with an amused smile. In one easy motion he'd done it. He turned around.

"Thanks," She said softly. There was barely any distance between them. 

"Anytime, sweetheart," He replied.

They were close. So close. After being apart for so long. Her pulse raced under her skin like she was running, and she couldn't tear her gaze away from him, from his mop of hair that her fingers longed to tangle in, the stubble of his jaw, the look in his eyes and god his lips, that smirk that had floored her from day one, the way she wanted against all logic - they weren't in public, there were no cameras, but his presence was electrifying and she'd missed him so _badly_ and though a flush of embarrassment rose to her cheeks, she thought _fuck it_ and leaned in, pressing her lips to his. 

If he was in any way surprised he didn't show it as she pulled him closer, arms looped round his neck. What the fuck was she doing? This was a terrible idea. Every repressed feeling she'd harboured for him over the past five months finally surfaced from her careful repression, her armour, her safety net, the careful distance between them that they'd made against anything fucking up beyond repair, but when he kissed her back, his hands strong and warm against her waist, she let it all drop like a cloak. Softly, at first, and then harder, her fingers found his hair and it was as good as she could've imagined, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd kissed someone like this, like he was the only thing keeping her afloat.

Until he tore away. She missed the warmth of his lips, his hands immediately. He looked at her like he'd never seen her before, a look that knocked the breath right out of her and suddenly the implications of what had just happened slapped her in the face. 

"I'm so sorry," She said quietly, mortification setting in as she hastened to step away, dread hitting her in waves. "Oh my god," 

What had she _done_? Why had she let herself— Dammit, she felt like she would actually die on the spot, like the floor could swallow her whole and she'd be happy, like she'd do anything to go back five minutes and make the decision not to have kissed him for all that it gave her everything she'd wanted she couldn't shake the feeling that something was perfectly, inextricably damaged between them. The line had been crossed and there was no going back. 

His expression solidified into something guarded, a replica of all the times they'd fought and he'd entirely shit down at the last second and all she could think was how incredibly and masterfully Snoke had ruined her life. The pretending could've only lasted so long before it was real for her. _Fuck._ "I think you should go." He said, and though there was no malice in her voice there wasn't any warmth either, just flat monotony. 

"Kylo—" She said desperately, though she had no words left to say and the only thing her useless brain was telling was how perfect it had been for ten seconds, how it had felt like she was made to kiss him like that, and how for a moment he might've even felt the same way too. 

He said nothing further. He didn't look angry. And it was that lack of _anything_ that was so painful, that maybe it was nothing to him when it was so much to her. Just business. That's LA. Welcome to the music industry. She looked towards him uselessly, wishing that he'd do anything to dispel how icy the air had become between them, to tell her to back off, to do it again, to crack a sarcastic joke about how she was immune to his charm just like the others who found him irresistible, but they were stuck in a painful vignette. 

It was the complete opposite way she'd wanted their meeting to end. More frigidity. Back to square one, or even square minus fifty, because they were so far apart now that it was worse than before they'd even met. She gave him one last imploring look, an apology, before she unlocked and slipped out of the door, trying to remember the way out of the venue and her entire set list for the show that night. Not that there was any hope of concentrating now, or for the next two weeks they were apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe hey guys  
> What if I put my babies through even more suffering haha jk... Unless?  
> Totally unrelated but the weather in the UK has suddenly turned really hot and when I tell you I've been SWELTERING these past few days! Seriously cold weather is better in every way.  
> Love y'all sm, you make my quarantine a happy time,  
> \- brie xx


	20. Up The Ante

Rey thought that all things considered she was doing a pretty good job of acting like a normal, functioning human being. When her album had finally officially released she celebrated on her own in the hotel, drinking with Finn over Skype and trying to be as merry as possible. When Snoke informed her it had shot to number one she was just the right level of excited, ecstatic but humble, making sure to thank him for getting her to that stage. Every interview had gone swimmingly, every magazine spread, and as well as having a great audience reaction some critics had even said it was up there for album of the year. So overall, it was the best her life in LA had been in a long time, the stress of touring (mostly) over after two weeks, Snoke managing not to give her shit for once, Pryde not acting like she was a foul presence everytime they were in the same room, and she'd even been scheduled in a couple days off to rest and recuperate. It was exactly what she needed. And even if Snoke being nice to her was weird as hell, if it meant she could start making music for herself again instead of for marketability purposes then she was eternally happy. Well, as happy as she could be. Which was a lot happier than she'd been expecting, actually. It seemed that her life had moved on so fast and so well in two weeks that when she got a notification from her phone calendar telling her that everyone would be back in only a few days she even felt a little disappointed, as selfish as it was, because being the prime focus of Empire was pretty cool. So for two weeks of touring she managed to have the time of her life, and for the subsequent one and a half she'd also been chilling, thinking that maybe LA wasn't so bad after all, if last month had been the peak of her stress. Uni had done worse. Well that was hyperbole, but it felt worse. 

So when the day finally came that The First Order would be coming home she thought she'd be fine. It'd just be like any other day of her new, jazzy week. Everything was chill. She was in Snoke's good books. Nothing could go wrong. That was until she lay in bed, cosy in pyjamas, curled up tight, and couldn't get the thought of the plane landing and Kylo coming back out of her head. Though her brain had refused to accept it for two weeks, the reality was that she was utterly fucked. She tossed and turned, never quite comfortable; the pillow wasn't plump enough, her elbow dug in when she lay on her side, the mattress was too soft. She knew that it was him that she was stressed about. The embarrassment of having to look him in the eye the next day when he came into the studios. The sheer mortification of kissing him in what was definitely not a fake relationship way, and the complete robotics of his reaction. And just like that the anxiety built until she  _ had  _ to talk to someone because she'd been bottling this up for weeks without telling anyone, smiling through the whole thing, tricking everyone into thinking that she was doing better than ever when really she was decaying from the inside. Rolling over, she reached out blindly with her arm, whacking her palm against the edge of the bedside table. After muttering a curse and feeling around a bit she found her phone and turned it on. Even on the lowest brightness her screen blinded her, with a wince she shut her eyes until she could bear to open them again. Once it felt less like a direct attack to her retinas, she blearily scrolled through her list of contacts until she found Rose, not caring that they were still supposedly feuding online. Fumbling with her phone, she pressed the call button and lay back, under the covers. 

"Hey!" Rose said way too cheerfully for a Thursday at 1am, her voice loud and clear as though she'd drunk a few cups of coffee. "If it isn't my favourite enemy," 

Rey laughed a little, turning down the volume so she wouldn't be deafened by Rose's enthusiasm. She was glad they could both still see the funny side in their PR relationship, probably tighter friends than if they didn't have to pretend to hate each other. "Hey," she answered, her voice quiet and thick with the onset of sleep. "Are you busy?" 

"Nope, just at home after a show. Why?" Rose answered, not seeming to take the hint that her energy level was way too high for the conversation they were about to be having. "You got another party for us to go to? If we sneak in different entrances I'd be  _ so  _ down. When we're inside no-one would notice, or be too drunk to care anyway."

She smiled to herself. Classic Rose. "Not this time, sorry. And I wouldn't want to risk my  _ highly successful  _ career for you and alcohol." 

Rose huffed, mock offended. "Those are the two best things to throw everything away for. But whatevs, what's up babe?" 

"Can we… Talk?" Even over the phone it was awkward to try and articulate, she chewed on the inside of her cheek hard enough to taste the metallic tang of blood. 

Rose laughed, not unkindly. "We're talking already." 

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes before managing "Yeah, but, um, it's kind of serious." 

Her energy dropped fast, replaced by worry. "Are you okay? What happened? Is it Snoke? Or is it the paparazzi again?" 

"Yeah, I'm, well, actually no, I'm not really okay but it's not Snoke or the paparazzi and I haven't been stabbed or anything crime related so don't freak out." She babbled, the words leaving her without any prior thought or filter, nothing to keep the logic or contain the intensity of emotion. "It's… It's Kylo." 

"What about him?" Rose sounded genuinely confused, like she was prematurely trying to piece together where this was going. "You miss him? Makes sense, you have been apart for six weeks or so now."

God that hurt to hear when it was still true. She did still miss him. In the two weeks since she'd misjudged everything entirely they hadn't talked, no calls, no Skype, no texts, no tweets, absolutely zero communication. She was left to see news articles pop up in her recommended when she was least expecting them, candides of him about with Hux and Phasma, theories about if The First Order would ever permanently reunite. "Two weeks," She corrected. 

"Two weeks?" She could hear the frown in Rose's voice, the rustle as she flopped down on the sofa with its millions of cushions. 

Though she knew Rose wasn't the kind of person to judge her for it, certainly less than Snoke would if he found out, admitting she had made an idiotic move didn't fill her with much confidence. "I may have directly done the opposite of what Snoke told me and gone to see Kylo when we both had a break from our shows." 

"Oh, Rey. I can already tell this ended really badly." Rose sighed sympathetically. "Go on," 

"So we met up and it was all going great, you know how much we just bully each other, played a few songs, generally had a great time and, like, it was the happiest I'd been in ages, you know? What with the album and the feud and being robbed and everything along those lines my life had been pretty miserable. But seeing him again made it a bit better, cause we're in the same boat." She opened her eyes again, looking up at the shadowy ceiling that wasn't her own, the slightest dips of filled in cracks from years of use, licks of paint haphazardly placed as though the person who had placed it there had fallen off the ladder mid-stroke. 

Rose hummed to show she was still listening, and she could hear the quiet murmur of the TV through the line. 

"And then I really fucked up." She said flatly, a point more concise and matter of fact than the previous monologue. "I've just really, really fucked up." 

Rose waited for her to continue, and after a moment of silence said "Aww, babe," quietly. 

She rolled over onto her stomach, elbows against the pillow, facing the headboard and picking at the varnished wood. "Basically I've liked him for ages. And I didn't want to face that because it wasn't great, especially with the fake relationship thing. It was so hard to pretend to like him while hiding the fact I did actually like him. God, I'm pathetic."

"I did get the feeling you had a thing for him." Rose said with warmth, a light tease. "It was the small things that proved it." 

"You realised before I did." she laughed a little, recognising just how fucking ironic her life had become. "But yeah, it all became confused. He's hot, I had to pretend to be attracted to him anyway, he's the one person who properly understands me - except you, obviously." 

"He is a fine specimen of a man." Rose agreed with another light attempt at humour, and that time Rey did smile. 

"Yeah. But we were just putting away the guitars ready for me to leave, to go back to what we were supposed to be doing, when I just thought about how fucked my whole situation was. Our banter has been dipping into flirting for the past couple of months and I didn't know if he just didn't get the hint or didn't want to pursue it or was waiting for me to make the next move, but he was so close to me and I knew that I'd never have the courage again so I kissed him." Saying it out loud, venting every horrible detail of that night, every bit of anxiety that festered under her skin surrounding when they'd have to act like normal again knowing that she'd crossed the line, really didn't do anything to lighten how heavy the burden was on her shoulders. She gave a soft, incredulous laugh, still in a weird shocked denial that it had actually happened, an amazement at herself for so royally destroying her friendship. "I just kissed him. And it was, well, it was great, he kissed me back. And I thought that  _ finally  _ we were getting somewhere, that I hadn't just been making up all of the tension between us, that my feelings were the same as his, that we'd both been waiting for this moment and just never had the guts to make it happen. But then he pulled away. And the look he gave me. It was like I'd irrevocably ruined his perception of me. I said sorry. He just shut down, Rose, he put up his defensive walls again and pulled out the apathy, and told me I should probably leave. So I did."

"Oh," Rose said softly, more achingly sympathetic than before. "Oh god, Rey, I'm sorry." 

"Exactly." She sighed again, exhausted just from recounting all of the emotions that had happened that night. "And now I'm worried that he hates me. And I don't know how to act when he comes back tomorrow because we haven't spoken at all for two weeks and I know Snoke will expect us to go straight back to being a lovey-dovey couple, but how can we do that now that he knows I'm painfully pining after him? I wouldn't want to have a fake relationship with someone whose feelings I didn't return, it would make everything awkward and uncomfortable, give them false hope. So I don't know what the actual hell is going to happen, and I'm too exhausted to even cry it out, and I just really feel like I've reached new heights of complete idiocy. I can't believe I read the air so badly. I just don't  _ understand  _ him." 

Rose was quiet on the other end of the line for a minute, all Rey could hear was the sound of her breathing. All she could feel was the dull ache behind her eyes, like her head was in a vise, the deep exhaustion of realising how shit her life would be when it went back to 'normal'. At least Phasma would still talk to her. Probably. Unless Kylo had told her. She was suddenly reminded of how little she still knew about the relationship dynamics within Empire and The First Order, would they actually talk about that kind of thing? Would she wake up tomorrow and walk to the studios just to be massively blanked? She didn't know if she could face that. 

"I don't know what to do," She said softly, looking up at the dark ceiling and trying not to be entirely overwhelmed by everything that was happening. "I'm just lost." 

Rose took another while to speak, but when she did she said "Talking's the first step." 

Rey laughed derisively. "Talking? God, you don't know how that absolutely won't work. He'll just have a go at me again for trying to dissect his personality or trying to discuss important things. And I could never tell him how I feel anyway, not without dying on the spot when clearly I now know he doesn't feel the same way. Spare me the embarrassment,"

"Babe, I know it's hard, but if you just ignore the situation it can only get worse." Rose said imploringly, her tone still so sympathetic it made Rey's chest ache. The way she spoke so carefully, like treading on eggshells, made Rey wonder if she was even reacting correctly at all. She hadn't even been sad about it. Just…Empty and pissed at herself about it.

"I like ignoring my problems. It always works well until it doesn't." 

"Exactly. It doesn't work. Listen, what will you do the next time Snoke asks you to go out in public for a date and you're still on weird terms with him? There's no way that can work for either of you. You have to communicate. You're both reasonable adults."

"I'd dispute 'reasonable'." she sighed a little. Her friendship with Kylo was anything other than reasonable. 

"You're ignoring my point, Rey." Rose said with a sigh of her own, trying to make her understand what she was saying was actually good advice when Rey didn't want to hear it. "Tell me how you can see a date with him working when you're like this."

Rey fiddled with the ends of her hair for something to do, perpetually awkward even over the phone. She couldn't see a date working. At all. She couldn't see any interaction between them working, as a matter of fact, not after how horribly stilted their one line dialogue had been after she'd kissed him. "You're right." 

"What's the worst that can happen if you talk to him?" Rose asked. 

Rey held the back of her hand over her forehead wishing her headache would just let up and leave her alone already. She was having a bad enough time anyway without physical pain to sour the mix. "He hates me forever and we never get to be friends again. I continue with my career in an environment with people who hate me or I get dropped because I'm fucking up the public image." 

"And what's the worst that can happen if you refuse to talk about it?" 

Her hand was cool against the feverish feel of her forehead, and some if the ache alleviated just a little, enough that her thoughts didn't feel so weighed down by drowsy fog. "We stay like this forever, weirdly awkward, I think he hates me, our friendship is so broken that I get chucked from the label." 

"So the same." Rose replied in a matter-of-fact manner, blunt. 

Rey paused mid depressive thought. That was a point; either way the outcome would be the same. But one option required a lot less anxiety and emotional energy. 

"And the best case scenario if you talk about it?" Rose prompted. 

Rey thought about it, chewing her lip. "I apologise again, he forgives me, I forget my feelings and we move on and everything's back to normal." 

"Now think about it logically. Which is the better option: not talking which has a 100% failure rate, or talking which has 50/50 chance of working?" Rose continued, laying everything down as though it was a scientific hypothesis. "Why would you pick the option that's doomed to fail, babe?" 

"Because I have deep rooted emotional issues that prevent me from doing so?" She supplied; a sprinkle of dark humour to the mix that was delivered too flatly to actually be funny, just sad because it was so true. 

"What issues?" Rose asked gently. "If you want to share them." 

Rey sighed. She'd done a lot of sighing that evening and could tell it was about to get worse, because the only way she could fight off sadness was through dejection. How could she describe that her brain was genuinely out to make her as unhappy as possible? That everything in life felt like she was faking it, that she'd never really had any sense of stability so either clung onto things like a child or refused to form any attachments? "I… Trust issues. I know I act really friendly and bubbly but I have trouble forming genuine connections with people. That's why I'm so stressed about fucking up what Kylo and I had even more. Perfectionism. Self doubt. Imposter syndrome. I am the actual walking stereotype of a tortured artist," she gave a small laugh "It's so hard to convince my brain that I'm doing well. I like, always find the negative no matter how many positives there are. So with Kylo and this shitshow, I  _ know  _ that talking to him is logically the best thing to do but my brain just won't accept it. You know?"

"Yeah." Rose said, a little tiredly. "Welcome to the club. I know it sucks but you're gonna have to override every part of you that's saying it's a bad idea and just go and talk to him. For me, if doing it for yourself doesn't work. I just want you to be happy, babe."

"I know, I want me to be happy too." She gave another small laugh, attempting to lighten the mood as was always her defensive coping mechanism. "Okay. I'll try." 

"Do or do not, there is no try." 

That startled a proper laugh out of her "Are you quoting fucking Yoda to me?" 

"Yep," Rose replied cheerfully, with a laugh of her own. "It's wise advice! You can't go in tomorrow telling yourself you'll _try_ , you have to go in telling yourself you'll _do_. I think it's called, like, the law of manifestation? I read it in some crappy magazine where it said you have to speak what you want into existence." 

"What, like 'Kylo to get his head out his ass' repeated a hundred times over?" 

"There you go, that's the spirit." She laughed softly. "So what time does Snoke want you in tomorrow? Is there anything you have to do in public?" 

"9am, I think. I'd have to double check though. I've had a few days off. And he hasn't said anything about public appearances, but knowing him he'll just spring something on me tomorrow." She rolled her eyes though she knew Rose couldn't see, hoping she could instead tell from the sardonic tone of her voice. 

"Mkay. What time does everyone get in?" 

"Genuinely couldn't tell you. I'd imagine around the same time considering their last show was tonight. Snoke's the kind of person to drag them in even earlier for it." 

"Perfect. So what are you gonna do again?" 

"I'm gonna talk to Kylo, if I don't have a breakdown before then." 

" _ Rey _ ." 

"Fine, I'm gonna talk to Kylo, full stop."

"I forgot you guys called it a full stop." Rose commented, a smile evident in her voice. "That's so cute. It's a period, period." 

"That is wrong on so many levels," 

They both dissolved into laughter even though it really wasn't that funny, on a strange mix of sleep deprivation and hysterics, glad to hear each other's voices especially when they weren't supposed to. She was so lucky to have Rose, truly. Even though they'd only been friends for the months she'd been in LA, Rose was the only person other than Finn that seemed to always be there for her. And while she loved Finn to no end, there was no way she could've admitted all of that to him. He just wouldn't get it. 

"Thanks," Rey said once they'd calmed down, actually starting to feel less like the world was collapsing in on her now that she had a game plan. There was still hope. Tomorrow was a new day. She was forcing optimism and confidence against every fibre of her being that was programmed otherwise. "For everything. You're honestly too good for me." 

Rose brushed it off. "Nah, I'm the right amount of good and chaotic as hell." 

"Okay, true." 

"But seriously, I'm your friend. That's what friends are for." 

"I'm so glad you are. LA is a cesspit." Rey was even smiling a little, without even having to think about it. "But my stress breakdown aside, you said you just did a show? How was it?" 

"Yeah…" Rose trailed off, suddenly falling very quiet. So quiet, in fact, that Rey checked to see the call hadn't disconnected. Then after a moment, Rose carried on brightly as if nothing had happened. "It was pretty good. It was a massive venue so it was pretty stressful, though my set wasn't too long. Rebellion have been working on building the hype towards my album now that yours is out. But it was absolutely exhausting. I'd only been back for ten minutes when you called, and though I could actually pass out, there's too much adrenaline still in me to do so."

"Aw, you need some rest." Rey replied, knowing exactly the feeling Rose was describing. "I had that a lot on my tour. It's like… Performance lag."

"Yeah I know, I need rest, so do you, but here we are. Both can't sleep."

Rey smiled, Rose was always good at turning things right back around on her. "Which songs did you play?" 

"Just the usuals," Rose answered with a hint of a yawn, which immediately set Rey yawning too. "The singles I've got out so far, a cover, a sneak peek at the album."

"Wish I could've been there. It's so mad that I haven't ever been there to see you perform." She really wished that she could see Rose in her element when all she got to see was vague subtweets and screenshots of sibelius files because they weren't actually allowed to send tracks to each other across labels, not even just because of their fake feud. "Was it a long show?"

There was a slight pause before Rose said. "Um yeah, but not crazy long." 

"You  _ do _ sound as tired as I feel" 

Rose laughed softly. "Yeah. Well. It really do be like that sometimes." 

"It do." Rey agreed sagely, fighting back a laugh of her own. "Ugh, I miss you so much." 

"I know babe, miss you too. We only got to go out drinking like twice before everything went insane and honestly that's a crime. I don't know enough of your drunk secrets yet." 

"I don't  _ have _ secrets," Rey protested lightly. "I'm the most boring person." 

"Don't believe you. Everyone has something interesting."

"I hope they let us reconcile in front of the public soon. How long is it until you drop your album again?" 

"A few days." 

"Think we'll be allowed to be friends again by the end of the week?" 

"I hope so, because I'm not celebrating my album release without you. And I can't really see Leia saying no if the sales are good enough. The preorders are looking good, not as good as yours were, obviously, but still." 

"Hey, congrats. I'm so happy for you," Rey said genuinely. "That's so good."

Rose's voice was flushed with pride. "Yeah, thanks. By the way, did you know Poe's dropped in a few times? Apparently him and Leia go way back. From what you told me about his Literature degree I had no idea he knew anything about music but apparently he's helped out a couple times on a few of their newer artists' tracks."

"Seriously? He never told me that," She decided she'd definitely have to text Poe tomorrow and ask to know everything. Maybe he'd even met Luke Skywalker. Yep, she needed the details stat. "I am so going to grill him about it." 

"Mhm. Might be difficult though, I didn't get much out of him and that's, like, my one skill in life." Rose yawned again and her voice took on a sleepy, hazy quality. "I just can't wait to see you in person and do dumb stuff with you again. I'll let you know if I find out anything."

"Thanks. I bet if I asked Snoke he wouldn't give me any answer at all." She yawned too, not at all immune to the chain reaction. "Tomorrow is going to be so stressful." 

"Don't think about it anymore, babe. Stressing now won't help. Get some sleep, okay? It's late. And I'm not just saying that because I want to end this conversation quickly to force myself to get some shut-eye, you need to rest. And if it turns out Kylo ends up being a dick to you tomorrow," She replied. "I'll personally ruin his life for you via twitter."

Rey laughed. "What, you'll cancel him?" 

"Yep. I mean, it nearly worked for you," She teased. "I'll start #kyloisoverparty and then we just sit back and wait for the damage." 

"Yeah, somehow I don't think Snoke will be happy with that in the slightest. I'd find it fucking hilarious though, personally." She was smiling widely, as wide as she'd been smiling with her chart success and the fact that Snoke hadn't been out to kill her as much the past two weeks.

Rose laughed herself, light and sweet. "So is that a plan? If it goes wrong I'll start to ruin him for you in cold blooded revenge? 

"Oh, what the hell. Why not? It's a deal." She grinned, pulling her covers up over herself to get cosy underneath them, sleep tugging at the edge of her mind as she fought back another yawn. "If he really is as much of a dick as he presents himself to be then the world needs to know." 

"Exactly," Rose agreed sagely. "But before we plot his demise because men are trash, sleep."

"Night then," 

"Goodnight, babe. Talk to you soon, okay? As much as our record labels want to keep us apart we'll endure." 

"Yeah, love you." 

"Love you too." 

When Rose hung up, Rey decreased her phone volume and found herself scrolling on autopilot, up their text conversation until she found one of the first texts that Rose had ever sent her. Already drifting off to a dream world, she clumsily pressed the play button with her thumb and watched the video for what had to be the millionth time since she'd received it. 

Phasma's party; her and Kylo onstage. A horribly cursed rendition of Tainted Love, the moment she marked as the true start of their friendship, completely fucking about as they sang but having the times of their lives doing it. She didn't even cringe listening back to her voice as she always did with recordings because this past her was so happy, so full of inexplicable joy that it didn't matter, it didn't matter whether or not she was entirely on pitch or if she came in a few seconds late or she and Kylo couldn't quite decide who was doing the harmony part because onstage they both looked alive: flushed cheeks, wide grins, eyes sparkling as they performed together. That should have been them now. That should have been them at The First Order show earlier that night, before the main set started, bathed in neon purples and blues with more than a little alcohol in their systems to give everything a hazy, softened edge. As she watched, as Kylo crossed the stage with his carefully formulated lack of care and passion for music, as she grinned back at him and dropped down to her knees to yell 'Don't touch me, please! / I cannot stand the way you tease' a small bubble of melancholy found its way to the forefront of her mind again. Everything was easier when they didn't care about each other. Now she cared about him just a little too much and it was her downfall. 

The video ended abruptly after their awkward bows and a drunk as hell Rose yelling 'yes girl!'. She could see her face reflected in the black of the screen, the sleep and deep exhaustion that lined her eyes and her lips, the utter dejection she was experiencing as a result of him. Goddammit. She always had to care about the ones who couldn't give a fuck. Her parents. Her string of failed boyfriends. And now Kylo. 

Facing him tomorrow would be hell, she could just feel it, especially with the likelihood that Snoke would take the opportunity to up the ante on the reylo thing again. With a heavy sigh she put her phone back on the bedside table and curled up under the duvet, falling into a sleep that was painless and heavy. 

~

Studio three was a horrible place to be at nine in the morning when all she could feel was a dreadful anticipation. She sat in her usual seat, drumming her fingers nervously on the keyboard of the laptop Snoke had leant to her (but told her she wouldn't lose it under any circumstances again, as if being robbed was still somehow her fault) and the Vader guitar propped against the side of the chair, a stark reminder of the legacy she was carrying as part of Empire. A few months ago, owning it would have been the coolest thing ever and entirely validated her existence. Now she wondered just how bad Snoke could make her life if she smashed it. Probably quite a lot, so she shouldn't risk it. 

As the minutes ticked on and nothing happened she started to relax. Maybe the First Order gang wasn't in today. Maybe Snoke had, against all usual instinct, decided to tell them to stay home and get some rest. And maybe she could finish editing the stupid vlog she'd been trying to get out on her YouTube for the past couple of days, and then edit her latest cover because they'd become pretty sparse on her channel, and then decide what she was going to do about the planned relationship tag video. Why did every line of thought, every web of neurons and sparks of electricity, always lead back to him? Why did everything she want and do have to involve him, every little word that she said? Now more than ever it was a curse. 

An hour passed and she'd finished the vlog, adding some classic royalty free music to the background because knowing her luck she'd be copyright stroked for using her own music, and hopped over to look at her channel analytics. Her exponential growth hadn't flattened yet, and it still gave her a heart attack every time to see her videos regularly reaching millions of views instead of the maximum ten thousand they always used to. Having a larger audience was more stressful too, because it meant more people relied on her actually getting off her ass and being bothered to post. She opened her work email and scrolled down until she found the one from her socials team earlier that week with a thumbnail and title attached, using them as she uploaded her vlog. At least there were perks, like not having to battle with an illegal download of photoshop everytime she needed to upload a video, now someone just did it for her. As well as being told what videos to make, it was great, she never really had to use her brain to come up with original ideas anymore since it was all perfectly formulated for her. What a win. 

She pressed the upload button and sat watching the video as it processed because she really didn't have much left to do with her time, and what things she did have to do she really didn't want to. With a muttered curse she realised she hadn't posted on her insta story that day, failing Snoke's weird posting targets. So she opened Instagram, took a quick selfie of her and the laptop captioned 'guess who's coming back to yt todayyyyyy' and uploaded it. As she went to exit she saw she had a notification. Curiosity getting the better of her as always, she clicked on it. 

It was one of those memories posts. Five months ago today. Fuck. It was the video she'd taken of Kylo before Calrissian's show, sideways in a chair in Snoke's office, playing the Sound of the Lonely riff with a far-off look in his eyes. At the sound of her giggle the camera zoomed in and he rolled his eyes, saying as deadpan as ever 'Rey, no.'. And then, to rub salt in the wound, the selfie they'd taken afterward, Rey squatting and throwing peace signs, Kylo looking stoic and red carpet ready, captioned 'you vs the guy she tells you not to worry about'. Was everything out to get her today - to remind her of how much she'd managed to fuck up in such a tiny space of time? She was giving herself enough shit for it already without her social media conspiring against her too. 

The door opened with a creak and she shot upright despite herself, heart pounding in her chest. Why was she so jumpy? It wasn't like things could get any worse and it wasn't like she was waiting for him to show up. She turned around in the chair, her legs over the armrests, and said as casually as she could "Hey," 

Phasma stood in the door, her blonde hair messier than she'd ever seen it. Her eyes were tired, heavy with sleep, dark circles apparent, but the cool smile she gave was enough to show that she was doing just fine. "Hey." 

"How are you?" Rey asked, breaking into a smile of her own. It made her so ineffably happy to see Phasma again, like a shot of dopamine straight to the brain, human contact with someone who wasn't mad at her or pretending to be. "How was the tour? God, you don't know how glad I am to see you." 

After Rey beckoned her over enthusiastically, Phasma gave in and came to sit down in the chair opposite her, still with a small smile. "It was good. Exhausting as hell, but good."

"Yeah, I didn't want to say but you do look it." Rey teased lightly. "You just got in?" 

Phasma took her phone out of her pocket, tossing it in the air and easily catching it with one hand, back and forth in a hypnotically rhythmic pattern. "No, but only just free, thanks to Snoke. God, you know what time the show finished last night?" 

Rey shook her head. 

"Eleven, then we didn't leave the venue until twelve and I didn't get home until one." She finished, setting her phone down on her lap after she got bored of messing with it. 

Rey raised her eyebrows. "Geez, sounds rough." 

"And Snoke wanted to give us a debriefing at six. Do you know how little energy I'm running on right now? Though when I got here Hux had bought us all coffee, and it took me until the third sip to realise he'd spiked it with a shit ton of whiskey. I guess it's the thought that counts." 

Rey laughed a little. "I've missed him too, especially how much he looks like he can't decide whether he wants to kill me or himself whenever he notices I exist."

Phasma waved an airy hand. "He's like that with everyone. I've known Hux for years and the only time I've seen him not look like he wants to die is when Kylo fell off stage during our Glastonbury set a couple years back." 

"Oh god, I remember that!" She said with a horrified sort of humour. "That's the one where he broke his ankle but carried on with the rest of the set anyway, right?" 

Phasma rolled her eyes. "He  _ told  _ everyone that he'd broken his ankle. He'd only twisted it, much to Hux's disappointment. But it makes a better story, endears him in the eyes of fans, yada yada, all that Snokian bullshit." 

The conversation was going weirdly well. She got the feeling that Kylo hadn't told Phasma what had happened and that's why she was still being nice to her. If she found out, she'd no doubt be the subject if Phasma's intimidating 'cool stares' that scared off even the most dedicated paparazzi. "Where is Hux, by the way? I feel like I should say hi to him too, let him know that I most definitely am here to stay at Empire and force him to hold a conversation." 

Phasma gave a wry smile. "Good luck with that. He's in room eight, I think, scheming how to get Snoke to take him seriously again. LIke Snoke will ever take him seriously when he refuses to finish a single demo until he's got a record deal," 

"I do admire Hux's self-confidence." She smiled back.

"We call it arrogance and snobbery, but whatever synonym you like works, I guess." Phasma replied breezily. "Oh, by the way, Kylo made us listen to your new album when it was released."

Reys heart faltered, a drop like missing a step on the way downstairs. "He did?" 

Phasma nodded. "Yeah. Well, we were obviously going to listen to it anyway, Empire's gotta stick together you know, but we had a listening party. Didn't he tell you?" 

"No," She answered, feeling just as taken aback as Phasma seemed.

"It's amazing. You should be proud of yourself. The amount of artistic integrity you've managed to keep despite Pryde and Snoke is just beautiful. You can really tell you've put your heart into it," 

A small blush of embarrassment rose on her cheeks. "Thanks, uh, I'm glad you liked it. Half of the songs were written either while tipsy, within the span of an hour, inside the confines of a single room, or a combination of all three." 

Phasma laughed slightly. "I won't discredit your creative process. Congratulations on the reviews too, I saw it's been put up for album of the year." 

"Yeah, well," Rey said meekly. She never knew how to react when people complimented her work, and thanking people over and over got old very quickly. "I'm really surprised to be honest, that something that introspective is actually being considered. I didn't think most people wanted an album about my mental state," 

Phasma shrugged. "The industry is unpredictable. What works a hundred times over suddenly breaks, or what everyone warns you against is the next big hit. You can't not be surprised." 

"So what's next?" 

"Hm?" 

"For you. Career wise, I mean." 

"I couldn't tell you. Snoke's scheduled a few meetings for that this week." Phasma answered, feeling around in her pockets. "Hopefully I'll actually  _ get _ a career now, while Kylo's busying himself with completing his album. Has he been to see you yet?" 

She shook her head, her mouth dry like sandpaper. "Um, no." 

"That's unexpected." Phasma said more to herself than to Rey. She hoped that Phasma didn't ask any questions, didn't start to think about possible reasons why they hadn't immediately latched onto each other with their reputation in Empire as inseparable friends. "He's probably talking to Snoke still. That's what he was doing last time I saw him. Or fucking about with Hux - God, you wouldn't believe how agonisingly irritating those two are together on tour. It's like they revert back to being boys."

Rey laughed a little awkwardly, still fending off the slew of feelings that came with thinking about Kylo for more than a split second. "Bet they drive you crazy." 

"Batshit." Phasma confirmed, then stood up with a small sigh. "Well, I'll be off. You've got stuff to do, I've got a nap to take between the drums in studio five. So I'll be seeing you." 

"Yeah, see you then. It was good to catch up." 

"Always," She made her way to the door, then stopped halfway through closing it. "Oh, and Rey?" 

"Hm? Yeah?" She looked up from her laptop screen. 

"If I see Kylo I'll tell him to get his ass over here." 

She smiled, ignoring how that thought made her stomach lurch. "Yeah, thanks." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there my faves, the lights of my life, my [insert similar nickname here],  
> Hope you're all well! It's finally half term for me yay!!! One week off online school!!  
> (but I've still been set drama & english work how rude is that)  
> Bit random but I've been trying to read loads this year so if you have any book recs leave em below!   
> Love you all, eternally grateful for comments, kudos, ya know the drill by now,   
> \- brie xx


	21. A Bold Move

To take her mind off the Kylo debacle, to definitely not spend all of her time in anticipation thinking about how soft his hair had been or how sure his hand had felt on her waist or how good it had been to press her lips to his, she decided to distract herself by setting up all of the recording equipment in studio three and have a go at just creating something different for once. After setting up what felt like millions of microphones though had only been three, her mind stuck on replay of the moment Kylo's expression had dropped to something at once vulnerable and completely indifferent, she cleared her throat and picked up the only guitar she had; not her acoustic which she loved and missed dearly, but the Vader guitar put through an amp that seemed so old she would've bet money it was from the 70s when Vader was creating music, and hooked everything up to trusty cubase on the laptop Snoke had allowed her to use (the one she wasn't allowed to take off site still, in case she provoked someone into robbing her again or something else idiotic along those lines). Once she was ready to go she cleared her throat, sped through a vocal warm-up, glanced at the time - two hours since Phasma had told her she'd send Kylo her way, two hours of increasing dread - then hit record. She'd promised a new song to her legions of fans, a new cover to take her back to her humble roots of singing badly in her room, except now she had actual equipment. She could sound  _ good _ , or if not good, better than she had before. The click track ran through her headphones and she swayed slightly in time to it, getting a feel for the groove. Who cared if she looked ridiculous? She was alone anyway. 

After the four bars she'd cued up played plain clicks, she took a deep breath and began to sing, strumming Vader's (or, she supposed, her) guitar in its syncopated rhythm, against the backbeat of drums she'd used midi to simulate earlier, having never actually learned to play. Maybe that's what she should do next, get Phasma or Hux to teach her. Hux had more experience though preferred doing guitar solos, but Phasma was a hell of a lot more approachable. She made a mental note to talk to her later, not just about the drums. 

The song felt different for the orchestration she'd devised, a different key to suit her voice, the guitar part switched about so that it had a more relaxed, surf feel that she wished she could incorporate in her own music, and as she relaxed into the track she pretty much let her voice do whatever the hell it wanted. No forced 'normal' voice, no indie accent, just an outpour of emotion that gave her voice a dry, dejected feel to the song. If anything it was more like she was back in sixth form studying Drama, hours under studio lights, laying out every piece of her in the most vulnerable way possible all through a vessel that wasn't her own though she lunged and snatched at it to be so. Because no matter how many times she played Hedda or Ophelia, no matter how much she understood and felt for those characters that meant so much to her life, it was a pointless endeavour to try and understand and be understood by the universe. And playing the song just then felt the same, grasping at a reality that made sense so far away that it would never be attainable. It gave the songs lyrics a darker twist, one that hadn't quite been there in the first place. Like the love of her life, the subject of the song, wasn't some girl who had broken her heart and made away with the pieces but herself, the Rey from London with stars in her eyes and a determination to succeed. And when she'd got that success she'd fucked it up. Royally. 

Somehow she made it all the way through recording that layer without crying, though it did come close, a slight choke and heaviness to the ends of lines and the barest hint of a sniffle somewhere in the second chorus. But listening back to it, it wasn't that obvious, and where it was obvious it seemed to add something of value to the track so she left it in anyway. She checked the little list she'd scrawled on an Empire branded post-it note, every instrument she'd planned to do for the cover. Next was the rhythm guitar and then she was done. Just like that, two hours and a whole song. She could be quite productive when emotionally distressed. 

That didn't take too long as it was just a few funky rhythms on the same chords, using a capo to make it a hundred times easier and in the right key. Once she was done she fiddled with all of the different levels until she found a mix that she liked and then plugged the laptop into the proper speakers, pressing play. The beginning boomed out way more loudly than expected and with a small shriek she whacked stop, cranking down the volume until it was audible but not about to rupture her eardrums. After listening all the way through it still felt like there was something missing. Another harmony part? 

To test whether that was the case she played the song through the speakers again, turning up the volume a bit so she could properly appreciate the surround sound effects, and sung over some improvised harmonies. When that didn't seem to be the case she grabbed the Vader guitar in lieu of a bass because the one that was usually in studio three had gone mysteriously missing and strummed some new chords, then played some countermelodies. When the song ended, someone cleared their throat. 

She whirled round to see Kylo leaning in the doorway, hands in his jeans pockets, leather jacket on, hair as messy as ever, just watching her. Something inside her constricted, like a hitch of breath, a sharp tug. How long had he been standing there? She hadn't heard the door open or him come in. And what the  _ fuck  _ was she meant to say? Was she supposed to acknowledge what had happened or act like there was nothing for them to be weird about? 

She was spared that decision when Kylo raised an eyebrow, his face carefully deadpan, and said "Any particular reason you're butchering my song?" 

On instinct she bristled, defensive. "I wouldn't call it butchering. I'm vastly improving it in my eyes." 

"That's what you call improvement? Sounded like manufactured bullshit to me," He replied, still cool as ever in that damn doorway, no sign of moving anytime soon. 

"Everything sounds like manufactured bullshit to you. It's called doing a cover? You may have heard of it?" Though she was easily replying to him, the retorts slipping off her tongue, she couldn't quite keep her hands still as they grasped the neck of Vader's guitar. Her mouth felt dry again as it always did when she knew something was wrong, and there was none of the usual warmth behind their banter. She didn't know if it even qualified as banter anymore, when both of them were just insulting the other, circling around as though gauging the scope of a fight. "For a cover to be interesting you have to change something. What's the point if it sounds the exact same?" 

"The point is that the musician has composed and arranged the track in a certain way to fit their vision and by discarding that you're saying 'fuck you' to their artistic ability. It's a bold move to believe you can do a song better than the person who created it, who had a vision of how it should be and followed that." He kept his gaze directly on her as though he was cross-examining her, to her vague discomfort. 

"Are you just here to insult me or…?" She glanced away, not feeling up to eye contact at that moment, busying herself by saving the file and messing with settings that were already perfect so it looked like she was very busy and not to be disturbed at all. "And if you are, can at least not do it while I'm trying to work? Snoke'll kill me if I haven't uploaded this tomorrow." 

Kylo shrugged, and she wondered if he was going to stay in the doorway forever or grow some balls and decide whether he wanted to talk to her or not. "You're using a clean guitar." 

She didn't look back over her shoulder, still concentrating on the laptop screen. "Astute observation. With some flanger to spice it up as I feel like." 

"It should be overdrive." Came his reply.

"No, it shouldn't. Because I don't want to use overdrive." She breathed a heavy sigh and hoped he couldn't see the reflection of her rolling her eyes, the way she prayed for patience. 

He didn't back down. "Overdrive will blend better with the other instruments you've chosen." 

Why was he being so stubborn? She knew he was precious about his music, but she thought this was taking it a bit far, trying to dictate the way she covered his tracks. Considering she'd helped out on this one too it seemed like a bit of a slap in the face that he'd try and steer her artistic image. "I doubt it. That's not the sound I'm going for. If I wanted overdrive I would've used it already." 

"Try it." 

She did turn around that, snapping "No. Why are you even here, anyway? If you're bored go and, I don't know, fistfight Hux or makeout with Phasma or something." She then turned back to the cubase file to make a point of ignoring him again. She'd been right, they still weren't ready to talk yet. At this rate they'd kill each other before she could even get near the subject of the kiss, and maybe that would be a better outcome. 

He pushed off the door frame, finally swaggering into the room with the air of arrogance that he'd shown her the first time they'd met. Without pretense he sprawled across her chair, the one he knew was hers because it had the bad leg and he always refused to use it, and just sat there. The fact that he wasn't doing anything pissed her off more than anything, the fact he felt like he could just encroach on her after everything that had happened. And she still couldn't tell whether he wanted to act like she hadn't kissed him or like she had, because he was so good at walking the line between clear cut options that she felt absolutely lost as to what was happening. 

Electing to ignore him as he was probably just trying to wind her up, to provoke a reaction, she played the track through the speakers again and paused at the first moment things didn't sound quite right. The strings weren't playing the right chord inversion, but she couldn't figure out what the right one actually was. 

"It's F minor, third inversion." He supplied though she definitely hadn't asked. She tried not to shoot him a glare and corrected it in her midi file. When she played it back it sounded perfect, and that made her even more annoyed. "Theoretically it doesn't make sense as it's the weakest, which is why you didn't think of it. But at this moment in the song it's all about vulnerability and fragility." 

She gritted her teeth so she didn't tell him to fuck off because  _ she  _ was the English Lit student and she didn't want to listen to him pretentiously analyse his own songs as if they were fucking Shakespearen verse or a long lost score from when Beethoven went deaf. 

Continuing to work through the song, he kept adding suggestions on how she could improve it even though she still certainly hadn't asked and never would. 

"The bass guitar should be on an A flat. You've got it on the C." He said with a lazy wave of the hand, as though it was barely worth his time. 

"That's a  _ paradiddle  _ in the drums. And it doesn't use a brush." 

"That arpeggio is a crochet triplet, not a bunch of dotted quavers. There's a difference." 

She ignored the previous two comments as she preferred the way the song sounded when she did it, the intricacies that were close to her heart and made her own in every gratuitous pizzicato from the string section and massive amounts of reverb to sound like it was being played in a cathedral, the warm synth replacing the piano that had been in the track previously. When would they talk? When would he stop offering unsolicited advice in something she was already sure of? 

After exporting the mp3 of the track and emailing it to herself so she could edit it with the video footage later, she made sure to save it for the million time, check it was definitely deep in the Empire servers, and then log out. Once she was done she sat in his seat with a heavy sigh, finally facing him again. 

"How was the show last night?" She asked awkwardly, stiff and flat. 

He shrugged carelessly. "Like every other show." 

They fell quiet. Kylo really had a knack for killing the conversation. The atmosphere between them was tense like they were carefully eyeing the other up, waiting for who would strike first. She picked at the sleeves of her jumper self consciously, chucking little balls of lint onto the floor for something to do with her hands. Once she'd exhausted that her hands went to her pockets, legs neatly positioned like she was doing another television interview, the same perfect posture, the instant guard that went up when people tried to ask questions. Kylo didn't seem nearly as awkward, or if he was he hid it well, regarding her with a kind of curious disinterest as oxymoronic as that phrase was. Despite the slight rock to the chair -  _ her  _ chair, she still wasn't over that - he sat with his legs over the armrests, sprawled without a care in the world. Would it be weird if she picked the laptop back up again and buried herself in editing? At least it would give her something to do, rather than wait for him to start talking when she knew deep down it was the opposite of his nature though she hoped for once he would take the first step, make the first move. His eyes flitted to the Vader guitar, leant against the chair. He picked it up and she winced, if anything happened to that guitar she was absolutely screwed, and strummed a few chords. She recognised it instantly. Last Night I Dreamt. The song she'd told him was her favourite when he'd dissected her music taste the first time they'd met. It was clear he didn't plan to speak. He carried on strumming and plucking the riffs, adjusting the pedals hooked up to the amp to get the sound really gritty. Feeling more than a little stupid, she swallowed what pride and embarrassment she had left, and obliged with what she felt he was going for. 

"Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me," She sang quietly, trying to ignore the painful irony of him choosing this song out of all of them to form a weird kind of reconciliation between them. Not putting on anything fancy, no vibrato, no melismas, she just sang the line as plainly and hopelessly as she felt, still not quite able to look directly at him. The key he'd picked was just too low that despite her alto range it hurt a little, but she didn't want to torture herself by doing it the octave up. "No hope, no harm - just another false alarm," 

He turned up the volume of the amp, just about drowning out her voice. Was it a challenge? She increased the volume of her singing from quiet and timid to fuller and more self assured, still not quite performance level but somewhere between the two. They carried on through the verse at that mezzo forte, Kylo dexterously playing the lead guitar part with that intimidating skill level of his, perfectly polished as though the music was tattooed inside his brain. 

In the build-up to the chorus he suddenly crescendoed, enough that she jumped slightly with a little laugh, before being forced to properly belt the chorus, sitting up properly to get the right breath support, natural vibrato kicking in on the long notes at the end of the lines. Unlike the other times they'd jammed together he didn't join in singing, not even doubling her lines or doing a small harmony. Instead his focus was entirely on his fingers, his hands. When they reached the outro he lowered the volume a little to support the lighter sound of her head voice, a gesture that seemed strangely kind despite how small it was. 

The song ended and she felt more distant from him than ever before, even more so than before they'd even met. Of course he'd pick the one song she loved, the one song about feeling like you've never and will ever be loved, to be the preface to their inevitable relationship conversation. It hadn't even been that cathartic for how smoothly it had run between them, they were a well oiled machine when it came to playing together by that point, and something inside her ached as his last chord faded out in feedback, the beautifully tortured minor chord that seemed to swell from Vader's guitar. After hearing it in action she could see why he'd questioned why she'd been allowed to have it. It wasn't meant to be in her hands, it was meant for someone virtuosic, with a legacy, someone like him. And all over again she felt like nobody in the grand scale of the industry, a mistake, someone who had stumbled into an opportunity and been too stubborn to let it go, whose found family was a group of emos who hated each other and a manager who hated them all more than they hated each other combined. Though she didn't want to be jealous, selfishness wasn't something she indulged in if she could help it, there was no way her jealousy surrounding Rose's Rebellion deal would ever fade. She should be in those studios with a manager who cared about her, who told her to prioritise her education and to take breaks, a group of people who were friendly and welcoming and not at a purely superficial level. Empire wasn't the right fit. So what the hell was she going to do about it? 

She glanced over at him. He didn't seem to be going through any kind of crisis as he turned the Vader guitar over in his hands, appreciated the sleek black and red design of Empire colours. The same black and red colour scheme that had started the whole Sith conspiracy theory in the 60s - an illuminati-like set up that apparently consisted of Vader, Palpatine, Dooku, Maul, and a few other 'darker' musicians of the time. Of course that had been a load of old bullshit. Even though she'd seen a lot of weird shit while in LA and under Empire's management, she didn't believe in the illuminati. Kylo ran a thumb over a light scratch in the varnish, one that she was sure hadn't been caused by her as she'd checked for pre-existing damage before accepting it, as a kind of insurance policy so Snoke couldn't snake her out over it later when she'd treat it only with care. She watched him, biting her lip. He didn't look up, too preoccupied. 

If she didn't do it now she'd never do it. She braced herself and then said "Hey, Kylo?" 

Still focused on the body of the guitar, he didn't look up. "Hm?" 

Not even a yes. This was off to a fantastic start. "We need to, um, talk. About, we'll, you know." 

He finally gave her a passing glance after running his fingernail across the metal frets to dig out some dirt which he then put into the bin. "I suppose we do." 

Christ. He really wasn't going to make this easy for her. She took a moment to gather her thoughts as he carried on with the guitar, disaffected as ever. "Look, I—" She cut herself off, already it wasn't going how she wanted. "I crossed a line. I thought— Well, I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable."

He gave a short shrug. "Okay."

_ Okay?! _ What the hell did that mean? She tried to search his face for any indicator of emotion, whether he'd received her apology well or whether he thought it was bullshit, but the mask was back up and impenetrable and she didn't stand a chance. With a heavy sigh, she continued. "I don't want us to be weird about it. I can, like, forget it happened if that's how you want to play it." 

He gave another infuriating shrug. "Whatever." 

The one word responses were really getting on her nerves. God forbid she tried to do the mature thing and have a conversation with him about what had happened, he was just going to act like a bloody teenager and sulk on his own. "It's just we need to, um, clear the air between us before Snoke tries to get our fake relationship going again." She continued, and it was like talking to a brick wall. "So if you have anything you want to, um, say or do or whatever, if you want to stay mad at me, can you let me know? Then we can work around it?" 

After a long minute of silence where she was seriously considering storming out of there and going to bother Hux for a fake relationship, he eventually said, plainly and apathetically "I'm not mad at you."

That took the biscuit. "What—" She sighed in frustration. Everything, literally everything he'd done since she'd kissed him indicated that he was very much mad at her, telling her to leave, not contacting her since, avoiding her all morning and being weird around her now. "Okay. You're not mad. Can you act like you're not mad?" 

"I'm exhausted from the tour. This is all the energy I can use right now." 

Oh, how much she wanted to scream. "If you're not mad then why are you being so hostile towards me? Why are you acting like I've ruined your life and you want nothing to do with me anymore?" 

He looked at her properly then, setting the guitar down, narrowed eyes, a disdainful reply. "That's what you think. That one kiss from you has  _ ruined my life _ ?" 

And now he was being weirdly confrontational about the matter too, fucking brilliant. "No. You're just acting like a fucking prick about it so there has to be something deep rooted going on here." 

He raised an eyebrow delicately. "I didn't realise you were into psychoanalysis." 

She did everything in her power not to glare at him, knowing that it would only blow up their conversation further. Hurt, she said as non-provokingly as possible. "I've said I'm sorry. I don't know what else you want from me."

Something shifted then, minute, so tiny that it was almost imperceptible, like the gentlest breeze caused by a falling leaf. She could've been imagining it, but she swore his expression softened, that maybe his mask was slipping. "I don't want anything from you."

She looked at him despairingly, desperately, a plea for something substantial that made  _ sense  _ in his reaction. She didn't want to think about how if she could, she'd kiss him again. "I just don't understand," she said and her voice came out small and pathetic, which she hated. "Why you're not giving me any sort of response. Why you're not saying clearly how you want to proceed. Kylo, look, you're literally the best friend I have. I don't want to screw that up because I made one mistake. There's no way I can get through LA without you. And there's no way we're going to work professionally either if there's bad blood between us. I also don't want to compromise my career over something so minor. So can we please just put this behind us?"

"I already said I'm not angry at you." That seemed to be the best she was going to get. 

"But you're—" She cut herself off before she fanned the flames and fell back into familiar argument territory. "Okay. So we're good now?" 

It took him a second before he nodded shortly. "We're good." 

"Good." She said. Then laughed, glancing away. "Sorry, all synonyms seem to have left me." 

He smiled a little, just a hint of a curl of the lip, and that was enough to fill her with joy despite literally everything that was blocking her way. No matter if he didn't reciprocate her feelings, she could deal with that until it wore off, but she could still appreciate his smile. But despite that their conversation felt wrong, hollow still. It didn't feel like they were authentically themselves around each other anymore even though they'd agreed to act as normal. There wasn't as much banter, and when there was it came out harsh and cruel. She was double thinking every word that came out of her mouth. And in the entire conversation, he hadn't called her sweetheart once. It seemed acting like normal was impossible. Did he think that the nickname was too endearing? That now he knew her feelings for him that it was better to keep her as far away as possible, to not even risk anything within their private lives resembling a relationship? Good god. If this was how they'd be forevermore she was starting to reconsider her life plan. 

"So how actually was the show?" She tried again, less awkwardly than the first time, but something still feeling off. 

He ran a hand through his hair, dishevelling it even more, that messy look that suited him so well against all laws of nature. "It was good, I guess. Fucking long. I got bored halfway through Rose's set." 

"Does  _ anything _ interest y—" She looked at him sharply. "Rose's set?" 

"Yes. Rose's set." He said dismissively, already moving on the topic of conversation. "Hux almost died in our closing song. He tried to crowdsurf but everyone dropped him." 

Her brain was doing a million calculations simultaneously so fast that she couldn't even appreciate that mental image, rewinding backwards quickly in the conversation. Rose's set.  _ Rose's set _ ? Since when had  _ Rose  _ had a set on The First Order tour? Envy settled inside her, ugly and hot, and a slight bit of betrayal too. So Rose had been the one who Snoke was working around the clock to secure as the opening act. Not her. Not the one literally signed to his label with a history linking to The First Order, Kylo's fake girlfriend, but  _ Rose,  _ her media worst enemy. And fuck. Rose hadn't even mentioned it to her. Somehow that's what made it hurt the most, that everyone had kept it hidden from her. Snoke. Kylo. Hux. Phasma. Rose. They'd all kept it a secret until after it happened. 

"Why are you gaping at me like a fish? Close your mouth," He said sardonically, with a lazy flick of the wrist. 

"I—  _ Rose's set _ ?" She repeated incredulously, still unable to believe that despite what she'd believed her life had actually managed to get a whole lot worse. When she thought she'd reached rock bottom she'd been given a pickaxe to dig even deeper. "Since when has Rose been opening?" 

"Just for the last couple of shows." He gave her an inquisitive look, a slight frown as he studied her expression carefully like she was a particularly complicated piece of sheet music. "Did she not tell you?" 

"No," She still felt shell-shocked, trying to figure out how on Earth things had got to this point and she hadn't realised. God. That's why Rose had been weird the night before, refusing to go into detail about what the show had been like and sounding guilty about her hesitant answers. And the timeline matched up too, she'd just got back from the show when Rey had called at 1am, the time that Phasma had said she'd got home. Jesus Christ. "No, she didn't tell me. No-one did." 

Kylo raised an eyebrow as though the situation was mildly interesting rather than devastating as it was to her. "Well." 

She tried not to feel angry. She tried not to feel like her life was crumbling all over again, that all her friends were turning against her, that her career was the only thing she had and she didn't even like it. But it was so, so hard. Rose hadn't told her because she knew it would make her upset. And that's exactly what had happened, she was fucking upset. She wondered if she could get away with roundhouse kicking Snoke the next time she saw him. Probably not, as alluring as the idea was. And because of the stupid kiss Kylo hadn't told her. All she'd got from him was radio silence for two weeks, then him waltzing in and declaring that he wasn't mad and didn't care, and that's why he'd acted like she hadn't existed for a whole fortnight. "That… Why Rose? Surely it should've been me," She knew it came out sounding entitled, like a kid throwing a tantrum, but she did feel like it should be her, it made sense, why was the world out to get her? 

"Should it." Kylo didn't look in the mood to take any of her bullshit, no matter how wronged she felt.

"Well, yeah," She replied, immediately on the defense. "Think about it. Who makes more sense to open when you're doing shows close to LA: me, with my album just released, fake dating you, part of Empire or Rose, with a couple of singles, no relation to you guys, on a completely different record label?" 

He regarded her with one of his highly judgemental expressions that would've been nostalgic had she not been so pissed. "I'd say this is having exactly the effect that Snoke intended." 

"What," She breathed tiredly, rubbing her forehead, not even enough energy to form it into a question. 

"Your rivalry with Rose is the main factor keeping you both in the public eye. As much as I know you'd  _ love  _ to believe you have fans because they're drawn to your  _ talent _ , your  _ authenticity _ , they're your fans because of the rivalry. They want something to mad about, someone to defend. They want more 'iconic clapbacks' from your Twitter. The fact that you're feeling angry and betrayed by Rose is exactly what Snoke was going for. I thought even  _ you'd  _ be able to see that." His delivery was so deadpan, so matter of fact that whereas before it would've reassured her and encouraged her to get over herself, with all the tension already between them it just felt like even more of an attack when she'd done literally nothing wrong. 

"When will everyone stop fucking with my life?" She exploded, having held back this breakdown for so long and reaching the point where she just couldn't take it anymore. "I have no relationships because they're all being controlled! I have no sense of self because I'm being branded to the point of becoming a caricature! And then everything is going to shit and it's not even my fault but somehow it's always turned back on me anyway! I'm. So. Fucking.  _ Sick _ of this. I just—" She threw her hands up in the hair uselessly, anger soon giving way to pure exhaustion and despair, volume dropping from a shout to a pathetic mumble. "Everything's falling apart. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped. I don't like it. And you're still being weird." 

He scoffed. "I don't think me being 'weird' is the issue here." 

"I'm not going to listen to you telling me what the issue is, thank you very much." She held back most of her snappiness, though the last phrase had a bite to it that she couldn't remove. "Would it kill you to have sympathy for me for once?" 

He raised an eyebrow and replied "I have sympathy for you. The kind you have for a lost, pathetic puppy." 

She knew he was trying to make her feel better in his own strange way, by setting up banter that she could easily parry and return, lifting her spirits back up and restoring their usual dynamic. But there was still that divide between them, the kiss, that lingered like miasma. Instead of giving back a biting retort, she managed, tiredly "That's just making me more depressed. Just…"

He didn't seem to get the hint that she was sending him, that she wanted something easy to make her feel better but wasn't sure what it was. "What do you want me to do about it?" 

With another sigh, a bone-deep one, she reached across to take his hand. Surprised, he gave her a glance too sudden to be sharp or reprimanding. "Just be quiet and act like everything will be okay in the end even though it won't." 

In a turning of tables he surprised her by giving her hand a gentle squeeze, a move that was so tender that she wasn't quite sure where it had come from in him. 

"Thanks," She said softly, managing a sad, little smile. "That's working." 

"If you wanted to hold my hand you could've just said so from the start." He teased, getting a short laugh from her. "I understand I'm irresistible." 

She smiled properly at that and ducked her head, embarrassed despite everything. It was the kind of thing she'd wanted him to say after the kiss, to joke about his irresistible charm, to brush off that it had happened even though he didn't feel the same. "Don't flatter yourself. Just because you've got a bunch of fourteen year olds throwing themselves at your feet when you so much as undo one button on your shirt doesn't mean you have the same effect on me," 

He smirked "Interesting. My fan base has matured in your eyes - last time you took the piss out of my career you said it was comprised of thirteen year olds. I'm honoured, truly."

"Oh, shut it," she laughed, reaching out to kick his shin lightly in the way they used to while in the middle of working. "Also I'm so glad I've got you saying British phrases now, even if it sounds cursed hearing you say 'take the piss' in an American accent."

He knocked his foot against hers in retaliation, a smile creeping its way to the surface. "And everything you say is cursed because you sound like the fucking Queen." 

"I don't!" She protested with a laugh, grinning and swatting him again in the leg. "I'm not posh! I'm from, like, the roughest area of London!" 

"All I hear is crumpets and tea and incorrect pronunciations," He shook his head solemnly.

"I don't even like crumpets." She sighed, trying to act annoyed. "God, you can't stereotype me just because I'm British."

He raised an eyebrow "But you like tea, you use military time, and you sound posh. That's pretty fucking stereotypically British." 

"Ohhhh my god, why do you guys call it military time? It's literally just the time!" She grinned and nudged him again. "Just because you can't count past twelve." 

As she went in for another nudge he looped his ankle around hers, locking them together. "Sweetheart, you can fight the truth all you like but that doesn't change anything." He preached, using a 'kids these days' tone that set her laughing as much as she tried to hold it back. "You can't decide what's factual based on whether or not you like it." 

"I can certainly try," She grinned and gave a tug on their interlocked ankles. He didn't budge. If they were sat next to each other as they usually did rather than opposite as they were now she would've rested her head on his shoulder and waited for his arm to loop casually around her whole he worked in the laptop, comfy and friendly. Though she didn't know if that was still appropriate now that she'd been shut down. God, she was going to spend her life over thinking every little move now, every bit of affection that would've come so easily just six weeks earlier. But their hands were still together, fingers interlaced. He hadn't pulled away. That had to count for something. Somehow, despite it all, their little spark of friendship remained. Though it was cheesy, though it was dramatic as hell, she honestly thought she'd found her other half in Ben. What were the odds they'd understand each other so well, get on like a house on fire, bicker incessantly? The universe seemed to really hate her recently, but at least she'd still been granted this despite everything. 

"Speaking of things being made up," She started, actually feeling her mood lifting already. She was still mad at Snoke, and a bit hurt by Rose. But overall she didn't feel like she was going to cry anymore. "Heard anything from Snoke about the status of our fake relationship? Any dates coming up?" 

"As a matter of fact, yes." He answered, finally freeing their ankles to swing his legs over the armrest again in his typical way. "Next week." 

"And you neglected to tell me this when you were in the studio at 9am because…?" She trailed off, fixing him with a look. 

He had the grace to look slightly sheepish, but covered it with arrogance well. "You're not the centre of my universe. I had other stuff to do," 

"Like sulk about rather than coming to find me?" 

"Exactly." 

"You're so irksome." 

"Only to you, sweetheart." 

"I don't know how I stand having to act as though I like you." 

"Neither do I. You're thoroughly detestable." 

She laughed, the irony not lost on her. "So, uh, another week of being your fake girlfriend. Any idea how long this is going to last?" 

"Snoke wants to break us up soon." 

Her eyes widened. "Wait, really ?" 

He nodded. "Though soon in Snoke's world is anywhere from a day to a year away." 

"So to summarise, we don't know when, but he will make us break up when it's most inconvenient to us." 

"You're learning, sweetheart." he said as patronisingly as possible, grinning. 

"If you keep calling me sweetheart I'm gonna bring back calling you babe, babe," she grinned back. 

"Oh, god, please no." He laughed. "Anything but that again." 

"Come on, you've missed it. Admit it. While on tour for six wholeass weeks you missed my stupid face." 

"I hate that I can't even deny that." 

"Ha! Now admit we're friends." 

"You're so pushing it."

"I know," 

"I don't  _ have  _ friends," 

"You have me," She gave him her winning smile and when he laughed she thought maybe everything wasn't so horrible after all, and maybe just being able to see him relax and smile was enough to satisfy her, kissing and everything else aside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> It's so hot in the UK at the moment. That's all I have to say. I'm melting.   
> Love love,   
> \- your friendly neighbourhood brie


	22. Heart-Shaped Sunglasses

"So the tour was okay?" She asked once they'd fallen quiet from discussing which of Vader's albums had been the best (she firmly believed it was when he was still under the Anakin branding, unsurprising Kylo disagreed and preferred the albums when Vader was in the height of his costume-wearing, emo music-making phase - the influence for why he'd chosen to have a stage name). They were down at the beach, on a tartan blanket, picking away at grapes and other fruits Snoke had instructed them to eat. Yes, they were being micromanaged down to that little detail. Unlike the last time they'd gone to a beach together, the private one after the release of their collab, they'd been sent by Snoke to probably the most public beach of them all to act at being a couple. Luckily they'd only been interrupted twice, by a sweet girl and her brother who'd told them emphatically that she loved their music, especially the song where Kylo didn't sound so mean - evoking a grin from her and a disdainful expression from Kylo which he dropped when she elbowed him in the ribs. It was so cute and she didn't think she'd ever get over the joy of meeting fans, especially young ones. Though she wasn't the world's best role model, she was pretty good as things went. Being a figure people idolised was still pretty cool, considering how much of her youth had been spent blasting Vader and Kenobi out of record players and dancing around her room to cassette tapes. 

Kylo nodded and took a sip from his bottle of water. As much as she wanted to get smashed with him on his second day back, again, due to Snoke they weren't allowed to as it set a bad image. Honestly, she'd rather ruin her image and have a good time with Kylo rather than spend her day eating healthily to give the impression she was a great influence on him. "It went as well as it could've done." 

"Fucking cryptic as ever," She teased, leaning back against his arm, hair tied up in space buns, heart-shaped sunglasses propped on top of her head, the kind that didn't do much to protect your eyes but were a pretty rosy tint so she wore them anyway. "That's such a bad answer. I want to know everything. You vaguely told me about Hux's failed crowdsurfing yesterday, what other hilarities ensued?" 

Kylo's black shirt was warm against her bare arms as she opened a bottle of suncream and massaged it into her legs, and she wondered how on earth he could wear dark colours when it was so damn hot. England born and raised, she was so unused to the warmth of summer that she was wearing as little clothes as she could get away with being appropriate; white crop top, the shortest denim shorts she owned, and was still absolutely sweltering. "That was about it. It was so fucking boring." 

"I don't believe you," She challenged, glancing up at him. "There's no way, if you three hate each other as you say you do, nothing interesting happened. Cmon, tell me the tea! The drama!" 

He snorted. "I mean, Phasma refused to talk to Hux and I for a week because we were annoying. All that happened was Hux and I swapped instruments for a show, honestly she was overreacting." 

"Wait, does that mean you got to drum at one point? It was Hux who used to drum for a few of your tracks, right?" She moved onto her arms, squeezing the sun cream out of the tube, relishing the coconut scent that signalled it was summer. 

He nodded again. "Mhm. I'm fucking terrible at it. Though so was Hux, that's why he moved to lead guitar for our subsequent albums and I was demoted to rhythm." 

"Oh yeah, didn't Snoke really try and push Hux as the forefront of the band back then?" She smiled at the memory, making sure her shoulders were completely covered. The last thing she wanted to do was burn bright red for all of the inevitable paparazzi shots being taken of them right then. "I like Hux, but he's no you. There's no way he'd ever make it as the face of The First Order." 

He smirked. "Yes. It failed horribly. And that's how we are where we are now, Hux hating me for usurping him in popularity, Phasma mad that she never got the opportunity to lead - but let's be fucking real here, when have you ever heard of a band with a _bassist_ as their lead? - and me, unable to control the fact that I'm just so fucking attractive that I'm everyone's favourite."

She laughed at that and nudged him again, hard. "Arrogant prick," 

He held up a silencing hand, as though in mock surrender. "Go on, prove me wrong. Tell me that I wasn't your favourite member of The First Order." 

"You weren't my favourite member of the first order." She grinned, really he was making it too easy for her to counter. "There, proved you wrong." 

He gave her a fake smile, entirely disbelieving. "Sure, sweetheart, I believe you." 

She continued on sunnily, paying his snark no mind as usual and finishing up the sun cream on her face, using a pocket mirror to do so. "Good, because I'm telling the truth. My fave was Phasma because she's the only girl and we girls need to stick together." 

He raised an eyebrow and gave his sarcastic response "Surely that's sexism." 

"Oh, piss off," She laughed again. "That's _not_ sexism in any sense. You just can't deal with your ego being the tiniest bit bruised because back then your hairstyle made you look like an idiot and as much as the guyliner was a look, Phasma was objectively the more attractive one. You cannot change my mind."

He scoffed and tossed a grape in the air, catching it expertly in his mouth. "It was the early 2000s, we all looked like fucking travesties." 

"I don't know if I look back on those times fondly or painfully. You know that emo edit someone made of me that I sent to you? That's literally what I would've killed to look like when I was thirteen. I was obsessed with all the classics: Panic, Fall Out Boy, MCR, Blink-182, Asking Alexandria, like, you name it and I probably listened to them. Thank God I got bullied enough to not turn into a proper emo. It's not a phase I'd like to return to, no offence to you."

"Blame Snoke. He's the one who saw us fitting in the gap between the emo and rock market and branded us accordingly." He shook his head at the memory. "Those were dark fucking times." 

"But look at you now," she teased lightly, grinning at him. "You've matured into a very dapper young man. Sure, there's remnants of the emo, like the fact you only wear black, but you really have blessed mankind by dressing like a normal person for this era of your career." 

" _Dapper_?" He repeated with a judging incredulity. "Why does that feel like an insult?" 

"It's not an insult! I'm being very honest!" She put a dollop of sun cream into the palm of her hand and then reached back to get it on her back, failing pretty miserably at applying it evenly. With a sigh, she asked "Hey, help me?" 

He took the bottle when she held it out to him and said, with his hands lightly on her shoulders "Turn around."

She obliged, turning her back to him. When the sun cream hit her back again it felt cold, and the way he touched her skin feather-light made her squirm. "Kylo!" She giggled, ducking away from his hands. "God, don't rub it in like that, I'm so ticklish. Apply some pressure." 

"If you're going to complain I won't help," He threatened but changed how he was smoothing it into her skin anyway, his touch more certain and her body less ticklish. 

"I'm not complaining, I'm just stating that how you're doing it now is a lot better." She was glad she'd tied her hair up so she wouldn't have to hold it out of the way while he massaged the sun cream into her back, and reached out to grab a couple of grapes to munch on while he finished up. 

He moved to spread it onto the backs of her shoulders and she buried her toes underneath the sand, leaning back against him. 

"You know, if your solo career flops you definitely could become a masseuse," She said flippantly as he rubbed small circles into her upper back, managing to work out a few stress knots she didn't even know she'd had. 

"Yeah, no fucking chance." 

She grinned as he moved to gently apply the sun cream to the nape of her neck, less firm motions. "Aww, you'd be so good at it. You could be one of those shirtless ones and everything, use your sex appeal." 

He sighed heavily, completely despairing, which only made her laugh harder. "Not for all the money in the world. God, it's a worse sentence than having to be Snoke's for the rest of my life." 

"It so isn't. Maybe I should become the masseuse instead, make some money on the side." 

He finished up and gave her a light tap on the shoulders to signal so, putting the lid back on the bottle and then handing back to her over her shoulder. "Hmm, and would _you_ do it shirtless?" 

"If it got me a lot more money, yeah," She joked, shoving it into the bag they'd brought with them. "Might as well utilise my assets, you know? You should know I have no shame by this point," 

"On the contrary, I know you have a lot more shame than the typical person."

"Okay, that's called anxiety and/or depression with a sprinkling of crippling self esteem issues. I feel so called out by you right now." She said with false defensiveness. "Thanks, by the way," She added, stretching out languidly under the sun. "Now I won't look like an absolute idiot." 

"You always look like an absolute idiot, sweetheart." 

"Shut up!" She laughed and swatted him with her bottle of water, which had long since gone warm. "I don't! I have a very good public image thank you, all because of Snoke. What a legend." 

He smirked a bit at that and leaned back, lazily picking at the fruit they'd set out on the rug. "Your dates with me do enough to completely reverse your 'good girl' status." 

"Yeah, you've corrupted me," She accused with a wide grin, brandishing the punnet of strawberries in his direction. "Fucking dick. Now everyone thinks I'm a melancholy loser who ruins everything they touch." 

"You mean you weren't that already?" He challenged, swatting the punnet away deftly. 

She laughed in sheer offence, nudging him hard in the arm. "No! Shut up!" 

"No matter how many times you tell me to shut up, I won't." He declared, tossing another grape into the air and catching it - a move so effortless she thought he must've spent hours perfecting it.

"You're actually so cruel to me," She tried, putting on her best sad face and puppy dog eyes from where she lay down on her stomach on the rug, knocking her sunglasses down onto her nose when she tried to brush a loose strand of hair back from her face. "All I've ever been is kind to you. I'm the best fake girlfriend you could possibly wish for." 

He seemed to find that a valid point, a quizzical look on his face that seemed more directed at himself than her. "I do suppose it could be worse. It could be Phasma again."

"Or Hux," she supplied with a grin. 

"Oh, fuck no." He sighed heavily, looking as though he'd rather die than consider that concept for longer than the few seconds he already had, concern bright in his eyes. The gaze he fixed her with while she basically cried from laughter at his reaction was even more judgemental and done with her bullshit than any look he'd given her before, a mighty achievement. "Fucking cursed. On every level." 

"Come on, enemies to lovers?" She grinned even more, enjoying that they'd managed to get back to their usual level of teasing pretty quickly, a lot more quickly than she'd expected after everything. It seemed he'd elected to act like it hadn't happened, and she was more than okay with that, no matter what feelings she had to repress to survive. "It's a popular trope." 

He looked so pained that it set her off laughing again, until he suggested "Or it could've been Rose. Just to really fuck with you and the rivalry." 

"No. No way." She said immediately, more firmly than she'd intended. The idea of Rose going around and holding Kylo's hand in public was even more cursed than the idea of Kylo and Hux being a thing, and the thought of them having to kiss for the cameras made her want to physically retch. "I would genuinely cry."

"Snoke _is_ breaking us up soon," He reminded with a glimmer of mirth, sensing how prickly the topic was and deciding to tease her about it in his own, vaguely curious and confused way. "How do you know it's not a ruse to set up that relationship?" 

She wrinkled her nose, pushing her sunglasses up the bridge. "Because you'd throw a hissy fit before that could happen. You had enough qualms about fake dating me. You basically imploded from anger, and I'm not subjecting my best friend to that." 

She knew it absolutely sounded like jealousy, as much as she tried to mask it as being general teasing. Because that's what it was, somehow, somewhere along the way, she'd picked up a jealous, protective streak when it came to him, one that she couldn't shake off though she wanted to. Made worse by the fact that he didn't return those feelings, she tried not to lead herself into her own grave by focusing the conversation topic on that area for too long. Of course she had to be attracted to the one person who would never see her that way, the one person she'd been the most stressed about being around in LA, the one person keeping her sane despite everything - and her measly brain had to ruin that by wanting to shove him against the wall and make out with him everytime he played guitar with that look of concentration on his face like music was all that mattered him, everything he was. God, she was so fucked. Or when, like now, the wind blew enough to mess up his hair and she just wanted to reach out and fix it, typical best friend things but tainted by a need for romance. God, if Finn was here he'd tell her to make a list of everything she didn't like about him and think of it enough that she convinced herself she wasn't lowkey in love with him anymore. If it was Rose, she'd probably tell her to get smashed and have a one-night stand or two. Both options didn't seem like they'd help much in this situation. She'd never harboured such a mix of pure tenderness and passion towards one person before. 

"Sure that's your reasoning," Kylo made sure that it was evident in his tone that he didn't believe her at all, something that only set her on edge more. 

"Yep, that's my reasoning. And it's sound." She insisted, trying to drag the conversation on quickly. "So anyway, what's happening with your album? Cause when you were on the tour I'd guess you didn't get to finish it."

He nodded and took the new topic without debate, much to her complete relief. "Most of the tracks were in post production anyway but there are a couple I still need to finish. Snoke's announced the release date for a couple weeks' time."

"Ooh, snazzy. Let me know if you need any more dying cat backing vocals." 

He laughed. "Oh, I will do. Your higher octaves are fucking legendary." 

"They're certainly something." She cringed. It was typical, the way that as an alto she was massively underrepresented. Everyone seemed to place the value of being a good singer on how high you could sing rather than how low, and she had horrible flashbacks of having to sing soprano parts in school musicals because apparently her music teacher didn't understand her voice type either. The recordings weren't that pretty. It got to the point where she'd asked to only be cast as the male roles, because those were always solidly within her range. "We really don't stan them." 

"Get training." He suggested with a shrug. 

She sighed. "Where? When? With what time?" 

"Snoke'll timetable it in for you. He'll probably even fucking give the lessons himself." 

"He can sing?" She said incredulously, her entire perception of that man shifting. "I always assumed that he couldn't." 

"He did a lot of backing vocals for Palpatine back in the day. That's how he ended up owning Empire, eventually." He elaborated, taking a swig of water and not finding it as cooling as expected with a short groan. 

With as much carefree lightness as she could muster, she suggested "If you're hot you can take off your shirt, I won't mind." 

"Been waiting for an excuse to say that one?" He fixed her with his deadpan look, the fake disdain she knew as well as the back of her hand, if not betted. 

More than happy to lean into the teasing that time, she replied "And if I say yes?" 

"You're just like the others," He said without scorn, pulling his shirt off in one swift motion. Rey made a point not to look at his chest for too long, not to notice how good he looked, because she'd seen a million photos of him shirtless on the Internet before and been absolutely fine, if not even deemed it eye roll worthy. But there was something different about it being real life, something about the slight dryness of her mouth, that she tried to beat away with a metre stick. She was _not_ going to thirst over him. 

"Can you blame me?" She asked lightly and rolled onto her back, shielding her eyes from the sun with her right arm and beckoning him to lie down next to her with the other. "I'm just making sure your stans get all the shirtless pics they desire while under the guise of dating you." 

"Yeah, I believe you." He replied sarcastically and lay down beside her, wincing as the sun got in his eyes. "Fuck. It's not even comfortable down here." 

"Let me guess: you don't like sand." She grinned. "It's rough, coarse—" 

"—irritating, and it gets everywhere." He finished. "I can't believe you're quoting that fucking Anakin interview at me." 

"Come on, it was hilarious. There's no way his relationship with Padmé wasn't set up after how awkward his flirting was. Besides, I know you're his _greatest_ fan. To quote you in a similarly cringey interview, 'I will finish what he started'." she took the sunglasses off her face and sat up to place them on his, grinning the whole while. "There. UV protection at its finest. You look sexy." 

He was still squinting, holding his hand splayed in front of his face. "These don't do shit."

"Nope, but they look cute," She said merrily, biting back a laugh at how ridiculous he looked with baby-pink, heart shaped sunglasses. "You know, if Harry Styles did this everyone would be calling it groundbreaking and a step forward for gender nonconformity." 

"What is it with you and One Direction?" 

"It's not One Direction, I just think Harry is cute and makes good music." 

"For someone who acts like the 'I'm not like other girls' stereotype, you are the walking embodiment of the basic bitch." 

"Hey! I don't act like either of those!" She snatched her sunglasses back off his face, grinning widely still as she put them on. "Don't try and put me in a box. I'm not defined by your labels. This is sexism, yet again." 

He tutted and rolled his eyes, muttering something about how annoying she was under his breath. 

"Anyway, we're off topic yet again somehow." 

"You say somehow like you're not fully aware it's your fault." He interjected. 

"Hush. So tell me more about how the album's working." 

"Like I said, two weeks until release. Snoke's putting me on a fucking posting target to build hype." He said with enough pure irritation it set her smiling again. 

"Aww, twinning," She teased, putting her arms behind her head to prop herself up comfortably, just at the right angle so that the sun didn't shine directly in her face. 

Kylo wasn't so blessed and turned onto his side to stop himself being blinded. "Unfortunately so. Apparently I've got to take… Selfies." 

"Oh lord, I can't wait to see that," She laughed, finding the idea absolutely hysterical. "I totally feel bad for you and am not hoping Snoke makes you take loads so I can bully you in your comments section or hype you up like a supportive girlfriend."

"Please refrain from doing either of those." He said heavily, shaking his head. "Apart from signing my contract in the first place, this is the worst thing Snoke's made me do." 

"Aww, it might be fun." She tried to cheer him up, knowing that was a hyperbolic statement if she'd ever heard one. "You never know. It's not like it'll take masses of time out of your life, anyway. Hey, we should do one now," 

"Oh for fuck's sake," He said in defeat, sighing and sitting back up as Rey fished through her stuff for her phone. "The things I do for you." 

"You know you love me. Anyway, this is for you this time. Well, it also sorts out my post for the day, but it's a win-win for us, so," She opened the front camera and gave a dazzling smile. "Please smile," 

Somehow he managed the most pained, 'someone is holding a gun to my head, send help' smile she'd ever witnessed, completely dead eyes and a general bar aura surrounding him. On looking back at the picture, she snickered. "Okay, maybe we won't go for smiling then. But I am keeping that photo because it's fucking hilarious." 

"Another one?" He said despairingly. 

"Yep," She confirmed with a smile, nudging him with her foot. "Just look serious but purposeful. Like, you know when we took that pic after Calrissian's? That vibe."

The second picture she took was a lot better, as obviously it fit way more into Kylo's comfort zone when it came to branding and just general expressing of emotions. The smouldering stare seemed to work well when contrasted with her small, mischievous smile. "Right, I've dmed it to you. You look good in it." 

She took the opportunity to post on her story, a short boomerang that went between the punnets of fruit and Kylo looking distractedly off into the distance, captioned 'beach day but make it emo?? ly @kylorenmusic'. After he'd reposted it to his story she sat back, watching as people ran and splashed through the water, thinking just how different everything had become in the six months she'd known Kylo; from when they were alone at Snoke's private beach celebrating on their own to now where it seemed their lives were the whole world's, and when anything happened thousands of people experienced it with them. Her mind drifted back to the conversations they'd tried to have so many times, to fully understand each other when they both seemed to constantly hold a mask up to the world. And she couldn't help but wonder again what he was _really_ like, who he was when he was pretending, when he'd let his guard slip. Who was Ben Solo? Who was the man behind the Kylo she knew? And would she ever know - or had she ruined that by falling for the pseudonym he presented to everyone to hold them at arm's length? 

"Hey, Kylo," She said as casually as she could, taking a quick sip from her water bottle and, when she'd finished it, crinkled it under her hands and chucked it into the bag they'd brought. "I was just thinking about the Vader guitar." 

He looked up from his phone where he'd reposted the selfie to his story, looking more than a little dead inside as per usual. "What about it?" His intonation made it more of a statement, and for the first time she was aware of how exhausted they both were. From the tour, from the dates, from knowing each other. 

"You know how you said I'm not, like, worthy of playing it? Well I know you were joking, but like… I really need to get my own guitar. I'm too scared of fucking that one up. And it really doesn't suit me. The frets are too far apart and the sound doesn't really fit my stuff," She didn't know why she was rambling why the words seemed to over pour and spill out of her mouth into a hastily cobbled together stream. "I miss my acoustic but I don't think I'm ever getting that back. So I need to go guitar shopping. But, as you know, because you took the piss out of me for not knowing which guitar you were referring to when we were on tour and totally not breaking Snoke's rules, I don't know anything about guitars."

"Google is free," He shrugged, completely missing the point. She hated when he did that, intentionally misinterpreted her statements because it spared him less effort. 

"Yeah, I know. But you're the guitar expert, or at least you claim to be and never shut up about it, so at some point can you come with me and help me pick one out? For a musician I'm a massive idiot and have no idea what I'm looking for." She hoped the challenge in her tone, the suggestion that he'd been bigging up his knowledge when it came to the matter, would be enough to make him feel obligated to come with her. That was the goal, anyway. "And I mean I _could_ ask Hux to come with me, but…" 

"If you really need someone to pick one for you," He said in that way he had where he managed to turn everything back on her. "And don't ask Hux. He knows fuck all."

"Awesome," She grinned, mission successful, hopes of getting him to do something with her in a non forced setting complete, and the requirement to get a guitar satisfied. Two birds, one stone. She could be quite efficient when she wanted to be. "So when do you wanna go? I don't know what your schedule's like but mine's actually not too crazy this week, which obviously means Snoke is gonna run me to the ground next week instead, so I can do pretty much whenever suits you." 

Without even taking a split second to think about it, he answered. "Now."

"Now ?" She repeated, taken aback. 

"Now." He confirmed. "It's not like we're doing anything important." 

She glanced around uneasily at the hundreds of people on the beach, the paparazzi not so hidden. "We're on a date. Snoke'll kill us if we leave early."

"He's been out to kill us from the start." He said dismissively, already packing the leftover food back into the bag and finishing his own bottle of water. 

"I've just put on sun cream," she tried with a sigh. Of course he'd do something annoying like this, cut short something that was vital to her staying signed on to Empire. "And I was going to try and get a tan." 

"Do you want my help or not, sweetheart?" 

"I want your help, it's just now's not a great time." 

"My life doesn't revolve around your schedule. I'm offering my help now and you can take it or leave it, but the offer won't return." 

"It's your schedule too," She grumbled but caved, helping to roll up the picnic blanket and chucking him his shirt, hitting him square in the face which gave her a small smile. "But fine. If you're going to be difficult I'm just not even going to argue with you." 

"Aww, you're learning." He grinned and reached over to ruffle her hair. 

She yelped and swatted his hand away. "Kylo! Do you know how long it took me to make my hair look good today?" 

"Two seconds?" He suggested with false pity. "I didn't know you thought it looked good." 

"Oh I am going to kill you one day." She promised with a small laugh, trying to flatten the mess he'd made so she didn't show up on tabloid front pages with a bird's nest for hair. 

He smiled at that and slung the bag over his shoulder as though it was a jacket he was posing with, offering his other arm with a raised eyebrow. "Are you coming?" 

She looped her arm round his, surprised that he was initiating any semblance of intimacy when he was always the first to shut it down. "You're so fucking impatient. Chill out for a minute, would ya?" 

After giving her a vast monologue about all the different popular guitar brands as they made their way through the city, explaining which of the different guitar shops liked him or didn't (one of them due to him playing Stairway To Heaven five times in a row after Hux bet him ten bucks he wouldn't, succeeding in getting them both kicked out to Phasma's dismay - "We were there because she wanted new tuning pegs, and god she did not shut up about how we were immature, pain in the asses."), they ended up outside one of the ones where he wasn't outlawed, named 'Starkiller Bass'. 

Rey looked up at the sign and let out a pained, half-laugh. "Oh my god. Is it seriously a pun on The First Order's second album title? I don't know if I find it hilarious or if I want to cry because it's so bad."

He shook his head and looked at some of the guitars in the window with a critical eye, what he was looking for she wasn't sure. "I know, Snoke wanted to sue." 

She gave him a startled look. "Seriously?!" It was something she absolutely wouldn't put past Snoke to do, no matter how absurd it seemed.

"No." He replied evenly and she gave an aggravated huff. "You're so gullible," 

"I'm only gullible because that is exactly the sort of thing Snoke would threaten to do. I refuse to believe that the thought didn't cross his mind at least once." She explained in surrender, guiding him towards the door lest he spent even longer just staring at the guitars rather than helping her in the store. 

"It probably did, and he probably realised it would be too much work for too much negative PR." 

"I thought there was no such thing as negative PR - all press is good press?" 

"Not when it comes to decimating a small business. As much as Snoke is happy to put us into deep shit for the drama, he wouldn't compromise his own image in the same way. It's how he lurks so well in the shadows." 

"Like a puppeteer," 

"Something like that." He said in vague agreement, pushing open the door to the shop. 

The interior was smaller than she'd expected, the space was used well. Guitars lined every wall in orderly rows, were dotted in clusters on the shop floor, a mix between acoustics, electrics, basses, 5-string basses, a few ukuleles, even a _banjo_ and it was like string instrument heaven. She looked around in appropriate awe, already overwhelmed by the plethora of choice at her literal fingertips. As they walked in, the bell on the door gave a merry little ding, and the guy behind the counter looked up from his classic rock magazine to nod in their direction. "Hey Ben. Long time, no see." 

Kylo gave a short nod back. "It's been a while." 

"Not been smashing your axe on stage recently?" The guy grinned, flicking the page with gusto. Pink Floyd was playing in the background, a musical choice she appreciated. 

"Snoke's banned me. Threw a tantrum when I set down my Cobain too hard," Kylo replied, a weird mix between sounding comfortable talking to the guy and absolutely awkward. She got the vibe that there was history somewhere there, what with the guy using Kylo's real name and everything. 

"Ah, understandable. That's 500k you'd be destroying." He nodded and sat back on his stool, flipping his hair to part the other side. "Looking for anything particular?" 

"A new guitar for Rey."

"Hey," She said, kind of awkwardly because she still wasn't sure what the dynamic of the conversation was yet. 

The guy gave her a small, polite, reserved for customers smile. "Hey. I like your accent," 

Every fucking time. She smiled through the pain. "Thanks." 

"Do you need any help or is Ben going to flex his encyclopedic knowledge?" 

She laughed a little. "I think he's planning to flex," 

"I'll leave you two to it then. Give a shout if you need anything." The guy went back to the magazine, and she wondered if he actually did any work in the shop or just sat there reading all day. It was an admirable job to have, if she was honest. 

Feeling like a child or a lost puppy, she followed Kylo on his circuit around the guitars as he announced their various specs and she pretended she understood what the hell he was on about. When they reached the back of the shop and she thought they were suitably out of earshot, she posed the question "You know that guy?" 

"College." He answered briefly. "He insists on telling everyone we're friends."

"Oh, how tragic that must be for you." She said, channeling his usual deadpan sarcasm. "Anyway, I was just curious, back to guitars." 

"What kind are you looking for? An electric to replace Vader's or an acoustic?" 

She shrugged. "Honestly, don't know. I'm open to anything. Maybe even both if it comes down to it, I've always wanted to have a collection." 

He half-smiled, a slight curl of the lip. "Two isn't a collection, sweetheart." 

"Let a girl dream. It's not like I've ever had enough money to chuck at having more than one shitty one before, so two is an entirely foreign and exciting concept to me. Any more than that and I might pass out from excitement." 

"You should see mine sometime. You'd die on the spot." 

"Are you inviting me round?" She asked with a surprised grin, a development in their friendship she was more than happy to accept. "I didn't know you had it in you," 

"Maybe." He picked a Gibson that looked sort of similar to the one she'd played when they'd snuck off together, except it was black and the body was more angular. He handed it to her. "Give it a try." 

"You'll have to buy me dinner first, though," She teased and blasted through a scale, the classic E major that everyone could play in their sleep. 

He rolled his eyes, electing not to respond to that comment. "How's the guitar?" 

"It's very guitar-like." She described in great depth, strumming a few chords. 

He looked like he was going to take his own life right then and there. "Is it the right weight? Do you like the sound? How does it feel?" 

"It seems fine, I don't really know what you want me to say," She shrugged. As much as she was taking the piss a little bit, she genuinely didn't know what a guitar was supposed to feel like or any of that shit. Generally, if it was in tune and she could physically play it, it was good enough for her. 

He gave a heavy sigh and instead of banging his head against the wall, handed her a different make of guitar. "Try this one and compare them." 

Choosing an electric guitar took a lot longer than she'd anticipated. While after the third one she'd got a knack for what seemed like a good guitar, when she was twenty guitars deep and trying to decide between them all in trivial detail, she felt like just closing her eyes and doing eeny meeny miny moe to pick which would be hers. That was until he passed her the last guitar out of his selection, and the second she held it and strummed an A minor she knew it was the right one. She couldn't put her finger on what made it perfect, but it felt almost like an extension of herself, as cheesy as that sounded. 

Once she'd found The One, they moved onto acoustics. While for memory's sake she wanted to go for something as close in model to her old acoustic as possible, she ended up picking one that wasn't dissimilar but with wider frets and what felt like a lighter body. 

The guy at the counter tore himself away from the magazine for long enough to ring them up and Rey tried ignore the way her heart plummeted as he read the total to her. Even though she knew logically she had more than enough money from royalties to treat herself, she was so used to having to budget her money down to the tiniest amount that she felt massively guilty as they walked out, the acoustic in its case over her shoulder and the electric, also in a case, in Kylo's hand. Though she'd offered to take it he'd insisted, saying something about how he didn't trust her not to fall over and smash them both. She appreciated the gesture though, as he walked back to the hotel she was staying in with her, enough so that she ended up venting to him on the walk back. 

"I was thinking," She started then cringed at the fact that she apparently didn't have any other way of starting conversations other than with that phrase. "Well, I still am thinking. I can think." 

He smirked at that and instantly replied "News to me." 

"Maybe I should quit Empire." 

His smirk faltered and he turned to look at her properly. "You want to leave?" 

"I don't know, I just… I can't really see myself doing this into the foreseeable future? I don't really click with you guys, Snoke doesn't like me anyway and only keeps me around for your sake, and like, if we're going to break up then he'll have no use for me anymore so I might as well go on my own accord." She bit her lip, not quite able to meet his gaze when talking about something so personal that had been plaguing her for months. "Like the industry isn't what I expected. I mean, it's still great, getting to play on stage and release music and spend time with you, but it's not like I'm talented or anything. I'm no Vader, Luke, or you. And with how much it's fucked with my life, I just… Yeah. I don't know. "

"I told you to get out from the start, sweetheart." Kylo said carefully, swallowing as he considered what should come next. She'd never seen him think so much before he spoke until then. "But there comes a point where even if you leave you can't reverse the lasting damage done by Snoke and LA."

"Do you think I should?" She managed to look at him properly, vulnerable outside the hotel room she'd been calling home for the past few weeks between tour dates, the door half propped open with her foot. 

He sighed heavily and passed the guitar to her. "It's not my decision to make for you. If you want to leave, I won't stop you. If you decide to stay, I won't stop you either." 

She took it and felt its weight in her hand, balanced on her index and middle finger. "Yeah. I just don't know if I should." 

"If you," He cut himself off with an awkward cough, shoving his hands in his pockets. "If you want to talk about the industry and how fucked up it is, you can always let me know and we'll wallow in misery together." 

She tilted her head slightly, with a small smile "Thanks. I'll bear that in mind." 

He really was trying his best to play the part of a friend, and she was glad he did. It was nice to know that he cared, when his general state of existence seemed to be permanent apathy. 

"Though if I do, we're having the conversation properly." She decided. "No shutting me out for asking about your past or how your career started." 

"That's fair enough," The casual, careless tone was back, the first sign of his emotional unavailability. 

"Then it's a deal. We'll finally be halfway there to a functioning friendship," she teased lightly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> Oh boi has it been three days. My hay-fever is SO BAD at the moment and it's still sweltering on the uk??? Not good for creativity lemme tell you  
> But I hope everyone is doing well.  
> Sign the petitions to encourage justice for George Floyd, and if you can make a donation to the MMF or somewhere similar,  
> Keep washing your hands,  
> Big love, thanks for kudos, comments, all that funky stuff,  
> \- brie xxx


	23. Too Much Literary Analysis

The following weeks, after avoiding the studios like the plague lest they run into Snoke (but failed miserably because they _had_ to go in at some point - he'd lectured them for an hour about what a privilege it was to be in a fake relationship under his guidance, she gritted her teeth, Kylo gave sarcastic tuts after every sentence), she'd opened her phone to find the most baffling text she'd ever received. 

**_Kylo:_ **

_What time are you coming over?_

**_Rey:_ **

_??????_

_uh coming over where????_

**_Kylo:_ **

_You wanted to see the guitar collection._

So maybe he really hadn't been joking about showing her his place. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't intrigued and massively nosey about wherever he'd lived while being showered with money from The First Order and now his solo pursuit, and had spent a good amount of time debating with herself whether or not it would all be monochrome and stupidly huge, a mansion for one person. Kylo seemed like the kind of man who liked his home comforts. 

**_Rey:_ **

_oh right_

_ur doing that thing where u assume I can read ur mind_

_and that my schedule is eternally free 4 u_

_:/_

**_Kylo:_ **

_Well, are you busy?_

**_Rey:_ **

_….. no_

**_Kylo:_ **

_Exactly._

**_Rey:_ **

_hey I could've been doing smth important_

_like thinking of ways to fight Rose in public_

_so far we've ruled out hair-pulling_

She weighed up adding the extra bit of information 'because she's kinda into it' but decided against it in a moment of strength. She and Kylo may be close, but she didn't think they were _that_ close yet, especially in light of her weird feeling towards him. In a totally bitchass move, her brain had seemed to decided independently of her that she would still think about him a lot and how lucky she was to know him, think about that sarcastic smirk and the way he ran his hand through his hair while stressed. And there she went again - another tangent she shut down quickly. It did her no good to pine after him. And she hoped if she told herself off enough, the feelings would go away. 

**_Kylo:_ **

_What, has Snoke even scheduled that in for you two?_

**_Rey:_ **

_lol luckily not but I could so see it happening_

_like admit it u believed it could b tru for a couple secs_

**_Kylo:_ **

_You know, for a literature student you text with appalling grammar._

**_Rey:_ **

_wat can I say_

_this is why I dropped out to be a rockstar_

_😔_

_never did get grammar anyway_

**_Kylo:_ **

_Or how to send one text at a time apparently._

**_Rey:_ **

_ok enough roasting me it's rude_

_when do u want me over???_

_and don't say now bc I'm not dressed yet_

**_Kylo:_ **

_Why aren't you dressed? It's 3pm._

**_Rey:_ **

_no personal questions._

_(I couldn't b bothered okayyyy i've had a hard week leave me b)_

**_Kylo:_ **

_Fair enough. Shall we say 4, then?_

**_Rey:_ **

_yh sounds good to me!_

_u gonna send ur address or wht_

**_Kylo:_ **

_I'll pick you up. It's easier and you won't have to go through security._

Of course there was security. Why didn't _she_ get a place with security, just unwelcoming hotel rooms? 

**_Rey:_ **

_awesome see u at 4 then!!! xxxxxxxx_

**_Kylo:_ **

_See you then. X_

She looked down at her phone screen with a weird kind of shock. Had Kylo Ren, edgelord supreme, the person who denied having any emotions and refused to ever be more than half civil to people, seriously just ended his text with a kiss? She felt like a teenager again, excited when her crush looked in her general direction. She was probably reading too much into it. Most likely he'd sent a kiss because she'd sent a multitude of them first and it would be rude not to send one back. But when had rudeness ever stopped him before— No. She was doing too much literary analysis of his text and not enough getting ready. 

In a massive rush she grabbed the nicest clothes she had from her wardrobe, ones she was sure she'd washed, a strappy top and pair of shorts because it was still hot as all hell out and barricaded herself in the tiny hotel bathroom. After going through the showering process, using the vanilla scented shampoo she'd picked up for a couple bucks at the closest convenience store, and even bothering to shave her legs, she wondered why the hell she was putting in so much effort and treating it like a date. It was _not_ a date. She was just going to his house. It was like every other time they'd seen each other at the studios. There was nothing to worry about. 

She blow dried her hair as quickly as she could, chucked on her clothes, spritzed the tiniest bit of perfume, and looked at herself in the mirror. Shit. Her sleep schedule had been terrible and she looked even more like a zombie now that the rest of her looked nice. With a stressed groan she grabbed concealer, a flick of eyeliner, swipe of lip balm. It would have to do. And she was still freaking out for no good reason. 

That left her with a few minutes to sit and play her new acoustic while sitting on the hotel bed, getting to know its feel and intonations, the mellowness of the sound and the lighter gauge strings that were determined to keep slipping out of tune. After retuning for what felt like the millionth time, though had probably only been five, she could play it again. Technical skills. That's what Kylo had that she lacked. So she went through scales, wincing at every wrong interval, wishing she had just taken lessons when she was just old enough to hold a guitar because then she'd be amazing now. 

There was a firm knock at the door which startled her, she set her guitar carefully back in its case on the floor and then opened it to see Kylo. "Hey," She smiled brightly. 

He looked as he always did; leather jacket, jeans (though he'd switched his usual black ones out for blue), white shirt, hair a mess. "Hey, sweetheart. Ready to go?" 

"Yep, give me a sec to grab my bag," As he stood in the doorway she ducked back inside to grab it from where it was hanging in the back of the chair, checking her phone was in there in case Snoke decided to call again to have a go about the date last week. She'd already received a passive aggressive text message on the matter. 

They walked down and out of the hotel together, Rey chatting to him about nothing the whole while while he inputted hums and 'really's at appropriate intervals. "So then they increased the price for the hotel room _again_ for literally no reason, and my towels went missing - like the ones I bought rather than the ones they supplied - and it's just not a vibe. But I guess overall its okay, it's way fancier than all the other places I've stayed. Like _oh my god_ have I told you the Weston-super-Mare story yet?"

"You have not, but it's okay, sweetheart. Save yourself the trouble. You've had a long week and I'd hate for you to waste what precious little energy you have left on something as menial as telling me stories." 

She huffed, not impressed. "Okay, fine, I won't tell you in detail if you really don't want to know. It's just there were rats. And it was a rough few days. Finn and I swore never to go back." 

He sighed and turned the corner and she faltered before catching back up to him. He walked with such purpose that it was easy to lose him at times. "I'm sure it's an excellent story for a different time, but right now you're monologuing out of panic. You don't have to constantly fill the silence."

"Yeah, well," She shrugged. It was habit by that point. "It's kinda awkward if we walk in silence." 

"It doesn't have to be awkward unless you choose to make it so. Heard of companible silence?" 

"Mhm. I like talking though." 

"But you're _saying_ nothing." 

She gave him a small smile. "But it's you that I want to say nothing to." 

He took a moment to process that before replying "I'm trying to find the insult in that one. I think you might have fucked it up," 

"That's because it wasn't an insult. Crazy, I know; me, not insulting you?" She said, still smiling a little. Of course he couldn't accept the smallest bit of kindness or shred of misplaced affection. "God, if I knew being nice to you baffled you so much I would've taken advantage of it hundreds of times by now. It's much more satisfying than roasting you into oblivion."

He shook his head hopelessly and took her up a strip of pavement leading to a large set of black, metal gates. "You make no fucking sense." 

"I pride myself on it." She replied cheerily and took larger strides to keep up with him. He was the worst combination of tall and a naturally fast walker, meaning she was going at a light jog a lot of the time. Coupled with the fact he knew the area like the back of his hand and she had no idea where she was, she kept lagging behind. 

When they got to the gates he put in a security code and went through some other checks that Rey was too poor to know their function, until finally they swung open and he beckoned her through. 

It was an apartment block that looked pretty unassuming for all that it was behind security intensive gates, a standard height, normal architecture, all of that normal. They went through the double doors at the bottom of the block, through another security check (it seemed a _little_ like overkill, but then again, if she'd had such measures at Poe's she wouldn't be missing her acoustic, Snoke's laptop, or her sanity right now) and then Kylo strode towards the lift. 

She was still trying to drink in every detail, the shine of the mirrored lift walls, the cool white lighting from strips of LEDs, the wooden bar that was just at the right height to lean back against. "It's cute here," She voiced her thoughts as they travelled up, not to the penthouse as she'd cheesily expected but to somewhere in the middle. "But I will admit I'm surprised it's not a mansion with five pools and your own golf course."

He gave her a look. "I don't play golf." 

"I know. Not for you. For Snoke." She grinned. Snoke loved his golf. Apart from ruining their lives, it was the one thing he talked about and did the most. 

He rolled his eyes but smiled all the same. "There is nothing Snoke-ian in my place. Trust me. I see enough of him already, I'd go fucking insane." Then, as an afterthought, "Though if the opportunity arose I wouldn't say no to a pool." 

"Still, why an apartment block? You could have your own house in the hills or something." 

"What's the point? I don't need a house. I don't need a longer commute than I have already. It'd be a waste of money." 

"I've never heard you sound so responsible before." She grinned, giving him a teasing nudge as the lift stopped and the doors opened with a ding. 

"Yeah, yeah, get out the lift," He pushed her forwards with a hand in the small of her back, a rushing gesture that should have made her mad but definitely didn't. 

"I'm going, I'm going," She protested. 

He unlocked his door, the one closest to the lift, and held it open. "Ladies first," 

"Why do I get the impression you're waiting to trip me? And since when have you ever viewed me as something dignified as a lady?" 

"Ruining my plans," He gave a mock sigh of dejection. 

She grinned and went through the door into the hallway. Unlike how she'd anticipated, his place wasn't all black and edgy. The walls were a bright white, an oak panel floorboard beneath her feet (scarily clean), and a few photos hung on the wall in frames. Not wanting to look like she was being nosy, she only stopped to glance at them for a second, a portrait shot of him playing guitar with Phasma in the background. He looked so young. He still had the softness about his jaw, the glitter in his eyes. It was crazy to think he'd ever been that, satisfied with life. She only knew him as a grumpy sod. 

"Do you want me to take my shoes off?" She asked once he'd closed the door behind them, filled with that awkwardness from when you go into someone's home for the first time and everything is so _theirs_ that even breathing feels like a misstep, touching anything a crime. It was made worse by the fact that Kylo was such a private person - she really felt like she was intruding. 

"Whatever," He said helpfully, brushing past her and through the first door to the left. After removing her shoes and placing them neatly by the door she followed him. 

His kitchen was smaller than she'd expected. That didn't mean that it wasn't massive, feeling like the size of her whole apartment with Finn back in England, but then again maybe he wasn't like every other rich person who seemed to throw their wealth at kitchens they never used. He took a couple of mugs out of a cupboard and set them down on the table. "Coffee?" He offered. 

"Yes please. Absolute legend," It was exactly what she needed in that moment and he knew it, for which she was eternally grateful. 

He put the mugs under his coffee machine and turned it on, waiting for it to go through all of its warm-up processes before pressing the button for two cups. "How do you take it?" 

Usually black or sweet enough to rot her teeth, but she decided on a compromise "One sugar, little bit of milk." 

"Of course you're the kind of person to ruin good coffee." He said disappointedly. 

She laughed "Hey, if it offends you that much I'll drink it black." 

"The damage is already done. Grab the milk for me? Fridge is that cupboard there." 

"Sure," Again, why everything in rich people houses had to be disguised as cupboards she didn't know. What was wrong with people knowing you had a fridge? Or a bin? But she opened the cupboard door and scanned the shelves for the milk. _Beer, lots of beer, vegetables, orange juice…_

As the machine whirred and he spooned sugar into her mug, stirring as the coffee streamed into the mugs, he said "So how are the guitars?" 

"Hm?" She replied absently, still searching for the milk. When she found it she set it down triumphantly, and then what he'd meant clicked. "Oh, right. Well the strings are tearing my fingers up because they're a different gauge to my old ones. I've mainly been playing the acoustic since there's no amp in the hotel room. Look," She held her hand out to show him the gnarly scene, the white discolouration on her fingertips of forming blisters and little bits of shredded skin surrounding them. 

He took her hand and looked at the damage carefully, brows furrowed. Despite herself, her breath caught. God, she was pathetic. Just the smallest things were affecting her today. "Lack of practice." He said matter-of-factly, dropping her hand. It fell to her side. 

"Hey, I practice." She tried, though she knew she didn't practice anywhere near the three hours a day Snoke had instructed her to. It was more like three hours a week. 

He gave her an unimpressed glance before passing her a mug of coffee and a spoon. 

"Okay, I practice sometimes. When I can be bothered. Which isn't that often actually." She salvaged, pouring the milk into her mug. She ended up putting more than a little bit in, feeling like she might as well do the thing properly.

When she was done, he took the milk and put it back in the fridge, then leaned back against the countertop, the mug loosely cupped in one hand. "Surprised Snoke's let you get away with it." 

"What Snoke doesn't know won't hurt him." She said sweetly and took a sip, wincing when it was boiling hot and seared her tongue. Catching his mischievous look, she added "And you _won't_ tell him." 

"Nothing's stopping me, sweetheart." 

"If you do I'll, uh, be sad."

"What a great deterrent. That will definitely work on me." He nodded. 

"Shh, I'm trying my best. If you do I'll definitely say weird stuff about you to the press."

He rolled his eyes. "You've threatened me with that already." 

"Well fuck," She grinned. "Guess I'm under your power then." 

He smiled the smallest bit and hid it by taking another sip of coffee. "That you are."

They fell silent for a minute while they sipped at their coffee until Rey spoke up again, unable to be quiet for extended periods of time, remembering why she was actually round in the first place. "So this guitar collection of yours."

He finished up his mug and set it in the washing up bowl. "Next room along."

She raised her eyebrows "You have a dedicated guitar room?" 

"You don't?" He said with a hint of humour in his casual tone. 

She didn't even need to answer that question, just downed the rest of her coffee which was still hotter than would be comfortable, and set her mug beside his in the sink. "You gonna show me then?" 

"If it'll make you feel better about being too unfortunate to have one yourself." He grinned and pushed off the counter with more energy than she'd ever seen from him before, leading the way out of the kitchen and into his dedicated guitar room. 

It was about the size of a bedroom and she supposed that's what it must've been before he converted it, with guitars lining the walls, a couple of amps and a stool in the middle of the room. It was the most guitars she'd ever seen anyone actually own before. 

"Woah. How many?" She asked, trying to for a quick mental tally. 

He answered easily "16 total." 

"Christ. Do you play them all?" she looked at him with new concern, wondering how he could make so many frivolous purchases. 

He picked one up off its stand. "Try to. They're in rotation." 

"Crazy," She took a closer look at the acoustic guitar to her right, the body made of a red wood she hadn't seen in a guitar before. "I can't imagine how much this all cost." 

"A lot." He said simply and sped through a few scales. "You can play them." 

She picked the acoustic she'd been eyeing up and gave it a tentative strum. "Oh wow, that one's pretty."

He nodded in agreement and gestured for her to join him. 

They spent the next few hours playing songs together on pretty much every guitar he owned, from classics to favourites from their albums to deciding to compose something together which went about as well as she'd anticipated considering they were so different; in style, work ethic, and general demeanour. But they ended up with a crappy little song about how much they detested Snoke and it made them both laugh, so she didn't consider it time wasted. Afterwards they drifted to the living room, two adjacent walls entirely glass and looking out over the outskirts of the city, all matching furniture and an absence of cushions that greatly offended her. She'd spotted his vinyl collection and picked out Abbey Road, and they sat together talking and listening to The Beatles as the sun gradually sunk in the sky, bottles of beer adorning the low glass table in front of them. 

She'd been halfway through complaining about her hotel room and insecurity of her life in LA for the third time when he finally cut across her rant. "You could always stay here." 

Her gaze flitted up to look at him quickly, taken aback. "What?" 

"There's a spare room. You wouldn't have to pay for housing." He explained as though it was the obvious solution and she was an idiot for not having thought about it before. 

She was still processing the offer, all of its implications, merits and downfalls, mouth slightly parted on her best attempt to not hold it entirely agape like a fish, when she managed "I mean, that would be helpful for me. But don't, like, feel pressured into it. I know I'm very annoying to be around."

"That's true, but if Snoke is going to keep pushing the relationship narrative it makes me look like a massive dick if I don't offer to let you stay here when you have nowhere else to go." He stated as though there wasn't room for dispute.

"You're not kidding?" She checked, because she still had trouble telling when he was actually being sarcastic or not from time to time. 

"I'm not kidding. The room's yours if you want it." He shrugged. "Equally if you don't, I don't care." 

It was this kind of juxtaposition about Kylo that baffled her the most. He could give such big and generous suggestions casually as though they meant nothing to him but shut himself down over the smallest of things. And he was being disconcertingly nice for once. 

"What the hell," She sighed as though she was consigning herself to oblivion or, if not that, a whole lot of time spent around him and her feelings. "Sure. If you'll take me."

He nodded shortly. "Then it's settled. I've got a spare key I can give you. And I'll sort out security." 

"You're being too nice." She voiced, with a smile. "I'm not used to this from you." 

"Consider it payback for your niceties earlier." 

"Fair enough," She raised her bottle in a toast and after some muttering he did the same, clinking it against hers. "To me annoying the shit out of you for even more hours of the day. And to hoping Snoke doesn't decide we're breaking up in a few days before I've had a chance to settle," 

"To you being annoying." He echoed and took a sip. 

More time passed in a similar fashion as it had before, as the beer loosened her tongue and relaxed her mood even further, she somehow ended up telling him the most embarrassing high school memory she'd ever experienced, involving the boy she was dating at the time, a bathroom, and her maths teacher who'd always glared at her afterward. It was still a wonder she didn't get expelled. Though she supposed the 'broken home' excuse could've got her through pretty much any trouble making. The perks of having terrible parents. In return he told her a personal anecdote for once, about the first shows he'd played with The First Order after Finn left and they all realised they were pretty shit without him, leading to Snoke giving them intensive team building exercises including skydiving and then leaving them all in studio three together to settle their differences before he put them on Calrissian's show the next evening. 

"Snoke's always been the fucking worst," He finished with a heavy sigh, sprawled out on the sofa. Somewhere along the way she'd ended up sitting next to him, legs over his lap. "If you think he's a dick to you now, imagine if he'd made _us_ skydive." 

She cringed at the idea. Heights were one of her worst fears. "Oh lord, I am glad we didn't." 

He swilled what was left of his beer round in the bottle contemplatively. "Though there's always time for him to schedule it as a date." 

"Don't even joke about that, you'll jinx it." She chided, setting her empty bottle down on the table. "I would actually die." 

He grinned at that. "I'd pay to see it." 

She shook her head and said firmly. "Nope, I'm not letting you profit from my suffering." 

"You say that but how would you stop me?" He raised an eyebrow in a challenge, the sunset outside casting orange and pink on his face. 

"Ugh, stop making good points," She laughed, heady from the beer already. She'd always been a lightweight. And when she was tipsy she had no filter, and so the words came tumbling out of her before she could stop and think through the implications. "Snoke is actually the worst though. Like, I still don't know if I should just fucking quit already." 

The mood dropped quickly then and she was still sober enough to cringe. He gave her a puzzling look, half reprimanding and half wistful. She carried on, glancing away. "I mean what am I actually getting from this? Fame? I'll still have fans when I leave. Money? I've survived on minimum wage for this long already, it wouldn't be that bad. I just… I'm losing sight of why I stuck around for my album in the first place. Like it's my life's achievement and all and I guess I'm proud of it, but it just means nothing. You know? I've got everything I wanted, or thought I wanted, but it's all backwards. I'm not at Rebellion. I don't have the sound I want. I'm stuck in a fake relationship with you and a feud with Rose. No-one at Empire likes me, and you all hate each other. I got robbed. Snoke's taking loads of my royalties. I haven't seen Finn in six months. Just…" She swallowed back the rising emotion, the way her voice threatened to waver then break. "Shit," she laughed humourlessly as a tear slipped down her cheek. "I told myself I wouldn't cry around you and this is so fucking stupid." 

As she brushed away at her undereyes with a knuckle she took deep breaths, determined not to have a full on breakdown. It had come out of nowhere, all of the emotions and stresses she'd been repressing, surfacing at the most embarrassing time: when she was tipsy in Kylo's apartment after he'd offered to let her stay, still half in love with him, at what should have been the peak of her career. Then why did everything feel so shitty? 

Wordlessly, Kylo reached behind him for a box of tissues and handed them to her. She hiccuped a teary laugh. "Thanks. I'll pay you back when I inevitably use all of these up." 

Leaning against the sofa in a rut of self-pity, she sniffled as quietly as she could, cheeks red from embarrassment, just wishing she could stop crying already. This was turning into the worst day ever, and that was saying something. As much as she'd always told Kylo to allow himself to be vulnerable, to embrace it, to see it as a strength rather than a weakness, she was the biggest bloody hypocrite. Because while she was open with all of her positive emotions, flippantly annoyed too from time to time, it was the real ones that she kept firmly hidden in a box in the back of her mind. And that had gone so well. 

"I'm sorry," She said softly, not trusting herself to speak more loudly in case her voice cracked. Placing the box of tissues down on the table, she finished wiping her eyes with the one she'd crushed into a ball in her hand.

In a strangely sympathetic move from him, though still tainted with his usual judging tone, he said "Don't apologise." 

"You must think I'm _so_ pathetic," She continued with a sad smile, passing the tissue between her hands until little fibres broke off and rolled into crumbs in her palm. "God, you've put up with all of this for actual years and a hundred times worse. And here I am, having the world's most awkward breakdown because Snoke hurt my feelings. Bet you're regretting offering to let me stay now," 

He gave her the smallest smile back, and replied without his usual biting sarcasm. "Only a little bit," 

And now he was being nice to her, she didn't know what to do. She'd always seen going to him with her problems as the best solution because he'd roll his eyes, call her a drama queen, and tell her to get on with it. But the fact he was making an effort not to brush it off was stressful, like when she'd gone through a song for so long and knew the chord progression like the back of her hand but accidentally played the wrong thing halfway through. Just enough to shift the world on its axis. Just enough to tilt her perspective. "Can we pretend that didn't just happen? Go back to telling me about the shenanigans you, Phasma, and Hux got up to in your early days and I'll keep telling you about times I got caught setting trees on fire." 

He faltered in passing her another tissue, hand above the box. " _You_ set trees on fire?" 

"I was a problem child." She smiled a little less sadly then. "But I'm a nice person now, honest." 

"That's why it doesn't make sense. You're too… Kind." He frowned, trying to compute that piece of information in his head, that maybe once she hadn't been all sunshine and rainbows but worked hard to appear that way now. 

"Why do you say it like it's a dirty word?" She teased lightly, taking the tissue that he offered her. "Thanks," 

He gave his half-smile, the one with a mischievous glint in the eye. "Because kindness isn't welcome in LA." 

"That's LA." She quoted his iconic line with as much sincerity and severity as she could muster. 

"Precisely." 

They lapsed into silence for a while after that, Rey desperately trying to compose herself and stop fresh tears from falling, Kylo, to his credit, not looking anywhere near as awkward as she'd expected he would around her while she vented. After a while, he spoke, and it startled her so much that she glanced up sharply. 

"When we released our first album I felt the same way," He started, his expression more vacant and far away than she'd ever seen it, he didn't meet her eyes. "As though all of the promises that had been made to me and Hux and Phasma weren't what I'd agreed to. The first week of PR was absolute hell. Snoke sent us round every magazine, TV show, YouTube channel he could find in eight hour shifts. All while we were still struggling to function as a group with Finn's departure and a new manager none of us really liked. We justified it as a means to an end, but…" He shrugged, a gesture more distinctly Kylo than any of the words he was saying right then, carefully careless and disaffected. 

She listened, head against the sofa, biting her lip. He'd never opened up at all before. Not even about anything inconsequential, nothing that everyone else wouldn't hasten to tell her, and now he was here, open, for her sake. Her heart ached. 

"Believe it or not, sweetheart, I haven't always been an insufferable, cynical prick. When we started out I was, well, positive isn't the right word. But I had a goal in sight. We all did. And I'd do anything it took to prove that I wasn't a failure, to prove to Skywalker when he kicked me off Rebellion that it would be the one decision he'd live to regret." A small spark of a smile, tragic, but genuine all the same. "And so Kylo Ren was born, as were Phasma and Hux. We went from our shitty college band comprised of Ben, Armitage, and Gwen and ended up as cool, manufactured caricatures. It was what Snoke wanted, it was what the world needed, the next alt - rock band. And Ben Solo here," he gave a short snort "Had to lose the stars in his eyes, the 'loveable ruffian' personality as Snoke called it."

She didn't know what to say. Despite how he kept himself together even now, despite the composure he carried so effortlessly, the cool mask that was second nature, she could tell deep down he was hurt. And that terrified her. It terrified her because there was nothing she could do, the damage was done, like he'd said - Ben Solo was gone. It was how Snoke had forced the cards to fall. She didn't know what to say so she said nothing, but reached out and took his hand in hers, empathetic eyes still fixed on him, the silent understanding they shared. She gave his hand a light squeeze. 

"He had to be tailored into Kylo fucking Ren. And here I am, six years later. The man everyone knows today." He said it so calmly, such a statement of fact, his voice calm and controlled like this wasn't harrowing information. "And that's why when you came I was a dick to you. Because I saw Ben in you. You had the same… _Naivety_ that Ben had and that I resent. After the first album was released I was in too deep to realise. And when I realised it was too late. Snoke had fucking micromanaged my life and personality so much that I didn't know who I was without him in the equation. So I resigned myself to fate. That's just how it is." 

"You talk about your old self as if he's dead," She said quietly, watching the storm in his eyes, the one tell that had it not been for the practiced calm he'd be just as emotional as her. 

He shrugged again casually, though there was a sting to his reply. "He is." 

"No, look at me," She took his other hand, gentle and imploring. He sighed but obliged, with his classic raised eyebrow and judgemental stare. "No matter how much Snoke has tried to fuck you up, you're still you."

He scoffed. "Yeah, somehow I don't believe that one, sweetheart." 

"I do. Because you're not Kylo Ren," She searched his expression for something, anything that she could grasp hold of and show yes, this is who I know you to be. "You're you. And it slips through, you know, it slips through the cracks in the Kylo façade, and you're not a horrible person. You're not rude. Or standoffish. Or a danger to all women," She added with a little smile, recalling the articles cosmo had written about him that had prompted the whole collab debacle in the first place." Just because you've been through a fucked up, shitty system that tried to turn you into… Into a synthetic shell or something, it doesn't mean that you've lost yourself. Kylo— Ben, you are the one person who has got me through what would otherwise be the shittiest time of my life. Even if you tried to push me away, even though we roast each other to hell and back, god, even though we've argued like fifty million times because we're both terrible at being vulnerable, I know you're still that person who Snoke signed, even if it's deep down, repressed, whatever, but _I know you,_ better than I think anyone else here does, and you're… One of the best friends I've ever had." She swallowed after the confession, the near-miss, all the things she wanted to say about him and how she admired him more than anyone else, knowing that it wasn't what he needed in that moment. "I just want you to be okay." 

"I don't think I've been okay for a very long time," He said with practiced lightness. 

"Then let me help you," She implored, squeezing his hands again to keep his attention. "Even if it's just being in mutual misery, or having open ears." 

He gave her hands a gentle squeeze back, then let go of them. He didn't give a verbal response. He didn't need to. Piece by piece, step by step, inch by inch they were getting somewhere towards understanding themselves and each other, towards allowing themselves to feel, to be sad, to be afraid, and supporting the other through it all. There were still so many things left unsaid between them. There were still so many secrets Rey would probably keep from him forever or until she stopped being a coward. But it was enough, just then, to be on the brink of something bigger. 

"You're still crying," He said, more of a question than a statement, a puzzlement that lingered as he gently brushed his thumb over the droplets, his hand against her cheek. 

Her heart thundered in her chest as she looked up to meet his gaze, vision hazy. She laughed slightly as she replied "Am I? Well shit." 

Concern she'd never seen before flickered in his eyes then, he was holding something back. "You shouldn't cry over me." 

"I don't even know why I'm crying," She hiccup-laughed again, trying to deflect it, trying not to lean into the warmth of his palm against her face, the calluses that marked the tops of his fingers from years of musicianship. 

"Rey," He said softly and something inside her pulled taut, a breath held in tandem. 

"Ben," She echoed just as gently, the name she'd known was his but never seen as properly being him until then, the man who was just as fucking terrified as she was, who was similarly dissatisfied with life, who had gone wrong but felt he couldn't go back, Ben, the photo of him on the wall with a lopsided grin and a sarcastic glint in his eyes, Ben who was the best thing that had ever even happened and she still couldn't stomach the nerve to tell him just how much he meant to her. 

"God, we're fucked." He sighed and for a second the tension broke, his hand still against her cheek. 

"We really are," She agreed with a teary smile, a small twist of irony. "We're kind of perfect for each other," 

His lip curled, the snarky smile she was so used to seeing. "Snoke got something right, at least."

He was still so close. She wanted to pull him closer, to kiss him hard, to tell him she loved him more than she thought she'd loved anyone else, but the tour incident was still heavy between them, strong like a black hole, and she couldn't do it. Because he didn't feel the same way. And no matter how selfish she was, he meant more to her than that. And she wouldn't risk that for the world. It was ironic, painfully so, that for all the times they'd shown affection in public so easily, the one time it mattered she couldn't. "Maybe he did," 

"Rey," He said again and that time it was him searching her face, an almost desperation to the edge of his tone, and _why_ hadn't he removed his hand and why did he look like he was looking for some sign to close himself off again, to shut her out. And when he didn't find it his expression altered, something shifted in the air, something she couldn't quite place, and he leaned in, a gentle kiss against her lips. 

Before she knew what was happening she froze, shock and anxiety seizing her, but then she came to her senses, or abandoned them she wasn't sure which, and kissed him back, and though her nerves ran on high as she waited for him to push her away, to tell her to leave, waited for a rerun of the tour and for their fragile friendship to crumble apart all over again, to accept that maybe they just couldn't co-exist, he kissed her just a little harder and her hands found his shirt and she pulled him close against the back of the sofa, a tangle of limbs as he landed on top of her, his other hand on her waist and in a moment of boldness she bit down on his lip and the faintest groan he gave was as much music to his ears as anything he'd ever played, ever sang to her. She kissed him deeply as though he were her lifeline and in a way he was, the one person keeping her sane. He tasted like beer and salt, probably from the leftover tears, and as he pressed her against the sofa her hands found his hair, her fingers woven in-between strands, her body warm against his—

They broke apart. She cursed the very concept of oxygen, of having to stop to breathe. Chest rising and falling she looked up at him and never had she felt as vulnerable as she did then, red lips and anxious eyes. She wanted to apologise. No, she didn't want to apologise. She had no idea what to say, she had no idea if it had been a mistake they'd both just made or a good move, and from the way he looked at her he couldn't tell either. 

"Fuck." He said aptly, his hair a haloed mess around his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends!!!  
> Don't really have any fun life updates today lol (as if anyone actually reads them)  
> Hope everyone's doing well. Final term before summer! Hopefully quarantine will be safely over so we can enjoy it ://///  
> Love u all sm, ty for comments, kudos, every lil time I see a notif that someone has read this entirely self-indulgent two month long project I get so happy,  
> \- brie xx


	24. A Powerful Statement About Masculinity

The first evening that Rey spent at Ben's went as well as it could've done, all things considered. She hadn't managed to move her things into the apartment yet, them having got a tad distracted by making out on the sofa, and still despite all of that, despite the breakfast and coffee he'd got up to make her the next morning while she was still curled up in his bed, they'd done an excellent job of not actually talking to each other. It was a talent, really, that the two of them possessed - they were very good at saying so much that they actually said nothing. What had happened had happened. And neither of them had stopped it. She prayed to god they hadn't fucked up again because honestly she was still so hurt from the last time that if he brushed this off in the same fashion he'd brushed last time off, she might as well hop on the next flight to England and never come back to LA again. When she did find the motivation to sit up she was hit with the world's worst headache. It must have been a combination of both the crying and the alcohol last night, and it was the rudest thing to have to experience considering she was quite fine now. She groaned and closed her eyes to steady herself again and then got up, hunting for the bathroom. 

She found it a couple of doors down after treading lightly across his perfectly polished wooden floor, ducking in ready to freshen up and consider how on earth she was going to make him talk about this properly. Reaching out, she flicked on the light switch, ran the tap cold and splashed her face. From sleeping in yesterday's clothes she looked like a hot mess; shirt crumpled, hair tangled to no end, and, of course, to rub salt in the metaphorical wound that was her battle with emotions, a very obvious purple bruise at the base of her neck. 

"Well fuck," She said to herself with a heavy sigh. She didn't have a change of clothes. She didn't have any makeup to cover it up for the rest of the day. Everything was still in her hotel room on the other side of the city. She traced over it lightly with her fingernail, wincing slightly. It wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. So she just accepted it and carried on her quest to look a bit more put together and less like she'd been awake all night in a tornado. She ran her hands through her hair and managed to smooth it down, attempted to work out the creases in what she was wearing to absolutely no avail, and so decided she'd just have to raid Ben's wardrobe. 

With the smell of toast and eggs filling the house, her stomach grumbling, she ducked back into his bedroom and grabbed one of his hoodies that she thought he probably would miss too much; massive, black, with a tiny The First Order logo on one side, near identical to three others right beside it. Chucking her old clothes to the side for the moment she pulled it over her head. As she'd thought it would, it was long enough to reach mid thigh, the sleeves longer than her arms so she had to push them up her arms, and if she put the hood over her face she looked like some kind of demon. So she kept the hood down, rolled up her clothes and journeyed to the hallway to find where she'd left her bag and managed to shove them in there, an impressive feat if she did say so herself. She looked across at the door to the kitchen, propped ajar, the still enticing aroma of coffee and a food breakfast pulling her forwards, and the anxiety about where the two of them would go from there deep in her stomach, as annoying as her hunger. Telling herself that being a coward wouldn't solve anything, and she'd have to go and look at him eventually especially if she was going to be staying in his apartment into the foreseeable future, she shoved her hands casually in the hoodie pockets and strolled into the kitchen. 

"Whatcha cooking?" She asked to announce her presence, repressing a shiver at how cold the tiles were against her feet. 

Ben, his back to her as he worked over the stove, flipped over the toast in the frying pan in one smooth motion. "French toast. Coffee's there for you," 

"Thanks babe," She yawned a little and found her mug, retrieving the milk from the fridge and adding three spoonfuls of sugar because she'd given up with trying not to be judged by him at that point. "I never got this kind of treatment when I stayed with Poe or Finn. Finn never ate breakfast so I had to make it myself and Poe passive aggressively marked his favourite box of cereal. So this is like heaven," 

"Mm, fucking bold of you to assume this French toast is for you." He slipped a fish slice under it and plated up. 

"Unless you're eating off two separate plates, I'd assume that one of them is intended for me," She pointed out, leaning back against his countertop and taking a sip of coffee. Immediately she felt better. A sugar and caffeine rush in the morning had that effect on her.

He picked up the plates and set them down on the table with cutlery. When he finally turned to face her he frowned. "That's my hoodie."

She grinned at him and pushed off the counter, carrying their mugs over. "Very observant. Hope you don't mind that I borrowed it because even if you do you're not getting it back now, it's comfy." 

He sighed over dramatically, taking a long sip of his coffee. "First you made me ruin my expensive jeans by dragging me in the sea and now you've stolen my hoodie. Are you determined to deplete my wardrobe?" 

"Yeah," She said cheerily, digging into the food. "Don't you know my one goal in life is to ruin yours? It's why Snoke hired me." 

He gave her the most apathetic look he could muster. "Very funny, sweetheart."

She grinned at him again, having too much fun teasing him that morning. Despite the underlying worry her spirits were sky high, and she was the happiest she'd been since arriving in LA. "Thank you, thank you, I appreciate a man who isn't afraid to compliment my talents without being intimidated." 

He snorted. "What talents?" 

"Well first of all I'm fucking hilarious," She listed. "Second, I can sing sometimes. Third, I'm very good at making things go wrong very quickly so if you ever need anyone to cause a distraction, I'm your woman." 

That got the slightest smile out of him over the rim of his coffee mug, his attempt to hide it futile. "Yeah, sure."

They were both avoiding it. Neither of them wanted to be the first to bring it up. It was a conversation that would've been perfectly normal between them if it had happened at any other time, but in the context it was the easiest way for them to both deflect. They fell quiet for a bit, companiable silence, as they ate French toast and drank coffee. She glanced at the clock propped up on top of the microwave and smiled - of course he was the kind of person to never get round to putting it up. 

"Is it seriously nine o'clock already?" She looked at the time again in disbelief, determined she must have just read it wrong. They were technically already supposed to be at Empire, if they were going by Snoke's unofficial rules. And not technically, it was compulsory for them to be there for half past when Snoke had scheduled another one of his glorious (read: fucking boring) meetings. 

He nodded. "Unfortunately so." 

"Ugh, I don't wanna go." She complained, hoping that if she looked at the clock enough all time would pause and she could have enough time to sort her life out before they were thrown back into the stress of studio life. "Ha, I say that like I ever want to go."

Once they'd finished up he cleared away the plates and mugs and Rey rocked back on her heels, watching him, putting her hands in the pockets of the hoodie. She'd probably be absolutely boiling later considering it was the peak of summer, but in that moment she couldn't bring herself to care. 

"Thanks for breakfast." She said once they were getting ready to leave, leaning against the wall for support as she tried to put her shoes on though the caffeine hadn't kicked in yet and so it was a tired struggle. "I didn't know you could cook."

"I don't do it often. Waste of fucking time," He shrugged and held the door open, his door keys clinking together as he spun them around his index finger impatiently. 

She smiled and finally got her shoe on, tying the laces as quickly as she could before he started complaining about how she was a waste of time too. "Well you should do it more, you're good." 

He shook his head and said flatly "Don't have the time." 

"Ugh, I feel that." She sighed as she walked through the door with him, waiting as he locked up. Of course, yet again, Snoke came in the way. "Before all of this LA bullshit I used to have hobbies. Now look at me," 

"That's LA." He fiddled with the keyring and chucked a key at her. 

"Yeah I know, get a new catchphrase—" She yelped and just about caught it before it hit her square in the forehead. "Oh my god! Why was that kind of terrifying?" 

He tutted. "Drama queen." 

"Edge lord." She tutted back, her best imitation of him. 

They both broke into a grin. It felt like being on the top of the world. Though they hadn't yet had a heart to heart about where any of their relationship was going, just the fact that they were still bullying each other relentlessly and having a hell of a time was enough for her right then, the confirmation that it hadn't immediately torn them apart. She promised herself that she'd make sure they talked about it that evening when she was moving all of her stuff over from the hotel. And she also promised herself that the first thing she'd do when she got the chance was to call Finn and Rose and tell them exactly what had happened the night before. 

"Wait," She said, because the thought had finally occurred to her when she looked down at the key in her palm. "You do have another key right? You've not left the spare one in the apartment or sonething stupid?" 

"You have  _ such  _ little faith in me." He rolled his eyes and held up the keyring, where a similar key was still looped securely. 

She frowned. "You put the spare key and your usual key on the same chain." 

"Yes." He said with suitable deadpan delivery. 

She stopped in the middle of walking over to the lift, trying to figure out how his brain worked. "And you can't see the fault in logic there?" 

"Nope." 

She stared at him. "What if you lost your keys?" 

He shrugged nonchalantly, calling the lift, as though he wasn't making no sense. "I never lose them."

"Then you'd have lost the main key  _ and  _ the spare key." She continued, baffled beyond all hell. 

He fixed her with a look as he stepped into the lift. "Like I said, I never lose them." 

"Then why do you even have a spare key in the first place?" She asked incredulously, giving him the same look back. 

"Reasons." He said with suitable mystery and bravado. 

They walked together to the studios, Rey chattering away about any subject that came to mind, still smiling more than she thought she'd ever smiled because life seemed good for once, and even if he didn't care and pretended to find her the most annoying thing on earth, she was cool with that. Because she'd been right. There was someone underneath the mask. Ben Solo still existed, and even if he didn't believe it himself, she'd work herself to the ground to show him. 

"Hey, Ben," She said when they were near the studio doors. When she said his name she wondered why she'd ever been calling him by his stage name in the first place. Maybe that'd been what had kept the distance between them all that time, that subtle divide between branding and pretending and their reality. It felt better off her tongue, more natural. "Would you be cool to help me move everything to yours at like five tonight? I paid to have the room kept til then cause I knew we'd be in the studios this morning. And not gonna lie, I really don't want to suffer carrying it all across on my own." 

"Yeah, whatever," He agreed without much complaint which was a first, considering she was expecting him to go on about how he wasn't her slave or something along those lines. 

"Oh. Thanks," She smiled brightly and looped her arm around his, tucked neatly next to him. Doing those kinds of coupley things in public came naturally to her now, for all Snoke had made them practice and never shut up about the importance of being camera ready at all times, almost as natural as the banter between them. "I was fully ready to bully you into doing it and everything." 

"I know. That's why I had to take away the satisfaction." He said simply, slowing his pace ever so slightly to match hers. 

"That's some bullshit." She rolled her eyes and tucked her hair behind her ear with her free hand. 

"Bullshit is my speciality." 

"Never have you said anything truer to me," She replied with the hint of a smile, nudging her elbow into his side teasingly. "Sounds like your next album title and everything. Eponymous track: you singing about all the stupid shit Snoke makes you do to keep up appearances, me on drums, Phasma on rhythm guitar, Hux doing your treasured higher octave backing vocals - I think this could really be a winner. An exploration into what makes music art."

"Yeah, no fucking way. Like I'd want Hux's pathetic falsetto." He snorted, evoking a proper laugh from her as they turned the corner to the studios. 

"It's a powerful statement about masculinity!" She grinned. 

"It absolutely isn't. You're such a literature student."

"That's because I am. Well, was. Dropout gang," She smiled up at him. 

"That's not a gang to be proud of." He rolled his eyes but he was smiling too, not even bothering to hide it that time. "No-one likes a college dropout." 

"That irony - god, you're on fire today, that's another perfect song title. You know what should happen though, all jokes aside? A First Order collab with me. Just to satisfy my need for YouTube content. Even if it's not official, I can drag Hux and Phasma into studio three and we can record a video. I still can't believe YouTube is where this whole debacle started. Imagine if you hadn't commented in that video. Where would we be now? "

"Well I'd probably be better off without you around." 

She laughed and nudged him again. "Hey, that's so mean! And you so wouldn't. You'd have gone off the rails without me. Snoke would, like, kill you." 

"Mm, been waiting for that moment for years." 

They walked through the doors together, heading down the maze of corridors to Snoke's office to pretend that they'd been there the whole while. Usually, by then, they would've let go of each other. But Rey was quite comfortable hanging off his arm so she stayed there. He didn't protest. 

"I wonder what Snoke wants to talk to us about," She mused as they made their way down the last corridor, a bit more slowly, dragging their feet to put off the inevitable. "He always talks to us alone. Well, apart from the first time we met, obviously. But this feels weird." 

"Everything about Snoke is weird, sweetheart - get used to it."

She sighed. "I know, I know. I just want to feel ready." 

"That's impossible." He said matter-of-factly, pushing open the office door without looking. She gave him a desperate look - bad manners were not the foot she wanted to start the meeting on. 

Snoke sat behind his desk, laptop open, tapping away, fully focused. Whether or not that was a façade she wasn't sure, because it could have just as easily been a pointed statement that they should have knocked as it could just be reality. When he finished what he was up to he moved it to one side, gestured to the seats on the side of the table closest to them and waited. She unlooped her arm from Ben's and sat down, trying to shake off the feeling that she'd been called to the head's office for some wrongdoing. Thinking back she hadn't done anything wrong. The worst she'd done was kiss Ben yesterday evening and that's what they were  _ supposed _ to be doing in public anyway. Ben sat beside her, nowhere near as politely, casually flipping his hair back with his hand until it fell more messily. It was a scene that would have been laughable if there wasn't so much tension and anxiety underscoring it. 

"Rey. Kylo." Snoke said diplomatically, his gaze firmly on the two of them. She shifted slightly, always uncomfortable being examined to such a degree. "I'm glad you could make this meeting."

She gave a small nod in response, he tutted. She shot him another look, one that said 'please don't make this worse for us than it already has to be'. 

"You're probably wondering why I asked the two of you to come here." He relaxed his stare the smallest amount enough that Rey didn't feel like her lungs were being seized. "And most of all, why I asked the two of you to come together." 

There it was, whatever had happened, whatever Snoke was planning with this meeting, there was careful purpose behind it. She put her hands in the pockets of her hoodie, so she could fidget nervously without being as openly judged. 

Snoke sighed heavily and leaned forwards against the table. "This isn't a meeting I wanted to have." 

And still cryptic, and still worrying, and Rey was still going through a list of everything she could've possibly done wrong. Called Snoke a dick in front of some paps? Forgotten to post? But that didn't warrant Kylo being there. So what on earth involved the two of them? 

"But it's a meeting that is needed nonetheless, unfortunately." He clicked the mousepad of his laptop a few times and then turned the screen to face them. Rey's heart immediately dropped. She didn't know how, but despite their careful planning, despite the effort she'd put into being casual and looking as though she belonged there, the shortest duration of time they could've possible spent outside the venue, Snoke had pictures of them meeting up on the tour when he'd explicitly told them not to, multiple times. She interlaced her fingers and squeezed them tightly together. Ben looked like he couldn't give less of a shit if he tried and she wished for once she had his icy exterior. "Due to unforeseen circumstances." 

Snoke made her the point of his gaze, those 'I'm not angry I'm just disappointed' eyes he'd perfected, the small flicker of anxiety in her chest. Before she didn't think it would be possible to regret that night anymore with how horribly her kissing him had gone, but it turned out that when things reached the bottom, of course they could always go further down. That was LA. Welcome to the music industry. "I'm going to give the two of you a chance to explain yourselves because, of course, there is always the chance that this all a… Misunderstanding." 

The way he said that word made it clear that he wouldn't take that line of argument for a minute, and they'd be booted out faster than they could apologise. She glanced at Ben for any help, any indication of how she was supposed to be reacting, if she should speak, if she shouldn't, if it was inevitable she was getting kicked from Empire no matter what. The silence was heavy, oppressive. Words didn't come to her. 

"Rey. We discussed whether or not you could meet up with Kylo multiple times throughout the duration of the tour. And I trust you remember what my answer was?" 

"The answer was no," She said flatly. 

"And you know why?" 

"Because the point of the tour was to reunite The First Order and you didn't want to distract from that with me being there. It would distract me from the work on my own album as building hype for that was a separate part of your PR plan. And it made a better story for when we actually reunited after six weeks." She recited, every reason he'd given her memorised down to the letter by that point, considering how long she'd spent hearing them, and how long she'd spent tearing them to shreds in her head. 

He nodded gravely. "So you understood why I made the decisions I did, and yet you directly contradicted them." 

She swallowed. Would it be rude to reply  _ yes _ ? Or would it be ruder to say nothing at all? In the end, she just gave a brief nod. "I'm sorry." 

"No, you're not." Snoke said in an uncharacteristically aggressive way, a direct attack she wouldn't expect. "Do you think this is all a game?" 

"No—"

"Because when the paparazzi started selling those pictures to the tabloids and the articles were being written about you two sneaking off together in the middle of your rehearsal time for your individual tours, for what should have been the greatest event in your solo careers, can you fathom how much that would have overshadowed the press we were trying to run of you at the time?" He kept his glare directly on her, cold, steely, damaging. "Do you know how much we had to shell out to silence those stories? To not allow articles about how you valued fucking around together over the quality of your live shows that people paid hundreds of dollars to attend?" 

She bit her lip and glanced away, unable to deal with that level of intensity for a second longer. Snoke had never sworn. And he'd never spoken so deathly calm. They were really in deep shit. 

"It's disappointing, Rey. Really, it is. By signing you on Empire we made a massive gamble that you would be an asset valuable enough to repair Kylo's image and bring a wider fanbase to our label. It was your determination above anything else that convinced me of that fact. And now I fear I was mistaken." He continued. She hated that he was tearing her apart first, in front of Ben, making it a hundred times worse than it would have been if she was on her own or if he was having a go at both of them at the same time, and perhaps that was his intention. "What I asked of you was agonisingly simple and yet you decided not to follow it - for what purpose?" 

She still couldn't bring herself to answer. She hadn't been this berated in a long time. What could she say - that she just wanted to see Ben in person, to forget about LA and touring for a bit, to rewind? That wouldn't go down well at all. 

"And you Kylo." Snoke's attention shifted. Ben looked up lazily from examining his nails. He had a lot of confidence or idiocy to be acting so bored. "I thought you'd have learned by now that when I request something of you, you do it."

Ben just shrugged and Rey internally facepalmed. Did he want them to get in even deeper shit? By the look of it: yes. 

"You've been part of Empire for six years. Six whole years now. That level of experience and I'd almost consider you to take over my management role when your career is over." Snoke continued, his unwavering glare in Ben's unflinching carelessness. "Are you determined to sabotage your own career?" 

Ben gave Snoke the longest look he had since being in the office, a perfect match to the hard stare he was receiving. "Yes, actually." 

She just about held herself back from putting her head in her hands as Snoke's demeanour shifted to one noticeably more angry. "This has been one of the most expensive mistakes we have suffered. Clearly this relationship between the two of you is causing us more problems than it's worth." There it was, the sentence she didn't want to hear when she was just starting to figure out where she stood again. "After discussion with the publicity team we have decided that you will be publicly breaking up in a week's time."

Before she could stop herself, fully reactionary, she replied. "But—"

Snoke cut her off. "There is no discussion. You are lucky to still have a record label. This decision is final." 

She relented, seething internally. Of course it had be the one week she was starting to figure out her relationship with Ben that they had to fake break up. What would happen next - would she finally end the feud with Rose but end up in an actual argument with her instead? Why was the universe so determined to fuck her over at every opportunity. 

"We'll arrange the location, the time, the purpose. And once we've done that we'll reconsider your position, Rey." 

"My position?" She asked with bite, trying her hardest to suppress the sparks of anger deep inside her. 

"Your purpose here will have been fulfilled. The success of your album was unprecedented, however, so whether or not we keep you on the label depends on how you play your cards this week." 

Great. She'd have to be Snoke's golden child for a whole seven days if she didn't want her career to end. 

"And in the meantime we'll keep you here. Your compositional skills are still exceptional." The compliment that would've made her glow from anyone else felt more like a slap in the face when coming from Snoke. "And those skills can be used regardless. You'll be working with Pryde to write songs which we can sell to other artists while we consider our steps forward concerning your public image. Kylo, your album releases at the end of the week. You will continue as usual. But if either of you," He looked between them, hard. "If either of you act with disrespect again you'll find yourself without a career. Is that clear?" 

"Crystal," Rey murmured, gripping her hands together tight enough to hurt, tight enough to get out some of the repressed anger. As much as she wanted to argue, as much as she hated the idea of taking her music, her life, her one outlet and selling it to other people for them to sing and pretend meant everything to them, it was better than nothing for the time being. The problem was she still loved the shows, producing albums, all of that, while at the same time hating every structure that had led her there. As much as she wanted to quit and leave Snoke in the dust, he still had something valuable to offer. 

Ben was still keeping up the disaffected act. "Whatever." 

"Good." Snoke said with a steely glare, then sighed. "Now get out of my sight." 

Rey didn't have to be told twice. She got out of the chair at lightning speed and left the room, Ben trailing a lot less hastily behind her. Once they were far enough down the corridor that Snoke wouldn't heat them and she was sure the door was shut, she turned to face him, aggravated, hands clenched tight, nails digging into her palms, all of the fury she'd felt from Snoke finally externalised until she let out something between a groan and a sardonic laugh, all but collapsing against him "What the hell is my life," 

"Welcome to the next stage of being under Snoke's management. You've already experienced the denial. This is the anger." He put his hands in his pockets casually as she leaned her head against his shoulder like it was a wall. "Next is bargaining. Then depression. And I don't believe anyone reaches acceptance." 

"Why do I kind of wish that he'd just fired me on the spot?" She complained, finally taking a few steps backwards from him to start pulling herself together. 

"Because he's just exploiting you." 

She groaned heavily and rubbed a distressed hand across her eyes. "Ugh, I hate everything. Can I just not exist?" 

"No." He said simply. 

"Rude. I thought you'd jump at the opportunity to kill me." She gave him the ghost of a smile, which made her feel the slightest bit better. 

He scoffed. "I'm not going to jail because of you." 

~

Later that evening, after Rey and Ben had finished carrying all of her stuff over from the hotel room to his apartment and eaten dinner, she spent the next hour decorating what would be her room. It still felt like a slightly awkward invasion of his privacy, to move into his house. There was still so much about each other that they didn't know for all that they spilled their hearts to each other, there was still loads that didn't make sense about him that hung about like a contradiction, and it felt like maybe they still weren't ready to be fully open with the other yet. Of course they still had to be emotionally damaged. Things weren't going to be easy. 

She finished propping up the photos of her and Finn on the nightstand, finished covering the bed with pillows, and chilled for a while by herself in her new space, trying to make it her own and stop feeling weird about it. The first nice in a new space was always weird, she reassured herself. It was just like the hotel room just like Poe's, except whenever she saw Ben she wanted to look at him forever, to write every little detail about him to her memory, to know him as intricately as was possible to know anyone. And there was the problem all over again. She needed to stop being so sappy as quickly as she could. 

At around ten she journeyed to the living room in her pyjamas; oversized shirt, shorts. Having heard the TV was on, she decided that if she was going to have these blasted feelings she might as well confront them sooner or later. 

"Can I join you?" She gave him a little smile, leaning against the door frame. "Don't want to sleep just yet. Well, not that I could sleep if I wanted to." 

"Sure," He budged up on the sofa to make room for her and she sat neatly beside him, hands in her lap. She could do this. It was fine. Talking wasn't that hard. 

"What you watching?" 

He pressed the button to show the program information so she could read it, turning up the volume while he was at it. "Documentary about Vader."

She smiled more at that and gave him a teasing nudge. "Of course you are. When did it start?" 

He gestured at the TV screen. "If you can read, it says five minutes ago. You haven't missed much." 

She tucked her legs under her, trying to relax. "Seems interesting."

He nodded and put the remote back down on the coffed table in front of them. "It is. What I can hear of it over you talking, that is." 

"Okay, okay, I get it, I'll shut up," She laughed. "Sorry," 

"So you should be," He said with a hint of mirth, but that was enough for her. 

The whole program was about an hour and a half long, and somehow in the duration of it she'd ended up right next to him, cosy, and wasn't even sure how it had happened but wasn't mad about it as it was pretty comfortable. Once the credits rolled and he'd turned the TV off, and after that they'd stayed there for a small while, she finally plucked up the courage to ask him the question she'd been avoiding for so long out of complete cowardice. 

"Can we talk?" She asked softly, resting her head on his chest, comfortable with his arm around her as she curled up next to him on the sofa. 

In answer he took her chin in his hand and brought his lips to hers, a slow, but not gentle kiss that stole her breath. She relaxed into it, kissing him back, her hands finding his shoulders. 

As he went in for another she pulled back. "Ben," 

"What?" He gave her the apathetic look he'd perfected, the singular raised eyebrow to show he was judging her. 

"I said we need to talk," She insisted, trying to ignore the small patterns he was tracing on her arm. 

"Do we? We don't," He pressed soft kisses to her jaw and she gasped slightly despite herself as he trailed them down her neck. 

"Ben, please, hold off a sec," She said once she'd managed to get control of herself again. As much as she wanted to kiss him absolutely senseless she needed this conversation before things went too far and they were still on exactly opposite pages to each other. 

He stopped and let go of her, leaning back against the sofa, waiting to see what she'd do next. 

"I—" Why weren't words coming to her? It was such a curse: to be a chatterbox but never know how to speak when it mattered the most. She swallowed. "What is this to you?" 

"What's what to me?" 

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about." She said frustratedly. "This." 

He shrugged. "What do you want it to be?" 

"I— I don't want this to go wrong." She managed in a half answer, barely the top of the iceberg of what she wanted to say. She still couldn't tell, he had a way of obscuring everything even now, she still couldn't tell if he felt the tiniest bit of the same way about her or if this was just something casual to him. "We have to be on the same page." 

"And what is that page?" 

Why did he keep turning the questions back to her? She didn't  _ want  _ to take the lead. She wanted him to make the decision for her so it wouldn't be her responsibility anymore, so she wouldn't have to worry about things collapsing because it was her fault again. And she still couldn't bring herself to say it. She couldn't bring herself to admit just how much she cared about him so she looped her arms round his neck and kissed him again, content to just feel rather than think to let what would happen happen, to follow a natural progression rather than stress. Ben was right, they didn't need to talk. Talking meant confronting it. And they were both too uncertain to do that right now. It was easier to catch her fingers in the lengths of his hair, to enjoy the moments like these that she'd wanted with him for so long, much easier than having to speak or think or exist. 

So what if she thought he was the best thing that had happened to her? She'd kept it to herself for this long. Going much longer wouldn't hurt. And besides, he  _ had  _ to know, there was no way he didn't, and if he wanted to keep things open and without a label she could do that. She'd probably do anything for him. And what was the harm, really? As long as it didn't become full-blown friends with benefits she'd be fine with it. 

"Is this okay?" She asked, brushing her fingers against his cheek delicately, trying to search his eyes for a hint of  _ anything  _ that would reveal how he truly felt. He still hadn't given any indication following their makeout the night before, whether it had been a mistake, a slip, god knew. "I don't... I don't understand you."

He took his hand in hers, held her palm flat against his cheek. He was making it so hard for her. "I don't understand me either." 

"And I don't understand this," She looked at him imploringly, resisting every molecule of her body that told her to shut up and kiss him again, to drown out the unknowns. "You kissed me yesterday too. And I— I don't want this to ruin us."

He gave her the smirk, the one he knew always got her, and at his words her resolve crumbled. "Nothing's fun without a little risk, sweetheart." 

Fuck it, she thought as she caved in to her wants and kissed him again, guiding his hands to her hips, she'd rather experience this and ruin everything rather than have to spend the rest of her life pining after him. So what if he didn't feel as deeply as she did? So what if he was still determined to hold her at arms length even though he was the one initiating things? They both had a hell of a lot of issues that needed sorting, but if they could forget them for a while like this - it was all she needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!  
> So I have a presentation on Monday and I am so scared sbsnsnns why is doing it via video call so much more stressful!!!   
> Life problems aside, hope you're all still gucci!!!!   
> Thanks for all the interactions,   
> \- brie xx  
> p.s. uhhh just asking for a friend but how mature do y'all want this fic to go,,, totally not asking for me here,,, how mature /is/ mature,,,,,


	25. Half Truths

The date of their public breakup came around way more quickly than she was ready for. One minute she was walking around LA holding his hand, placing second-nature kisses on his cheek, playing the perfect girlfriend, and the next they were on their last walk around, the last time on the beach, so many finalities that she refused to accept. Snoke had told them to meet at 12 in the park where they'd had their picnic date. Rey had made sure to post a photo of herself walking there to give the paparazzi a vague idea of where they were, and no doubt Snoke had contacted magazines to give them an anonymous tip that shit was about to go down. 

**_Rey:_ **

_so just to clarify_

_we've got the like script down_

_i'm breaking up w u_

_wait or are u breaking up w me????_

**_Ben:_ **

_You're breaking up with me. That's what Snoke suggested._

**_Rey:_ **

_oh fab just make me the bad guy in all of this_

_big smh_

**_Ben:_ **

_That's what you get for agreeing to stay in the first place._

**_Rey:_ **

_yhhhh but like still rude_

_i'm supposed to be the nice one_

_if ur stans attack me ill be sad_

**_Ben:_ **

_Sure you will, sweetheart._

**_Rey:_ **

_right I'm getting distracted_

_so I'm breaking up w u_

_bc ur too distant and detached_

_also I think u might have cheated on me_

_and ur breaking up w me_

_because I'm clingy and annoying_

_god why do u get the easiest job??? I actually have to act but u get to be ur normal self_

**_Ben:_ **

_Perks of your worst qualities being the ones that I'd break up with you over._

**_Rey:_ **

_:( mean_

**_Ben:_ **

_You know that's how I am by now._

**_Rey:_ **

_no edgy monologue about how ur emotionally broken today ty! it gets old after the fifteenth time xoxo_

She was a bit early, mainly so she could pace around for a bit to quell her nerves. She'd been good at drama. This should be easy. But it wasn't because it was _him_ , and that was turning into the story of her life. Nothing was easy as far as her relationship with Ben was concerned. They'd still managed to avoid talking, somehow. It wasn't exactly like she'd call their relationship conventional either, as much as she could do coupley things with him in public because it was their job, there was an unspoken rule between them that anything verging on romance, anything vaguely adult, only happened at night in their usual routine: Rey couldn't sleep so went through to the lounge or his room, Ben offered to stay with her for a bit and somewhere along the way they'd end up with shirts off, limbs entangled. And then they wouldn't discuss it the next morning or the next afternoon. It was like a different world opened to them under the privacy of the night, in that weird state between wakefulness and sleep that sometimes she wasn't even sure if what was happening was real. And by god, did she want it to be real. More than she'd wanted anything before, she wanted to sort out whatever weirdness was still between them. What was holding them back? Why couldn't they decide to be a normal couple? Why did their various issues have to get in the way every time? She still didn't know on what level Ben liked her. Physical attraction? Maybe emotional attachment? A distraction? Simply there? 

With a sigh she walked her last circuit around the park. It was almost game time. She ran the loose script she'd made through in her head. They were breaking up because of the distance between them during and after the tour. They were breaking up because she didn't know what he wanted from the relationship and always acted like it meant nothing to him. They were breaking up because she suspected there was someone else, because he'd slept with groupies before. They were breaking up because he was just like everyone said he was and she realised they were right, and she regretted ever being part of his album or doing the first collab because it was a permanent reminder of him. It wouldn't be too hard to remember, considering it was only a slightly fictionalised version of the level of anguish she felt towards him anyway. The one problem would be keeping it on track, not accidentally causing an actual argument between her and Ben, which with her luck was easier said than done. 

There were still way more problems surrounding the break up too, since she'd been in Ben's place for a week and a bit and still had nowhere else to move out too. So would she stay with him anyway? Those were the vibes she was getting form him at the moment, considering he hadn't told her to pack her stuff or anything along those lines. So she'd just have to figure out a way of justifying that to the press. 

**_Rey:_ **

_hey soz to ask loads of questions_

_but does snoke still want us to be like friendly after this or is it a break up break up_

**_Kylo:_ **

_I'd anticipate hostile for a while and then back to friends. That would work best with my album's release for listeners to dig through and figure out which songs are supposedly about you, then feel sad because it's so ironic._

**_Rey:_ **

_ok cool ty x_

_decided on dinner for 2night yet?_

**_Ben:_ **

_I've been preoccupied with interviews._

**_Rey:_ **

_yh whatevs excuses excuses_

_if u haven't can we have pasta :)_

_like I haven't had a solid bolognese on forever_

**_Ben:_ **

_I don't mind as long as you get it in._

They were starting to become domestic despite everything. It felt weird, not like rooming with Finn where these discussions were casual, but more like a political move in whatever the hell their relationship had developed into, unspoken, feeling over thought. Like this she could almost pretend they were properly dating and had been the whole time. How nice that would be. 

She finished her final loop of the park and waited in the spot she was supposed to be with Ben, rocking back on her heels and taking in the first signs of summer around her. Six months. Six whole months of her life had been spent in LA, in all the fuckery, six whole months since she'd last been home. And LA kind of was her home now, despite it all, even though it didn't have the same emotional security or comfort as London ironically did, it was a part of her now. 

She sat down on the grass and tossed her phone from one hand to the other for something to do, passing the time idly. She prayed he wasn't late. The last thing they needed was for Snoke to have a go at them for messing even this up. She went through all of the points in her head again, sure she knew them inside out, muttering key points absently under her breath. Glancing up as the sound of footfall approached she smiled at Ben. "Hey. You made it." 

They'd agreed to be on script from the moment they saw each other to save any awkward transitions from their normal selves to what Snoke had constructed. She patted the grass beside her for him to sit down beside her and he did, leaning back on his arms, as carefree as she'd ever seen him. "I made it." 

She gave him a light nudge and smile, her shoulder resting against his shoulder in a casually amicable way. As much as she'd hated them at the start she knew she'd come to miss these little gestures once they were taken away from her. There was nothing quite like lying in his lap in the open sun, snacking on whatever healthy food Snoke had instructed them to eat, pelting him with grapes whenever he said anything that was so cruel it cracked her up. "Took you long enough. I was worried you'd be late." 

He rolled his eyes and begrudgingly nudged her back. "Just because _you're_ early, sweetheart, doesn't mean that I'm late. I arrived at 12 on the dot." 

"Yeah, sure you did," She teased lightly, feeling herself veering into normal territory again before quickly steering the conversation on track. "I'm glad you could make it. I, uh, need to talk to you about something." 

"Hm?" He looked so genuinely bemused that it took her a minute not to remind him that they were there for a reason and to get a grip and get back on script. He was better at acting than she would've expected. 

She took a moment to look around again, utilising the good old trick of pausing for dramatic effect. They were near a few clusters of people, who hopefully would hear when things started to go down. "About us." 

"Us?" He echoed, raising an eyebrow. "What about us?" 

It was such a close rerun of the conversation that they'd had the second night she'd stayed at his, the attempt to open up and discuss what was actually happening between them, that she faltered. It was such an ironic mirror. 

"I don't…" She trailed off with a sigh, tucking her knees under her chin and loosely wrapping her arms around her legs. Making sure not to look at him but straight ahead instead, she said tiredly "I don't know if… If we'll work out."

She felt him shift by her side, probably running a hand through his hair or a similar mannerism. "You don't?" 

She glanced at him, pained, swallowing and then glancing away again. "No," She said tightly. 

He took a minute to digest that information before replying, in apathy "Okay." 

"I just feel like…" She gestured uselessly as she tried to articulate the words. "Like the tour really drove us apart. We didn't see each other for six weeks, you know? And then the stress of my album and tour, then coming back and still not having time because of your album - we're not as close anymore. Even now, we feel apart." 

His hand came to rest around her back, just over her shoulder. She tried to ignore the part of her that was perfectly happy to keep it there, to stay under his touch, and instead shrugged it off. "You could have called." 

"I did. I tried to. But our schedules just didn't match up and one of us was always exhausted and they ended in arguments. You could have called too. It was always me putting in the effort, arranging them, and never once did you seem happy to see me." She answered, still not looking at him. She was starting to get her teeth into her role, and it wasn't that hard to act hurt. Picking and rolling a blade of grass between her fingers she continued. "You could have called but you didn't. And now you're back and we rarely even talk when it isn't about work. And it feels… It feels like you're always holding me at arm's length. Like you're scared to get any closer to me. And I can't deal with thay detachment, that separation, because I love you, and—" Getting choked up was way easier than she'd been prepared for and she managed a small sniffle as she blinked and a small tear glistened in her eyes."And I don't know what this is. I don't know what we _are,_ I don't know what you want from this, from our relationship, I don't know how you actually feel about me. Fuck, Ben," Exhaustion poured into her tone, exhaustion she didn't even have to fake, and he looked at her sharply. She'd got carried away and slipped up - in public she only called him Kylo like everyone else, that was supposed to be a _point._ But it wasn't like she could go back. "Tell me you feel the same." 

"Sweetheart," He went to put his arm around her again and she jerked away as if it burned. 

"Don't," She snapped, scrambling to stand up to put distance between them. It hurt more than it should, spilling those half truths about their relationship. But it was more of a release than it should have been too, catharsis at it's finest. "Don't call me sweetheart." 

He looked up at her more helplessly than she'd seen him, a puzzled sort of awe mixed with all of the hurt he was managing to conjure. "Rey." 

She didn't bristle, didn't even react to that. Just waited for his response as heaviness set inside her, eyes stinging. She could feel people's eyes on them, in her peripheral vision a few people had their phones out recording. She wouldn't fuck this up. This had to be perfect. 

"Rey—" 

"Tell me. Tell me how you feel about me, truly. Because god, I can't spend another day not knowing. I don't care if you say you don't love me. Just please _say_ something." As she blinked a couple of tears slid down her cheeks, hot and salty. Where the script ended and she began she didn't know anymore, entirely wrapped up in the performance, her own feelings that of the Rey she was playing, confused, lost, needy. "Say something and mean it." 

"I—" He struggled against whatever he was saying and she even started to feel sorry for him, the way his forehead creased and his mask dropped, something new in his eyes. If their music careers failed they'd be the perfect duo for the stage, she thought somewhere in the back of her mind. 

She bit her lip and shook her head slowly, swallowing back what would have been a sob. "You can't even do that." She said and her voice came out flat, detached, exhausted. "You can't even do _that_ . Is anything we have real? Or am I just another fucking side project for you, an opportunity for more press? Because I'm _done_ being other people's pawn in their elaborate fucking games of chess, yours, Snoke's, the whole industry - I can't do it anymore. And you're just sitting there like… Like it all means nothing to you." She laughed softly, incredulously. "Nothing gets through to you, does it? Nothing affects you. I admire you so much." 

He was blurry for her tears, the ones she didn't think she'd be able to stop if she wanted to, a dark smudge in front of her. "It doesn't mean nothing." He said gently, like she was a volatile child on the verge of a tantrum, that slight patronising tone that worked so well for that moment. "You don't mean nothing. Not to me." 

She took a couple of deep breaths. It was going well. As well as staging a breakdown for the press could go, which meant she got to reopen the can of worms that was her insecurities and he got to chill and be his usual calm self. "Then what is it? What's in the way of us? Why can't you open up to me?" 

From what she could see of him, he raised an eyebrow, which was perfect material to infuriate her. "I don't open up to anyone."

"There's someone else." She said with another small, self-pitying laugh, a revelation without joy, just irony. "Isn't there? On your tour. You realised any of your fans would fill the same place in your life as I could." 

He folded his arms and gave her a hard stare. "You're being hysterical. That isn't true." 

"You've done it before. It's not like you exactly know the definition of loyalty." She referenced some of Ben's past fake relationships, the way he'd disregarded them all to hold a middle finger up to Snoke, the way that they must have seemed like him being the world's biggest asshole to everyone else. "Why should I believe you haven't done it again?" 

"Because that isn't me anymore." He said with vague sincerity, and then with an attempt at sardonic humour "I'm a _changed man_." 

"No, you're not." She said accusingly, angrily brushing away the tears staining her cheeks. Her face was hot and she knew she had to look like an absolute wreck. "You're exactly how everyone warned me you would be. But I didn't listen. Because I thought… I thought I could change you. I thought that maybe you weren't such an arrogant bastard, that maybe there was something underneath, that you were just… Just lost." The last sentence was almost a whisper. It was how she'd felt the whole six months she'd been in LA: lost. In her aspirations, her sense of self, her future. And now in her relationship with Ben. 

"You could change me. You have." He said calmly. "Rey, sit down." 

"I haven't. You know what?" She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth to conceal another near sob. She really was theatrically talented, even so many years on, and God was it useful now. "I think you've changed me. And I don't like who I've become. Because it's every one of your worst aspects. I used to think that, like an idiot, that our collab was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I thought _you_ were the best thing that had ever happened to me. But I was wrong. And I regret ever flying out, I regret ever reading your comment, I regret ever posting that video."

"Rey, calm down for a minute. Sit back down," He said it as though she were a misbehaving child again, exasperated and tired, done with the conversation already. 

She ignored him. "Every time," She sniffled again, glancing away to compose herself quickly before looking at him properly, still teary-eyed but with more clarity than the rest of the conversation. "Every time I think of that track it'll be a permanent reminder of you. And my whole first album, all of the times you helped, all the backing vocals, all the times I was on yours, they immortalise us – do you know how fucked that is? That I can never listen to my debut album again?"

"Rey, sweetheart, we can talk this through. It's all a misunderstanding."

"I told you to stop calling me that," She said with blazing eyes, feeling the anger and sadness swell again. 

He held his hands up in a sarcastic surrender. "Sorry," He replied, not sounding it in the slightest. 

"I'm done." She said with conviction, an aggressive focus on the plosives to really make her point. "We're breaking up. Clearly you're not prepared to make things better." 

He stood up then, more sincerity in his expression, stood up so he was only a few inches apart from her and she had to look up to see his face. It was a peace offering of sorts, an olive branch, the offer to hug it out now and talk about it more later. She went to step back but couldn't bring herself to do it. His face shifted again, another warning that she was veering off their plan, and she swallowed before distancing herself from him again. The fact that it hurt should be enough to convince everyone that this was real. That was the problem with Stanislavski - emotional memory soon got true feelings and fabricated ones entangled in messy knots, and that was exactly what was happening to her now. As much as it was a script given to them by Snoke, it was somehow the exact way she'd been feeling about him since their first kiss. 

He sighed heavily and didn't step towards her, instead standing uselessly with his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry you feel that way. But we can make it work. Rey, you're the one woman I've ever cared for." 

It felt weird to hear him say her name so much, wrong. It was always 'sweetheart'. She shook her head adamantly. "No. I've been trying to make it work with you for _months_ and you've given me fuck-all in return. We're over." 

She took that as her dramatic exit, spinning on her heels and storming away. She wasn't quite sure where she was supposed to be going as she couldn't go back to his obviously, and there was nowhere else to go, really. But he grabbed her hand and tugged her back, pulling her round to face him. 

"I'm not letting you run away from this." 

"Let go of me." She said lowly, a threat. 

"You don't have the right to give me some long, bullshit monologue about how you feel dissatisfied and then waltz away when it suits you." He slackened his grip on her wrist but kept his tone firm, angry. "The decent thing to do would be to listen to me." 

"I told you to _let go_." She tugged her arm out of his grip with violence, creating distance between them again. "You've had all the time in the world to explain. You only want to do it now because people are watching."

"Fine." He gave in, the mask back up, that stone cold apathy he used to his advantage in every situation. "Fine. Break up with me. But know that it is entirely your misconceptions and misjudgments that led you to this point." 

"You're a prick." she said, cradling the arm he'd held to her like it was injured. "You told me not to trust anyone in LA except you, but you're just like the rest of them. I hate you." 

He let her go that time, assumedly watching after her hopelessly as she pushed her way through the crowds of people, tears still slipping down her cheeks and her chest heaving dry sobs. They'd done it. It was over. Well, sort of over, until she was inside, away from prying eyes. She'd done what Snoke had asked and made herself a complete fool in the process, a blubbering mess in the eyes of the media, and no doubt people were tweeting about this already and she'd be flooded with waves of hate from his stans the second she opened any of her socials. She'd be accused of dating him for the clout. And it was kind of true - though a mutual agreement. 

Once she was out of the park she took her phone out of her pocket, dialing the one person she knew would help, still speeding along as fast as she'd left. "Pick up, pick up, pick up," She murmured under her breath, really hoping he wasn't busy. The traffic whizzed last in a cacophony of engines, horns, curses as she prayed it wasn't too late and finally his voice came through. 

"Hey, Rey. What's up?" Hearing Finn's voice immediately made her feel better, amidst the ache of homesickness that she still hadn't managed to escape. 

"Hey,"

"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly, immediately on alert. "You sound like you've been crying." 

She cleared her throat and tried to think happy emotionally balanced thoughts. She hadn't even realised she was still choked up. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." 

"You don't sound it, peanut." 

"I just broke up with Kylo." She said casually, as explanation. 

"Oh," His tone shifted then and he laughed a little. "Finally. You must be glad." 

She would have been glad approximately three months ago, when dating as more of a major annoyance and inconvenience than anything. "Yeah, I am." She replied lightly, hoping the insincerity didn't flood her tone. 

"Certainly took long enough," Finn said cheerfully, and she wondered where along the way they'd stopped being able to read each other as easily as anything, at what point they'd been apart too long for him to pick up that something was wrong. "How long has it been since Snoke forced you into it?" 

"Four months? I think?" She bit her lip and turned the corner to a street that was usually less busy, looking for a route to somewhere she could start spilling her actual feelings without being judged by random people on the street. "Ages and no time at all, all at the same time." 

"So how'd it go? I don't want to have to wait for all the news reports and salty twitter battles between you guys to get the deets." He asked, his tone still light and flippant as she walked down the more secluded street, along to the seafront where she knew she could stand and think. "Manage to vent about how annoying you find him?"

She breathed a laugh. That was one way of putting it. "Yeah, a bit." The tears had stopped now, and she just felt like her throat was swollen and her head aching. "Turns out that I'm still a pretty good actress all things considered. Got that emotional memory training still, you know." 

He laughed properly. "Of course you do, peanut, only the best actor in your high school."

"You didn't even know me then!" She protested, but the compliment still made her smile. How she'd missed him, so goddamn much. "You can't possibly say that." 

"Nope, but you showed me the recordings. And you were crazy good. Even when your voice cracked in Into The Woods." 

She cringed; until then, she'd been doing a great job of thoroughly repressing that memory. "That wasn't my fault, I told them I was an alto and they made me sing a soprano part anyway because I was one of the only ones who could sing." 

" _The_ only one judging by how bad everyone else sounded in those videos." 

"Finn, don't be mean." She teased. "Ugh speaking of videos I just don't have the motivation to post to my channel right now. Is that bad?" 

He considered the question for a moment before replying. "For your fans? Yes. For you? Not really. You deserve a break and besides, you're rolling in it right now." 

"I really miss you." She said softly, a little sadly. 

His intense charisma dipped. "Yeah, miss you too, peanut. It's too quiet without you around."

"Surely you prefer not having to listen to me screeching random songs at three am." She joked in an attempt to lighten the mood. She already knew once she got back onto the topic of Ben that she'd be overwhelmed by sadness so she wanted to hold off on the glumness as long as she could.

He laughed, and her chest warmed at the sound. Though she couldn't see him it was like being back home again, just hearing his voice. "To be fair, you never played that late." 

She grinned and took the path along the promenade, past the public beaches to find somewhere properly secluded. "Love how you dispute that and not the screeching." 

He gave a deep, overly dramatic sigh, and said slowly "No matter how many times I tell you that you can sing you never listen to me anyway." 

"Oof, okay, absolutely feeling called out right now." 

"As you should." He said with warmth. 

"Speaking of should…" She found an area of Snoke's private beach that seemed open and protected enough for her, hoping the paparazzi wouldn't have stalked her there. If they had, there'd no doubt be articles on her cheating on Kylo with a mysterious man who she had to call in secret or some similar bullshit. "How're you and Poe?" 

Finn's end of the line went dead for so long she thought he might have hung up. Then he sighed properly. "Same as always." 

"Seriously? Finn, you've liked him for two years. I refuse to believe you've spent another six months pining rather than telling him how you feel. I can guarantee that he feels the same. The way he talked about you while I was staying at his…" She trailed off, hoping Finn's imagination would fill the gap with whatever he needed it to. "You've got to do something about it soon before you go actually insane." 

"I know, I know," He replied tiredly, brushing off her concerns. "I'll see if I get round to it." 

She tsked. Why she felt qualified to give relationship advice when her own relationship was currently a mess was pretty ironic, but people had always told her she was good at it. "Long distance probably isn't that bad. And if I pull enough strings with Snoke I might be able to convince him to fly you out to come and see him in person." 

"I don't know…" Finn mused, mulling over the possibilities. "I still have a crippling fear he doesn't feel the same no matter how much evidence you say points to the opposite. Oh well," His tone changed back to light, the airiness she knew so well. She wished he'd just talk to Poe about it. And then she wished she'd just talk to Ben. "It's not a big deal. You're sure you're okay though, yeah? You did sound really upset when I picked up." 

She sat down in the sand gingerly, digging her feet under the surface so it was warm and actually quite comforting. She had to choose her words carefully before she exposed herself as absolutely, pathetically in love. "Yeah… I don't know…" She said, pointedly non-comittally. Hopefully Finn would pick up on her cues and lead the conversation, because god was she too confused and tired to do it herself. 

"Wanna talk it through?" 

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, nerves prickling at the thought of explaining it all to him. It was both what she wanted and absolutely dreaded. "Maybe." 

She heard him shift, presumably getting comfortable on either his bed or the sofa. "Mkay. What's up?" 

She took a breath. "It's the break up." 

"Did he say something cruel to you? I'll kill him." He said immediately, sounding intimidatingly enough she probably would believe he'd do it if she didn't know better. 

She laughed at that. "Good luck killing him from across the ocean without enough money for a plane ticket." 

"I'll get someone else to kill him, hire a hitman." He replied easily. "There are methods, peanut." 

"But no, it's nothing like that." She took another minute to consider her words, to try and synthesise them into a logical order that made sense and didn't paint her to be the idiot she was. "It's more… I don't want us to break up. I know it's weird, especially considering how annoying I found him at the start. But like, he's actually not that bad. And I do care for him. So to have our careers wrenched apart after we were forced together and put through every trial and tribulation in the book by Snoke - it just feels wrong, you know? To take back all of those hours of relying on each other. Mainly I'm just worried cause I don't know how broken up Snoke wants us, and I really can't lose another friend right now." Her voice caught on the word 'friend', the small word that in no way reflected the magnitude of the connection she and Ben had. 

"I get why you're worried." Finn said understandingly, then added with a small laugh "And I never thought I'd hear you say anything like that about him. I remember when you were getting ready for your flight over and you told me you were dreading it because he was an insufferable prick." 

"Oh, he's still that, but he's worn me down enough for it to be endearing," She replied with a little smile. She'd been right, Finn was the best at making her feel better even when things seemed bleak as hell.

"So you're worried Snoke will make you two stop talking to each other." Finn summarised, checking that he'd got the facts straight. 

She nodded though he couldn't see her. "Yes." 

"Well isn't that just like you and Rose? You're still friends, just not in public. You've managed that, surely the same could be done with Kylo." He tried. 

"I guess…" She said with no conviction. There was too much between her and Ben to contain in a private friendship like the one she and Rose had. And Snoke would probably install tracking chips in them to make sure they didn't spend any time together. 

"You don't sound convinced." 

The metallic tang of blood was on her tongue and she forced herself to stop wrecking the inside of her cheek as a nervous habit. "Yeah, sorry. I know it makes logical sense but there really isn't anything logical about Ben and I." 

He fell quiet for a while again before saying "Rey, can I ask you a question?" 

"Well, I mean, you just did, so." 

"There's something more going on between you and Kylo that you're not telling me about, isn't there? Has something happened? You're sure you don't need me to kill him?" 

Her heart thudded. "That was three questions." 

"Yes, it was." 

Another pause. Rey didn't know whether she should tell him the truth or not. How much would he judge her? How much would he think she'd changed, the one thing she'd promised herself she wouldn't do as a result of fame and LA? God, why was she making this difficult? Finn was her best friend. He always had her back. The fact she'd even considered being dishonest to him hurt "Yes, yes, no." 

"Elaborate." He said in a 'go on, then' tone. 

"Okay." She took a steadying moment. She could do this. Saying it out loud wasn't that hard. "Somewhere along the way with all of the performative aspects of the fake relationship I think I accidentally caught feelings. And now those feelings won't fuck off. And it's just… Things feel weird between us at the moment. Like something's shifted, I can feel it, just slightly."

"Oh, peanut," He said sympathetically. It was a very concealing tone, one where she couldn't tell his true reaction to the matter. She wished she could have seen his face to find out. 

"But the thing is, it's not even like I'm just pining." She buried her feet deeper in the sand, enough that she could feel its weight on top. "Because we've had to kiss. We've had to kiss for the cameras but then that's translated back to us when we're not in the public eye and I don't even know what's happening anymore, because we don't talk about it, it's only at night, and it just _happens,_ it's not like we intentionally decide to have a random makeout sesh and I just… I genuinely don't know where his feelings are. And I don't think he does either. And that makes it so, so painful."

Finn listened carefully, she could almost imagine the expression of concern on his face. "God." 

"Exactly. And I've tried to talk to him about it before but he shut it down and I don't know if he knows that I really do like him past physical attraction and all that shit. I don't want this to be a weird friends with benefits situation. But I seriously don't know what's going on inside his head."

"Is it hypocritical for me to tell you to talk to him about it?" He replied with the smallest hint of a smile, appreciating the irony that was both of their love lives. 

"Very." She laughed softly and looked out to the horizon where blue waves rose and churned and then collided with the shore in spatterings of white foam. "But it's good advice, if only I could take it." 

"Now you're sounding like me." 

She laughed again pityingly. The whole situation really was a mess. "I know, tragic." 

"I wish I could help, peanut, I really do," He said more seriously. "But it's something you'll have to decide where you want to take it and how you want to do so. If you really like Kylo…"

"Yeah." She sighed heavily, the bone deep tiredness weighing her down. "And now I've got to go back to his, fan-fucking-tastic." 

"What do you think you'll do?" 

"I'll intend to talk to him about it. And then I won't. Or I'll start talking to him about it and he'll kiss me to shut me up and I'll promptly forget why I was supposed to be there in the first place." 

He laughed a little. "I wish I could be there with you right now. It's at this point I'd give you a hug."

"I miss your hugs." She said with slight sadness. "Could really do with one right now, you know."

"We'll have to imagine."

She laughed softly at that. "We will." Her phone buzzed and she nearly dropped it out of surprise. "Ah, shit," 

"You okay there?" 

"Yeah, just got a text and it scared the life out of me." She took the phone from her war to put the call on speaker mode and then opened her texts. 

**_Ben:_ **

_Snoke texted me to say that we didn't fuck something up for once. I didn't know if he'd let you know already._

"Oh, great. That's just perfectly ironic. Snoke's happy with how the breakup went. Got to love my actual breakdown about Ben being up to his standards."

"Well, at least you won't get kicked from the label? Always a silver lining?" 

**_Rey:_ **

_thanks he did not tell me that._

Then, a second later. 

**_Ben:_ **

_Are you planning on coming back anytime soon?_

"Ugh, I should probably go." She looked at the text with a sigh. LA had made her sigh a lot more in six months than she had in her entire life. "Ben calls," 

"I'll let you get on then. But peanut, if you want to talk about it more you can always text me or call, okay? I always have my notifications on for you so I can reply whenever." 

"Aw, don't do that, you need your sleep." 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," He said lightly. "Catch up soon, okay?" 

"See you." She answered with what little cheer she could muster. He hung up only a minute later and she stood up, shook the sand out of her shoes, and made her way back to pavemented land. 

**_Rey:_ **

_omw now._

_thought it would b weird if i stormed straight back 2 urs._

Never did she think she'd be the person to use passive aggressive full stops, but then again, LA really had changed her. 

She got back to Ben's half an hour later, tired, not in the mood to talk to him as much as she knew she needed to. She spent the rest of the day drifting between her room and the lounge, from lying on top of the bed watching memes or sitting on the sofa next to him in silence while he read a book on something intelligent and she picked at what she'd made for dinner. When she went to bed she didn't reappear at his door an hour later in one of his oversized shirts as they'd made customary, didn't sit next to him or on him until their night-time enchantment came and they kissed each other like they would die if they stopped. He didn't guide her to his bed, stumbling together along the way and laughing as they did so, only to crash his lips to hers again and press her into the mattress. It wasn't one of those nights. The break up had made sure of that. Instead she was cold, alone, in her room wondering how much of what they'd said was really true. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovessss,  
> Looking at my chapters and seeing the end drawing closer is so sad lol! But this is an amazing ride and I'm so glad I decided to write this :)  
> Hope you're all doing well. We've been quarantined for so long now!! Crazy!!! And I might be back in school on the 22nd June!! Highkey hope not.  
> Anyway ty for the comments, kudos, bookmarks, I love y'all smmmm,  
> \- brie xx


	26. Potentially Devastating

Time always seemed to move a lot more quickly when Rey was in emotional distress. It was as much a curse as it was a blessing - although it meant her time spent pining after Ben and trying to figure out if he felt the same way in any capacity at all was quite short, it also meant that she had passed the seven month threshold of her new life in LA in what felt like the blink of an eye. And seven whole months was over half a year, which meant that as summer approached in near full swing, earlier mornings and lighter nights, it felt absolutely unreal. 

Her breakup with Ben had gone down as well as it could have done, all things considered. She'd been dragged into a meeting with Snoke where he told her how proud of her he was for doing something right for once in light of their previous conversations and also told her he'd managed to sell one of the songs that she'd reluctantly offered him when he started harassing her via email. It was a song she'd written ages ago, probably back in 2013 though the draft wasn't dated, a song that was entirely naive and juvenile although held a very special place in her heart for her. So she'd sent the chords, the lyrics, an a capella demo of her singing the melody, ideas she had for orchestrations, and waved it goodbye forever. It almost felt like saying goodbye to a piece of herself in that totally melancholy way she'd started viewing everything. But that was neither here nor there, the main point of conflict in her life was managing her press relationship with Ben while at the same time staying at his house. 

She stumbled into the kitchen about 7am after being woken by the obnoxious sound of the coffee machine grinding the beans for Ben's morning cup, a blanket loosely wrapped around her shoulders like a cape, still in the oversized hoodie she'd nicked from him a couple of weeks prior. "You woke me up." She complained, pushing herself up to sit on the granite countertop, her head back against the cupboard doors. "It's so fucking early."

"Not my fault you're a light sleeper." He took his mug from under the machine and took a long sip even though it was still boiling hot. He was like that, the kind of person who could eat and drink things at magmatic temperatures like it was nothing, like the apathy he put on to deal with people also extended to physics. "You told me to wake you up anyway." 

She bristled. "Well, yeah, but I meant _nicely_. Not with horrible and cacophonous machine sounds." 

He raised an eyebrow and snorted, leaning back against the side of the counter adjacent to her. His hair was still messy from the night before but he was dressed in a black sweatshirt and black jeans. She wondered how he wasn't boiling already considering how hot it was. "What, wanted me to wake you up with a kiss, sweetheart?" 

She faltered over her words as her brain struggled to catch up to what was being said, a mean feat. "I— You know what, yes. Just to see how you'll respond to that."

He took a sip of his coffee while he contemplated. They never talked about this topic and it very much felt like treading on eggshells. For all the first couple of nights after the break up had been awkward, they'd somehow managed to get their way back to kissing sessions almost nightly. But not further. Never further. They might have weird morals around whatever was happening between them but there was an unspoken agreement there somewhere: nothing they couldn't take back. And sex definitely counted. It was for the best, or at least that's what she told herself, what she convinced herself of everytime they came near the point of no return and he would stop. Did he feel bad about using her? _Was_ he even using her? 

"Then I'd say it's a method I'm more than willing to implement, at a cost, of course." 

She was so lost in her own thoughts that it took her a moment to comprehend his response. But then she laughed, whacking him with the sleeve of the hoodie. "Do I even want to know what that cost is? Don't become, like, a kissing prostitute on my account." 

He gave her his best disapproving look, pure judgement. "It's a respectable profession, sweetheart. Really, you shouldn't be so close minded." 

"Yeah but you? No. On every single fucking level: no." She laughed, covering her face with her hand as she tried her hardest not to think about that idea or lead to any other embarrassing ones. "God no. I mean, you'd get the money, sure, you've got thousands of fans who'd pay hundreds for that opportunity. But really?" 

He looked at her appraisingly, and then said with decisiveness before taking another sip of coffee "Your jealousy shouldn't inhibit my career." 

"I'm not jealous!" She burst out laughing, feeling her face turn an even rosier shade of pink than it already was. "Jesus Christ, we need a new conversation topic. This is way too cursed. You gonna offer me a coffee to make up for the fact that you woke me up?" 

"Absolutely not. If you want one, make it yourself." He replied, almost too quickly. 

"But you're closest to the machine," She complained, reaching out to show just how out of her reach it was. "Why can't you just do it?" 

He smirked, that infuriating, annoying, bloody attractive smirk. "Because I don't want to." 

"Ugh. Bastard." She groaned, letting her arms drop to her sides dramatically. 

That just made him smirk more. "Mhm."

In the end she relented and pushed off the counter, pulling down the hem of the hoodie as it had ridden up her thighs in the process and grabbed a mug from right next to him, making sure to knock it into his arm with a small grin before putting it under the machine. Once she'd pressed the button she grabbed the milk from the fridge then waited, rocking back on her heels. 

"I'm so stressed about today." She vented while looking at the machine rather than him, intensely watching the thin stream of espresso puddle in her mug. She could've drunk all the caffeine in the world and it still wouldn't have been enough to make her feel prepared. 

"You're always fucking stressed," He brushed past her to put his mug in the sink, his shoulder in the lightest contact with her for a second. 

"It's just my personality, I'm sorry," She laughed a little. The machine finished pouring out the coffee so she took out her mug and put a hand in the cutlery draw. "Budge across a sec," 

He grumbled about how unjust it was but moved and she grabbed a teaspoon and the bag of sugar he kept in the cupboard above, spooning two heaped teaspoons into the mug and then topping it up with milk. "I still can't believe you taint your coffee like that." 

"And I still can't believe you're on about it after weeks, get a new fucking hobby." She grinned and took a little sip, wincing when it burned the top of her tongue. "Ow, shit." 

That got the tiniest smile from him though he made sure to turn away so she couldn't see it properly. In the end, she sat where he'd been before, making herself comfy again, legs dangling over the edge as she cradled the mug in her lap and between her hands. 

"But yeah, I'm just not in the mood to talk with Snoke about my future you know? Like it's been I think three months since my album released? All time feels the same. Anyway, I don't have any ideas for a second album and I don't want to think about it when I'm trying to relax and ride this fame wave. Speaking of a fame wave did you know that this random tea company reached out to me for a sponsorship on my newest video? I may be British, but seriously." She pulled a face. She loved tea as much as the next Brit, but it was a very stereotypical offer. And since her new audience and image was American, she wasn't sure how Snoke would tie that into her image. 

"Welcome to Snoke's management. You hit the ground running and then never fucking stop." He sighed, a hint of empathy in his tone though more pitying and patronising than she would've liked. "Empire is a shit show." 

"Yeah, it really is." She agreed moodily, blowing cold air across the surface of her coffee and risking another sip. "I have no creative inspiration. I exhausted myself on my debut. So either I'll have to write fake break up songs about you, fake feud songs about Rose, or songs about my opinions on American fast food. Too much sodium." 

"It's the fucking worst but you'll figure it out. You have a way of doing that." He said in a way that was weirdly reassuring coming from him. She glanced up, convinced she had to be dreaming. "Oh, come on. Don't look at me like _that_. God, you always complain when I'm my usual self and then the second I try to be sympathetic you look at me like I've slapped you."

"Yep, knew it was too good to be true." She said with a fake sigh, shaking her head, managing more of a gulp since the coffee had cooled. "The day you genuinely compliment me without immediately taking it back afterwards is the day I die."

"Sure, sweetheart, sure." He rolled his eyes. 

She finished off her coffee quickly and he held out his hand to take the mug since he was already by the sink. "Lord, I'm so not ready for the meeting. I've got to have three finished demos for the album to show him. That gives me…" she glanced up at the time. "Nine hours. Three hours each. Well fuck." 

"That's more than enough time." He said dismissively, washing and rinsing out their mugs before grabbing a towel to dry them. 

"It really isn't. _You_ may be a musical genius, Ben, but I can't come up with that many songs in that short amount of time. I'm just not that good at this."

He rolled his eyes. "Does being that constantly self-deprecating not exhaust you?" 

"Well yes, but also no." She smiled a little, yelping as he swiped at her with the towel. "Ben! That was so rude!" 

"Moping about how much you have to do won't help you. I'm keeping you on the right track." 

"By attacking me with a dish towel." 

"Precisely." He grinned and did it again. 

That time she managed to catch the end and tried to tug it away from him, but no matter how hard she pulled he didn't budge. 

"You're not getting it that easily." He held his ground firmly as though he was made of stone, that stupid, loveable grin still on his face. 

"Yes… I… Am…" Keeping the tension balanced was proving a Herculean effort as she strained to take it from him. In the end she relaxed for the briefest of moments before giving a sharp yank. Still holding onto the other end of the towel, he slipped against the floor, stumbling forwards. She yelped again and tried to catch him so he didn't fall to the ground, crack his head open on the tiles and die, one hand still entangled in the towel as she grabbed him by his shoulders. He ended up with his hands either side of her on the counter, retaining some semblance of balance and dignity despite the situation. Biting down on her lip to conceal her laugh, finding the situation both absolutely hilarious and lowkey terrifying, she realised just how close they were with her hands on him, him trapping her where she sat with his own. Her breath caught in her throat and she barely worked up the courage to look at him, a small question. The easiest way she could communicate that she wouldn't be mad if he interpreted this as an opportunity, even though it wasn't late at night. "Hey there," 

"Hello." He answered with a half-smile, the practiced cocky and arrogant one that was second nature. 

They looked at each other for a few seconds, both weighing up the pros and cons. Then unanimously they seemed to agree on the same route. 

Rey took the initiative that time, pulling him towards her with a lot less grace and more of a desperate need for contact, kissing him hard. He responded near immediately, leaning in so her back was against the cupboard, the handle digging into the small of her back. On instinct she wrapped her legs around him to keep him as close as she could, flush with his hips, fingertips brushing the nape of his neck. Shifting, he moved one of his hands to support them against the cupboard, the other on her thigh, pushing the hem of the hoodie up just the slightest bit, causing her to shiver as goosebumps raised to the surface of her skin. He kissed her back just as hard, leaning forward still, his hands hot against her. She sighed softly as broke the kiss a moment later, brushing his lips teasingly against her jaw, a mischievous glint in his eyes as she responded to even the slightest bit of contact like his touch was all she wanted, all she needed. 

"Ben," She breathed as he trailed kisses down her neck, tipping her head back with a barely concealed gasp, biting her lip hard. 

"Yes?" He responded innocently, lightly grazing his teeth against her skin. 

"I need to— We need to—" She cut herself off as he kissed her harshly, her hands finding his hair instead. Even though the handle dug into her back enough to be uncomfortable under any other circumstance, she found she was getting _very_ into it despite herself. "The songs—" 

His hand slipped under the hem and she tightened her grip in his hair. "Can wait," He finished for her. 

" _Ben_." Her voice came out more needily than she wanted it to, almost a gasp of its own. "I really need to go." 

He stopped his attack on her neck, pushing off the cupboard and relaxing his hand from her thigh. She found that even though she knew it was for the best that they didn't have a makeout session lest she got kicked out of Empire for neglecting her work, she missed the feeling of him against her immediately. "Okay, sweetheart." 

She tried to get some strength back into her body as he stepped away from the counter, tugging the hem of his hoodie down from where it had ridden up. She knew she must look an absolute mess. "I'm… Going to go and get changed. Then head to studios, if you want to join." 

He shrugged. "Don't know if I can be bothered. Snoke doesn't need me in." 

"For me?" She tried with a little smile, here pulse still going a million miles a minute. 

They stared at each other for a long minute. "I'll consider it. I'm not staying for the full nine hours though." 

"Thanks babe," She said cheerfully, hopping off the counter with renewed energy. "Give me five minutes." 

She departed to her room to chuck on the first clothes she could find, a random summery dress that would suit the weather, then went to the bathroom to freshen up. God, she was still flushed. It was kind of pathetic how completely whipped over him she was. 

She knew she had to talk to him. She knew it was necessary for their relationship, whether that was to take it to the next level or to break it off or whatever, because not talking had to be causing them both issues. But as she thought about her schedule for the day ahead, nine long hours in studio 3 trying to compose three amazing songs that Snoke could sell onto other artists after all of the effort she'd been to to sing her songs in the first place, and decided it could wait until tomorrow. Or maybe the day after. Or the day after that. Whenever Ben decided he was going to be emotionally available for once. 

They got to Studio 3 in pretty record time, mainly because Rey wouldn't stop speedwalking out of pure stress ("Why the fuck are you running?" "I'm not running!" "Yes, you are.") and a desire to get it all over and done with as quickly as possible. A result of that stress was that she didn't have the mental capacity to care about her intense perfectionism when it came to not letting people hear anything that she wasn't completely happy with, instead of using headphones he just connected the laptop directly to the speakers. 

"So here's the first one." She introduced, cringing slightly. "Please don't judge it too much. It's weird enough that I feel okay playing it to you at this stage." 

"Just get on with it," He dismissed. 

She pressed play and rocked back on her chair, curled up, chewing her lip anxiously as she listened back to what she'd got so far. Even now, she didn't dare look at Ben. He had a resting judging face if she'd ever seen one, when he was concentrating it just looked like he was experiencing intense disapproval. She'd got the barebones of the song; the vocals, an acoustic guitar part, and an idea of a drumline, but it was incredibly rough. She had no idea how she was going to get it to where she wanted it to be in three hours. It seemed like an insurmountable task if she'd ever seen one. 

Once it finished he clasped his hands together and leaned forward with a slight frown. Not a good sign. "What's that bar in the prechorus that sounds a bit weird?" 

"I don't know." She said helplessly. "That could be any of them. I've heard it so many times I genuinely can't tell." 

He scanned the music on the screen. "There, that one. You've used an E major chord but accidentally written a C in your bass part." 

She grumbled. Of course she'd make a stupid error like that. "Ugh, I hate bass clef. Why can't everything just be treble?" 

"Tenor and Alto clef are worse. Just read two notes above what it would be in treble." He leaned back in his seat and hot his phone out. For someone who was never on social media he was glued to his phone a lot. Sometimes she wondered if he just stared at the screen and zoned out for a few minutes. 

She gave it a try. "Woah. That's actually helpful."

"Don't sound so surprised. I _do_ have some background in music theory." He rolled his eyes, swinging his legs over the armrest of the chair. She knew he couldn't last long sitting like a normal person, he always had to be doing something vaguely rebellious. 

"Sorry, sorry," She sighed, not at all sorry as she went back to fixing everything wrong with the track. "Opinions on using a string quartet as the accompaniment?" 

"Sure. It would sound good."

She fixed him with a look but he didn't glance up. "Are you just saying that?" 

"Does it matter? You need a decision making, and you need it made fast. Just write the song." 

She groaned but got on with it, knowing he was right. It took her a while to warm up into the creative process again, a solid forty five minutes, but she soon found a workflow and time sped by - which was both good and bad. But she finished that song just within her planned schedule and started on the next one, hoping it wasn't too annoying for him to be sat there listening to her rewrite the same bar fifty times. 

When it got to midday, Ben stretched out in the chair, his arms raised behind his head, before standing up. "I'll get lunch. What do you want?" 

"Honestly don't care. Whatever you're having." She didn't look up from the laptop, deep in concentration as she tried to transcribe all of the string parts muddled about in her head into staves of music on Cubase. 

"I don't know what I'm having. You decide." 

"Ughhhhh, I don't fucking know. Sandwiches? I just need to get this done," She was being a bit grouchy because of the stress, the deadline of three hours until Snoke wanted the songs approaching at what felt like the speed of light - and she was only one and a bit of the way through. 

He headed towards the door, checking his pockets for his wallet. "Any filling preference?" 

She didn't have the mental space to think about that, focusing so hard on not forgetting any ideas. "Really don't care. I'm not even that hungry." 

She heard him sigh in exasperation and imagined he was probably rolling his eyes too. "You need to eat." 

"I know, I know, just shoo and get something that isn't rank and I'll force it down." 

"Be back in thirty."

"Yeah, yeah," She immediately went back to figuring out whether the cello part should be a G or a D. It wasn't that she was ungrateful or anything, it was just she had a job to do and it needed to be done fast. Ben would understand. If anyone knew anything about being a dick to people for Snoke, it was him. 

She buried herself in the process, speeding through the last few bars. Who cared if they were still a bit rough? If Snoke was going to impose ridiculous deadlines he couldn't expect perfect quality. Well, he _could_ but he _shouldn't_. Which meant that he definitely would. Her phone went off just as she was doing the final one and with an aggravated sigh she reached for it. If it was Ben asking about sandwiches she was going to lose it. 

In the end it wasn't, instead it was a calendar notification reading '12pm Rose Performance'. Oh shit. She'd forgotten all about that. Rose was doing her first proper TV spot on one of the daytime shows and she'd promised to watch it, the first premier of Rose's new single. With a defeated sigh she put the windows she had open on the laptop into split screen mode, opening up the live YouTube stream and leaving it playing quietly in the background while she worked. When it got to Rose actually singing she would pay more attention. 

It turned out the interview portion was quite good white noise as she worked, Rose was the kind if person who could get along with anyone so it was all going well - and spilling a couple of secrets about the night she and Rey had gone to Phasma's party, then diplomatically answered the questions about the feud between them with a very well practiced poise. She zoned out again for a while, wondering when Ben was coming back with the sandwiches. She missed company more than anything else. 

"I'm Rose Tico, and this is my new song. It really means a lot to me so I hope everyone likes it, I wrote while I was in quite a rough patch. So yeah, this is _Sweet Forever_." 

It didn't hit Rey until the opening guitar riff started and then she snapped to attention like an elastic band pulled too taught. No. No no _no_ . This wasn't happening. She watched in horror as Rose took the microphone from the stand with a smile and swayed in time to the beat, singing the opening lines with a genuine sort of passion and embarrassment, like she was showing off the most hidden aspects of herself with the song. It had to be a joke. It _had_ to be. There was no way that Rose was on stage performing her song , her song that she'd written in 2015 about how difficult her life had been and let Snoke sell, there was absolutely no way the crowd was responding adoringly to this, this deception. The song meant fuck all to Rose. It meant everything to Rey. She must have done something really and for the universe to decide it hated her this much for Rose out of _everyone_ to be taking the credit for her art. She watched the whole performance with a terrible cocktail of numbness, anger, and an urge to break down crying right then and there. It got worse when everyone clapped afterwards and the interview resumed, and Rose started monologuing about how she'd written the song because of everything that had happened to her a few years ago. That was _her_ story. God - why did it have to be Rose? 

To say she was salty was a huge understatement. She felt pretty enraged. And though she knew it wasn't Rose's fault, presumably anyway, she couldn't help but feel betrayed. Cheated. Snoke really must hate her, to sell the song to Rebellion with the knowledge that Rose would sing it, that conniving, snakey, son of a bitch. Most of her anger ended up directed towards him instead. And she had a meeting with him in less than three hours. God, did she want to absolutely murder him. 

Ben reappeared with a bag slung over his shoulder - in the way he often did to try and appear cool and edgy - throwing himself into his chair and digging out his sandwich digging into it, seemingly without realising anything was wrong. "I got you cheese. Hope you don't mind," He said, swinging the bag in her direction. Then he stopped on seeing her expression. "Oh, what have I done _this_ time?" 

"It's not you." She rolled her eyes. "Not everything in my life is about you." 

"It should be though." When it became evident she wasn't going to take the bag from him, he got her sandwich out and placed it next to her on the table. "What happened?" 

"So you know how Snoke made me sell some of my songs to keep me on the label while he decides what to do with me? Well guess who he managed to fucking sell it to. Rose. Who has just given this inspirational backstory to the song on live TV. When it's _my_ song about _my_ life."

He paused mid sandwich bite. "Seriously?" 

"Seriously." She affirmed despairingly, nudging the sandwich away from her. She really didn't feel hungry anymore. "I just don't get it. Rose writes her own stuff. Rebellion _liked_ her stuff. So why the hell do they need to buy my song?" 

"Snoke. That bastard." He resumed eating his sandwich. "He's trying to up the Rose drama since we broke up. I doubt Rebellion even know that it's your song."

"This really sucks." She lamented, staring at the screen in front of her and then throwing her hands up in exasperation. "Ugh! Fuck!" 

He let her have her miniature breakdown, reassuring in the fact that he didn't try to reassure her, just let her get it all out. Once she felt closer to death than ever before, her songs not working, her friendships not working, she looked despairingly at her phone on top of the table, just next to her untouched sandwich.. 

"Don't," He warned. 

"Don't what?" She turned round to face him. 

"Don't tweet about how it's a set up. You'll get into deep shit and Snoke will fuck your life up even more."

"How can you just read my mind like that?" She sighed and tossed her phone in the air with her left hand and catching it with her right, then vice versa. 

"I've become trained in your bullshit." 

She laughed the smallest bit at that, shaking her head. "You're lucky I like you or I'd kick you out right now." 

"It's as much my studio as it is yours, sweetheart. More so, actually, considering you're the one who encroached on my space."

"You invited me." 

He raised a hand in objection. "Snoke invited you." 

"I hate him." She sighed and unlocked her phone. She took Ben's advice though and didn't go straight to twitter, instead finding Rose's contact and sending her a text. If she called she'd just freak out. And that wasn't what she wanted to happen. 

**_Rey:_ **

_hey rose um u kno ur new song_

It took a while before she got a response, in the meantime she'd worked on getting the third and final song somewhere near halfway finished to satisfy Snoke. 

**_Rose:_ **

_Yeah?? :)!_

From that response she didn't know. Or she was feigning ignorance. Was it bad to still be kind of mad either way? Even if it wasn't a direct betrayal it still hurt the same, seeing the music she wanted to be writing being performed by someone else why they got all the praise for it. Nevermind that it was about her own personal struggles. 

**_Rey:_ **

_is it urs?_

**_Rose:_ **

_Nah rebellion wanted something different for the performance but none of us could be bothered to write one lol_

_Why babe?_

"How do I even do this…?" She said helplessly, looking to Ben for support. 

He just shrugged "Like I fucking know." 

"You usually have good advice." She coaxed. 

He raised an eyebrow and replied "Most of my advice is telling you to shut up and stop complaining." 

"Like I said, good advice." She tried for a smile but it came out more as a grimace. "Screw it, I'm biting the bullet." 

**_Rey:_ **

_ok I legit don't kno how 2 say this_

_it's my song_

_I wrote it_

_and now you've sung it and everyone loves you and it_

Rose typed for a long time. For so long in fact that she thought her phone must be glitching as the three dots continued showing the sequence. Rey looked at her phone anxiously, kind of scared to directly face it. Because when she faced it she'd have to face whatever the response was and however that affected their relationship. Would they still be friends when the whole world seemed out to prevent it? 

**_Rose:_ **

_Oh._

_Shit._

That made her laugh despite everything, a small, ironic one. It was the understatement of the century, the smallest amount of language to describe something so potentially devastating. 

**_Rose:_ **

_Rey babe I seriously didn't know :((_

_If I had I wouldn't have agreed_

_I don't think Leia knew either_

**_Rey:_ **

_rlly?_

**_Rose:_ **

_Really. Leia didn't mention Snoke and I really can't imagine her willingly giving money to him after well everything_

By that, she of course meant Ben. Rey looked at him then, brushing crumbs off the palm of his hand into the empty box, gathering the rubbish. "I'm gonna go." He said, swallowing the last mouthful. "You've got to do your song. I've got to avoid Snoke." 

She gave him a startled look. She needed him more than ever. "But—" 

"Sweetheart, I know it's bad but it will have to wait unless you want Snoke to have your fucking head." He said firmly. "I'll leave the sandwich."

She gave him an imploring look, her best puppy dog eyes. "Ben," 

"You don't need me here to distract you right now." He gave her the slightest hint of a smirk on the word distract, as though that in itself wouldn't immediately distract her as she thought back to earlier that morning.

Finally, she relented "Okay. Whatever. Abandon me then." She said it lightly so it didn't sound as self-pitying, though it was sort of true to her feelings. 

"I'm not being around for your meeting with Snoke no matter how sadly you look at me. He's trying to discuss another First Order project and, well," He was already at the door, his usual mask up though he did look a little bit guilty about booking it for his own selfish good.

"Just go," She turned back to face the scrin wiggling the mouse a few times to get the screen loaded again, and then got back to work. After a few minutes her phone buzzed again and she fought back a rageful sigh before glancing at it. 

**_Rose:_ **

_Just asked Leia. She said she didn't know._

_And that Snoke is a bitch._

_Well not in those words._

Well that was one small blessing at least, but there was no way that Snoke didn't know. And that was another bridge to cross when she came to it in her meeting. The meeting that she was dreading because it would probably be when Snoke told her she had to start fake dating Hux or something equally repulsive to get back at Ben and get media attention again. 

She left Rose's message on read, not enough energy to dignify it with a response, and went back to grinding out the song. That lasted a grand total of twenty minutes before her phone buzzed again and she grabbed it with more violence than necessary. 

"What is it now?" She said to herself with a groan as it kept ringing, showing an unknown number on the screen. She had half a mind not to answer it, to just leave whoever it was to wait for when she was ready. But looking at the time and the music, she decided the job she'd done was good enough and answered the call, holding her phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Rey Niima?" The voice came from the other end of the line. She faltered. She _knew_ that voice. But she couldn't quite place it. 

She saved the files on the laptop then forwarded them to Snoke with a small, civil message about how she'd finished them. "Yes. Um, what are you—" 

The voice cut across and again she was struck by that sense of knowing but not knowing, like it was on the tip of her tongue. "Miss Niima - Can I call you Rey?" 

"Uh, yeah sure," She was too perplexed to think, too taken aback to ground herself and try and figure out what the hell was going on. "Who is—" 

"I'm Luke Skywalker. Calling on behalf of Rebellion Records." 

It hit her like a tonne of bricks. How had she not recognised his voice instantly, the voice of the man who had been her idol while she grew up? The man who had written some of the most legendary albums of all time, rivalled by only Vader himself. Before she knew what was happening she was stumbling over her words. "I— Wow, okay, uh, hi." 

"I'd like to talk to you about your career. Do you have time?" His voice was so calm, so formal, all while she was flapping in total excitement, springing out of her chair and pacing around the room to get out her nervous-excited energy. 

It was terrifying speaking to him in that kind of setting. For so many years she'd planned a script of exactly what she'd say if he ever met him: that he was a genius, his music inspired her, she'd always wanted to be just like him. "I have time," She said quickly, glancing at the clock and thinking that even if she didn't have time she'd make some. "I— Luke, your music—" 

"There's no time for that." He dismissed her hero-worship immediately though that didn't diminish how she saw him with stars in her eyes. "You are currently signed to Empire, correct?" 

Her stomach dropped hearing him of all people say it, making it real. She regretted nothing in life more than signing to Empire. "That is correct," 

"Hm." He said disapprovingly enough that she felt like she'd disappointed him in some way, even though he probably didn't know who she was until this call. "For how long?" 

"Seven months." She answered, trying her hardest not to sound too depressed about it. 

"When does the contract expire?" 

"It… Doesn't, really. I'm just kept around as long as Snoke needs me." 

Another noise of disapproval. "That's unfortunate."

She tried to slow her pace round the room so she wasn't near jogging, tried to slow her heartbeat and her mind too. "I…" It probably wasn't proper etiquette to admit how hellish it was to someone so respected in the music industry. 

"You'll have to quit." He said as though it was simple. 

"What?" She stopped walking, her legs heavy like they'd stopped functioning. "I can't just—But—" 

"I called to offer to sign you to Rebellion under Leia's recommendation. You don't have to waste away in Empire. There are other options." 

"I mean, I would love— But I don't know how I'll quit, I mean, Snoke won't let me— I already have a career—" 

"Empire is a manufactured, synthesised label determined to create industry plants and exploit their successes. If you want to continue working for Snoke, that's fine."

"I—" She was so conflicted. Skywalker was the one who had kicked Ben off rebellion so many tears prior, before Leia had taken over as CEO. Was it wrong to want to say yes, after that? Surely she should put _her_ career first… It's what Ben would do. It's what Ben would encourage her to do, to take the plunge, to stop living to make everyone else happy all the time but to be selfish. And she needed out from Snoke and finally an opportunity had come, one with better prospects than her other options of staying or becoming massively unemployed. She thought about all of the shit that Snoke had put her through, everything that had gone wrong because of him, all the times he'd managed to ruin her life "No, I can't work for him for a second longer." 

For the first time his tone turned approving. "That's what I expected to hear. You have talent, Rey. It's a waste to keep it locked away under him."

Her heart hammered in her chest. So she was really doing it. She was quitting Empire. All for a shot with Rebellion, who might turn out to be just as exploitative and awful as Empire. Welcome to the music industry. "How do I— When do I—" 

"If you can terminate your professional relationship with James Snoke then we can arrange for you to come in and talk to us, and we'll develop a plan from there." Skywalker continued, his voice still cool and businesslike, though nowhere near as unsettling or weirdly vibed as Snoke's. "It will probably be the end of the week."

She struggled for the right words, absolutely ecstatic beyond comprehension. "I— Okay, thank you so much," 

"Is that a yes?" 

"Yes, thank you," She was practically beaming, renewed energy coursing through her. She was getting out. Finally, she could get out. 

"Perfect. I'll be in contact in a few days. Good luck, Rey." 

"Thanks," She said breathlessly as he hung up.

Her life was all types of crazy right then. She couldn't believe that had just happened. She couldn't believe she'd said yes. There was no way that call had been a coincidence. There was no way Skywalker, her actual hero, had called her at that time on a whim, from an organic progression of events. So what had it been, who had it been that gave a little push, a nudge in the right direction, some hand of fate that worked to get her out? She was flooded with warmth. _Rose._ It had to be Rose who suggested it. She hastened to open her text messages. 

**_Rey:_ **

_rose luke FUCKING skywalker just called me_

**_Rose:_ **

_Woah crazy._

**_Rey:_ **

_u had something 2 do w this didn't u_

_u don't sound nearly as excited as u usually do_

**_Rose:_ **

_Maybe :)_

**_Rey:_ **

_HE OFFERED TO SIGN ME IF I QUIT EMPIRE_

_BSBSNDNNDNDND_

**_Rose:_ **

_And??????_

**_Rey:_ **

_I SAID YES_

_IS THIS REAL_

_LIKE WHAT_

**_Rose:_ **

_Consider this my apology_

_Omg great you said yes!!_

**_Rey:_ **

_ILYSM THANK U THANK U THANK U_

**_Rose:_ **

_WE WON'T HAVE TO PRETEND TO HATE EACH OTHER ANYMOREEE_

**_Rey:_ **

_OMG OMG OMG_

_SO EXCITED_

**_Rose:_ **

_How are u gonna quit????_

Her good mood dropped quickly, like a stone to the bottom of the ocean. Shit. That was a thing she had to figure out. She looked at the clock. Five minutes until the meeting with Snoke about her future. 

**_Rey:_ **

_I got a meeting w snoke in 5_

_time to hand in my notice_

_😔✌️_

**_Rose:_ **

_Yes babe!!!!_

_What does kylo think abt this????_

**_Rey:_ **

_haven't told him yet_

_he should be happy for me tho like at least I'll stop complaining abt snoke all the time_

And, if she was lucky, it meant they could rekindle their relationship if that was what he wanted from her too. She wouldn't be under Snoke's rules. She could do whatever the hell she wanted, within reason. 

**_Rose:_ **

_Oof_

_How are u guys anyway???_

**_Rey:_ **

_still don't understand him, still want him, still making out_

_the usual_

**_Rose:_ **

_Babe u need to sort that out_

**_Rey:_ **

_I know I know_

_after I quit tho_

_I can't deal with two stresses at once_

_OH GTG AHHHHHH PRAY 4 ME_

**_Rose:_ **

_Good luck!!! Don't get murdered!!! So excited to have u with me!!!!_

Rey put her phone away and looked at the door ahead of her. This was her last time in studio three. This was the last meeting she'd ever have with Snoke. And as terrifying as it was, that prospect felt glorious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more chapters..... Ahhhhh!!!!  
> Genuinely can't believe we're at this point 😭😭 where has the time gone?!!?!!!!  
> Thanks everyone for sticking around aha, love u all,  
> \- brie xx


	27. Industry Colossus

When Rey got back to Ben's that evening she felt like she'd died. Somehow, by some stroke of luck, she had managed to get out of her meeting with Snoke physically alive. But it had shaken her up. 

She let herself in with her key, hands still trembling as she struggled to put it into the lock, an aftereffect of the nerves, the stress, the anger. It didn't take long before she felt her body give way to total exhaustion, and when she leaned her shoulder against the door to open it, she didn't feel like standing up straight again but instead closing her eyes, staying in that state forever, liminal, between her career and him. But she knew she couldn't stay there with the door wide open forever so she stepped inside, rubbed her eyes to try and brush the sleepiness away, and closed it behind her. 

"Hey, I'm back," She called as she took off her shoes, leaning her bodyweight against the wall as she did so and stifling a yawn. All she wanted was to go to bed and sleep. Maybe forever. And then think about what the fuck she'd just done. Because she would regret it, as Snoke had said and she knew to be true, she would regret making the choice so spontaneously. Though if it had been building up inside her for seven months was that really spontaneous anymore? Or had it just been like a volcano ready to erupt, or a fizzy drink shaken and lid taken off? 

Ben didn't reply but she could hear the TV was on, so with a small groan she pushed off against the wall and dragged her feet against the polished wood floor to go and see him. He was sprawled out on the sofa in his usual messy way, limbs everywhere, the cushions Rey had insisted on bringing behind his head, a half drunk beer on the table leaving little rings of condensation. He looked up when she came in and his expression shifted slightly. "What?" 

She tilted her head slightly to the side. "What do you mean, 'what'?" 

"You look like you've got something to tell me that you really don't want to." He sat up, confining himself to one half of the sofa as she walked round, flopping down in complete exhaustion. 

"Well… Yeah." She admitted, taking a sip of his beer before putting it back down on the table. He gave her the same puzzled look, the one that was slightly disapproving for some reason. She had no idea how she was going to explain what had happened but he didn't look like he was going to offer her any help at all. So when she could bring herself to, she looked him straight in the eyes, and said "I quit." 

He blinked. "You quit." 

"Yeah." She bit her lip, interlacing her hands in her lap, crossed legs. "I— It's a long story. Seven months long, really." 

"Fuck." He finally let her see some of his emotions behind the cool air, a mixture of what might have been worry and horror. "You really did it." 

She nodded, fidgeting. She still couldn't quite gauge what he thought of it. He was annoyingly good at that, at appeasing her by letting her in but still being puzzling to figure out. Tired, that's what she was, so, so tired. "I really did it." She confirmed, still in a state of disbelief herself. 

It took him a while to reply to that. The way his eyebrows furrowed and his jaw tightened showed her that something was raging inside him, an internal battle, one she wasn't sure she wanted to get involved in. "I… And you're alive." 

"Unfortunately for you," She gave him a little smile, a poor attempt at a joke considering the consequences that were no doubt already ensuing from her decision. "Snoke decided not to throttle me. Didn't stop him absolutely roasting me though." 

"How the  _ fuck  _ did you do that?" His expression turned to awe and something else, maybe jealousy, as he stared at her hard. She shifted under the intensity of his gaze. "How the fuck…?" 

"I can say goodbye to my branding. He's taking all my future royalties from that album. And I'm going to be a considerable amount poorer," She tried for a cheery smile, nudging him jovially with her foot. A good mood really wasn't transferring between them. "But he no longer owns me. Which means that Rose and I can be friends again, and…" She left the last bit unspoken:  _ and we could get back together, properly this time.  _

"You're so much more fucking stupid than I thought." He'd decided on pure, abject horror. Her heart sank a little, sure, it was a slightly dumb move but the way he was reacting had started to worry her. 

"It's not like I need the money. Or the brand, or the music. I don't care." She hastened to justify it, to show that although it was madness there was method in it, to prove that she'd made the right decision. Why she still felt the need to prove herself to him seven months later she wasn't sure. "I've survived on, like, air for months before. Student perks." 

"Why— I can't believe you quit." He was still looking at her like she'd grown five heads, like it wasn't the logical decision she could have made. If she hated every second of being under Empire then why shouldn't she leave? Even if it meant she lost a lot. And then it hit her, right in the face, what she was really losing. She wasn't under Empire anymore. He was. She'd got out by the skin of her teeth. He was trapped still. Snoke had let her go because she was ultimately just an outsider, and though she brought in a bit of money, she was nothing compared to Ben, or Hux, or Phasma. He was an industry colossus. 

She hid some of the panic she was starting to feel. For all the romantic notions she'd had about leaving Empire and immediately admitting her feelings to Ben, convincing him to leave too, to run away together or some other fairytale bullshit, to start the real relationship she'd wanted with him the whole time. That fantasy was a luxury she couldn't afford in the slightest. "It'll be fine." She said, reassuring herself as much as him. "Yeah, it might be bad for a while, but everything blows over in the end doesn't it? What's that quote;  _ this too shall pass _ ?"

"What the hell are you going to do? Please tell me you  _ do  _ have a plan and you haven't just fucking nosedived your career for no reason." 

"I—" She swallowed, looking down at her hands for a second and then building the courage to glance up at him again. "I've got a new label."

"You—" He cut himself off, looking at her like she'd genuinely lost it, so much so that she was beginning to wonder if she actually had. "How the fuck did you manage that too?  _ Sweetheart _ ."

"Skywalker offered me a place on Rebellion. He said Snoke was a bitch, not in those words, and said I could start within the next week if I quit Empire and signed with them." She blurted. He kept staring at her with that mix of jealousy, fear, and respect and didn't say anything further. The silence between them was charged with a strange energy, like a crackling of electricity. It felt like anything she said would ignite, go up in flames. "So I said yes." 

He didn't look angry. That was the hardest bit. Because that's what she would have expected, would have been able to prepare herself for, known how to react, how to defend herself against it - Skywalker had kicked him off the label all those years ago and here she was abandoning him in the middle of Snoke's power trip to go and work for his second most hated person in the world, all without telling him she was going to do it - but instead she had no clue what to say, what to do, how to make him see that while it was a dumbass move, it was also the best one. 

"If you had the opportunity to get out, wouldn't you?" She asked softly, not quite meeting his gaze. In the weirdest way it felt like she'd betrayed him. "I had to take it. Please tell me you understand." She looked up at him again, at his conflicted expression, the pain in his eyes, and felt so, so awful for how the only option left to her was one that hurt them both. "Ben," 

"I'm glad." He said after a while, and the look she gave him must have been so surprised that he actually laughed, a short, pitying kind of laugh. "You got out. That's all you wanted." 

"Ben—" She reached out for him, to take his hand, wanting to hold his face close to hers and press their foreheads together or hug him so tight it hurt. Her stomach was weaving knots inside her, each more painful than the last, until every breath seeing him like that winded her. 

"And God knows it's what I wanted." He gave another short laugh that didn't reach his eyes, leaning back with his attempt at a casual shrug. "I'm happy for you, sweetheart, I really am. You've done what the rest of us wish we could." 

She moved closer to him, imploring, a gentle attempt to make him see her side. But something stuck out to her and she had to address it or she'd never know. "What you wanted?" 

"You know that's what I've always wanted," He brushed it off so casually, with a light tone and forced smile on his face. "For you to be happy. To get away from this shitshow. To make sure it didn't fuck you up as it fucked me up." He shook his head, that pained attempt at joy hurting her as deep as she could feel anything. "Because you're the one person I care about. I don't even care about myself. Fucked, isn't it? Despite everything, though I held you at fucking arms length since the start, you got under my skin." 

She inhaled sharply "Ben—" 

"And that's when I fucked up. When I let you in. When you were fucking off your face on tequila at Phasma's party and I just, I just felt this need to  _ protect  _ you like you were a fucking child or something. Like a…" He struggled for the right words, the horrible, empty smile still on his face. She wanted to take his hands in hers, to give some reassurance, to tell him everything was okay, but the words caught in her throat. "Like a glass ornament. You were so  _ nice.  _ Even when I was a dick to you constantly to get you to fuck off, you'd come back the next day and try again. And God, I don't understand why you did. I don't deserve it. And when we were at the park. I knew then, I realised then how utterly fucked I was, with the fake dating, the paparazzi, saying goodbye before the tour. Because… I'm the worst thing for you, Rey, but God I wanted to be yours anyway."

She was speechless. Completely, utterly lost for words as he laughed again and carried on. "So when you kissed me while we were on tour I shut down. It was the most fucking selfish move I could have made. But you…" He gestured at her helplessly. "You fucking  _ waited _ . You didn't decide you were finished with me. That was the worst thing. You couldn't even give me the luxury of separating myself from you. And though you'd been through so much shit because of me, because of the fucking collab, you still looked at me like I was anyone else. I was never Kylo to you. And that… It, it just  _ infuriated  _ me that I couldn't treat you the same as everyone else. It would have been so much easier to do that. But I just couldn't. You see right through me."

"So when you moved in I knew it was over for me. That I couldn't fucking pretend forever. I kissed you and you kissed me back like I knew you would, but somehow that hurt more than if you hadn't. I don't… I don't  _ do  _ friendships or relationships, my whole… perception of people is tainted by marketability and PR and status, but I didn't understand you— I don't understand you. You never questioned it, all those times I wanted to kiss you until you couldn't  _ think  _ just so you could even slightly understand how I  _ feel  _ about you, you just went along with it and that amazes me. You amaze me. You just…" He trailed off, glancing away. She gave his hands a light squeeze, feeling like a hundred different feelings were swimming around inside her in that moment. He hadn't hated her after the kiss. Despite everything. 

"And the truth is," He gave the pitying laugh again and she could see something had broken inside of him, fractured, shattered. She hated to see his eyes glisten, the first hints of dampness. "I'm fucking in love with you. I love you, Rey. And I don't know how the  _ fuck  _ to deal with it." 

It felt like the whole world stopped. She glanced at him, trying to figure out if it was a joke. But he just sat there, giving her the sad, distant smile, not quite meeting her eyes. There was no way. There was absolutely no way that after everything, after all the shit she'd been through trying to figure him out, that he'd felt the same way about her from the start. It couldn't be true. "Ben…" She said softly, her breathing shallow as she didn't dare to hope that he'd meant those words. "Ben, I…" 

It wasn't the time for cowardice. Not after he'd finally opened up to her, let her in after so long of trying to support him, to make sure he was okay. She let go of his hands to hold his face, gently brushing her thumb against his cheek as she looked into his eyes. He finally met her gaze, more vulnerable than she'd ever seen him or thought of him being capable. She searched his expression for any hint that he was bullshitting her, that this was all a joke, that he was exaggerating, and found none. "I love you too. I think I've loved you since the start." She laughed softly, blushing a little at the admission. "Even when you grilled me on my favourite 80s songs. Even when you told me I was just a temporary commitment and would never be your friend," 

He cringed at the reminder and she smiled, close enough to him that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her face. "And I realised when we did karaoke at Phasma's that our relationship was going to be difficult as all hell. And I was especially fucked after all of our fake dates. You know everything I did or said to you while Snoke made us do it was true? I didn't have to pretend for one second."

He'd relaxed a little but still had the same look that she was sure she had, that it was too good to be true as he reached out, slowly, like she would be frightened off, to hold her close by her waist. 

"And I just… I can't believe that you…" She moved her hand to brush her thumb against his lower lip, like he had when feeding her the raspberry in the park before they'd been torn apart for two months. "That you feel the same."

"Rey," He replied softly, looking up at her with longing she'd never seen in him before, never seen in anyone else either. 

She gently kissed him, the tenderest expression of what she felt for him that couldn't be expressed in words. A contrast to the other times they'd kissed, when it had been rough and hot and confused, she knew when he kissed her back just as slowly and softly that he hadn't been lying. This was what she'd been waiting for the whole time, this was what she wanted, his hands resting on her waist like it was what they were made to do, their kiss adoring and a little shy, as though they were finally being wholly honest with each other. She would have given him the world if she could. She would do anything for him, anything for him to be happy. And she was sure he'd do the same for her. 

As they broke apart she was surprised to feel a wetness on her cheeks, two small streaks of tears trailing down that both amazed and baffled her. She wasn't sad. She was the happiest she'd ever been. With an embarrassed smile, she wiped them away with a knuckle, laughing a little. "I feel like that's just made my time here worth it. Just to kiss you like that." 

"Don't cry," He smiled back, one of his rare, genuine ones, the ones that she'd been chasing after since the first time they'd met. "Or you'll make me cry too and then we'll both be fucked," 

"I'm sorry," She said lightly, still with the hint of a laugh. "Wouldn't want to ruin your bad boy persona now, would I?" 

"Mm, not after all the work you've put into solidifying it." He traced light patterns against her waist, against the small slip of exposed skin between her shirt and jeans, causing her to shiver slightly, even the tiniest bit of contact completely electric. "Not after being here for seven months, sweetheart." 

She kissed him again quickly, just because she could, relishing in the fact that it wouldn't ruin anything between them ever again. "I love it when you call me that. I always have. Even though I made a point of protesting it, cause I knew if I didn't seem like it pissed me off you'd stop."

He poked her gently between the small caresses. "I wouldn't have stopped." 

"Yeah, Snoke." She sighed. Why did he have to be so deeply embedded in the fabric of their relationship, the very thing that had stitched them together in the first place? 

He pulled her in for another kiss, a little more insistent than the last. "Not Snoke," 

"But you said—" Seeing the change in his expression she smiled incredulously at the revelation. "Oh my god. You lied to me about that?" 

He gave a little shrug, grinning. "Might have done." 

"Ben!" She laughed, hitting him gently on the chest. "The whole time I thought he'd told you to call me that! Do you know how much heartache that caused me? I genuinely can't believe you right now," 

He used his best holier-than-thou voice, the one he'd used to lecture her so many times before, the one he denied existed. "It was an opportunity and I took it. When you think about it, I'm admirable." 

She shook her head, breaking out in a massive grin. She was so entirely, stupidly in love with him. "I can't believe you."

He smirked and raised an eyebrow. "Don't act like you haven't been calling me 'babe' for months regardless of whether or not we're on dates. You are  _ just  _ as bad as me." 

She nudged him again, feeling so overwhelmingly happy she didn't know how to cope that wasn't just grinning like an idiot. "That's different! It was in retaliation."

"Sure, sweetheart." He said with appropriate sarcasm. 

"It's true, babe." She replied, brushing his hair back from where it had fallen into his face. "You were the one who started it. I was only playing your game," 

He leaned in to kiss her again and she responded immediately, moving her arms round his shoulders to pull him close, deepening the kiss as he moved his hand from the side of her waist to her lower back, still insanely sensitive to his touch. It felt so right. It felt more real, more true than anything else in her life. It felt like this was what she was meant for, to love him, to be his, and for him to be hers. He gently bit down on her lower lip and she shifted, wrapping her legs around his torso to pull herself into his lap and then he moved too, carefully lowering her down onto the sofa. With a soft sigh of contentment she broke the kiss to brush her lips lightly against his jaw, wanting to live forever in the moments where his eyes fluttered closed and his hands in her tightened just slightly. "Rey," He breathed as she found a sensitive point in his neck, tipping his head back when she lightly grazed him with her teeth. 

"I love you," She murmured, leaning into his touch as his hands explored her body, peppering his chest with light kisses. If she could kiss every inch of him she would, to mark him as hers, to cling into him and never let go. 

They were gentle with each other in a way they'd never been before, taking it almost agonisingly slow, hoping to make up for the months they'd spent wanting, yearning for each other. And it was incredible to feel his lips work their way so gently across her shoulders, the hollow of her neck, more incredible still to feel the teasing bite he left when he was done waiting, done drawing it out in shimmers of soft pleasure. 

And they stayed like that for the rest of the night, that kind of innocent exploration, until they fell asleep on the sofa tucked up and tangled in each other like they couldn't bear to separated for any reason, her leg slung over his hip, head on his chest, his arms protectively around her. Just the catharsis of letting the other know how they felt and kissing had been enough for then. There was an unspoken agreement to wait until they were less exhausted, until they could make the most of it - hell, make an evening of it - before they went any further. One small step at a time. The progression that had defined their relationship, the willingness to be patient. 

~

The next day Rey started her operation to save her public image before Snoke would inevitably ruin it beyond belief, and the first step in that plan was underway in going round to Rose's apartment with a tripod, her camera, and a whole lot of nervous excitement. There was no sneaking about to get round to her place, no hiding from paparazzi. It was like the first time she'd gone round without a care in the world. And now that she didn't have to think about Snoke's rules she felt strangely liberated, like she didn't quite know how to act without having to carefully analyse every move she made anymore. 

"Rey!" Rose grinned when she opened the door, engulfing her in a massive bear hug, tight enough that it hurt, rocking gently. Rey laughed and hugged her back just as tightly, having missed this more than anything during their fake feud. "I'm so happy to see you. I've been going genuinely insane without seeing you. Do you know how many times I got invited to parties and went to text you before remembering we couldn't be seen together anywhere unless it was planned and scripted?" 

"A lot, I'd imagine," Eventually they let go of each other and Rose gestured for her to go inside, both of them still smiling widely. "I've actually been so sad not being allowed to see you. You don't know  _ how  _ much stuff has gone down in my life since the last time we had a drunken heart to heart at 3am."

Rose raised an eyebrow, smirking, as her gaze drifted to the concealer Rey had hurriedly slapped on her neck that morning. "I think I have  _ some  _ idea. And I'm looking forward to the story." 

She blushed and took the opportunity to hide by setting up the tripod, changing it to all sorts of random heights before she picked the right one. "Yeah, I'll tell you at some point. When I'm smashed." 

"Come onnnn, I can see it on your face that you want nothing more than to tell me about it. You're basically torturing yourself by keeping it in." 

"Nope, don't know what you're talking about."

"And I think this has something to do with a certain dark-haired rockstar who you told me you thought was attractive," She grinned, not passing up the possibility to tease the hell out of her for it. "And said you'd thought about kissing, but  _ definitely _ not in a way that implied you wanted to. I knew you two had chemistry. Glad I didn't come between that one," 

"Honestly, the way Snoke was playing the PR I was expecting him to suddenly announce that you two were together after our breakup." She sighed, shaking her head. The idea of it was so horrific, so cursed. Once all the settings were right in the camera, she set it up on the tripod, checking that the angle was right to film Rose's sofa. "Right, that should do it." 

"I'm so excited to be properly on your channel," Rose crashed down onto the sofa, propping a cushion up. "The vlogs where I waved for five seconds don't count." 

Rey laughed and pressed record, hurrying to join her, positioning herself so she was comfortable but still looked kind of YouTube professional. "So rude that the fake PR had to kick in before we got the chance. Well, we're doing it now anyway."

Rose adjusted her hair and sat neatly, checking herself out in the viewfinder. A pause. Then they both immediately burst into laughter. 

"Okay, okay, let's get started. Intro take one." Rey smiled widely, putting on her peppy YouTube personality that she'd practiced down to the letter by then. "Hey guys! I know, I know, long time no see, but welcome back to my channel. I won't bore you with all the excuses. I'm here today doing, well you've read the title, a best friend tag with Rose," She gestured toward Rose. 

"Hey, hello. So honoured to be here," Rose joked and that set them both laughing again. It was bad enough filming videos on her own in terms of awkwardness, but doing it as a pair was somehow even more hysterical.

"No you're not." Rey said cheerfully. "So you guys know Rose already, she's been in my vlogs a few times, and you've all seen the fake arguments we've been having." She laughed a little on the last part, saying it hadn't been that hard after all. And once the video was posted she'd have told the world that the feud was fake, that it was all a stunt, and she could move on with her life. Well, move on with her life as Snoke allowed her to. "We're still really tight. Look, I'll prove it," She pulled Rose into a hug and they grinned at the camera in a way that definitely would look staged. "So we should probably get started with the tag before this intro becomes ridiculously long. Do you want to read the first one, Rose?" 

"Yeah, sure, babe." She grabbed the bowl they'd emptied all of the pieces of paper with questions on into and swirled her hand around before pulling one out. She cleared her throat, then read dramatically "When and how did we first meet?"

"Oh, I love this story." Rey smiled, leaning back on the sofa and moving one of the cushions to cover her lap. "So it was the day after I'd flown into LA and I had to wake up ridiculously early for a meeting with my management team. I was stupidly jetlagged so I decided to get some coffee, and lo and behold, who was the barista?" 

"She didn't know how to pay with American currency." Rose grinned. "It took her five minutes to figure out what the different coins were." 

"Shut up!" She laughed and whacked Rose with the cushion. "It didn't take me  _ that  _ long! And I've never been to America before now. I'd like to see you use British currency." 

Rose rolled her eyes. "Carry on with the story." 

"I'm getting there. So then we got talking and it turned out she recognised me from when my video went viral which was pretty embarrassing, figured out two minutes into talking to me that I was there for the collaboration, and when I asked her how to get to the Empire studios, told me it was the end of her shift and walked me there." She elaborated, smiling a lot at the memory. "On that walk I learned pretty much everything about her life. No kidding. But then we exchanged phone numbers and the rest is history." 

"I knew we'd be best friends when she texted me that night to invite her to Phasma's party as a plus one." Rose nodded. "That was legendary behaviour." 

"You're welcome, I just wanted someone there so I felt less alone." She took the piece of paper from Rose and folded it up, leaving it on the armrest of the sofa. "Right my go now… Who is your best friend's hero?" 

Rose replied immediately. "Me, obviously." 

"No it isn't!" Rey laughed, nudging her. 

"Yeah, yeah, okay. Obviously it's Luke Skywalker." She said with an airy wave of the hand. "Though to be fair, he's everyone's hero. He's one of the nicest people in the industry."

Rey couldn't help but show her excitement. So many of her days had been spent daydreaming about what her first day in Rebellion would be like, how cool it would be to finally meet her idol, and then to record in the same studios. "Looking forward to meeting him," 

"If any of you have met Skywalker you'll know he's an absolute legend." Rose said wisely to the camera. It seemed like Rose had more of a knack for YouTube than she did, she was coming across so naturally. "He helped me fix my laptop. By whacking it." 

That got a startled laugh. "He  _ what _ ?" 

"True story. And it started working again too. I trust that man. If he told me to walk off a cliff I'd do it." 

She shook her head, still smiling. "You're a terrible example for the kids." 

Rose just flicked her hair over her shoulder and drew the next question. "Moving on. Okay, babe, if you could go any place on earth, where would it be and why?" 

Rey thought about it for a moment, biting her lip with a little frown. There were so many places she wanted to visit. One day she wanted to travel the world, once her career and finances allowed it. "Oh that's a tough one." 

"So what'll it be?" 

"I'd probably go back to London. Boring, I know. But I miss home so much. And I definitely miss my flatmate. Hey Finn," She smiled and gave a small wave. "I'd do anything to go and see him I think. But apart from that, oooh… Maybe somewhere fun like Australia? I could see the Opera House." 

Rose raised an eyebrow. "And get killed by spiders." 

"I'd be fine." She rolled her eyes, smiling. Their friendship felt like it was doing a good job for the video, the right balance between supportive and banterous. It wasn't quite as sharp and witty as the relationship between her and Ben, but she didn't think anything could top that lack of restraint. "Okay… Next question. Rose, what's your favorite color?" 

"Blue." 

"Any particular reason." 

"Nope." 

"Well that was a fun and insightful question." She said with sarcasm. 

"You love me," Rose smiled sweetly and drew the next question slip. "What is your best friend's biggest fear?" 

"What's your biggest fear…" She trailed off, trying not to appear entirely blank. She genuinely had no idea. "Uh, spiders?" 

"No." 

"Heights?"

"Incorrect."

"Public speaking?" 

Rose shook her head firmly. "Not that either." 

"Clowns? Death? Getting lost?" Rey listed, each of them also the wrong answer. "Okay, I give up. Tell me," 

"Honestly babe? Failure. I always have to have good grades or I feel like I'm doing terribly." At Rey's sympathetic look, she added. "It motivates me to do better. I wouldn't be in the industry if I wasn't such a perfectionist."

"I get that. I'm also a massive perfectionist. I think there's something about music that just draws our kind of people on, you know? Like everyone's always striving to do their best." Rey agreed, and pulled out the next question from the bowl "What is the name of your best friend’s crush?" 

Rose grinned a lot, a mischievous glint in her eye. "I think we all know who that is." 

"Rose!" She laughed, "You still have to say it rather than just wriggling your eyebrows at me."

"Kylo. There. Even though they broke up." Rose said conspiratorially, as though she was sharing a massive secret with the viewers. 

She gave a shrug, it was true. "It's not weird to still have feelings for him. We only broke up because it was best for our careers at the time. But if he wanted to give it a chance again, well," She smiled, thinking about how they'd confessed to each other earlier that week, her cheeks tinted a light pink. "I definitely wouldn't say no." 

"Oooh, exciting," Rose teased and Rey hit her with the cushion again. "Hey! How would you describe your best friend’s ideal partner/spouse?" 

"Another spicy one," Rey grinned, the power now in her hands. "Well, I've got two answers. The first one is for women, tall, famous, short blonde hair, cool and calm, secretly a sweetheart, funny, can play bass, preferably from a famous alt-rock band—" 

Rose retaliated with a cushion of her own, right in Rey's face. 

"Hey!" She protested, grinning. "Don't shoot the messenger! Anyway, the other option. For men, tall again, ginger, kind of closed off from everyone, a bit snooty, can play electric guitar, also a member of said famous alt-rock band—" 

"Hux isn't my ideal man." Rose said pointedly, folding her arms. "Besides, I'm not going to date someone from The First Order when you already have. People would just call me a copycat." 

"You can't deny your feelings," Rey teased, "You might as well embrace them." 

"No. No, no, no. Rey, I will walk out on this video right now." She pushed off the sofa, and Rey reached out to grab her arm and tug her back before she could, laughing hard. 

"No, you're staying here. You're under a contract," She joked, forcing Rose to sit down again. "You'll work until I tell you to stop." 

"See how terrible my life is?" Rose implored the camera. "Rey's exploiting me." 

"I'm not." 

"Yes you are." 

They spent the next twenty minutes going through more of the questions on the tag, until they'd exhausted the bowl and themselves, filming a quick outro to say goodbye, before Rey hopped up and turned off the camera. Then she went straight back to the sofa and collapsed on it with a laugh. 

"Thanks for doing that, Rose. I owe you one. Or twenty." 

Rose just smiled and brushed it off, grabbing them both a drink from her massive supply of alcohol she kept around at all times. "It's no biggie. It was really fun actually, as weird as it was talking to an imaginary audience." 

Rey took the bottle she was offering and used her fingernails to pop off the cap, a talent she'd become quite good at since always forgetting to buy a bottle opener in LA. After a long sip, she leaned carefully back against the cushions. "You're a natural. You should make your own channel." 

"Nah, wouldn't want to steal your brand." She grinned and sat next to her, downing half the bottle in one gulp. "Anyway, now that I've done a favour for you, you can do a favour for me." 

"I don't like that look on your face. Oh lord, what are you planning?" She said apprehensively, not trusting Rose's grin at all. It was the biggest single of bad news for her. 

"I just want to know," She said soothingly, as though she was trying to lull Rey into telling her. "What the deal is between you and Kylo. And seriously. None of this fake relationship bullshit, babe." 

Though it would take a while for the alcohol to kick in, though she hadn't even told Finn the recent developments yet, she found herself replying "Ugh, fine."

"Soooo, do tell." Rose said excitedly. 

"Okay, so, after the tour fiasco we made up and agreed to be civil. I ended up kissing him, then we didn't talk about it. I know, we're terrible at communication. And then somehow we ended up making out a lot and also didn't really talk about it, it just… Became a thing." 

Rose raised an eyebrow, surveying her over the rim of the bottle. "You've gone friends with benefits? Didn't peg you as the sort. But I am definitely here for all the details about how good he is," 

Rey blushed, aghast. "We didn't go friends with benefits! We didn't mean to be so bad at romance. It was just how it happened. But anyway, so then we tried to talk and it didn't really happen, until I got the call from Skywalker and I quit Empire, then I realised I had to tell him I loved him or I'd go insane. But he… Ended up confessing to me first," She smiled at the memory of how they'd gently kissed each other after a few tears, and a few months of torturous, mutual pining. "And I confessed to him too. So yeah."

Rose grinned and held her bottle out in a toast. "I'm so proud of you! It only took seven months," 

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a disaster." Rey laughed and partook, taking a larger sip than her first. She could afford to relax now. 

"So you're an item now?" 

She considered how to answer that one in the most truthful and least weird sounding way possible. "Kind of. We haven't properly discussed it yet. But he's seemed a lot more open to relationship things. The biggest problem is that Snoke broke us up and Ben's still part of Empire," 

Rose's grin turned mischievous again as she finished her bottle. "And you've done it, right?"

Rey blushed again, red as a beet. God, she wasn't drunk enough for this. "Not yet." 

"I wonder what he'd be like in bed…" Rose didn't seem phased by the conversation at all. "He gives me dominant vibes. Like, maybe a switch at a stretch, but he seems like the kinda guy who would pin you down, you know?" 

"Oh my god, I'm not having this conversation right now." She covered her face with her hands, hating her imagination for running away with that idea, trying to desperately put her mind on a more holy path again. "I'm not gonna speculate." 

Rose ignored her "Or maybe he's into, like, bondage. That wouldn't be so bad." 

"I'm not listening to you," Rey put her hands over her ears and hummed loudly. 

Rose carried on, something muffled, probably another disturbing kink, until she rolled her eyes and shut up. Deeming it safe, she took her hands away from her ears. "You done?"

"Aren't you just the tiniest bit curious?" Rose smiled sweetly. 

She sighed and admitted, wishing the floor would swallow her or something, "Yes but not right now," 

"You're so lucky." Rose said, already on her next bottle. Though she was tiny she could down alcohol like nobody's business. "So many people would kill to be in your shoes." 

_ Lucky.  _ She'd never really thought of herself like that before, lucky for knowing and kissing and loving Ben. But the more she thought about it, the more true it seemed to become, the more she could agree with it. She was lucky. Despite the pain, the drama, the PR. 

"Yeah," She said, hugging the cushion to her chest. "Yeah, I suppose I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG IT'S THE PENULTIMATE CHAPTERRRRRRR THIS IS CRAZYYYYY  
> I'm not crying - you're crying.  
> Soooooo totally not ready for this to end next chapter,,,,,,,,   
> Hope you're all gucci!!! Can't believe this is the second to last time I'm saying this!!!  
> Love y'all sm,   
> \- brie xxx


	28. Not So PG Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, quick content warning: there is a vaguely smutty bit in this chap, so if that isn't your thing, skip from "I might even get to do indie pop. We'll see." to the section break :)!!!

Rey was nervous. Scratch that, she was bloody terrified. 

Rebellion Records didn't have nearly the same eery, corporate atmosphere as Empire did - the building was less imposing, the people inside actually smiled, and she was pretty sure Leia didn't own any private beaches - in fact, it was nice. Maybe too nice. It was her first day. Skywalker had wrangled some studio time for her by some stroke of luck or intense favour, and as she walked inside, pushing open the non-automatic door, she was greeted by a pretty nice atmosphere. Rather than being a perfectly polished lobby, full of marble and chrome accenting, Rebellion was a bit more shamrackle. She approached the reception desk, which was just a nice wooden table, and gave a small, nervous smile to the woman behind it. 

"Hi. I'm Rey. I'm here for a studio session?" She tried for confidence, hoping that since she'd spent seven months of her life constantly faking it that she would be more than good at it at this point. Shoulders back, relax the smile, straight posture. 

"Oh, yes." The assistant passed her a small slip of paper, about A5 size. "Luke instructed me to give you this and direct you to the studio."

She scanned the piece of paper quickly, a list of instructions for what the plan for the day was, short notes like 'experiment with sound' the most detailed, with absolutely no times attached to them. It was so much more relaxed than she was used to, having been chained to Snoke's intense scheduling for so long. "Thanks. So how do I get there?" 

Instead of listing off instructions like anyone hired at Empire would have done waiting for her to go and find it herself, the woman stood up and said "Just this way, please, Rey." 

She followed, shaking off the surprise quickly. If she was going to succeed here she had to do a whole lot less gawking. The route to the studios wasn't very complex, just a couple of right turns then a left for fun, nowhere near as complicated and labyrinth like as Empire was. In not very much time at all she was inside the room, having been left alone after saying that no thank you, she didn't need anything. The room was empty. It felt a bit like being in studio three for the first time, except without Ben to intimidate her. So she sat on one of the chairs and carefully undid the case of her electric, taking out delicately as though it were a newborn child, and then found an amp to plug it in and set everything up. She did love her new electric, as much as she missed her old electric. There still didn't seem to be any chance of getting that back. By then it had probably been auctioned on. And the worst part about saying goodbye to Empire had been giving the Vader guitar back. Though she still didn't feel exactly worthy of it, it had become her trusty companion for the two months of touring and subsequent time afterwards. It was probably back in the glass case now, or passed onto Ben or Hux or Phasma who would be able to do it justice. Like Ben had implied all that time ago, it was made for him. He still was the biggest Vader fan boy she'd ever met. 

She played a random riff from one of Ben's songs, she couldn't remember which, and adjusted all of the settings on the amp from the treble levels to the pedals connected to give distortion and flanger. Then once she was happy she waited. She didn't know what came next. Maybe Skywalker would show up and she'd have an internal freak out because she was finally meeting her idol. In the meantime she decided to write the texts she'd been trying to figure out how to word for a whole week. The explanation to Phasma as to why she wasn't coming into Empire anymore. She wanted the words to come from her mouth, to dispel whatever weird rumours Snoke would inevitably start about her in retaliation. She hoped Ben was okay too, without her. Not that she thought he couldn't survive without her just that they'd become such a dual existence that it was weird to imagine how he must be right them, alone in studio three figuring out what on earth he was doing with his career. 

**_Rey:_ **

_Hey Phasma. Not really sure how to say this so I'll just give you the shortened version, though I suspect you know already. I quit Empire last week. I was just sick of Snoke tbh. I really will miss you tho, and hope we can stay in touch! You were so nice to me the whole time and I'd be lying if I said I don't feel like I've let you down in some way. So sorry._

It was the most formal text she'd ever sent. She'd even used capital letters at the start of sentences and refrained from too many acronyms. It didn't take long before the bubble with three dots came into screen to indicate Phasma was taking. Rey couldn't bring herself to look away, as much as it hurt to wait. 

**_Phasma:_ **

_I thought it would be something like that. You don't need to apologise. You made the right choice._

_I will miss you though. It's already been a testosterone fest without you._

**_Rey:_ **

_hahaha soz to leave you with that_

_hope Hux is okay tho even though I didn't really talk to him and when I did he just glared at me_

**_Phasma:_ **

_He's the same as usual. The only difference is everyone's more tense. I can tell Kylo's holding something back. Snoke always looks angry. If something doesn't snap between them today it definitely will soon._

**_Rey:_ **

_well I'm glad you're all mostly okay. idk how much I should say about Snoke to the press_

_bc like_

_I wanna expose him more than anything_

_but at the same time_

_that could easily backfire on the three of you if people ask you to speak up or even ask why u haven't said anything_

_so uh_

_tough decision_

**_Phasma:_ **

_Definitely tough. I wouldn't like to decide between those two._

_But know that we can handle whatever Snoke throws at us. We've learned to deal with it for years._

Her way of saying to go ahead and fuck it up as much as possible. She looked down at her phone, biting her lip. She'd expose him then. That much was decided. It was just then how and when she'd do it. Twitter thread? Interview? YouTube video? At least if it was a YouTube video it would bring in some sweet, sweet revenue. 

**_Rey:_ **

_thanks_

_I'll let u guys know before hand tho_

_least I can do x_

_and I won't drag any of u into it_

Phasma left the message on read, but Rey really didn't need a response to know that Phasma approved of the undetailed plan. So the next step was just to figure out how she'd actually do it, and then it would all explode again. Even when her life was at its quietest she was constantly on guard, waiting for the next bomb of bad news to drop. 

One good thing has come from everything though, and that was that Rey's best friends tag with Rose had taken the Internet by storm. The reylos were back at it again on twitter as well after Rose had the crush question, and the old gif of her and Ben performing on Calrissian's show had resurfaced, posted all over her timeline. She didn't mind. It was nice knowing she had fans. And it was also nice knowing that there would be at least some people who wouldn't be mad if she and Ben got back together. That was all she wanted, to officially be an item. Not in the weird fake way, but genuinely. Oh well, she could dream. She and Ben would talk about how they'd move forwards soon, and if she was allowed to start calling him her boyfriend. _Boyfriend._ She liked the sound of that word, the way it danced on her tongue, sweet and playful. Maybe not the perfect term to describe Ben and his confusingly complex personality, but still good. And then maybe one day they'd even get engaged, and then—

She cut herself off quickly. LA really had changed her. She'd never considered any relationships becoming long term since her series of bad exes in her teens. She gave the guitar a tentative play again, quietly as she could, plucking through all of the fancy scales Ben had dedicated time to teaching her since she expressed her awe in the beginning, humming the soft melody of one of Ben's songs. He had a knack for writing catchy but original melodies, and was never afraid of taking great leaps, which was probably by half of the verse was in his chest voice and the other half in falsetto. No matter how much she used her English Lit analysis skills, she couldn't quite figure out the logic or reasoning behind that one. 

It was just when she was changing the master volume that Rose came in, peppy as all hell. "Hey babe! How's your first day going?" 

Rey took a minute to search for the right word, the one that perfectly summarised how she was feeling and settled with "Interestingly," 

"In a good way or…?" Rose prompted, strolling over to sit in the chair adjacent to hers. 

"Hmm, good, I think. It's certainly less structured and soul-destroying than Empire was, for which I'm glad. So uh, not that I don't like your company, but is there a particular reason you came to find me?" 

"Just saying good luck to my best friend." Rose said sweetly - actually sweetly, not the passive aggressive, slight undertone of danger that she so often used. 

"Yeah, I feel like there's something more there. Some ulterior motives." 

"Ulterior motives? Me?" Rose said innocently, bringing her hand to her forehead in a dramatic imitation of a faint. "I can't believe you'd say that, Rey." 

"What, you can't believe I'd tell the truth?" She teased lightly. "Come on, just tell me." 

"Leia sent me to check you're settling in okay. She also said that your first studio session should be with me and we can jam for a bit, using my it and music production skills and your knack for songwriting and singing compelling melodies," Rose eventually caved and explained. "Basically, they want to see what you can do in a limited amount of time." 

"Can you make up the time for me? Pretend we've spent three hours on it when we've really spent ten? I'm too much of a perfectionist to do this kinda shit." 

"Well there you go then," Rose said matter-of-factly. "Sounds like you need to lower your expectations. It's not like Luke or Leia will be mean about it. The meanest thing either of them has said to me is when I submitted a piece and Leia said I 'might want to think about how I could use more instrumentation and varying dynamics'."

Rey shook her head."Snoke's been mean to me so many times that I couldn't pick just one moment or Internet argument over the topic."

Rey gave her a sympathetic smile. "But you're with my crew now! What do you think of the place?" 

"It's kinda cute," She admitted, "The complete opposite of Empire. I think here feels a lot more warm and caring than Empire did. I can tell everyone's actually really tight. And it's nice not to have that completely competitive atmosphere about the place." 

Rose nodded earnestly. "That's so true. Anyway, we've got to come up with something now, something together."

It was nerve-wracking to record with Rose, more nerve-wracking than it probably should have been considering how lovely Rose was in general. It still felt a little bit weird to not have to come up with insults all the time, an unfortunate habit as a result of Snoke, that they could work together in this setting and just relax. 

Rose sat by the keyboard, budging up so there was enough room for Rey to sit next to her on the stool. "So, any inspiration at all?" 

Rey thought for a minute. A long, silent minute. "... No?" 

They both laughed. 

"Okay, okay, we'll just need to start with something. C'mon, random chord progression and we'll see what happens." Rose smiled, whacking out a quick scale on the keyboard while they waited for inspiration to strike. 

"Let's start with G. Then C. Then E minor… Then D?" She suggested, running through the theory in her head. It wasn't perfect, but they could always put some passing chords in there to make it more cohesive. 

Rose played those chords in their simple triad form to get a feel for the vibe. "Love it. Now improv some lyrics." 

Rey thought about the last time she'd improvised lyrics, back when she wrote Kylo a song about being an emo bastard, and laughed slightly. "I'm not the best lyricist off the bat." 

"It's okay, we're just trying stuff out." Rose reassured her. And then, on seeing her tense shoulders "And relax, Rey, it's just me." 

She nodded and rolled them back, hoping to appear a lot less stressed. Really, like Rose had said, they were just trying stuff out. It was only her. They were friends. This wouldn't be hard. But she still wanted to be perfect, to prove to Rebellion that they'd made the right choice in offering to sign her. And more than that, to prove to herself that she'd made the right decision in leaving Empire. 

Rose continued to run through the chords at an andante tempo, occasionally adding passing notes as she saw fit. "You could just hum a melody over it for now and we'll come up with the words later," 

"That's a shout," Rey nodded and closed her eyes, letting the music wash over her. Abandoning all the theory that usually governed how she made music for once, she just let herself feel the vibe and hum whatever felt right. It was nice to let go for a bit, to retreat back into the calmer, dormant parts of her mind and just express whatever she found with music. She had Ben to thank for that method, she supposed, the 'literally whatever comes to my mind but somehow sounds amazing' feats he was capable of. 

Eventually after a while she stuck with a melody she liked and she and Rose stopped playing for a minute to figure out some lyrics. In the end, they trawled through the notes app on Rey's phone until they found something that would have to do, and started fitting it. Once they were satisfied with that it was only figuring out the orchestrations left for the next two hours. So Rey picked up her electric and improvised some licks while Rose changed the keyboard sound to something more guitar-like, and, without much more work, they had an indie pop song in the making. And it felt _great_ to be able to say that, after so long composing emo bullshit for an emo label, being forced to conform to the conventions of the genre. When she asked Rose to add some chimes - a glockenspiel or metallophone - Rose nodded enthusiastically and wrote a quick countermelody in less than a minute which helped the whole piece feel more fluid and chilled. 

"It's sounding good," Rose sounded impressed as she played what they'd recorded out of her laptop speakers, complete with random atmospheric additions she'd made such as reverb and doubling the vocals in certain parts. 

"Why didn't we do this sooner?" Rey asked once they'd listened to the whole thing back. "We work well together." 

"Because our record labels - well, your record label was a bitch. And we had to go with the fake rivalry which meant no collab. But we're doing it now, and we should definitely do it again." 

Rey nodded. "Crazy that we've come up with something I don't actually hate in barely any time at all. Speaking of things coming up, what've Rebellion got planned for you next? I know your album's soon." 

"Mhm, next couple of weeks." Rose confirmed, closing the lid of her laptop. "More talk shows, a couple of interviews, but mostly I'll be left to my own. When are you going to expose Snoke, by the way?" 

She sighed. It was a topic she'd given both way too much thought and nowhere near enough. It was a balancing act, a tightrope walk, to find a solution that did what she needed it to while protecting Ben from any repercussions. She already knew he was getting shit from Snoke for her leaving. The last thing she wanted to do was make that worse. "I'm not sure. I talked to Phasma earlier and I don't want to put all the First Order gang in jeopardy while they're all still signed to him. At the same time, I need to tell the world, you know? Let them know who I really am and how manipulative Snoke is. It's difficult. I keep putting it off, no matter how many interviews the tabloids keep trying to squeeze out of me. Mainly because I don't know how it will be received."

"Well, you won't know until you try," Rose said with a little shrug. 

"That's true," She nodded, brushing her hair back behind her ear. "I guess it's better to think about it that way. I'd like to think I'm doing something noble, but the reality is that I don't think it will change anything. Like it's how the whole structure of the music industry is built, exploitation and soullessness, and I don't see it changing anytime soon. So maybe it's pointless to say anything. If nothing will get better, and I just get myself in deeper shit, then what's the point?"

"Don't talk like that babe," Rose turned on the stool to meet her gaze properly. "The only thing you can do is push for change. Okay, right, it's like this: if you do nothing then there's a 100% chance that nothing will change. If you do something then there's, say, a 30% chance it will do something and a 70% chance things will stay the same. Which is logically the better option? The one guaranteed to fail, or the one with a chance of success?"

"I suppose…" She knew she didn't sound very convinced, but that was mainly because she didn't like the flaws in her logic being pointed out to her so succinctly. 

"It's a gamble you'll have to make." Rose shrugged, unplugging her laptop from the charger she'd brought with her. "And I know whichever you choose I'll support you." 

Rey gave her a small smile, eternally grateful for that promise. It was something she often forgot when she was wrapped up in problems, that she did have people on her side who would fight for her. She was never truly alone. "Thanks," 

"It's just a fact. Best friends, you know?" She smiled warmly and wound the charging cord around her fingers until it was in a neat loop, then shoved it in her pocket. "Anyway, I'm going to show this to Leia. I don't think there's anything left for you to do today so you can leave if you want," 

It was so different to how Empire ran that the idea startled her, and before her brain had properly processed it, she said "Leave?" 

"Mhm. You only need to be in a couple of hours a day. Or you can group those together and come in for two or three full days a week." Rose explained, carrying her laptop out in front of her like a tray, pressed to her torso. "So see you later. We've _got_ to go for drinks at some point, though. Or get invited to another party." 

Rey laughed a little. "If Phasma organises anything again, you know you'll be the first person I'll call. And not just because you're into her." 

"I'm not into her!" Rose said, scandalised. 

She grinned. "Okay, okay. I'll stop assuming things just because I know how much you talked to her at the first party and haven't shut up about how cool she is since." 

"Goodbye, Rey, see you later!" Rose said hurriedly, ducking out of the room. 

Rey laughed and unplugged her electric guitar, putting it carefully away into its case and then looping it onto her shoulders, taking one more amazed look at her new home before leaving for the day. 

~

Finn picked up after the second ring, which was a lot faster than she'd expected. "Hey, peanut. What's up?" 

"Hey," She smiled, glad to see his face even if it was only via a screen. They'd been apart way too long by that point, so much so that she actually missed their shitty apartment with leaks everywhere and electricity that cut out as regularly as clockwork. "How are you?" 

He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled back. "Yeah, I'm good. Missing you, as always. You need to get your ass back over here at some point." 

She laughed and made a show of rolling her eyes. "I know, I know, I'm working on it. I've been talking to Rebellion. Actually, that's why I wanted to call." 

He spread his hands out in front of him and sat back on their sofa. "Go on," 

She twirled a strand of hair absently around her index finger, dropping and catching it on loop. "I'm thinking of picking my degree back up again." 

The look he gave her was horrified enough to make her burst out laughing. "Christ, Rey, what _has_ LA done to you?" 

"Made me appreciate it all the more," She joked. "But no, the way Rebellion have said about plans for how I'm gonna be working, Leia's really encouraging me to make sure I get my education. Cause not to be a pessimist, but if the career fades it's always good to have something to fall back on. Obviously I'd have to retake the year and do quite a lot of begging to the faculty, but… Yeah."

He frowned a little."But you hated it," 

She shrugged "Like I said, I don't have anything set in stone at the moment. It's just an idea. Besides, I think I've taken enough of a break from literary analysis for it to be fun again. I've actually reached the point where I'm annotating random paperbacks Ben gives me."

"If it would make you happy," He sighed, clearly not going to pursue a fight. "Does that mean you're coming back home then?" 

"Again, don't know. Everything's a bit up in the air at the moment." She chewed her lip. By 'a bit up in the air' what she really meant was that she had no fucking idea because she was being pulled two different ways, either to go back home and live with Finn again in London or to stay in LA with Ben and her record label. It was a dilemma if she'd ever seen one. "I'll let you know as soon as we figure it out. I just wanted to let you know where things were at the moment." 

Finn nodded, disappointed but trying to hide most of it. "Can you believe it's been seven months? That's over half a year since I've been able to give you a hug." 

She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Yeah. It feels like forever since we've had a movie night on that sofa." 

"I think some of your crumbs are still here," Finn joked, wiping down the cushions.

"It's gone so quickly though. And I can't believe it's nearly autumn too. When I was at the park the other day I saw that some of the leaves were beginning to turn brown and that's when it hit me how long we've really been apart. Two season changes." She mused, with a little smile. Still, she missed him more than anything. "So much for our best summer yet." 

He gave the same small smile back. "Mhm. Someone just _had_ to go and get the career they'd been fighting for for so long." 

"Sorry, sorry, I'll stop following my dreams in the future," She grinned. 

"Or just write a clause that involves me," 

"That I can certainly try." 

~

Rey came back home with a spring in her step, the happiest she could remember being in months. Then it struck her what that feeling really meant - that she felt as though staying in Ben's apartment was home. When had that happened? 

"Hey, I'm back," She called as she chucked her shoes off, leaving them in the place by the doormat she'd marked as hers. 

Ben's distant voice called back "Good day?" 

Making a beeline for her bedroom she replied "Mhm. Good as it could have been.", plugging her phone in to charge and taking her hair out of the half-up half-down style she'd been wearing it in for the day. As she put the hair elastic down on the bedside table and searched for her hairbrush, she opened one of the drawers to see the goodbye card Phasma had written her all those months ago and forced Ben and Hux to sign. Setting down her hairbrush for the moment she opened the card, smiling to herself as she reread the message. It was strangely fitting even now, after so much of her year spent in Empire. 

_To Rey,_

_Good luck with everything back in London! We're going to miss having you around the studios and not just because you make Snoke tolerable._

_Lots of love,_

_Phasma xxx (best member of TFO)_

_Hux._

_Kylo (the actual best_ ~~ _member_~~ _ex-member)_

She put it back in for safekeeping then made her way to the lounge, flopping down in her place on the sofa beside him, immediately resting her legs across his as had become their habit. "Hey babe." 

"Hey, sweetheart." He took in the smile on her face, the light mood, the general lack of depression surrounding her. "Jesus fuck, who are you and what have you done with Rey?" 

"Haha, very funny," She rolled her eyes and jabbed him with her foot, rolling her eyes. "I'm still me. Just not hating life with a burning passion. So feel grateful you won't have to listen to me whinge." 

"You'll start whinging again soon enough," He rolled his eyes back, exaggerating it just to piss her off. "I don't think you're capable of spending at least an hour without complaining."

She laughed, and nudged him again with her foot, which she grabbed before she could rest it back on his lap. Laughing more, she gave it an experimental tug back. He didn't let go. "Okay, know you're just calling me out and I feel so attacked. I just came in here to tell you about my day and already you're trying to start a fight." Another attempt at freeing her foot from him. "And now you're taking my foot hostage. This is the worst day of my life." 

"I'm only stopping you from attacking me, sweetheart." He said in his classic stuck up tone, the one she still loved so much, as though he was entirely superior to everyone else and could do no wrong. "You'd hate to ruin this hot body."

She laughed even harder at that, his apathetic tone, the so un-ben-like phrase hysterical to her. "Please never say anything like that again,"

"You don't think I'm hot?" He raised an eyebrow, as though daring her to go and dig her own grave. 

"Not what I said. I think you're very hot and incredibly sexy, don't worry," She freed her foot and gave him a patronising pat on the shoulder. "I just mean that the way you said it was incredibly cursed. And maybe you're right, I wouldn't want to be killed by your legions of fans for ruining the piece of art that is you."

"Now you get it," He smirked, fixing her with his steady gaze. It would be a lie to say it didn't do something to her seeing him give her that look.

She gave him a little smile, biting her lip. "Okay, can I tell you about my day now?" 

"Sure, whatever, go ahead," He said with false disinterest, a hand resting on her leg in his lap. Even the slightest touch he gave her still made her shiver slightly, intentional or not. "I'm sure it's _thrilling_." 

She reached out to shove him in the shoulder, then leaned back on her hands. "So you'll never believe how much nicer Rebellion is than Empire. The people there actually smile for one," 

"Mhm," He brushed gentle patterns against her thigh absently, just above her knee. It was like he knew she'd been thinking about him almost all day. 

Already her concentration wavered and she had to focus to continue the story without forgetting any details. "I got there and Skywalker had left me a note with a list of stuff for the week. Rose showed up a bit later and we did some composition to show to him so that Rebellion can figure out my sound and what they want to do with me." 

"What they want to do with you?" He echoed, his hand trailing a little further up. Her breath caught in her throat, a blush rising to her cheeks. This was so unfair. He just had to give innuendos when she was already thinking about how she wanted to end an already perfect day with making out with him. 

She nodded and forced her mind to stay clear for the time being. "I might even get to do indie pop. But we'll see," 

"And what do _you_ want, sweetheart? Because that's what's most important, after all." That fucking teasing smirk again, the payback for attacking him with her foot, he _knew_ exactly what it was doing to her and how much her mind strayed to not so PG thoughts when he said things like that so lowly, then acted innocent. 

"I—" Why did it feel like her brain was melting? There were so many things she wanted. So many things that had nothing to do with Rebellion or music or anything of that kind, and goddamn did he have to be so good at distracting her? "Ben," She laughed softly, glancing away, feeling her cheeks burn. 

"You alright there?" He said with the same teasing tone, a grin breaking across his face. 

In response she shifted forward into his lap, cupping his face in her hands and kissing him softly at first, then more insistently as his hand found its way up her thigh again, about midway, light, gentle caresses. "Tease," She mumbled against his lips before pulling him in for another kiss, her own hands resting on his shoulders. He was a life-ruiningly good kisser. 

"You like it though," He murmured lowly back, trailing his kisses down to her neck instead, causing a soft gasp as he left a mark against the most sensitive point. 

"Unfortunately for me," She agreed breathily, slipping one hand into his hair and tightening her grip as he did it again. No-one had ever had that effect on her before, the all-consuming desire to kiss, to touch, to dedicate herself to them. She'd never even considered herself submissive until Ben's lips brushed their way along her collarbone and suddenly she was a mess, from the smallest of his actions, the tiniest bit of contact between them. All she needed to feel was the heat of his breath against her neck and she was done for, leaning into his touch as he pushed her down with a glint in his eye, the smirk that he reserved for her, completely bourne away as his hands found her waist and the hem of her shirt. 

"Take it off— _Oh._ " She tipped her head back as he grazed his teeth lightly against the new marks he'd made, every nerve alight and responsive to him, her breath stolen from her whenever he did anything. 

His smile was playful as he ignored her request for the time being, instead capturing her lips back in a deep kiss. Gently, she bit down on his bottom lip and smiled when he failed to hold back a groan, wrapping her legs around his torso to hold him as close as she could to her, needing more, wanting it more than she thought she'd wanted anything. 

When it finally suited him he pulled away from adorning her neck with kisses, slowly lifting the hem of her shirt. She nodded again, lifted her arms up for him to pull it over her head and cast off to the other side of the room, without care, his attention still her. 

"Ben," She breathed as his hands pushed the bare skin of her back, her sides, sending goosebumps though his hands weren't even that cold, small shivers of pleasure.

"Yes, sweetheart?" He didn't sound as composed as he usually did, his voice had a rough edge to it, something distinctly uncontrolled. One hand brushed along the outside of her thigh again, a slow, deliberate caress, and she felt a warmth inside her, a want. She was done waiting. They'd waited long enough. As much as she loved his lips on her skin she needed something more, more of him, as much as he could give, because _God_ they'd already waited too long, seven months too long, and she was near breaking point. 

Gently placing kisses of her own up his neck, against his jaw, trailing to his ear, she whispered "I need you," an undertone to her voice that she'd never heard from herself before, and the way he gripped her tightly showed he felt the same way. 

"Bedroom," He replied with a quick kiss to her lips, standing up and holding onto her tightly so she wouldn't fall, she took the opportunity to nestle herself in the crook of his neck, keep placing light kisses there while he managed to get them to his bedroom somehow, the door mercifully already ajar. She was almost delirious with happiness, anticipation, her pulse as wild as she'd ever felt it, the flush still on her cheeks and a desperation for him that she couldn't shake. 

He set her down on the edge of the bed. His hands found the zipper of her jeans and before she knew it he'd pulled them off and was placing light kisses against the inside of her thigh. But she reached out a hand to stop him, gently catching his cheek. 

"You're still wearing too many clothes," She commented with a little smile. 

He smiled back, rolled his eyes in fake annoyance, and took his shirt off on one swift motion. "Better?" 

She bit her lip and shook her head, grinning. 

He sighed heavily and unbuckled his belt, then chucked it to the side along with his jeans. "Now?" 

"Perfect," She allowed herself the luxury of taking him in, though she'd seen him shirtless before it didn't compare to the full picture. Well, nearly the full picture. "Now come here," 

He obliged and pushed her back against the bed. His hand found her inner thigh again, tracing small patterns, and her breath hitched. "Can I?" He met her gaze, pausing his movements. 

She nodded, biting her lip again. He really was too hot for his own good. "Please," 

He brushed his hand higher, then higher still, until she gasped softly. "This okay, sweetheart?" 

"Oh my god, yes," It was almost embarrassing how thin and needy her voice sounded, but she was too overwhelmed to care. She kept her arms around him, hands resting on his back, fingernails pressing little crescents into his skin as he continued on. 

"God, Rey," His voice came out shaky too as he watched her every reaction, the way her eyes fluttered shut for just a moment. 

She couldn't stop the small gasps and sighs that tumbled from her lips, the begs, the repeats of his name, completely lost in the sensation. And his gaze on her just intensified that, the way he looked at her like she was his whole world, the same way she knew she had to be looking at him too. He didn't stop til she was near the edge, until her breathing changed and her nails caught his skin harder, just before she'd fall apart. 

She gave him a pretty annoyed look when he withdrew. "Ben," 

He smirked at her and her annoyance melted away. Maybe, just maybe when he looked at her like that, like there was so much more to come, she could forgive him for denying her the first time. Then she pulled him to her by the hips, kissed him hard, and in gasps they went through the hasty dialogue, both clean, she was on the pill, and she was so focused on one thing, _him, just him_ , that as the pace quickened and he pressed her into the mattress, everything so right, all she could say was his name. 

~

"It's crazy, when you think about it, isn't it?" Rey mused after a while of comfortable silence, curled up close against him under the duvet, still a little breathless. 

He ran a hand through her hair gently, fingers catching on a knot that he slowly teased out, careful the whole time. "Hm?"

"That we went through so much shit for Snoke just because we thought we could write the 'next best American record'." She smiled a little up at him, looking to see if he registered the absolute naivety with which they'd started the whole LA debacle together. "How fucking egotistical of us. Like we'd ever be as good as Vader or Skywalker." 

He chuckled and she thought it was a nice sound, a sound she could do with hearing every day if he'd let her. " _You_ may have thought that. I've always been a cynical bastard."

She shifted to face him properly. "After realising that's not on the cards anymore - was never on the cards, I don't know where I go from here now." She brushed her fingertips gently against his cheek. "But I know whatever happens it's you. And even if I don't have a career, even if Snoke spends the rest of his pathetic life trying to ruin us in the eyes of the world, it'll be okay. As long as I have you."

He smiled, the rare, genuine smile she was so lucky to see, and gently held her wrist. "Will you go home?"

"Maybe? I don't know," She sighed the smallest amount, let her fingers drop from his cheek. It was something she'd thought about but never decided on a conclusion to. It felt like her life was becoming a constant back and forth, between the two different sides of her, and she wasn't yet sure how to decide between them. "I don't know if it _is_ home anymore."

His hand found her waist, brushing soothing patterns against her skin. She closed her eyes, enjoying the tenderness, the simple affection of the moment between them. She felt peaceful. Safe. Belonging. Her chest rising and falling in time with his. 

"But if I do visit, you're coming with me."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. I've got to show you around," she opened her eyes and gave him a smile. "I've got to reintroduce you to Finn."

He gave a short laugh. "Somehow I don't think he'd be particularly interested in that."

"Mm, he'd get over it for me. I'll take you to my favourite record shop," She described, still smiling. She was still so amazed, awed by the fact that they had a relationship now, that she could say these things to him and not regret it, that all logistics were banished from her mind. She didn't care how hard it would be, considering they were still technically broken up in the eyes of the world. "Then we'll get coffee, then I'll finally go to the ice rink that I've been meaning to for ages because you can teach me again, and then—" 

"Do the dates Snoke sent us on. Properly."

"And pretend we're not famous for a while,"

He gave her a wry smile "Just an ordinary couple,"

"Exactly." she smiled back warmly "I mean, what are the odds that we look exactly like that Kyle Ron dude and his idiot of an ex-girlfriend?"

" _Kyle Ron_?"

She burst out laughing at his expression, trying to suppress it with the back of her hand. "Come on, it's fucking funny."

He shook his head and broke into laughter too, properly unrestrained laughter, pulling her close to him by the waist. "You are so fucking annoying," He grinned, leaning in just enough to tease. 

"Yeah, but you love me," she grinned back, a hand against his cheek. "If I wasn't annoying you wouldn't know what to do with yourself,"

"Mhm." He kissed her gently, sweetly, like she was something precious that might slip away from him at any moment. "Probably more of this,"

"You can do that anyway," She smiled up at him adoringly, "You can do whatever you want with me,"

"Dangerous game," he teased, brushing her messy hair back from her face.

"Don't pretend that I haven't just majorly turned you on," She nudged him and he laughed, placing the softest kiss on her forehead.

"God, I love you."

"Say that again."

"I love you, Rey."

She kissed him once more. "Promise we'll figure this out? Even if I do go back to England, or you have to go on a million tours, or Snoke launches an assassination attempt?"

"We'll make it work." He said firmly, as if there was no alternative.

She nodded and rested her head on his chest, losing herself in the steady, constant rhythm of his heartbeat. They were together. That's all that mattered. And though the future was uncertain, the industry still fucked, when he said they'd make it work she knew she could believe it. It was what they were best at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM CRYING  
> THIS FIC HAS BEEN MY ENTIRE LIFE, OCCUPYING MY MIND RENT FREE FOR ACTUAL MONTHS AND WHEN I TELL YOU I'M SO DEPRESSED IT'S OVER,,,,,,, 
> 
> Okay okay so 1) ahahahaha I have little practice (read: literally none) at writing anything kinda smutty so uh,,,, that is a thing 😂 but I tried my best they deserved it!!!  
> 2) tysm everyone who has been on this crazy ass journey with me. All of your comments have made it worth it entirely, as have the kudos, hits, bookmarks, you name it. 3) I am not crying definitely not 4) I hope you all enjoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
> 
> The maybe final time I get to sign off,  
> \- your friendly neighbourhood brie xxx  
> ps. what if I,,,, got sad and wrote some bonus scenes in the future haha jk..... unless?


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